The moon looms
Big and bright
It has been some time
Since I’ve sat
Basking in the silence of the night
I can't believe
Being alone could be noisy
As I sink into its depths
A million thoughts whirl
Stealing my breath.

How many times?
Have I followed this line?
I can't be sure
Feelings leftover
Like wraiths they linger
Silence ringing in my ears

I'm in the middle
Of standing still
The crowd continues dancing to the beat,
I feel like I'm being knocked off my feet,
But no -
I have been stuck where I stand,
The same thing again, since I was 10.

Nothing has changed,
Dad remains
A wilful child.
Mum has left
My sisters are depressed
Emotions left undone

I sleep with my eyes open
My mind like the dawn
I think -
How much longer will this take
I am tiring of being the only one stuck
It's like I need a one tonne truck
To tow me away and away

It’s a riddle to some
It is to me I admit
It sneaks up to me as I lay down
My head on my pillow
My brows furrow
Thoughts burrowing deep.

This is the fear,
The unseen,
The uncertainty, for all I know, may win,
Clawing it’s way up my spine.
I shut my eyes then snap them open
To remind myself I’m still alive.

I can’t wait
But I also can’t stop
The feeling of dread
That bundles and grows
As the minutes drop
One by one like lead.

When does it begin?
Or better yet, end?
When will it come?
When will it go?
It’s one of life’s riddles -
I just don’t know.

So I lie in bed and wait...
The ticking of the clock my only mate.

I could measure the tips
Of the mountain tops
Peak to peak
With my small hands
Minuscule they were
Those tiny mounds
Yet up close
They tower high
Peaks in clouds
In mystery and shroud
Like your mind is to mine
Your thoughts elude me
Far and high
I cannot deny
That this does terrify.

I'll meet you by the carousel,
Where we'll kiss and never tell,
And when we leave we'll keep looking back,
Neither of us wanting to forget,
The good time we had.
We would text and we would call,
Do that same funny dance,
But that's not all.
We both know we're going to fall,
Neither can admit that right now,
It's better to just stall.

The table has been laid
The cards shuffled and spread
It's all or nothing
A bead of sweat dripping

It's a one-way street
You can’t turn around
Stop in your tracks, think
But take heed, there's no going back

Like a sword to its mark
Swinging a wide, graceful arc
Slicing through doubt with fear
Don't try to return my dear

Fly over the mountains
Soar over the hills
Find the sea yonder
With the wind in your sail

this is the place that quiets the sounds
soothes my soul and stills my mind
fast-racing thoughts slow in pace and find
their places in the compartments where they lie
in wait until i call them to life
with pen and paper
i write them line by line
without you i might have lost my mind

i sit and think in this place
my sanctuary when the world goes awry
its alright to be quiet
its alight not to smile
even better if you do not talk
but share a comfortable silence
be physically near
smell the books and their aged spines
tell their stories that came before you and i

are you having the time of your life?
i hope you are, somehow.
did i make the wrong move?
can't seem to stop running in circles in my head.

i can look back into the past,
but the future is foggy
no one knows.
took the chance, i did.

i leaped...

...into a great pothole of ****.
you'd have to **** me before i admit
i landed myself in this *****.

many a type of silence
will be encountered in life
some lingering unwanted
some sorely bygone and lamented

pleasant silences in happiness
silence that hums when enjoyment comes
excited silences before a crowd goes wild
smiling silences when a baby is born

then the unpleasant, miserable and down-trodden
black doom that throws gloom
rumbling and groaning drown
the sea of despairing frowns

have you heard the silence
whispering in your ear
feeding in the dark
feeding on your fear

it can hear your thoughts
the nagging worry
grief and sorrow brew
silence a black hole it grew

hiding in your blanket
your little safety net
praying it will go
but that was ages ago

Can you play a happy tune?
Can't you write a cheerful song?
Sad to say the things I write
Really do not come close.

Melancholy visits me sometimes
Loneliness engulfs my mind at night
Sorrow fills my lungs
Sometimes I struggle with life

The moonlight sits by me
Shedding me some light
And in the darkness it guides me
I hold it with all my might

Till the next day comes
The sun once again shines
Cutting across the dark
Bringing me back with silent delight

they shine from afar
those tiny globes of light
beacons in their own right
they last on through the night

Guides in the dark
They're always there
Sober or drunk
Quietly waiting in the dark

Streams of words from your friend
Advice she gave
Friend-to-friend
Was always made to bend

Words never set in stone
They twist, yes, they turn
Like the tiny lights
Ephemerally exust from time to time

Before I turn old and grey,
And begin to fade away,
Hold on to me tight
So I won’t slip away into the night.

What hides in the grey sky this morning?
Concealed behind looming clouds
A strong wind comes
Shaking everything in its wake

It does not hear pleas
It refuses to see reason
Like the fear that comes
With somethings unknown

Trees sway, branches flailing,
Fallen leaves fly with the wind
Across the sky they fall far from the tree
Bit by bit, they lose their memory

No hint of life on the roads
Not even a wisp of a soul
None dare thread
Where the fierce wind blows

The nights are cold
The roads are rough
But tremble not
You know you're tough
The fact you've put in effort is enough
It's ok to sit back, enjoy, and laugh

The nights are long
The journey gets tough
You brace yourself
Enough, you think, is enough
You put your foot down
And stomp real hard
You've come this far
They'll just have to let you pass

I'm sorry if I hurt you
Those words weren't meant to
But we share everything
Big or the tiniest of things
So those feelings I had
Were put into those words
I hope they weren't too bad
I only know forward
And now I can't take them back
As long as you know how I feel
You'll still have me on your reel

You think I don't see you
Oh no...but I do.
You feel I don't know you
Oh no...but I do.

A mind so old
Saddled with a young soul
Deceives the sharpest eye
Passing through guarded hearts.

Oh no...just not mine.

Every Saturday it is the same
Every Saturday I sit
I stare at the ticking hands and wait
No need to tell me I've been tamed

As the seconds pass
I watch my reflection in the glass
It is a wonder, I think
That I still look the same as the second before that passed

Yet inside I know a little more has died
Each tick brings me one step closer
To where you have gone
To a place of peace and sound.

And one day, many years from now
Someone will sit and wait,
Looking at the face that is at once theirs and not
And remember the hour of my passing,
Just as I sit and wait and remember yours.

You, with your wondering eyes and fair skin,
I wish I could spend an afternoon with you,
Again--just like we used to,
But you've gone with your new girl,
And--as much as I want to,
I just can't take that away from you.

I hope one day you'll recall
The words you wrote well
To me, in me, they will always have a place
I won't forget you, you knew me well--too well
Even if I have been washed away in the swell
Of your new memories.

There are a million different ways to feel,
Pain and fear, before you start to heal.

Sometimes it comes all at once—
A punch to the gut, a kick to your shin.

Other times it’s like a haunting echo,
Nibbling in the depths of your mind — a soft bellow.

Late at night when you toss and turn,
It creeps upon you with a slow, aching burn.

If too much catches you by surprise—
You burst fast and bright, like fireworks against the night sky.

Try to control it and it fancies a little dance with you,
Little contractions to keep you on your toes—
slow, slow, quick, quick, slow.

Never mind the anxiety you try to hide,
That feeling between Fear and Pain,
It is Agony, but you can call it any other name.

So I didn’t turn out in your image
I can’t sing I can’t dance
I can barely put a tune together
On the ***** stashed away
I have tried and failed
Again and again
Like a broken tape recorder
Echoing in a desolate house
I have become
A tattoo you can’t scratch out

Three-thirty in the morning and I
Can't stop thinking about you
You've taken me places that I never thought
I never thought I could be
The cool chill of the Spring night's breeze
Makes my hair stand on end
But let's not pretend
You leave the same effect on me

You know what you do to me, don't you?
When we met for the first time
it felt like its been a long long time
That I've known you
And you just took my breath away

My eyes are heavy and the world has worn me down
But with you I can never firmly frown
You've made me happier than I've been
I've been in a long long time
Like a branch in a tree
You've grown to be a part of me
It's not like I can easily be
Far apart from you

We were happy once
You and I
Joined at the hip
Time passed us by
Stuck like glue
You and I
Friends shook their heads
Walked on by

How did we end up like this
You and I
We were supposed to be strong
You said you would try
And I could not deny
You and I
For we met eye to eye
Times passed us by
You and I
What happened to us
I wonder why
How did we end
You and I
How could we end
But I can no longer deny

We have ended now
You and I
The past now a memory
That may be left behind
By you and I

I was yours and you were mine
Both our hearts would beat in time
I'm no longer yours
And you're no longer mine
Take heart dear
We'll both be fine
With the sands of time
Wash away the salt and brine
Over time we'all both be fine
We'll smile again
Just as friends
Our hearts on the mend.

In the city she faced two streets
One brightly lit and full of treats
Opposite of the first the second your attention could not keep
Life there seemed to be fast asleep
Perambulating to and fro
Unsure of which way to go
She finally stops and sits to think
Her feelings filling to the brim
Toying at the edge they sit
Taunting and daunting
Her growing fear
But she straightens her back
And holds her chin up high
Challenging her feelings straight in the eye
"I am not afraid to die.
There's nothing I fear more than living a lie."
She took the second street at a run
The blood in her veins humming.

I stand on the edge and peek
As expected it is there,
What I seek.
It is my friend, a fickle one I know-
Without some luck it'd be a foe.

I fly, I fly, it takes me high
So high I become blind
Then I fall, I fall, I free fall
There's no other way
To come back down.

Love, love, love
A thing you know
(or think you know)
This same friend
That might be your foe.

You said that you love me,
You said you weren't bored,
You promised you would treasure me,
And never let me part.

But even though you said you'd never lie,
You must have at some point.
Because all those things I've said above
Have now become untrue.

I can’t read the stars
I can’t see the future
What I can read is what is in front of me
What I can see is this moment
All I can be is me

I close my eyes to the world,
In the dark depths of the night,
To wake to the next weary dawn,
My head waits for infinite rest,
For it to come calling,
I would be glad.

A graze, a scratch, a cut,
These little things that hurt me much
The blaze in your eyes
Your aggressive voice
Hurt me ten times more

*Do you know what it does to me
Can you feel the way I cringe
When you speak I flinch
When you shout I fall
Turn your back and I crumble
I have never felt this miserable

The false gestures
The fake smiles
I can see them coming from a thousand miles
What you did - I never saw that coming
I can't say it wasn't disappointing
But it's not like you can hit reverse

You think you're right
Maybe you just wanted a fight
But you couldn't even listen
And my tears stay glistening
Rolling down my cheeks

Have you ever thought about
What you do to me
Where do you leave me
How can you get me
Who said the world was round
He was probably as high as the sun

The fork in the road
Two halves of a whole
Which side will you take?
What choice will you make?

Will you smile away and say
Your choice was right
Or will you fade away?
Hoping that time will turn back one day?

We share words
You and I
Jokingly, mischievously and viciously.

We talk
You and I
Our conversation a dance.

This is what we have
You and I
We can never have more.

And that,
Is all.