Influence is the power you have over others
Brothers fighting over the bigger crumb
Dumb to what they and their sister's have become
Won by skin tones and education
Legislation driven by religion
Forgiven by a being we've never met
Regret nothing, so we do it again

Friends burn bridges for this power
Liars sell visions for this power
Poppers give their lives for this power
This is why I despise this power

We all sin
So we all can't win
But if the game was rigged to begin
What do we ever, really win?

Rotting flesh bathes under the sun's unrelenting waves

Our prey has felt the reapers touch
repossessing its soul
so we may harvest the remains

The scents invade our nostrils
luring us into a state of blissful hunger

We dive
We feast
We leave none to waste

Being bombarded with temptation
Doesn’t dim the fireworks
That crash like the a Titan gait
Inside my heart
No exposed midriff will propel my drift
As my thirst can’t be satisfied
With the bucket and pulley water they fetch
This carnal passion I feel remains sky-lit
Bright and beautiful
All, because of you

Love doesn't fail
It withers without proper care
The roots gasp for the final drop
A drop, that is no longer there
When we shed light on our shadowed past
It should bring life
But care isn't attention
It's attention done right
Results may very
As the effort will change
But when all is lost
The seeds, will always remain

I need you both
because balance is good
Fear, I know you are over protective
Imagination, I know you are blindly optimistic
but with balance comes discipline
because balance is good
I will continue to consult you both
as you are my allies
on this journey to self revelation
and realization
I will continue to consult you both
because balance is good

Let me stay warm
bask in your walls of life
hold tight till stars exchange long glares with sunlight
And tell the moon of blue skies
mistaken as true lies
with the hues of red and purple
between the hours of midnight and noon
I'll never hurt you
only love long pass curfews
Until we sleep clutched in an embrace
awaken by the same love on a new day

The seed cracks with growth
separating through reach destined for the heavens
competing with the similarly ambitious
because space is finite
So, aspire to grow small?
I think not for I am a seed
"Let me exceed", I shall ask
fore my pedals will expand and spread my  pollen
Never, to recede

Fck you for encouraging me to take out more than I needed
Fck you for not explaining the difference between subsidized and unsubsidized
Fck you for judging my eligibility based on my parent’s income and not my own
Fck you for pretending to look out for my best interest
Fck you for making me decide on whether to pay you, or go to the hospital
Fck you for harassing me via phone and email
Fck you for transferring my loans to a different company
Fck you for asking for money back BEFORE I graduated
Fck you for asking for money AFTER I graduated with NO job
Fck you for asking for MORE money after I got a job
Fck you for transferring my loans to a different company (again)
Fck you for suggesting a 30year repayment plan
Fck you for the high interest rates that negate the payments I was able to make
Fck you for adjusting my repayment plan without my consent
Fck you for suggesting a lower monthly payment as I crept toward full repayment
Fck your shoes with the belts on them (Boondocks)
And Fck Donald Trump
This is America sucka. The land of the free, and home of the brave
Not the sea of debt and house of enslavement
So, Fck you from the bottom of my heart, and if you call me again I’m gonna slap the sh*t out of you
Goodbye forever

I never want to be your "what if"
I never want my insecurities
to shorten your trajectory
I only want to provide the lift
I never want to be your "maybe"
I never want to be your "yes"
when "no" leads to success
I only want your safety
I never want you to second guess
I only want you to know this
I want you to know you are the best
and I want you to know, I know this

Questions vacant of desirable answers I don't entertain
But insanity drives my ambition towards these brick walls
because it's always better to attempt to penetrate the impossible
So I develop tools to move mountains
I acquire skills to forecast solar alignment
and strengthen my body to swim through treacherous waters
All, to enjoy life with you
Hopefully one day my efforts will be enough
but even the bravest of soldiers
Can be defeated unshielded from distant arrows

Butterflies flap their wings to escape gravity
Allowing the winds of change to lift them towards peace
like a monk's prayer
Say what you will about this story of humble beginnings
True humility is in the lobe it takes to encourage this journey
through times darker than shade
So I say to my butterfly
Let me be your wind
And always support your flight

Love's ghost possesses me to pick flowers
Sending whispers though my window, as I rest my eyes
Under dark skies my mind wonders though fields of fragrances
Sweet scents ****** me drawing me to a bouquet
That I will give to you when I wake
You, the girl of my dreams

Am I socially awkward?
Or am I observant?
Calculated even?
Putting worth into each, pause, "um", "like", pause again, hand gesture, smile, lack of smile, eyebrow raise, and any glance not toward my being during conversation for a duration longer than five seconds

Taking this worth and submitting it to an algorithm to decode temperament, interest and respect

And if said worth equates to a value lower than myself esteem I feel
Betrayed
Lonely
Abandoned
In that moment of eternity
That's not awkwardness
That, is purgatory
.........
Awk-ward

Love makes the inevitable, inviting
The darkness of death looming
Like a dark cloud on the brightest day
Undefeated
Love's rays of sunshine can not stop the rain
But each drop now has the potential to bow
Bringing a joy, we could never imagine

The door shuts behind me
I hear the locks engage
Click, click, click
The blinds close
It's dark
Cold
Lonely
In silence I listen
I wait
I wander
Aimlessly
Hands stretched
I feel nothing
I see nothing
So I sit and do nothing
Defeated
But now I'm stuck in the cold
Dark and lonely
So I stand and walk forward
Reach forward
For change
For Light
For the open door

Oases are vainglorious
Often indulging in their own mystique
Coveting the admiration
Inspiring others to aspire for their majestic independence
But unlike rivers, they do not flow
They do not connect
They do not grow into something bigger than themselves
This connection is power
It is love
Be a river

We all have the power as individuals
To confront every injustice
To resist tyranny
So every ember moon
I look to the sky
Inspired
Prepared for every battle
And fly with those
Who look up for opportunities
And not down at misfortunes
So our fires continue, to burn
strong

What secrets do your eyes hold?
what desires could I fulfill?
What pains could I mend?
What wonders could I cultivate?
Your eyes are the window to your soul
One day I hope
You will open the blinds
And let me see

I don't want to fight anymore
I don't care who was right
I don't care about blame
I don't care about what happened
But I do care about this feeling
This feeling of betrayal
This feeling of disappointment
This feeling of abandonment
It didn't always feel like this
It doesn't have to feel like this
It shouldn't feel like this
But it does
Though it shouldn't
So it will, nevermore
I promise

This time of year, I often hear of new beginnings
A slate wiped clean, a "do over"
All mistakes forgiven and all debts pardoned
But no wrong is right without effort
Effort is futile without a plan
And a plan is not justified without practice
This time of the year I reflect on my preparation
This time of year I reflect on my presentation
This time of the year I don't wipe my slate clean
I look for the catalyst of the mess I've made
Because this isn't a new beginning
It's a continued effort, to one day, get it right

Some would say the heart is the most precious ***** in the body
But I disagree, see for me it’s my mind
It’s hunger for reason must be fed
It’s thirst for information must be quenched and this precious vulnerability must be protected
Solitaire exercises of discipline strengthen these walls with lessons so essential their very nutrients must be extracted from the most sacred of confines
Locks, rusted with petrifying shadows of blame
Contempt fills these boxes that if released arbitrarily could prove to be terminal
Preparation has skilled me of such treachery but no YOU attacked the heart
An ***** most would say is the most precious because it can cloud reason and influence the ******* that is the human brain
Turning pain into tranquil contempt
Removing logic from the vital equation of understanding into a dismal acceptance of average
Well I’m here to tell you though your best efforts, your attempts at my emotional demise have proven to be futile
I stand before you wise to your woes spun effortlessly weaving a pictured filled with promise and no action
My heart, although damaged will learn from this strife and beat stronger and better than ever before.
It shall not ache nor bleed for you, but it thanks you for your time….and this lesson.

I've been down
So far deep my eyes struggle to differentiate left from up
Buried to my neck, I'd watch scorpions approach
Taunting me with a poisonous end
I've lived on the brink
Borrowing necessities in exchange for my dignity
I've never cowered from opposition, but cried at the thought of my self worth not being self sustaining
And yet, I stand before you
Not blind, indignant, distraught, or ill
I stand before you, standing
And I will never stay down

I won't stand still
I won't do nothing
I won't be silent
I won't be rigid
I won't be inanimate
I will not pose for glory
I won't remain in my designated spot
I will not be pabulum
I will not join the flock
I will continue to follow the cadence of my heart
And I will continue forward

Do you remember falling in love?
The fall, the drop, the initial rush of the first decline
To never look behind,
I ask you do you remember the fall? The uncertainty, the excitement, the mystique of an alternative to our current existence as mere extension of our parents.
I ask you do you remember, the fall? The decent, you lips quivering with anticipation of a great crash, a blaze of glory and a way…out
I ask you do you remember the fall because I do. I remember my fear, I remember my rejoice and I remember my surrender. I remember depending on my faith opposed to my intuition and best judgment. I remember saying yes, with no just cause of why.
I remember thinking, what if I fail? What if I can’t, what if..simply…I won’t? Do you deserve that? Do you deserve my deception? Do you deserve my sins, my imperfections,
Do you deserve my…pain? A pain…in which you can not fix?You…..do….not. And you deserve better.
But, if the eyes are the window to the soul then, what I saw was a game winning play, a heroic rescure, what I saw was peace…and hope. Hope of a better you….a better me….a better us.
Don’t you want…to be better?
Aren’t you tired of being ILL….AREN’T YOU TIRED of being…tired?
I was, and so I made a choice, I made a choice to fall, and when I fell I accepted the consequences of failure, but with that failure would come salvation….and end…to it all. It was a great fall…..it was MY, fall, A great fall.
But what was more impressive is that when I fell, I didn’t crash, instead I continue to float, fly and soar.
You keep me up. You keep me safe. You keep me whole.
I remember the fall….but I will always enjoy more….the love.

Never Say No
So naive, so gentle and so pure.
Pure of challenge, pure of respect, pure of confrontation and pure of expectation
Except in exceptional attire, but I accept you
You see life, is a puzzle;
A bunch of random, jagged edge pieces you have to form into a cohesive picture that appeases the public, but is also true to you.
“But what do you do with your gifts?” I ask rhetorically because it’s not up to me
It’s your picture.
And a stunning one at that.
I don’t doubt you will find your wave because the surf’s up and there plenty that will carry
Because I loved you before I knew you, and you knew that; and that’s why we are here
We’re all flawed. All we can do is be good and be better, and that goes for all now matter your personal temperature
So I wish you success, but always wonder;
“Could you have done more?”

Favorite no favors
How did you wings shade me from the darkness of the unknown?
Why have you been my charm?
Scarcely we challenge a dog’s bark, a bird’s flight or a hero’s dedication so why question your love?
Favorite no favors
Your fondness of me is frightening
Not in fear, but fascination of your fortitude, fortunately for me your admiration give me comfort within myself and us, so I welcome this gift
An “us” I have never known
Together an understanding, a passion and unwavering will with the strength of 5 fingers, synchronized and focused against any symbol of celebration four more than one because it takes two.
Me and you, Us over I, us not them, them not us because us is all,
All, in
Two hands, two legs, one brain, one heart and one goal
Us
Fate, good timing and growth bring us here and give us now
So I give you me.
No favors, only full appreciation and attention, for my favorite.

Okay, for a moment let’s be honest
Let’s not worry about tomorrow, yesterday, friends, family
Expectations, goals, dreams, reputation, stigma, social norms
Let’s forget ALL of that, and let’s focus on this
This feeling, in this moment
Let’s indulge in our desires w/o hesitation or fear of judgment
Succumb to the passion and lust we feel,
Let’s feel – together
Our heart’s pain intertwine without our hands exploring and
Discovering every flaw we have in ecstasy
Let our eyes decode our cryptic body language and understand each
Gasp of breath and listen as the concept of time windless to a whisper
Let us depend on our instincts to guide us towards infatuation
Coated in our scent filling the room forever buried in these 4 walls
As these covers shield us from shame and capture our moment
Stay with me – stay in our moment of freedom and safety.
As our hands interlock let it be a symbol
Not of empty promises and doubt
But as a reminder of what we wish forever felt like
Let me see you – the real you – all of you
This is our moment, one that can’t be replicated, re-imagined or understood
By anyone, but us.
In this moment, all that matters is us
So let’s not let them, or us deprive us, of our moment

Always know;
Someone wants to see you smile
Not to conform to social standards of beauty and femininity
But because flowers need light and love to bloom and your happiness provides that
Always know; someone wants you to feel appreciated
Not limited to a princess’s robes and a queen’s jewels, but with the honor and honesty that a goddess deserves from those that speak her name
Always know; someone wants to see your vision manifest
Because mankind feeds on negativity, but our deliverance is in your eyes that guide the path for your lips to speak
Lips that appear so soft, clouds grow envious with each word released
Always know; someone understands what you have to offer the world
And for that will align the stars in your likeness and grow stronger in your presences, refusing all contrary notions against your name and heart
Always know; someone wants you to win
Always know; someone feels they already have by knowing and caring for you
That someone is here
That someone, always will be