Could he not see myself sinking into despair after ever word he spoke

Could he not see the tears streaming down my face as I began to choke

He criticized and dehumanized me
His loose lips were never sweet

Why couldn't it be...

My face got pale and hands got weak
I could feel my body dropping to me knees

And as he continued to reveal his wicked hate
I feel my soul beginning to deteriorate...

You aint know I was the **** ?
I got game to play
And a lot of lies to say
Don't trip I'll make it seem true
So you could think I care for you
Really I'll never be there for you
Don't text me
If you aint talkin' about sexing me
I like to do drugs
Never falling in love
Eyes only for money
And hoes just love me
It's been a minute since we've been kicking it
I ain't think I would get like this
I got a few in line        
But you in mind
Seems like im changing  
I stopped misbehaving
What are you doing to me ?
What is this feeling?
It's kind of weird you see
Wait... Love ?                    
Don't you dare do this to me...

When I look in the mirror
I see a shattered soul
One with open wounds
Broken wings
And regret stuck on one's lips
Eyes filled with experience that haunts
Knives stuck in one's back with sorrow leaking out

Vulnerability...

But why can't others see this ?
Is it because the skin worn ,
Or the persuasion spoken ,
The way one moved or presented ?

But around 3 AM ;
This fragmented soul was electric ;
Temporarily repaired
And loved
Though never complete
Aching for love mostly mistaken for lust
This demolished soul longed for some trust...

He's rough around the edges
So I keep my heart protected
He says he loves me
But I have second guesses
He says "You're a Queen to me"
Then why is he mistreating me ?
In my eyes , hes a King to be
I treat him like peasantry
To see if he can handle me
I know im hard to please
Really I like the simple things
I wish I could maintain my mentality
Of being used to the casualties
Or the fact that he's blind to me
I would change drastically
But he's a man to me
So hopefully he can handle me
To conquer my insanity

My eyes are bruised
My pupils are black & blue
Sometimes i cut open my eyelids just to see the truth
I should be put in a mental institute
Because even with all this evidence
Im still evident ...

Self-harming just to get through
Each cut represents you
I lost hope in what to do
Where can i push this pain to ?
I know if i push it to you ,  
You gonna continue to do
  what you do

Im blind to whats happening
It is what it is exactly ...

He always envied but he always told
     me :  

Harsh truths are facts
You shouldnt go but you can always
     look back
I cant tell you hurtin' , dont you know
      you deserve better than that ?
I can see you cry when you laugh
****..
What is bothering you so bad ?
You walk with confidence
More like cockiness
Your charm is elegant
But you're so belligerent
You get so insecure when it comes to
      commitment                              
You say you ready but you end up      
      slippin'                                      
You dont wanna be tied down so you
      start trippin'
****..                                            
I really wish things were different ...

He didnt know how to show me love
So he showed me hate
Everyday he'd remind me of my mistakes
Not that i didnt love him , but i couldnt trust him
He'd leave my body black & blue
I'd just let him
His words hurt too
He was a broken man
Everytime he was upset , i got the backlash of his hands
I tried to leave but what would he be without me ?
A broken man
So i drank my sorrow & smoked my pain
It was all the same
Nothing would ever change
I knew , as well as he did , i wouldnt leave him
But is that to say he wont leave me ?
I was his biggest fan
The biggest fan of a broken man .

Hes breaking my soul
He doesnt even know
He sees a light in me
Im just tryna enlighten me
Im fighting me
Its frightening
He cant see
Hes blind to me
What am i to me ?
Nothing but a broken piece .