I swear you've become the earworm, that gets stuck in my head
Your eyes are like falling rhinestones, like Gorillaz said.
Why I have to be so far away... that's something around which I couldn't begin to wrap my head

Even when I've got sunshine in a bag, the future is still rather uncertain
Because sometimes my life is more unpredictable than the spread of vermin
But...

If i had to pick someone to navigate those uncertain tides
To listen to my ******* on long car rides
I'd pick you in a heartbeat
..
Hell maybe even a seizure induced spasm

Now here's a little story that I got to tell
about what got me to start writing you don't know so well
it start way back, in history when I lost something very close and dear to me
When I was still a kid about the fifth or sixth grade
I loved music my action figures and kung fu movies like the raid
it was a lovely spring day that I lost this something
and changed my life forever and got my notebook thunping

I was sitting at the table eating dinner as it was the nighttime
and as sure as now that I'm writing this rhyme
I fell out from the table, and seized on the floor
I woke up tired and queasy along with sore
so that's the story of what inspired me to write
what did I lose? I lost my old life

It's rather late
For this kind of call isn't it?
Well I'm not one to look a Daft horse in the eye
So tell me, how wet is it?
Dripping you say?  You feel like it's about to burst from all the pressure?
Hold on for a little longer, I'll be over soon


Okay I'm Downstairs what's the status report?
It's sopping wet? Thank you for the free witty retort
I'm here, I've got my secret weapon in hand
I've got only one last question. ...

Where's the leak ma'am?

Well I'll tell you cats about an impossible feat
Why every single night I have to wrestle myself to sleep
It's because the ghosts of regret won't admit defeat,
When I get under the covers they wake up and bother me
Every mistake. Every pain. Non on the sunshine all the rain
Then there's the fact I'm on medication
Which silently causes the liver devastation
Oh, you didn't know this but I suffer from epilepsy.
So I have to consume pills on the daily
So there you have it, a rundown of why I can't sleep.
Although I should note I'm blessed to have a bed on which to lie my head and feet

A still image of a single memory
Unchanging, insultingly unwilling to age throughout the passage of time
And image that can be preserved long after one's  demise
And though occasionally  they can be edited and disguised
It's always fun to revisit  those lost times through your eyes

Clouded eyes of reason
Trailing and tracing through fogs of treason
Deranged thoughts spill in my head
Minds race and my sanity held by a thread
Smile and frown
Up and down
Hallucinations through creation
And creation through destruction
I'm a puppet on my society's string
I fear I'm no longer a human being

Judging is about as pointless as a water-skiing budgerigar
Because all it does is bring people down
Turn once proud smiles into bitter sullen frowns
You never know the whole story
So why would you dismiss them, morning glory?

Take for example that homeless man out on the corner
He was a vet that served his country with pride and decorum
But when he got back home his job had been taken
By a young upstart who's boots were still shaking

His pride was shattered and his spirit was gone
So he had to move slowly along
All he could do was beg to survive
While so many people make comments and deride
My point here people is try your best to not judge another
Because you never know of that one day may be you sleeping under a bridge with no cover

If i could make sense of these screams could you quiet them?
Silence them like a billion violins with plucked strings
Please end the ticks and static buzzes floating from neutron to atom to neuron to cell
Just still my mind for once so i can end this Hell
Let me be at peace with myself
Then maybe I'll be able to accrue some kind of wealth
Monetary or mentally im meant to be something, what exactly i don't know
I hope i find out soon because this wild world is still very cold.

-Neroamee_Alucard

You are what you are
no bypassing the issue
And if you force change on someone
the issue is you

we all were created to be something
from the addicts to the presidents
for those that may be wondering
hopeless nerds and the awkward
are who I represent

Me? I'm a hardened cynical writing fiend
inking and abusing pages like schoolly D when he asked, P.S.K. what does it mean
you won't find this engrossing
as I'm prone to bouts of vicious self loathing

You? well clearly you must like what I write
I personally don't see why but hey that's alright
but then you always are your own worst critic
So even though I may think I'm dumber than a post tied to a box of rocks
you may see something different

Bottom line is, we all are something unique and strange
because of this humans should try to engage
the idea of being loving and not war hungry ******
because who know how long we have until the final curtain call
And when the author's pen makes that last click

I rolled over.
I was asleep, but then.... nothing
Again.
Air and emptiness
Darkness laughing in my face
No one there occupying this space
No face to gently smile at,
No soft body to hold onto,
No one person who i know has my back.

I smiled and thought, "how did it end up this way?"
And then i remembered "oh right everyone I've ever cared about lives arbitrarily far away."
See,  whenever i meet someone new my brain goes on shuffle with no pause button, tangents fly like seagulls and eagles in every single discussion

My own brain is responsible for the love i lack
So i rolled over the other way, turning my back...

-Neroamee Alucard

I'm my own disease
I'm my own worst enemy
I can't decide
I've lost my mind
I'm either hiding from everyone
or easy to find
I need a syringe
of some kind of medicine
to get me out of
this pit that I'm in
I can't even walk
let alone crawl
I'm the loser from the teen movies
that one and all
So I reign
over my patch of dirt
like Johnny cash
I'll just make you hurt
I'm no one's benefit
just a constant burden
on myself and others
that much is certain
now some may think
this isn't true
but I've been this way for so long
what more can I do?
I have no confidence
my pride is all but dead
sometimes I have to bully myself
to get this out of my head
not one person has ever seen
the faces I take off daily
Will someone ever figure it out?
one day... maybe

Ladies, do you wanna know more about your man? I'm sure you know by now he isn't ashes or sand. Or the area in which water meets land. A man is just a man, and this is a list of what your man can't stand.

1.*** isn't everything, any man could agree with such, sometimes being nice is equally a rush

2.Please don't expect to win an argument of it involves my family especially my mum, I swear that **** just leads to me perusing ***

3.if I go out of my way to please you then I expect the same respect and effort or I will leave you

4.it's simple, no lurking on a social media page that belongs to ME

5.expect to get uncle philled out the door if I pick a restaurant and you get mad about it, that I abhor,

6 If we get dull in bed and you make a choice to not address it please expect me to watch a dubious movie , in fact expect it

7.Don't tell a story without a punchline or point unless I'm drunk and reckless with a high dollar joint

8.Know what the problem is before you try to fix it, or trouble will find you because you picked it

9.Don't ask a question to which you don't the answer
Because if you do so across the floor you ego will splatter

10.I don't care for your friends, I care for you, if they have something to ask me, they shouldn't ask you

11.Don't be upset when I laugh, while you fumble or folly, it's a humorous affliction, light spirited and jolly

12.If I cut someone off I expect the same from you, if you don't expect me to stay with you

13.the past is the past, nothing we can do about it now,
so please stop bringing it up, it's childish and pointless now.

14.pets are great. I love animals, one and all
but I don't wanna hear about it holding hands in the mall

15.Don't ask me if I'm alright every five minutes, if I say I'm good. I'm good. I don't need you constantly asking it.

16.Don't be an overzealous zealot and by that I mean don't be overly jealous.

17.If you go shopping that's fine, just don't take me with you, it's not that I don't want to I'd just rather have 20 nails shoved into my skull

18. Don't expect everything I create or write to be about you, I'm not saying I won't but that won't be the only thing I do

19. If you know I have a crush and I'm putting forth the effort, at least acknowledge me, you know respect it.

20. If you know the right guy for you is in your friend zone then why aren't you with him? are you trying to be like Robinson Crusoe. all alone?

It's not that I like being alone
wait scratch that... let me try again
It's not that I like being on my own
crap! Okay one more time, harder, like MC Ren.

I don't like people, it's as simple as that
I do have friends of them I don't lack
I guess it's a symptom of being played and hurt
I walked into the world naive, now I'm an expert

at getting stabbed in the back and getting pushed around
I grew stronger tougher but also more cold
I guess I may have been young but mentally old

So if you ask why I'm so quiet, don't think I never explained
I've fallen in with a great crowd, so maybe this way I won't remain

What have I done wrong?
I thought our relationship was strong
But now you say she was your saving grace
And in your voice there was love laced.
Tell me, what's wrong with me,
Why can't I ever be somebody's one and only?

I think the real question is why is everyone always trying to change me
Deranged me, estranged me, it almost drives me crazy
Am I good enough, rough enough to escape the friendzone, I think, no I know I'm what you've been looking for all along

I'm lonely,
If only I could see
The fatal flaw that has everyone seeking someone other than me.
I'm not getting any better,
The world is tearing me apart,
I long for a friend or lover to help me protect my fragile heart...

I hate being just a friend or a brother
I hate being a sideline and not someone's lover
I'm trying to smile when all my friends end up together
All they don't see is it breaking me down,
Like a fragile house in stormy weather

Every day it gets harder to pretend that I'm okay,
Somtimes I don't think I can make it another day.
No one seems to notice turmoil going on inside,
But I can't show my pain, I have too much pride.

I've hidden behind the guise of a clown
Painting on a smile over my tear covered frown
My best friend may have taken my crush, that's it. It's done with I have had enough.
I'm not going to compete with someone I consider a brother,
I'm done with you all, I'll never be someone's lover

Shiki zoku se kuu means
Form is emptiness.
How do you write based off of a quote
When the quote can be a poem
On its own?

Form is emptiness
Is an odd sentiment to express
My physical form is far from empty
As i wouldn't be writing if it was, you see
But is my spirit empty?
Is my mind unfortunately empty?

So many questions, so little time

-Neroamee Alucard

I wonder what its like to look at a mirror, stare at your reflection and not want to reject it
Eject it into a vat of ether so it burns slow like tuna casserole
I know i shouldn't be writing about these things but its been haunting me since i was 16
Still young and somewhat pristine but no one went my way like cards on a riverboat, I've hid that feeling for a long time with an overcoat
Made of self deprecation and little derivation from that formula of running from things i cant see, but you cant avoid your own feelings
When they hammer into you like nails on a wall,
Its a winder I'm still standing up posted like a ghostbuster in city hall...

I wouldve been gone years ago, bur music saved me y'all.

So a friend asked me this a few months ago you see
"If you had to take back one of your exes Nero, who would it be?"
So I gave it some thought, because I couldn't come up with an answer
I thought and pondered, because that question was so random.

So if I had to take one ex back into my life,
I'm not gonna say her name, but we went through lots of strife
We had our ups and downs, as all couples do
From insecurity to stupid arguments to the knife that is distance, I hope she catches this clue.

Our relationship wasn't perfect, oh no not by any means
But I find myself reminiscing and smiling about it more now it seems
I won't say her name but she knows who she is
And she'd hate me for exposing all of our personal biz
But I'll sum it all up in this one last line
You may be a mess, but I'm glad this mess is mine

Chrysalism is defined as the feeling associated with being inside
Cozy and warm through a rough thunderstorm
And that sensation is a pleasure that's hard to rival

Maybe I'm going through an extreme bout with that emotion
Because I've been inside so long i could probably compare notes with Noah about the creatures in a rain filled ocean.
But with the motions and tide of life and the things I've been through

Most of which dear friends I've told to you
Im living with my demons, and if i can make it so can you
Break through your chrysalis' I'll be cheering and praying for you

I'd leave if I ever met someone worth leaving for,
I'd leave this hole if I didn't have to hide what was on my mind all the time
I'd leave if someone made me believe I'm worth the effort
I'd leave if I could stop expecting pain if I develop feelings
Translation, I'll leave this hole for something with some meaning

I'll leave here if I can meet someone that can quiet
all the nervous doubts twitches and tics that go on in my brain
if someone would accept me and leave my heart intact
I'd walk out of this hole with no question, no looking back

but since this hasn't happened and I doubt it ever will
I'm not leaving my hole so I won't have another void to fill

I'd be lying if I said I didn't still have feelings for you but maybe not on the level that I did

TBH there's a lot between us that we kept hidden and I expressed what I could through what was written you took it the wrong way and with your heart it seemed like I played you did the same to my feelings that same day

I'd be lying if I said I didn't still want an us

TBH I got the shaft from love and fate maybe that's what kept it from happening between us I wasn't in love or lust but that bind we had between it seems is what drove me to my feelings.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't attached

TBH it ate me up but I hid it well we weren't a couple so I tried to be cool when you said another dude near you explored your body warm and supple but it broke my heart in half because I wanted that title but no matter how I tried you couldn't see what I contained inside for you


boy it feels good confessing my feelings and sins
it's nowhere near healthy keeping this bottled up within

Okay baby boomers we need to have a discussion
First of all the cold war is over, no need to fear the Russians
Second off we're in completely different times
You can't judge us by what you went through, as I'll attempt to put through these lines.

Let's start with dating, the worst you had to fear then was getting rejected
Now we have to worry about getting humiliated for giving somebody attention

Now on to politics, just because you don't agree with someone doesn't mean what you disagree with is of the devil you might win some but to most you lost one, in fact more than one election I'm sure
People are sick of being in the fifties, we've had enough denial to endure.

On to our lifestyles, you may have had the most babies but we allowed the most love,
The last time I checked  that was the greatest commandment from up above

Speaking of religion, I'm Christian, but I won't go Out of my way to give someone crap for being lesbian, Bi, Trans or gay.
What will you look like, being an judgemental ******* on judgement day

I was in bad shape
One heck of a bill I just had to create
It's days like this I regret that I learned to tear up the park
In those 150 dollar roller blades
Anyway, I still had to get my bandages changed
After I got my teeth rearranged by that pipe
I really needed to get on with my life

So the nurse walked into my room, scissors in hand
I'm lying here prone and she has a sharp object, ain't life grand?
She cut my old bandages off, the wax peeling what little hair was left
I contained a scream that could've broken a treble clef

Remind me not to mess with this nurse
But thankfully, so thankfully I can vent through my verse

The streets are talking
but you're too dumb to listen
every sidewalk has a story
but not all of them are written
like that guy begging outside Walgreens
he was once an army lieutenant until
he was ******* over by mental disease
she used to be a doctor,
now she always works nights
letting people inside for money for her kids
so don't judge anybody on sight

Good evening reader
The world is rotting, you can see the decay
Humans get more restless, you can see it everyday.
Killing, depression, despair, it grows worse all the time. frighteningly so
So in this document is information that you need to know
Your mission, dear reader, should you choose to accept it
Is to take charge of good karma, love your fellow man and protect them
And where you see hurt in this world today
Help change it, don't just document it. Okay?

An apostle named Paul said that the love of money is the root of all evil
The playwright George Bernard Shaw said that the lack of money is the root of all evil

I think they're both right, but personally i couldn't bring myself to put any money on it.

If money is evil, it seems like war that it is a necessary one
But that doesn't mean we should spend all of our time training with knives and guns
And like Mobb Deep said a shook one
Would dare to use their natural talents to earn funds

But what about doing something for the love of doing it?
What about artistic integrity and  personal pride?
Well, I'll put it to you like this.
Every artist thats had a hit has also had to miss

And if you can make money doing what you love for the rest of your years
Bless you, creative soul for culturing our sodding ears

God Blessed me with these two little angels and a Prince with a curly headed crown
to spoil rotten every chance I get to see them, one day I'm gonna take you all shopping downtown
i can't help it, you three stole my heart
and I hate that we're so far apart

They are my nieces and my nephews
so forgive me if I sound sappy,
in terms of poetic value this one may be scrappy.

Shyla, you were born on Christmas eve
you're growing so fast it's hard to believe
that I once held you in my arms and Fed you with a bottle,
now you're in school, getting A's, and your uncle is just full to bursting with pride inside, like a well written novel

Taurean, my little man, you're almost an exact clone of my brother, A.K.A your dad.
I swear it's crazy how much alike you two act.
You're playing football now? and you're on defense.
hopefully when you get older you can help the bears with no pretense

And Cheyenne, little miss moody
I love you you little stinker, I swear just taking to you is always different, so I'm always a rookie.

anyway you three, I know I'm not physically there,
but know that uncle does love you three very much, and know that I'll always be there,

:)

Hello ladies and gentlemen
This is Blitzen calling for the world to hear
It seems like Santa won't be making the trip this year
But you'll still get your gifts, of that you don't need to have fear

Now you may be asking, what's causing this delay
Well that's where Mrs. Claus Comes into play
Every year he makes the trip and at home she stays
So this year she changed things up, yesterday she wore Santa's favorite outfit
And laid on their bed
she called for her husband like she was trying to raise the dead
He came into the room and with a great surprise
She was wet and willing with a ***** look in her eyes,
She jumped on her man as if she were insane
and began slurping on his candy cane

So sorry people of earth, especially kids with frowns
But some pretty nasty stuff is going down
So don't worry kids when Santa gets out of bed
he'll bring all the presents so don't you fret!

I've seen a red door ,
I have to paint it black
I've busted at the seams
My minds begun to crack

I'm moving along,
Like a rolling Stone
Gathering no Moss on any side
Just moving on, wandering alone

It's funny how a rock can gather so much steam
Rolling down a steep hill into the stream
I guess it's true, when you're by yourself you can only focus on what's ahead

In this black and white world
It's uncommon for there to be any vibrance or color
The Crow begins to take flight again
Looking for something to feed on, my friends

The feathers falling into the snow, bloodstained and white, like a pomegranate was cut open, or the Crow has found its meal for tonight

What's it's meal you ask? My mind

That's right, I said it
And I don't regret it
It's a crock of crap
Giving humans a bad rap
The fact that it exists
Is why the aliens don't visit

All It does is point out
The flaws that you
Really don't even have
And even if those quirks you did
Possess then you should iron them out
Not waste your time on excess

And here's another thing
That I don't get
Ladies why would you ask other women
For advice about men?
I'm gonna give you the 4 things you truly need to keep him in your life.
That 50 ways to please your man list is crap
Here if is for all you future wives


1. Bring more than just your body to the table
2. Communication is key, so always be honest about problems as you are able
3. Think outside of the box when it comes to ***
4. Be honest with both yourself and him, and that's how you keep a man

I'll say this for you
I'm complete Jell-I around you
it's crazy
my mind goes hazy
my snappy comebacks come off as lazy

The wires in brain
start to fall once again to the strain
of trying yo control my hungry heart
and still use my brain to avoid getting torn apart

It's a never ceasing conflict
I can barely wrap my twisted head around it
maybe I should just go with the flow
but that's how we drown... ya know?

Some writing on a wall
That's all
Nothing to see here so you can just move along
Paint on concrete, or maybe even laden bricks
A ghetto magnum opus sending a message to those walking along, familiar with spray paint cans clicks

Just another death here, nothing to see here keep it moving
So many young ones die in my city, despite the lambasting and berating of various communities.
Another life cut tragically short

It's just....


How many times must we hear that phrase before we shove it back down their throats?

Pac was right when he said it was a set up,
Violence and bloodshed every day got a brotha fed up, these demons won't let up. Got me crying into pillows at night, wondering if it's worth waking up to see the sunlight. We got, poor people going through generational struggles, got a presidential candidate that'd gonna make the hell underneath the soil boil and bubble
The three witches, can't help us now you gotta struggle fight and claw for table scraps like we're helpless and wild.

And even though the world feels like a cheap setup, we gotta put the sunglasses down
And keep your head up

The sounds of sadness
The cacophony of a disorganized mind.
The pulsing heartbeat of the anxious
These are the echoes of the mind

The tears of depression
Bouncing against hard unforgiving concrete
The silently searing scars on the subconscious
A pain that cannot be beat.

These sounds echo all around us
Yet it seems we turn an unlistening ear
Just because you cannot see the scars
Doesn't mean somebody isn't fighting a battle my dear

Oh spring
Can you return please?
I miss the sun gently kissing my skin
Walking barefoot on grass, no cares given.
The breeze gently tickling my hair
The water near my home, I miss swimming there.
I desperately crave those long nights and friends with which time spent
Adds up to memories to take with us at the end of our days
Oh spring, can you come back again?

So today I rode the train home and as I got off I felt the spring rain
I looked up ash the clouds covering the sky and I saw your face among the bodies divine.
I thought it some strange mirage but I saw eyes nose hair and your smile made up of stars,
your hair a cosmic nebulae that shined on constantly
your dimples two planets, or that's how it seemed to me
it was a beautiful sight, your face comprised of things we found in the outer reaches of space
but just in case I made the mistake of pinching myself...
and then I awoke from that beautiful daydream of you and my subconscious went back to the shelf.

Stop placing a mask over your feelings keep trying to break the glass ceiling you've placed on your dreams
It seems as if your harsh criticism has locked your thoughts down in a dream bending prism turning them into broken thoughts and shattered ideas the tears of your subconscious are clogging your brain stem
So be honest with yourself and them

Stop the masquerade

I'm uninspired
unmotivated
ungrateful
and understated
at least that's what most people say,

I choose now to stop living and loving by all the Uns
that everybody tries to throw my way.

From now on I'm no longer an UN or a statistic,
and though you may find what's on my mind twisted
and you may say what I write is sadistic
I'm moving on from an un now I'm moving in
to where I should of been going, from beginning to end

Nope, this work doesn't have a witty play on words for a title this is a sketch brought into life through sentences and verbs stanzas and commas aren't going to be used I'm just writing what's been on my brain.

ahem

I'm honestly pathetic I write but I'm stuck in this rut I can't seem to get out of every time I try to escape I knock myself back down through some stupid mistake or placing in the wrong person for certain I know I'm a ***** up but that's not how I grew up I can barely lift a shoe up that's how week I've gotten I don't have a physical disease but a neurological demon and if it sounds like I'm complaining I'm sorry but these feelings I've left too long on the stove steaming

the pangs of being unmoved and unloved are steering me down a dark lonely path I can't keep it too myself I have to ask am I worth it? is my gift my curse because I'm horribly sensitive that's how I learned to place in verse but releasing that pain brings up more that I've bottled I'm not writing this to be coddled or babied I just feel as if I'm going crazy like 187 dogs with rabies

I'm like Stan, Eminem's biggest fan, the morning clouds are on my window but I can't see where I'm going anymore I know life is the greatest mystery and part of the joy is in discovery, but I've done my homework and realized I'm only human after all so why stall? why should I travel on only to get knocked back into a slump or a rut again and have to start all over again?

When can I stop hiding my pain from the world?

You scratched the record
And now my head is back on repeat
It goes over that same beat
Over and over again to the point where
I don't even wanna attempt to speak

If silence is golden
Then I'm the biggest known mine
Because it feels as though I've been skating over myself when putting words into rhyme
Always the same topics from me and not to interesting metaphors

You scratched it like a DJ on turntables because I'm winding up to the end of this fable, I can still write and I'm more than willing and able but I gotta stretch my muscles again before I lose the sharpness on my pen, that's my sword

So my friend asked me, where her prince was?
To which i responded in kind with my own question
Where's my princess?
Cause this has been keeping me up like ******, you see all this madness life throws is hard to wade through like cialis
With no one at my side to help pick me up when it gets rough
Alone with no one to share your secrets and to hold through laughter and tears, someone i can rely on to face my family friends and even a jury of my peers

So i ask again, where's my princess?

Hallows Eve is almost upon us again
so I thought I'd spin you a yarn from way back when
ahem

Way back on old shallow road
Behind those long dead trees
it's said that three innocents died on that road
and their bodies still leave a scent in the leaves
A man worked at the carnival that used to come to town
but he lost his job and spent his days at the bar drinking himself into the ground.
but the last night the carnival was here, his mind heavy and muddy with beer
He got up went to where he once worked, faster than a ***** steer.
He walked up to the managers office and... wait.. no no no AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
dropping onto floor

wait.. why? I did nothing to NOOO!
............

I wish i could chase them
The radical dreamers,
And their wild untameable spirits
Following whims and whimsy
Around Like dandelion seeds in the wind
But then I'm in this place for a reason
I'm stable, but unfulfilled
I have a foundation but like steely Dan can't buy a thrill
So maybe i don't need to chase those following the dreams of childhood and even adulthood
Maybe where i am right now, though not exciting necessarily is a sign i should be content, so i have it good...

Can you love someone like me?
Who's grown Comfortable alone in my own zone like me?
Can you really invest in me?
Are you going to be there during my best and my worst because the two things are so different you see

Can you love someone who's been rejected
Brokenhearted, dosed, depressed, yet infuriatingly introspective
Can you look past the medieval exterior and see the troubled but loving soul within?

Do I meet your short term requirements? Or am I simply not a "good enough" man?

Why must you make me feel like the bad guy?
Why do I have to be the villain on life's grand stage?
Why is it when things happen in my life
I'm expected to drop everything for your one strange thing? You're my mother not a nagging wife

I'm not ungrateful, like you make me out to be,
I have limits you do know that
So why do you have to keep pressing and trying me?
I love you mother but I'm cracking, I know you can't see it
But I cry inside, when you put me on a guilt trip

I can't kick this slump
For as much positivity and thoughtfulness mixed with a little bit of sexiness
I can't seem to get away from my own rattled restlessness and seemingly seasonal breaks of unexplained sadness,
It's driving me to madness as i get agitated at my own slightest imperfection and even guitar playing is starting to lose its infectous nature,
but i sit in between 19-2000 nurtured not to hate you see,
But what happens when you can't stand what looks back at you in the mirror on some days?
Do i just remain in this daze or slowly but surely probe myself out of this maze?

Visualized the realism of life in actuality
**** who's the baddest a person's status depends on salary
And that mentality is, slowly killing this nation
Communities rotting from the inside out like bologna in a bad situation
Misplaced intentions and corrupt politicians
Doomed this land like pollution will if left unchecked, these situations can be corrected if hope is injected back into us like vitamin boosters we can't survive in hoovervilles in all but name but no one person carries blame its a shame we can't unite to fight the good fight again

I'm holding on to hope but its difficult friends

They say laughter can be the only weapon
Against the things in life you're stressin
In that case my ammo supply has run dry
I'm a clown I know, but these tears have to cry
The Tears Of heartbreak, death and pain
The crying of nights in the pouring rain
Not knowing how long I can keep up my cheerful facade,
Praying every single night to just fix me, please God.

Knowing I need to go on, but not how much I can take
falling apart at possibly the smallest mistake
So I pull out my clown gear, and paint a smile onto my face
Get my wig And some shoes, perhaps it's my fate
to hide behind this laughing, smiling mask of my own design
never to show what really hides behind

Am I okay? No, but I'm going to say so anyway
Why?
Because I hate feeling weak, it's insufferable to my pride
So any major change or disappointment
I usually hide the emotions
And take the pain in stride


Am i okay?  No.
And I hate all the attention around me when sonething is wrong
I don't like people's spotlights on me
When I'm down for too long
If at all, I prefer to do my suffering in the dark

Because that's what really suits my often disappointed heart

If my brain and heart could both shut up that'd be nice
Or even better if an inventor could create a device
That could remove these ticks and overactive nerves
That manifest themselves as habits it doesn't take an idiot to observe
I don't know what purpose they serve
But it's eating my time and life up like an hors d'oeuvre
Whether nervous or in habit,
I feel and look like a posessed rabbit,
Rabid with energy that must be expended
A toap on a desk, a scratch to my face or a muscle that must straighten and then be bent
Again and again.
I'm sick of this problem but it shall not win!

Sickle in hand
souls in pocket
heart colder
than a stainless steel locket

How many souls on my list tonight
how many are ripe for the picking
how many fools shall tempt me tonight
my scythe is giddy and itching

The night so young
like a ******'s sweet kiss
The church bells haven't rung
we'll have to fix this

So many screaming...
as I do my **** job
do you not realize without my work
that the earth would be overcrowded, like life in a bog?
or choking with smog
but then I guess my work is becoming outdated
humans are killing each other slowly... it's a wonder they ever made it