A still image of a single memory
Unchanging, insultingly unwilling to age throughout the passage of time
And image that can be preserved long after one's  demise
And though occasionally  they can be edited and disguised
It's always fun to revisit  those lost times through your eyes

Clouded eyes of reason
Trailing and tracing through fogs of treason
Deranged thoughts spill in my head
Minds race and my sanity held by a thread
Smile and frown
Up and down
Hallucinations through creation
And creation through destruction
I'm a puppet on my society's string
I fear I'm no longer a human being

Let me go
away
from myself
today
I need a respite
please
just let me go
don't squeeze
me tighter
I can't take anymore
the darkness
creeps in
making bad days
seem brighter
than my own thoughts
it's strange how
I used to be a happy
go lucky cherub
not caring about the world
now I'm a hardened cynical *******
who can't work up the nerve to talk to anyone
about anything let alone a girl
so let me go
please

Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've wandered the earth and made notes about the people from place to place
I whimsically wrote
about every pope
while I made my sojourn in Rome
I waltzed to the new world, when I saw that the times had changed
I grew infatuated with their hubris
as they tried to wipe out a race, with faith...
And when they decided that it was time fir change, I was there, and clapped with the sinners, and marched with the saints
I'm pleased to meet you, did you guess my name?

She's got soul
And debonair
A flow to her walk, and a rhythm to her personality.
She can be cold, but still care.

She's smooth and refined
Indulgent like a well made wine
A queen in commoners clothes
Bringing light wherever she goes

She's a little loud at times
And she doesn't often speak in rhyme
But we encountered each other right on time

She changed my life, that's why I wrote these lines

I swear you've become the earworm, that gets stuck in my head
Your eyes are like falling rhinestones, like Gorillaz said.
Why I have to be so far away... that's something around which I couldn't begin to wrap my head

Even when I've got sunshine in a bag, the future is still rather uncertain
Because sometimes my life is more unpredictable than the spread of vermin
But...

If i had to pick someone to navigate those uncertain tides
To listen to my ******* on long car rides
I'd pick you in a heartbeat
..
Hell maybe even a seizure induced spasm

Chills running up and down my spine
it seems I feel this all the time
my sickness and my nerves so delicately intertwined
It's like all my receptors are drunken with wine
They say you'll learn to live with this over time
they say there are groups and support hotlines
But picture living, knowing that your most precious *****, the mind
could very well be the cause of you dying
Imagine living knowing you could be on borrowed time
Wanting to the live to the fullest,
but dying quicker than a mullet.
With no air rising from your gullet
"who will take care of my mom,
who will watch my nieces and nephews grow up?
Who will be there for my girlfriend and dad?
aren't you glad...
yes I am glad that I've lived and fought as long as I have
still, you can't help but consider what's at the end of life's path

You are what you are
no bypassing the issue
And if you force change on someone
the issue is you

we all were created to be something
from the addicts to the presidents
for those that may be wondering
hopeless nerds and the awkward
are who I represent

Me? I'm a hardened cynical writing fiend
inking and abusing pages like schoolly D when he asked, P.S.K. what does it mean
you won't find this engrossing
as I'm prone to bouts of vicious self loathing

You? well clearly you must like what I write
I personally don't see why but hey that's alright
but then you always are your own worst critic
So even though I may think I'm dumber than a post tied to a box of rocks
you may see something different

Bottom line is, we all are something unique and strange
because of this humans should try to engage
the idea of being loving and not war hungry ******
because who know how long we have until the final curtain call
And when the author's pen makes that last click

You can tell a lot about someone
By the music they listen to
I haven't listened to a love song in quite a bit
Of time.
Not because I don't like them, I like to think I'm not that cynical
But
I guess taking some punches to the gut from love made me rethink my playlists
Constantly hitting skip
Until just now
Cause it's when you're down that you truly understand lyrics

The song? "Try a little tenderness."

Oh spring
Can you return please?
I miss the sun gently kissing my skin
Walking barefoot on grass, no cares given.
The breeze gently tickling my hair
The water near my home, I miss swimming there.
I desperately crave those long nights and friends with which time spent
Adds up to memories to take with us at the end of our days
Oh spring, can you come back again?

We're like sand castles
Glad to be built
In such a lovely place
Right by the salty tang of the sea
No one to bother
You or me
But when the water comes flowing
In and if we're built too close
Then we'll fall and crumble away
With the emotionless sea

But like a sand castle
If we're built properly
We can withstand the waves and crashes
Of the non forgiving sea

Now here's a little story that I got to tell
about what got me to start writing you don't know so well
it start way back, in history when I lost something very close and dear to me
When I was still a kid about the fifth or sixth grade
I loved music my action figures and kung fu movies like the raid
it was a lovely spring day that I lost this something
and changed my life forever and got my notebook thunping

I was sitting at the table eating dinner as it was the nighttime
and as sure as now that I'm writing this rhyme
I fell out from the table, and seized on the floor
I woke up tired and queasy along with sore
so that's the story of what inspired me to write
what did I lose? I lost my old life

God Blessed me with these two little angels and a Prince with a curly headed crown
to spoil rotten every chance I get to see them, one day I'm gonna take you all shopping downtown
i can't help it, you three stole my heart
and I hate that we're so far apart

They are my nieces and my nephews
so forgive me if I sound sappy,
in terms of poetic value this one may be scrappy.

Shyla, you were born on Christmas eve
you're growing so fast it's hard to believe
that I once held you in my arms and Fed you with a bottle,
now you're in school, getting A's, and your uncle is just full to bursting with pride inside, like a well written novel

Taurean, my little man, you're almost an exact clone of my brother, A.K.A your dad.
I swear it's crazy how much alike you two act.
You're playing football now? and you're on defense.
hopefully when you get older you can help the bears with no pretense

And Cheyenne, little miss moody
I love you you little stinker, I swear just taking to you is always different, so I'm always a rookie.

anyway you three, I know I'm not physically there,
but know that uncle does love you three very much, and know that I'll always be there,

:)

You scratched the record
And now my head is back on repeat
It goes over that same beat
Over and over again to the point where
I don't even wanna attempt to speak

If silence is golden
Then I'm the biggest known mine
Because it feels as though I've been skating over myself when putting words into rhyme
Always the same topics from me and not to interesting metaphors

You scratched it like a DJ on turntables because I'm winding up to the end of this fable, I can still write and I'm more than willing and able but I gotta stretch my muscles again before I lose the sharpness on my pen, that's my sword

Chrysalism is defined as the feeling associated with being inside
Cozy and warm through a rough thunderstorm
And that sensation is a pleasure that's hard to rival

Maybe I'm going through an extreme bout with that emotion
Because I've been inside so long i could probably compare notes with Noah about the creatures in a rain filled ocean.
But with the motions and tide of life and the things I've been through

Most of which dear friends I've told to you
Im living with my demons, and if i can make it so can you
Break through your chrysalis' I'll be cheering and praying for you

Why is it that what i hate
About what i am
Is what endears me to others
Am i the opposite
Of what i was intended to be?
If so this practical joke
Has crossed the line from funny to cruelty.

I hate not knowing what to say
I hate my shy dispensation
But others love my pathetic attempts
As a presentable representation
Of a functioning human being
I'm not and that's no lie.

So where does anyone see any appeal?
Am i blind or do my very eyes lie?

Girl I'm telling you the truth
Music really does sound better with you
now I know it sounds corny
but you're the only person that doesn't bore me
you've gotten me to take my music out instead of plugging myself in
you've gotten me going crazy outside and within
is it wrong to think about you so much it's a sin?
it's crazy how we get about each other
I know it sounds crazy but we're closer than even the most obsessed lovers
so once again I tell you because I know is true
Music Sounds so much better with you.

It's not that I like being alone
wait scratch that... let me try again
It's not that I like being on my own
crap! Okay one more time, harder, like MC Ren.

I don't like people, it's as simple as that
I do have friends of them I don't lack
I guess it's a symptom of being played and hurt
I walked into the world naive, now I'm an expert

at getting stabbed in the back and getting pushed around
I grew stronger tougher but also more cold
I guess I may have been young but mentally old

So if you ask why I'm so quiet, don't think I never explained
I've fallen in with a great crowd, so maybe this way I won't remain

An apostle named Paul said that the love of money is the root of all evil
The playwright George Bernard Shaw said that the lack of money is the root of all evil

I think they're both right, but personally i couldn't bring myself to put any money on it.

If money is evil, it seems like war that it is a necessary one
But that doesn't mean we should spend all of our time training with knives and guns
And like Mobb Deep said a shook one
Would dare to use their natural talents to earn funds

But what about doing something for the love of doing it?
What about artistic integrity and  personal pride?
Well, I'll put it to you like this.
Every artist thats had a hit has also had to miss

And if you can make money doing what you love for the rest of your years
Bless you, creative soul for culturing our sodding ears

I'm my own disease
I'm my own worst enemy
I can't decide
I've lost my mind
I'm either hiding from everyone
or easy to find
I need a syringe
of some kind of medicine
to get me out of
this pit that I'm in
I can't even walk
let alone crawl
I'm the loser from the teen movies
that one and all
So I reign
over my patch of dirt
like Johnny cash
I'll just make you hurt
I'm no one's benefit
just a constant burden
on myself and others
that much is certain
now some may think
this isn't true
but I've been this way for so long
what more can I do?
I have no confidence
my pride is all but dead
sometimes I have to bully myself
to get this out of my head
not one person has ever seen
the faces I take off daily
Will someone ever figure it out?
one day... maybe

So a friend asked me this a few months ago you see
"If you had to take back one of your exes Nero, who would it be?"
So I gave it some thought, because I couldn't come up with an answer
I thought and pondered, because that question was so random.

So if I had to take one ex back into my life,
I'm not gonna say her name, but we went through lots of strife
We had our ups and downs, as all couples do
From insecurity to stupid arguments to the knife that is distance, I hope she catches this clue.

Our relationship wasn't perfect, oh no not by any means
But I find myself reminiscing and smiling about it more now it seems
I won't say her name but she knows who she is
And she'd hate me for exposing all of our personal biz
But I'll sum it all up in this one last line
You may be a mess, but I'm glad this mess is mine

Ladies, do you wanna know more about your man? I'm sure you know by now he isn't ashes or sand. Or the area in which water meets land. A man is just a man, and this is a list of what your man can't stand.

1.*** isn't everything, any man could agree with such, sometimes being nice is equally a rush

2.Please don't expect to win an argument of it involves my family especially my mum, I swear that **** just leads to me perusing ***

3.if I go out of my way to please you then I expect the same respect and effort or I will leave you

4.it's simple, no lurking on a social media page that belongs to ME

5.expect to get uncle philled out the door if I pick a restaurant and you get mad about it, that I abhor,

6 If we get dull in bed and you make a choice to not address it please expect me to watch a dubious movie , in fact expect it

7.Don't tell a story without a punchline or point unless I'm drunk and reckless with a high dollar joint

8.Know what the problem is before you try to fix it, or trouble will find you because you picked it

9.Don't ask a question to which you don't the answer
Because if you do so across the floor you ego will splatter

10.I don't care for your friends, I care for you, if they have something to ask me, they shouldn't ask you

11.Don't be upset when I laugh, while you fumble or folly, it's a humorous affliction, light spirited and jolly

12.If I cut someone off I expect the same from you, if you don't expect me to stay with you

13.the past is the past, nothing we can do about it now,
so please stop bringing it up, it's childish and pointless now.

14.pets are great. I love animals, one and all
but I don't wanna hear about it holding hands in the mall

15.Don't ask me if I'm alright every five minutes, if I say I'm good. I'm good. I don't need you constantly asking it.

16.Don't be an overzealous zealot and by that I mean don't be overly jealous.

17.If you go shopping that's fine, just don't take me with you, it's not that I don't want to I'd just rather have 20 nails shoved into my skull

18. Don't expect everything I create or write to be about you, I'm not saying I won't but that won't be the only thing I do

19. If you know I have a crush and I'm putting forth the effort, at least acknowledge me, you know respect it.

20. If you know the right guy for you is in your friend zone then why aren't you with him? are you trying to be like Robinson Crusoe. all alone?

Can you love someone like me?
Who's grown Comfortable alone in my own zone like me?
Can you really invest in me?
Are you going to be there during my best and my worst because the two things are so different you see

Can you love someone who's been rejected
Brokenhearted, dosed, depressed, yet infuriatingly introspective
Can you look past the medieval exterior and see the troubled but loving soul within?

Do I meet your short term requirements? Or am I simply not a "good enough" man?

If my brain and heart could both shut up that'd be nice
Or even better if an inventor could create a device
That could remove these ticks and overactive nerves
That manifest themselves as habits it doesn't take an idiot to observe
I don't know what purpose they serve
But it's eating my time and life up like an hors d'oeuvre
Whether nervous or in habit,
I feel and look like a posessed rabbit,
Rabid with energy that must be expended
A toap on a desk, a scratch to my face or a muscle that must straighten and then be bent
Again and again.
I'm sick of this problem but it shall not win!

The sounds of sadness
The cacophony of a disorganized mind.
The pulsing heartbeat of the anxious
These are the echoes of the mind

The tears of depression
Bouncing against hard unforgiving concrete
The silently searing scars on the subconscious
A pain that cannot be beat.

These sounds echo all around us
Yet it seems we turn an unlistening ear
Just because you cannot see the scars
Doesn't mean somebody isn't fighting a battle my dear

Okay baby boomers we need to have a discussion
First of all the cold war is over, no need to fear the Russians
Second off we're in completely different times
You can't judge us by what you went through, as I'll attempt to put through these lines.

Let's start with dating, the worst you had to fear then was getting rejected
Now we have to worry about getting humiliated for giving somebody attention

Now on to politics, just because you don't agree with someone doesn't mean what you disagree with is of the devil you might win some but to most you lost one, in fact more than one election I'm sure
People are sick of being in the fifties, we've had enough denial to endure.

On to our lifestyles, you may have had the most babies but we allowed the most love,
The last time I checked  that was the greatest commandment from up above

Speaking of religion, I'm Christian, but I won't go Out of my way to give someone crap for being lesbian, Bi, Trans or gay.
What will you look like, being an judgemental ******* on judgement day

I can't kick this slump
For as much positivity and thoughtfulness mixed with a little bit of sexiness
I can't seem to get away from my own rattled restlessness and seemingly seasonal breaks of unexplained sadness,
It's driving me to madness as i get agitated at my own slightest imperfection and even guitar playing is starting to lose its infectous nature,
but i sit in between 19-2000 nurtured not to hate you see,
But what happens when you can't stand what looks back at you in the mirror on some days?
Do i just remain in this daze or slowly but surely probe myself out of this maze?

So today I rode the train home and as I got off I felt the spring rain
I looked up ash the clouds covering the sky and I saw your face among the bodies divine.
I thought it some strange mirage but I saw eyes nose hair and your smile made up of stars,
your hair a cosmic nebulae that shined on constantly
your dimples two planets, or that's how it seemed to me
it was a beautiful sight, your face comprised of things we found in the outer reaches of space
but just in case I made the mistake of pinching myself...
and then I awoke from that beautiful daydream of you and my subconscious went back to the shelf.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't still have feelings for you but maybe not on the level that I did

TBH there's a lot between us that we kept hidden and I expressed what I could through what was written you took it the wrong way and with your heart it seemed like I played you did the same to my feelings that same day

I'd be lying if I said I didn't still want an us

TBH I got the shaft from love and fate maybe that's what kept it from happening between us I wasn't in love or lust but that bind we had between it seems is what drove me to my feelings.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't attached

TBH it ate me up but I hid it well we weren't a couple so I tried to be cool when you said another dude near you explored your body warm and supple but it broke my heart in half because I wanted that title but no matter how I tried you couldn't see what I contained inside for you


boy it feels good confessing my feelings and sins
it's nowhere near healthy keeping this bottled up within

Hallows Eve is almost upon us again
so I thought I'd spin you a yarn from way back when
ahem

Way back on old shallow road
Behind those long dead trees
it's said that three innocents died on that road
and their bodies still leave a scent in the leaves
A man worked at the carnival that used to come to town
but he lost his job and spent his days at the bar drinking himself into the ground.
but the last night the carnival was here, his mind heavy and muddy with beer
He got up went to where he once worked, faster than a ***** steer.
He walked up to the managers office and... wait.. no no no AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
dropping onto floor

wait.. why? I did nothing to NOOO!
............

I can't sleep,
But I'm dreaming
I'm confused
But I understand your meaning
I'm nervous but simultaneously
At peace so it's clear to me
That I'm a walking contradicton
A healthy heart attack
I guess what I mean is
I'm a dreaming insomniac

Good evening reader
The world is rotting, you can see the decay
Humans get more restless, you can see it everyday.
Killing, depression, despair, it grows worse all the time. frighteningly so
So in this document is information that you need to know
Your mission, dear reader, should you choose to accept it
Is to take charge of good karma, love your fellow man and protect them
And where you see hurt in this world today
Help change it, don't just document it. Okay?

The biggest mistake our society made
Was thinking all of our experiences are universal, one in the same
So know when we say society is to blame
We can look back now at this mistake we made.

Although our paths may cross our roads are very different
We can intersect and end up in different places spaces occupied by life's unchanging eyes
But despite this interplay and crossroading we still can't seem to find harmony despite all our advances and abilities to share our lives and perspectives with others
For all the hate i see out there, you'd think there'd be just as many lovers

The biggest mistake our society made
Was thinking all of our experiences are universal, one in the same
So know when we say society is to blame
We can look back now at this mistake we made.

There are so many voices in this global choir
So many choices at the places we go to, it takes less energy to love and unite and we perspire to hate and divide, not aspire to be as one gigantic family under the sun
And if not now, then when will that wonderful day come?

The biggest mistake our society made
Was thinking all of our experiences are universal, one in the same
So know when we say society is to blame
We can look back now at this mistake we made.

Am I okay? No, but I'm going to say so anyway
Why?
Because I hate feeling weak, it's insufferable to my pride
So any major change or disappointment
I usually hide the emotions
And take the pain in stride


Am i okay?  No.
And I hate all the attention around me when sonething is wrong
I don't like people's spotlights on me
When I'm down for too long
If at all, I prefer to do my suffering in the dark

Because that's what really suits my often disappointed heart

Some writing on a wall
That's all
Nothing to see here so you can just move along
Paint on concrete, or maybe even laden bricks
A ghetto magnum opus sending a message to those walking along, familiar with spray paint cans clicks

Just another death here, nothing to see here keep it moving
So many young ones die in my city, despite the lambasting and berating of various communities.
Another life cut tragically short

It's just....


How many times must we hear that phrase before we shove it back down their throats?

Well I'll tell you cats about an impossible feat
Why every single night I have to wrestle myself to sleep
It's because the ghosts of regret won't admit defeat,
When I get under the covers they wake up and bother me
Every mistake. Every pain. Non on the sunshine all the rain
Then there's the fact I'm on medication
Which silently causes the liver devastation
Oh, you didn't know this but I suffer from epilepsy.
So I have to consume pills on the daily
So there you have it, a rundown of why I can't sleep.
Although I should note I'm blessed to have a bed on which to lie my head and feet

In this black and white world
It's uncommon for there to be any vibrance or color
The Crow begins to take flight again
Looking for something to feed on, my friends

The feathers falling into the snow, bloodstained and white, like a pomegranate was cut open, or the Crow has found its meal for tonight

What's it's meal you ask? My mind

I've seen a red door ,
I have to paint it black
I've busted at the seams
My minds begun to crack

I'm moving along,
Like a rolling Stone
Gathering no Moss on any side
Just moving on, wandering alone

It's funny how a rock can gather so much steam
Rolling down a steep hill into the stream
I guess it's true, when you're by yourself you can only focus on what's ahead

Bloodlines.

Blood runs deep but some times family can reach to far I still carry inadequacy like simba being crushed by Scar,
It hurts to know that although you mean well you keep invading my space and judging my Life making me feel out of space around those that helped give me life.

It's like although we share DNA and features in the face you can't see passed that to my hearts black space,
It's like now I'm simply an eccentric freak to stare and laugh at,
You can't see the tears falling down each night you crafted and the spirit you've cracked

So thank you for all of that, the judgement, the pain and inner separation,
Thank you for self doubting my own destination,
But thank you most for stabbing me in the side,
I guess family isn't always right

Hello ladies and gentlemen
This is Blitzen calling for the world to hear
It seems like Santa won't be making the trip this year
But you'll still get your gifts, of that you don't need to have fear

Now you may be asking, what's causing this delay
Well that's where Mrs. Claus Comes into play
Every year he makes the trip and at home she stays
So this year she changed things up, yesterday she wore Santa's favorite outfit
And laid on their bed
she called for her husband like she was trying to raise the dead
He came into the room and with a great surprise
She was wet and willing with a ***** look in her eyes,
She jumped on her man as if she were insane
and began slurping on his candy cane

So sorry people of earth, especially kids with frowns
But some pretty nasty stuff is going down
So don't worry kids when Santa gets out of bed
he'll bring all the presents so don't you fret!

That line in the sand
Overlooking the warm and welcoming sea
I walked up to the line and stared at it intently
And in those moments a war was waged within me, my head and heart both taking opposing sides
Here I'll relay as much of that intense conversation, from beside the battle lines

Brain: we shall not cross that line! For who knows what could be waiting on the other side!
There could be crippling danger or possible injury! Diseases and financial ruin could lie across that line!

And my heart took those sentiments in kind, and then responded with the following reply

Heart: we must cross this line! Not knowing is part of the thrill! And you're right we could be hurt crossing over to the other side! But that's part of life so just chill! There could be Love and adventure, wealth both in money and in experience and enjoyment of our surroundings! We've starved in life for too long and it's time we move forward by boldly leaping and bounding!

I guess, like two face I'm in two minds about my situation
But I'd rather consider my options and move decisively than run blindly in like LEEEEROOOYYYYYY JEEEENNNNNKINNNNS

If i could sing,
I'd exhaust my lungs
To sing you a song that would heal
All the wounds left by that someone
Who didn't know what they had until it was gone
I'd do all i could to repair your fragile heart, bruised and battered by the cold winds of life
I'd strum a melody that brought your mind back together into a place only consisting of peace
Where happiness and wonders never ceased.
Because a song of healing, is something that we all need to hear.

This honestly could be a series
About what the eyes, the windows to the soul
Simply cannot see.
They aren't able to register someone feeling like they're falling apart
Or someone like me who can't seem to bring it together
But it's whatever.
The eyes can't see years of name calling throughout school to cackling laughter
Feeling alone and wondering if you can get yourself
And some rope up to the gym rafters
I'll have you know that the eyes are pricelessly important organs needed for our everyday lives
But sometimes, sometimes i do wish we as a society could see

What our eyes simply cannot see.

Visualized the realism of life in actuality
**** who's the baddest a person's status depends on salary
And that mentality is, slowly killing this nation
Communities rotting from the inside out like bologna in a bad situation
Misplaced intentions and corrupt politicians
Doomed this land like pollution will if left unchecked, these situations can be corrected if hope is injected back into us like vitamin boosters we can't survive in hoovervilles in all but name but no one person carries blame its a shame we can't unite to fight the good fight again

I'm holding on to hope but its difficult friends

Because music geekdom was one of my life choices
I've found i can get attached to voices
Not the ones in my head, for inside i still remain dead
But the accent, the catch before you get emotional,
Sticks to my waxed ears like used lotion so
I miss voices at times, if those i care of mostly,
So i try to imagine that voice coursing through my head so softly
Wobbly is my memory, so i hold on to everything that i can
But hearing those special voices again, thats a happiness no one can plan

I wish i could chase them
The radical dreamers,
And their wild untameable spirits
Following whims and whimsy
Around Like dandelion seeds in the wind
But then I'm in this place for a reason
I'm stable, but unfulfilled
I have a foundation but like steely Dan can't buy a thrill
So maybe i don't need to chase those following the dreams of childhood and even adulthood
Maybe where i am right now, though not exciting necessarily is a sign i should be content, so i have it good...

Whether it's poetry from the streets or the stuff written in limericks on parchment sheets there's no denying that when a poetic Homosapien sets the mind to rhyming our brain patterns are odd because we use our pens to stitch up and heal our scars because we are poets. Our minds don't function like the rest of the world and in this verse it kept me from ending up in the back of a hearse whether by my own doing or because of this world's curse

But if course I care about the people that have influenced or helped me to become better, Midnight Writer I'm not just vintage I adapt to all weather, Miss Hillzy and Reamer, Queen, Aurora, Joana Ashby Drsjoke and blue star♥ Antipodean Product I love you guys and I hope page abuse carries us far

and from hello poetry Wolf Spirit, lady death and many many others I love all of you from the bottom of my twisted heart I hope that our union of words shall never break apart.

I rang the doorbell
Seeking entrance to the home
I heard footsteps walking to
But it seemed I was outside, alone.
The cold began to nip at my skin
My internal temperature began to drop
My heart began to beat fast
Why won't she answer the door
I'm outside freezing and my heads starting to spin

I'm outside your heart. ..please let me in

I know you mean well but you can't speak for me
forgive me if you'd writing seems like it's driven by apathy
I want to grow up but I can't right now
I have enough personal issues of my own to iron out
I'm still shy as all **** and insecure as ******* and bacon
I'm constantly on edge like a diet coke with mentos that's been shaken
But then that's my own cross to bear
having to fight things in my head that no one would know they're there.
And it seems when I make an effort no one gives a ****
So really, please don't speak on something you can't understand.
Like I said, I know you mean well and I appreciate your concern
but it's my mistakes and my life, I'll always have demons to burn

I'd leave if I ever met someone worth leaving for,
I'd leave this hole if I didn't have to hide what was on my mind all the time
I'd leave if someone made me believe I'm worth the effort
I'd leave if I could stop expecting pain if I develop feelings
Translation, I'll leave this hole for something with some meaning

I'll leave here if I can meet someone that can quiet
all the nervous doubts twitches and tics that go on in my brain
if someone would accept me and leave my heart intact
I'd walk out of this hole with no question, no looking back

but since this hasn't happened and I doubt it ever will
I'm not leaving my hole so I won't have another void to fill

The streets are talking
but you're too dumb to listen
every sidewalk has a story
but not all of them are written
like that guy begging outside Walgreens
he was once an army lieutenant until
he was ******* over by mental disease
she used to be a doctor,
now she always works nights
letting people inside for money for her kids
so don't judge anybody on sight