I should stop calling these thoughts
Dumb
I just really like you is all
And I'm afraid I'll **** things up
Like I always do
By telling you how I really feel
Or showing you every single thing
I've written about you
Cause that's how it's always been
Every romance ends with a poem
Instead of me
In their head
Or in their bed

Tired thoughts have taken over
Slacking on grammar
Word choice
Sentence structure
Originality
Plausibility
But you're still quick
And loud
In my sleepy brain and heart

Your bones broke. I heard them, all of them. I let you carry far too much. You already held your heavy love for me throughout every blood vessel and chasm in your body. Just not to my knowledge, until I professed my love to you. The weight you could carry had reached full capacity. My love was too much. It marinated in your brain for less than a second. An overloaded mental breakdown transpired before the rest of your body could register it. Before your bones broke.

I tried on the dress I wore last prom

And I panicked

I didn’t even wash it after that night

For fear of it getting ruined

Fear 
Anxiety 
Nervousness
They’ve stained it

Not even Oxi-Clean could get those out


That dress was already tight as is

Black and suffocating
I was a wreck that night

Full of fear, anxiety, and nervousness


It spilt from my sweat-glands, I stained it
I tried on the shirt I wore in September

And I was hopeful


Of course I washed it after that evening

I bathed myself too
Hope 
Love
 Safety
They’ve stained it


Not even Clorox could get those out

That shirt was tight and revealing as is
Vulnerable and mustard yellow
I was happy that night


Full of hope, love, and safety 

It spilt from my sweat-glands, I stained it
With these two pieces of clothing
 on at once

Six stains are upon me

Fear, anxiety, nervousness, hope, love, safety

I fear that it could end, I hope that it will not

I was going to tell you

That I think I’m falling in love

With you

It’s just that I thought

You’d have enough to celebrate today

It being The Fourth and all

I wonder what the first thing you touched was

When you escaped the womb

Besides your mother and father

Any other family members

Doctors and other trinkets that assist

Or are given in the hospital



What was the first thing you laid your hands on with intent

Before me

A piece of a butterfly wing

Your new soft Teddy

Glow in the dark star

Newly found birth-mark



I wonder what you have seen

Before you saw me

That has made your heart, your eyes, your skeletal composition,

your tremendous amount of insides

Flutter

Go off balance



New toy that’s on the market

A train set

The cute girl in your first grade class

That you couldn’t talk to normally

So instead

You teased her



What have you heard

That harmonized with your soul

Your ghost, your physical form

Before your left ear

Caught a trickle of my sigh

Soon my voice that would follow



A gentle lullaby

Your mother used to sing to you at night

Your favorite song

I can no longer remember the name of

I just know it went

“You are my peach, you are my plum”



What have you smelt

That is your aroma therapy

Or was

Besides my conditioner

And shampoo

My old lady perfume



Was it your own soap

A pastry baking in the oven

Or was it something I find foul

Like mushrooms, maybe

A scented candle

An old Grand Piano



I wonder what you thought

When you found out you loved me

Did it bring attention to all five of your senses

Which one is your strongest

Obviously it is not your sense of taste

Otherwise you’d love me more than her saliva

I heard his heartbeat
When it quickened and slowed
I heard where his voice came from
And little tummy rumbles
I felt how much warmer his hands were
Compared to mine
I felt a sliver of untouched skin
But I cannot recall whether
His heartbeat quickened or slowed

I have plenty of things I could post
But why bother?

I’m not a poet
But you smell like
Those overused blue violets
And red roses

My top and bottom eyelashes

Get tangled up in a twist

When we kiss

You ring me out

Like a ***** rag

All my feelings gushing

Out

Into your drain of a mouth

You spin me around

Little tea-cup, equipped with a steering wheel

I want to throw up

You make me sick, nauseated

With this thing called puppy love

I do not want to talk

You turned me into an ash tray

One that is smaller than you,

But has been put to more use

I am overflowing with carcinogenic filth



However,

Now I see you are more,

Far more than an ash tray

You’re the whole apothecary



While you drown your worries

Mine fill me up

Just another tap from another’s cigarette

The ash piles up

Onto the mountain, without a fuss



I have lost the desire to dine

And whine

With you

Oh sweet and true apothecary, I worry about you

Rested your mop of hair
On piles and piles
Of poems old and new
Your mouth running like a faucet
Not yet digested meals and fluids
Your green apple chunks
And what used to be
A Reese's Peanut Buttercup
Give a new meaning to
The words they are slathered on top of
And underline
The word envy is no longer associated
With green
But a murky brown and gray
At least, to me
As I pet your head
Hoping to lessen the stream of the
Undigested
Blood leaks through the corner
Flowing with the unsightly current
Highlighting graphite
Crossing out the errors
All of it

These eyes are puffy

And red

They long to see you again
These hands are shaking

And blue

They long to hold you soon

Just

****

****

****

****

I
Love

How
His

Voice 

Sounds

When

He
Says

“****”

You pound on my spine

And it echoes through to my head

Like I am a gong

And you are the man with the baton



When you arrive I feel alive

Because you bring the smell of thyme

Which evokes a positive state of mind

Though you never show up on time

It is your scent

I wish to see you in the light

That 5am brings

When everything gains a bluish hue

And we are both water droplets

Destined to become one

I wish to see you in the darkness

That 9pm brings

When not everything takes one shade

And we are both stars

Bound to cluster

I never
Wanted to wake up
With you still in my head

Waiting on the couch
For me to pop back in
Whenever that may be

I just miss
The cuddling
And you petting my head

These past few days my dreams have been too pleasant. These thoughts about you are too, quite pleasant. Dreams and thoughts pleasant because of you.

You are what makes them brilliant
Without your brilliant self on my mind
I would not be able to write brilliance