Sick again.
My face falls,
Down,
Not far,
For there isn't far to fall,
My mouth cringes,
Something will change for good,

I will do all I can to never come back,
Not a morsel of chocolate will stop me
Not a peanut, nor an almond,
Nothing
Even as my heart is overcome with grief,
A quiet corner starts to sing,
For every fire brings a gift,
Of love and learning,
If I weaken in my body, I strengthen in my mind,
And as I lose this blood, I gain a truer heart


The cells in my body,
Have forgotten how to live,
In battle they do rage against themselves,
What can I do to call you to a truce?
Where can I find the words for peace?

I cry out to be saved from this body of death,
And long to be found in a different place,
But this is where I am, and I will not be chased,
Away
I will live, and be happy,


Oh my Prince,
Carry me now and show me your tender heart,
How you hold the weak in your arms,
And lift the heads of those who have no strength

It’s nice to know
without you saying so
That you never loved me
It’s nice to know you were
as in the dark as me
It’s nice to know that it’s ok
Go and love another

in my lazy moments
when my mind searches for questions to collide
I’ve imagined you apologizing
asking if I’m mad
“I’m not mad” I say
“Why would you think so?”
But apparently I think so
more often then I’d like to admit
I’m wanting an apology

An apology
for bringing me to the edge
the cutting edge
the edge I’m no more than five steps away from
At all times
It’s not your fault
that I’m always on the ledge
looking for ways to climb down
jump down
run down
dive down
You were a journey I wasn’t expecting
but I was willing to take

Oh how I’ve wished you would talk to me
But I learned the hard way
Love isn’t something I can make
And when you walk away
You walk away
And I will NEVER
beg a man to stay again
Or consider going $600 into debt
just to buy a plane ticket
and a week to prove that I’m worth it
I’ll be confident
that you’re the only one who lost
But we’re both better off in the end
even when I feel like you stole
an opportunity from me
to show my love
ever so extravagantly

All the men I used to love
or close enough
have settled in the fringes
And I no longer have anyone to think of
during love related songs
I’m in a strange limbo
so rare for me
with no one in any sense of reality
taking over my thoughts
I’m almost grasping for obsession
but trying to learn a lesson

It doesn’t stop cutting you
but you learn to trust in healing
It’s written in your scars
Everything heals
And your fears fade

I claim to be free
And done with that cage
But how many steps
have I really taken
down the road and out the door?
How many times have I been dancing
but turned to run back once more?

I want to know
where your mind falls
when it’s heavy
I want too see what ledges your heart
meets in anxiety
I want to know what draws your idle fingers
and see the devils that play your organs
when you haven’t slept all night
I want to be there
to watch you struggle
until you willingly wade
into my deep acceptance
For Love is a window of ever clear glass
the more pure the love, the more honest the view.

If you would like to hold a weeping woman
then I’m the one for you

Is it my country,
That makes me feel I must scream,
Out my uniqueness?
My ISFP personality,
My adolescence,
Which was like a tightly closed bud?
Is it you,
Who always seems to be judging me?
Forcing me into a mold,
Once again deriding my happy self discoveries,
Which I secretly hang,
Like ornaments on my arm,
To set me apart.
Why,
Do I so often fight against,
You?
Your life doesn't look full of holes,
More like an old, musty diary,
That needs new entries.
While you were sleeping,
Before you could wake to prepare,
I grew up,
And your words,
Are not so heavy,
Cannot keep my head down.
My stem shoots upward,
In my mind it is quickly catching up to yours,
Climbing different walls,
Producing different roses,
Gathering strength from heady fountains,
From which you never drank,
Stop,
Telling me,
What I should and should not do,
So much.
Learn,
To find excitement,
In my life as it is,
What I want it to become.
Dream with me,
And no longer pull me back to earth.
I need you,
To tell me,
I can Be,
A mermaid,
A queen,
What it is that I desire,
To Dream.
I believe,
Old, musty diary,
That you forgot how,
And are only now remembering.
Do not be afraid,
For it is joy,
To conquer fear,
And life,
Is understanding,
The beauty of your own soul.
God is not the god of static things,
He Dreams.

Waiting, waiting,
Or should I forget?
Image held in my mind,
Desires,
So many books,
And too many blogs,
But the word,
Content,
Stills the clashing voices,
Rest,
And the angst falls away,
In roar of beauty,
Yours.
Life is so much more,
I don’t have to marry,
Do I?
To know the true beauty of the mountains,
Or enjoy a starry night on the beach,
I remind myself,
love doesn’t last forever,
And this feeling of longing,
Won’t go away,
Chased by a dashing young man,
In life.
Only when the world is restored,
Will that piece of my heart,
Come back.

I have no right,
To blame,
Or hold a grudge against,
Anyone who caused me trouble,
For it's written,
In the first beginning notes,
That everything is stone and mortar,
Paint and gloss,
Diamond glass,
Or can be,
Nothing goes to waste,
And attention will turn,
Uninspiring dirt to delicate jade,
Harsh words,
To skilled ears,
Will polish the receivers,
And the foolishness of others,
God uses to make me shine

In a web of polyester,
Strung across brick branches,
We struggled to our death,
How did we forget our companions?
And deny our protectors?
The little ones are life,
And the simple are sweet,
My bones cry out in condemnation,
Of the many who blindly blundered before me,
Their stickiness surrounds me,
Their sins remain to bind me,
A path weaving on the cliff edge of fire,
I long for my prelude to finish,
And this frail beginning to blossom into all I will become,
Tedious is time,
And I almost envy the evanescent babes,
But for my Glory,
I would have no strength
Fear flees and to me comes joy with peacock feathers,
Living is color,
And I am brightest green

hit    
me hard
cos I wanna see stars  
the work of Your hands turns into light upon my face
and in my eyes  I see Your nebulae like the red      
afterbirth of love          the glittery remains 
of                   Your glorious fireworks
as You blow up tight brown boxes   
found stashed inside my mind
and ignite the tinder 
your breath dried inside me
   released from suffocation into
      sudden oxygen from Your chest
                 all the black lies shoot bright
                     across the sky as You shimmer 
                                          your truth down into
                                                                   my world

at just the thought
that you might possibly be there
a figure to my left
my closed eyes
not daring to make sure
my heart
silently trying to convince myself that you couldn’t possibly have come this morning
Light filled me
Like oil pouring into an almost empty lamp
Like a warm, anointing
spreading down from the crown of my head
my tired legs could stand again
my tired voice sang strong again
my weary heart felt glad again
The figure to my left
was just a boring, disappointing stranger
and I wondered at how quickly I had changed
all it took was a tiny thread of hope
to fill me with life
this little selfish desire for your presence
Couldn’t I find a better way to bring this light unto myself?

there's a little starfish gem
hanging from my crystal Moti dish
You brushed it as you entered the room
and even though I told it
whispered no
it twisted farther down
with each calm glance I gave you
Energy
Lightness I hadn't known I lacked
suddenly filled my countenance
*like a charm

I do not eat poetry
I take it as a digestive aid

Like a day without music,
A week without birds,
Is a day without Your Words,

Like a week without mornings,
A day without night,
Is a day lived not in Your Sight,

Like a rainbow without color,
A finger without its palm
Is a life without Your Calm

You melt me with your kisses, and wrap me in your arms,
You rock me gently, and I know I am safe from all harms,
Your Peace stands at the door, and Joy watches my heart,
You called me to dance, to teach me a step, You let me be a part

you are sunlight
you are rain

In fall my spring came
As the warmth of summer faded into the cool before our first Indian summer
I lifted up my face like the recent sunflowers
and felt all the pride and joy and peace
Along my tall spine

My thoughts on the place of my birth,
Are dismal,
White walls,
White town,
Are really brown,
Like dead leaves,
Long forgotten on the ground,
What colors I see are few,
And joy peeps through
A couple of cracks,
In the house boards,
I wish to cut the cords,
And forget,
My boring northern roots,
But tightened them around
My heart to hurt,
And pull my chin down,
I wish to have something,
To stand upon,
What’s a place upon the earth,
Above another?
Why is this a burn in my mind?
I’ll claim my beginning,
In God’s mind,
In his pool of rainbows,
From where all butterflies come.

Back and forth,
Forth and back,
There swings a little sparkle,
On my chain of dreams,
I ponder this point of light,
And think,
So small a thing,
Why let it hang so heavy?
Let it fall away,
Why should it stay,
And pull upon my heart?
The gems I wind around my neck,
Seemed so much better with it there,
And the pins I placed in my hair,
Had they more energy?
Or were they dulled?
Drop the tiny star,
And I will never notice it is gone.
Or will I?
Could I drop it?
I can’t forget my visions.
This thing,
This kind,
Will return for me,
Perhaps a different hue,
With scintillating brilliance,
And take its place again.
For now I place it aside,
On a piece of lace,
In a drawer,
Some may see it shine,
If they look hard enough,
A reverie for rainy days,
Until you pick me up,
And stand with me forever,
Or I find,
There really wasn’t space for you,
Upon my chain of dreams.
Oh little dreamstar,
You caused such a silly stir,
So much pressed inside your little body of thoughts,
Winking and blinking on your string,
You taught me more than one good thing,
But who can speak for your future?

Rainbows on the small cascades,
Mica streaks the sand,
The silver veins I laugh,
And the fragments give way,
Fish as long as my fingernail,
Curious about my feet
on the sunny rock I almost sleep

I’m dying for a lover
and a good night’s sleep
but I’ll settle for a song
and some CBD

I see you,
Sister,
Struggle with your monsters
In a place I cannot go,
The only thing
That I can do,
Is watch
And say,
Look up,
The sun is coming,
Wait,
The night is almost over,
And your arm,
Is only growing,
And your mouth,
Now turned down,
Will be happier,
Our Father,
Is not like ours,
He is not
Disappointed,
He knows,
Your weakness,
Better than you,
And it is his joy,
To carve it out,
No fear,
No cruelty,
No accusing eyes,
But open
Accepting,

I felt it,
The green beginnings,
Shooting up from my heart,
But then,
I forgot

I think I’m developing
a beautiful selfishness for you

Thank you for speaking in whispers
For speaking in rhyme,
for slowly unbuilding my heart,
for sending me rain
when I'm wrung
for weaving together
all the songs I have sung,
Thank you for letting me believe lies
working on one at a time
loosing the ties
of birth's trauma

Forlorn and lost!
Cries my heart, tattered at the edges,
Memories, and what a cost!
In my heart, You cut the ledges,
Now cascading blood, echoes that upon the hill,
Famous cataract, lovers always will,
Kiss under your foam, feel no chill,
Bring happiness and Home.

Your heart does not ask for another
Your eyes are not pulled away
The warmth of your arms does not smother
My wish for the coming day
To wake up and see you again

There are no women to draw you
The stars and their light can't compare
To the joy in your heart that blossoms
in the moment our souls join to share
Though I hide my face quite aghast
at the glorious passion you dare
In time you will draw me to dance
with all the raw lightning you wear

To me I used to think,
Your love a special treat,
A gift to be opened on rare days,
And enjoyed upon occasion,
And perhaps I never will,
Feel so deep each day,
But love is not something to save,
You give it freely all along,
And just as you never say “Enough!”
You command us do the same,
No time is better than another to show love,
A bottomless seven layer cake.

God’s Love has a way
of oozing into where you need it most

We've always been the ones to say
"No, you love me more!"
But it's really you
You love me more
though you didn't know how before

In our sterilized world
condensed selves peek out
Behind our blinding white back lit screens
desperate to draw out blood across the page
If anyone cuts, they'll leave the blood at home
To format conviction from insubstantial photos
Emotionless
every 19 out of 20 are all just pics of color drained of all but the shallowest
human experience
Dying to be loved
Seen
Hardly hoping to be understood
Cutting off all hope
as we cut off all our enemies
And cage ourselves in an impotent haven
No love can sprout, grow, and blossom
Hanging in mid-air
Amidst the talk of pointless pasts and puns
No,
Life
Love
Is Wrought in all the nastiness of Dirt
As earth's pushing pulls the golden threads
up out of all the worthy hearts
And stitches us together with all her lovely arts
It's Face to Face
And pain to pain
Where love indeed does truly start

It came so unexpectedly,
Quiet, and suddenly,
Crashing down in wondrous waves,
And now I understand all the raves,
Of the amazing, unfathomable love of God.
Never have I been so assured, or had such comfort,
Felt such warmth, or known no effort
Of mine can change this,
I really do stand solidly,
With nothing to fear around me,
Pain can come and temptations pull,
But nothing,
NOTHING, nothing
Will ever separate me from the love of God.
It came so unexpectedly,
Quiet, and suddenly,
Crashing down in wondrous waves,
And now I understand all the raves,
Of the amazing, unfathomable love of God.

She cried,
Oh, how she wept,
When she heard of the frogs who had died,
Of the deadly, fungal disease
which had already reached so wide
Only 8,
but she loved frogs,
like she loved herself,
Said she didn't want to wait,
til Heaven,
didn't want to live without them
It was hours before her tears would abate,
and days before she believed,
she hadn't been born too late.

And so
the human heart and the cheap steak
are both made tender
one blow at a time

I have dreamed of many boys,
And I come to realize,
That it is only natural,
To fall in love a couple times,
A few, a lot, have left forever marks,
Upon my heart, which I will not forget,
As I do not now,
Impressions I find, lift a little every day,
And linger now like fingerprints
Or bits of paint,
Flung down in happy play
That make me who I am.
There is nothing to regret,
Even if my wish was not granted,
And it seems too late,
To love only once . . .
And love forever.

My heart is a credit card
almost maxed out
Just like my bank account
I’m running low on love

so I settled on you
And I know I’m scared
I hope you are too
But maybe I’m just desperate
Maybe I didn’t want to search anymore
There’s no denying you’re wonderful
But . . .
Maybe I’m tired
Maybe I’m wrong
I’m afraid to clear my throat and talk about myself
like
“Well, I!”
when you didn’t want to ask or know

Today I observed the flaming trees,
The flakes of gold drifting in the wind,
Like sleepy fairies,
And I thought,
I want to die like a maple,
die like an aspen in the fall,

as my strength is stripped away,
the underlying poetry of my veins is exposed,
and the tough skin peels back,
to show my unsung melodies,
Every note!

and it is a song,
blending beautifully with the cosmos,
Oh, that I would die like a tree,
when you see my barren body,
remember my last red moment,
full of auroreatic brilliance,

You can do Anything
Dream Big
Go for the gold
Dance in the Rain
Who told me these things?
Not you

Good grades were all you seemed to expect and a clean room
and a modest closet
a quiet spirit
Did you never envision greatness for your children?

Why are you first a Father,
Lord?

Don't look at it too hard,
Or you'll see it doesn't fit,
Talking wears it out

They talk and bend,
They draw and write,
Harder and faster,
With ever clean hands,
Which might sometimes stoop to dirt,
Only to be disinfected after,
They peer down the microscope,
And examine the cells,
Each year the pictures are better,
But their eyes are darker,
They work,
To add that extra diamond,
And slave,
To remove that spot of rust,
But all their work,
Is like adding more water,
To a swimming pool of iron,
And their houses increase in space,
And their wives are wrapped in lace,
And their lives go to waste,
As they increase the yield,
They decrease the life,
And all that grow are empty supermodels,
Row by row,
Strong back, strong head,
Sword against the bugs,
And man falls with them,
Forgetting he is made,
Like the bugs himself,
Work,
Not to make the fields full,
But the heart,
Then the rust won’t matter,
And if pictures of cells are hazy,
Your eyes will be clear to understand