Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Jan 28 · 385
Independent
Elioinai Jan 28
I have been given the boon of freedom
My feet were kicking placed
upon a journey
to discover the exhilarating arctic air
upon the mountain named Independence
It wasn't my idea
to forsake the traditions of my mothers
who each built homes and took the names of men in their youth
whose strength lay in raising strong
children and learning how to be formidably equal partners
It was not my first choice
me, who had from almost infanthood
idolized love
and longed to be rescued by a darling prince
I think perhaps I was my lineage's silliest daughter
my flights of fancy almost ruined me
the cliffs of my foothills more dangerous than the peak
I now eagerly climb toward
For now I see that glittering helm
that sun graced pyramid
that promises the reward
that self-love brings
Peace
the complete rest of contentment
the gift of eternal passion
that can never be stolen
or caused to be ****** inside a desperate pairing
There is no need for a marriage of convenience
Nor a tryst of loneliness
No shackles formed from crippling self-consciousness
But only deep, thrilling, ice-cold self-acceptance
I AM whole
Jan 28 · 136
Warm Hope
Elioinai Jan 28
the fire of life
crackles ever fiercely
But hope snuggles in next to me
as I finally let my walls burn
hope is the only barrier I need
between me and life's flames
She's warm and smells like Christmas
Jan 28 · 190
Something Good is Coming
Elioinai Jan 28
Something good is coming
Something good is coming
Hope whispers to me
Though my strength lies down to sleep
It has not been plundered
My bright future Love keeps
Safe for me
Though my strength lays down to sleep
It will rise up in Joy
my eyes upon the East
as the sun braves the sky
Jan 28 · 266
Falling
Elioinai Jan 28
When the leaves turn gold
I stand in joyous awe

When branches become bald
dread creeps in to the raven's caw

I feel the Red Oak's scarlet kiss
turn like death upon my lips

When every year my confidence slips
that I will see bright life in this
Remind me that green comes back
That verdant veins will run wild again
the dry earth will not crumble away
before spring rains sweep in to quench the brown decay

It comes back
Life always comes back

all that becomes old
will be restored
will be renewed
Nov 2020 · 88
a little freer
Elioinai Nov 2020
Every time I slow my mind down
I have a moment of peace
but then I freak out

Because pace is something I don’t have
if direction is sight, I’m incurably blind

When I stop to reflect
I want to throw up
And jump out

But I can’t run
when I’m stuck in exhaustion on this couch

I wrestle with believing I’m worth more than this
and feeling I aught to be more grateful that I can even walk

Aught
I find you lie to me
Should
You cannot stay with me
Duty
Only love is power in me

Freedom is stepping forward in hope
and taking what I prayed for
Because I am worth more

I’m worth the crown God gave me
Oct 2020 · 79
Salmon cliffs
Elioinai Oct 2020
Like swimming in cold water
I am shocked back in my skin
Pure sensation pulses fiercely
and I know that I can win

Freedom spills into old scars
as I lose my fear of sin
For the first time hope comes swiftly
and whispers “now begin”

The chill that deters others
heart sparks my Phoenix anew
and I emerge from frothy depths
glowing peace like drops of dew
Oct 2020 · 118
Open Country
Elioinai Oct 2020
I’m old enough now to see
that the only thing
ever holding me back
was me
No one blocks me from the sunset
no one keeps me from it’s rising
So now I’m riding
through my open country
I was born incredibly privileged, but somehow incredibly blind
Oct 2020 · 67
Jesus loves Me
Elioinai Oct 2020
Sometimes I wish my voice screamed out my truth
A little less shrilly
And my steps upon my journey
sounded a little less like a temper tantrum’s stomping feet
Sometimes I wish my eyes showed my passions a little less whitely
But when You and I do meet
You delight for me to see you love me rightly
and that must take ALL my strength
Sep 2020 · 92
Sandpiper
Elioinai Sep 2020
Your laugh lines
leave imprints in my heart
like the feet of birds on the sand
washed away with the next wave
MP
Aug 2020 · 182
Black and White
Elioinai Aug 2020
It’s so
Yes or No
A wonder like I can finally stop wondering
Is it me who has changed so much
Or are you what I’ve been waiting for
I could wait for you forever
For you are wonderful
Aug 2020 · 88
bond and blood
Elioinai Aug 2020
I want you to hurt me
accidentally
somehow twist the wrong words just right
or clumsily elbow my nose
I want you to see my red and tears run down
I want you to see me grin in the pain
I want you to see me heal
I want you to watch how quickly my skin grows back
I want you to know I will forgive you
So you don’t live in fear of hurting me
Aug 2020 · 73
Fires starting Fires
Elioinai Aug 2020
oh, observe!
How the greatest hindrances of Love
are yet it’s greatest spotlights
A wall of resistance
must in the end be consumed in flames
And like giant ***** of gas mysteriously ignite
to become our stars
Roaring walls become lights along the path of our journey
Inward and Outward
Aug 2020 · 66
Surely mercy
Elioinai Aug 2020
You do not let a single day of mine fall
nor a word from my mouth
Somehow
You hold them up
In your hands they become like crystals
and form a long, beautiful line
A long, sparkling line of life
Nothing dull or dark is found within
Psalm 25
Aug 2020 · 79
You make me dauntless
Elioinai Aug 2020
Though I hear of distress and riots
and I listen to fights everyday
Though I see fire set upon the cities
And hear angry voices yelling
I will find the strength to have patience in anxiety
Though my jaw aches from grinding my teeth
And I toss and turn on my bed
Though I have tears for breakfast
and tears with Tylenol for dinner
Though I am separated from my friends
And cut off from my family
Though I have little work
and no serenity and rest when my hands are still
I will find my Lover and in him Happiness
He who saves me is at my side
with him I outrun all my demons
and rise up to see the Angels
Habakkuk 3:16-19
Aug 2020 · 77
I’ve been drafted!
Elioinai Aug 2020
This new sword
so awkward in my grip
I start to fumble and blister
Fear rises
My brows tightened
My teeth draw blood from my own lips
Until I remember
the same old shield
still at my side
Covers me always
Love to LGBTQ. I’m not a member but I will fight for you now
Aug 2020 · 72
ghost kisses
Elioinai Aug 2020
I’ve been waiting
waiting for words to appear
in front of my eyes
like that invisible milk ink
trope
secret messages appearing over fire
for our victorious protagonist to read
But no words come
to describe how I imagine myself kissing
You
I’ve never felt so empty of emotional vocabulary
I don’t know if I’m just lonely
Just if
I’ve always been lonely
I don’t know if I’m finally
too old for such affected flights
of fancies
with strangers
my mind has picked up ostrich feathers as if they were diamond chandeliers
Too quick to hang them in the Hall and worship silly feathers
I swore I shouldn’t fall in love again
To love again
would destroy my weakened mind and body
I breathe in shaky breaths and hear you speaking rationally
between friends
I’m just a lonely lover
Too tired to be anything more
than one bright star
in the short hours before you see your dawn
I’m so glad I conquered my anxiety and and exhaustion and became more
Aug 2020 · 54
Night flights
Elioinai Aug 2020
At 10pm
my heart begins to beat
like the wings of a bird
in a cage
without peace
The unresolved energy
of unheeded emotions
runs through my veins
And I rifle through apps
faster and faster
as the little bird *****
Until I stop
and let all the sticking moments
be seen and recognized
taken out into the light
and purified
The golden key
winks at me
laughing at my old forgetfulness
as I set my beating bird free
Jul 2020 · 64
griefed
Elioinai Jul 2020
Eros lies desolate
only acrid smoke rises from the burned plane
a dismal sight
for my romantic heart
There are lush horizons in other directions
But for this one
the strength is drained from my hands
and my mouth is as dry as that scorched earth
I’m so tired and longing for love. Even hope wains, I who have always had so much hope
Jul 2020 · 77
Everlight
Elioinai Jul 2020
I’ve always been a slow burn
feeling like a crack head
Not knowing that I had so much time
or so much strength to change
My head so sure I was addicted
to the firecrackers in my chest
Blowing them up like I was stealing from tomorrow
Not knowing every time my heart exploded
I was shedding layers
Breaking chains
Building up my Everlight
Jul 2020 · 81
out of mud, I rise
Elioinai Jul 2020
A new feeling
of joy
right here in my palms
Like finding a lotus
was here all along
Aaron
Jul 2020 · 80
winds carry
Elioinai Jul 2020
If you think I’m on fire
don’t worry
The good will stay
Only the bad is burned away
Jul 2020 · 98
Habakkuk 3:16-19
Elioinai Jul 2020
Though I hear of distress and riots
and I listen to fights everyday
Though I see fire set upon the cities
And hear angry voices yelling
I will find the strength to have patience in anxiety
Though my jaw aches from grinding my teeth
And I toss and turn on my bed
Though I have tears for breakfast
and tears with Tylenol for dinner
Though I am separated from my friends
And cut off from my family
Though I have little work
and no serenity and rest when my hands are still
I will find my Lover and in him Happiness
He who saves me is at my side
with him I outrun all my demons
and rise up to see the Angels
Jul 2020 · 72
Surely Mercy
Elioinai Jul 2020
You do not let a single day of mine fall
nor a word from my mouth
Somehow
You hold them up
In your hands they become like crystals
and form a long, beautiful line
A long, sparkling line of life
Nothing dull is found within
Jul 2020 · 80
Fires starting Fires
Elioinai Jul 2020
oh, observe!
How the greatest hindrances of Love
are yet it’s greatest spotlights
A wall of resistance
must in the end be consumed in flames
And like giant ***** of gas mysteriously ignite
to become our stars
Roaring walls become lights along the path of our journey
Inward and Outward
Elioinai Jul 2020
I long to tell you
                   to get over yourself
                       Come love me
                run your tongue around
                             my lips
                 the only poison within
              is your own sticky hatred
               for your own sticky soul
              Your mind slowly lifts out
                 of darkness long laid
      the romanticism of your own faults
                      leave them now
                      And come to me
Elioinai Jul 2020
I want to know
where your mind falls
when it’s heavy
I want too see what ledges your heart
meets in anxiety
I want to know what draws your idle fingers
and see the devils that play your organs
when you haven’t slept all night
I want to be there
to watch you struggle
until you willingly wade
into my deep acceptance
For Love is a window of ever clear glass
the more pure the love, the more honest the view.
Jun 2020 · 84
All Things Rap
Elioinai Jun 2020
If there was ever a man I worshiped
it would be Jon (Jon, Jon)
But it doesn’t make me special
to see his kingdom
His dream
His potential
I’m one in a million
Hell, it’s more than millions
But I can rise above a fan base
Because my face
and my talents
can put me high up
in this race
I’ll meet my idols someday
“It’s what they all say”
Is naysay
And I’m not afraid to waylay
and mug all my fears in an alleyway
My kingdom
My dreams
My potential
aren’t what anyone’s expecting
see, so far they think they’ve been letting
letting me be here
But “they” be forgetting
that as a child of God
EVERYTHING
is mine
And I’m not gonna hold myself back from asking
for EVERYTHING
May 2020 · 119
Bearmoor
Elioinai May 2020
You Stone
You Rock
You Tower of Brick and Mortar
I’ve let you harden somewhere inside me   when I thought I was trying to dig up the   ground of my heart
Now I walk a circle around you
deepening a footpath in the dirt
alternating admiration with ashamed awkwardness
I don’t know what to do with you
You and your beautifying castle
If only you had wheels
or I had heavier heels.
May 2020 · 82
what is my honesty?
Elioinai May 2020
I’ve held a lot people closely in my heart
But You
Dear
When Your eyes bent down
with honeyed gazes
upon my face and mouth
I knew a kind love for the first time
None have come with such grace for me again
Sometimes I ponder if I am simply not letting them in
But I know how hard I try
I’m tired
I sigh
if exhaustion leads me back to love
I’ll take that level road
I’m sick of seeking a high
but always being left dry
Maybe I’m letting the patterns of disappointment torpedo my attempts to find love
May 2020 · 102
Imperfect
Elioinai May 2020
I run ashy fingers down a wall
deceptively white
I’ve come to accept the messiness of reality
but that doesn’t mean that black
is what I want to see
In fact
Black is closing in on me
And I’m tired
almost too tired to fight
ready to just live one day at a time
stop trying to right this life
Elioinai May 2020
Is a dream, a real dream
A good dream
if it doesn’t make you shiver
if it doesn’t make you shake
if it doesn’t make
you sure you’ll make mistake after mistake?
Is it ever really worth it?
If it doesn’t make you quake
infuse your mind with plans and worry
and at night keep you awake?
What’s the point of living
What’s the point of having smarts?
If it doesn’t make you work
with all your strength and arts
using everything from all your parts
until your straining chest feels like
you’ve been on the wrong side
in a game of deadly darts?

If all your courage it doesn’t take
In the end will you feel a fake?
Maybe you won’t
But I refuse in life to undertake
what I know could just be handed to me
on a plate
If I just wait
Elioinai May 2020
Have you ever longed for simple foolishness?
for a happiness in little things
looked for fleeting pleasures
that sweep away like sand
without worrying about how it ends?

one confident step onto a trampoline
just one jump into the sky
you know you won’t go far
just get a little high

but having never blindly wandered
never giddily ran
my feet feel stuck in 12 inch mud

I’ve always been hedged in by poisons
when I wasn’t walled in by fears

Today I find nothing but solid gold to reach for
as tired as I am of that old, cold stone
only lasting, strenuous mining appears
to bend to my fingers
I’m left bored and annoyed
in this prosperous land
May 2020 · 83
released pearls
Elioinai May 2020
Confidence is the knife
that slowly slips between
curtains of black oblivion
to fling forth
into the world and light
Your great beauty
in Your time
May 2020 · 92
oyster and rocks
Elioinai May 2020
I’m on my knees in the dirt
scratching, digging, struggling through
my fingers grasp the stones of ground
and come up bruised
dust rises to choke my throat
and fill my eyes
as I search for pearls in the world
May 2020 · 440
electric
Elioinai May 2020
I have the soul of a rockstar
It will do me in
It will be my end
But as my heart explodes as blinding as firecracker
if only visible to my own eyes
I’ll be glad I lived
Apr 2020 · 136
flash fire/flash flood
Elioinai Apr 2020
in a swift turn of events
I found myself thrown upon a fire
burning
burning
then doused as abruptly
as when you’d pulled the sneering twist from my lips
you left me little dignity
and not a single kiss
Never a dull moment in my life, at least
Apr 2020 · 211
the dirges of March
Elioinai Apr 2020
when I dig into my heart these days
I find so much pain
so much pain
and so few words to describe it
Apr 2020 · 86
❄️
Elioinai Apr 2020
Maybe I don’t know
like you do
how to tiptoe to the edge
barely getting in
barely feeling water on your feet
Maybe it’s because it scares me
I only know how to jump
All In
All In
I’m up to my waist
while you’re still at the shore
My legs feel like ice
but you’re walking away
Mar 2020 · 100
Tho the flower fadeth
Elioinai Mar 2020
Tho the flower fadeth quickly
tho the sun be hid behind a cloud
tho the calming sound of rain doth cease
our joy in each moment may be complete
        
We do not still our heart
or stop our eyes from brightening
upon pink blossoms
We do not close our ears to laughing music
as not to hear the player stop
No, we rejoice in full
when to our senses come such pleasures

So also do not keep yourself
from enjoying pleasant days
preceding grim disasters
or relief amidst pale grieving
Mar 2020 · 88
Tenderness
Elioinai Mar 2020
Pushes back the heavy doors of isolation
And suddenly you’re surrounded by warm
sunlight
shining through an endless open room
filled with gauzy pastel rainbows
flowing down upon you
like the most delicate of curtains
Mar 2020 · 75
My true athena
Elioinai Mar 2020
I sprang from the mind of God
born into fullness
furnished with untarnishing bronze
and iron weapons
Mar 2020 · 108
To be Still
Elioinai Mar 2020
As the pools of knowledge deepen in the mind
the outward appearance falls away
the refreshing convergence
of all past, present and future
creates a calm today
Feb 2020 · 82
Hollow Hoard
Elioinai Feb 2020
I’m tempted to keep you all like trophies
pictures I can frame and pile up behind long glass to laugh at
But I am not an Origami Dragon
holding onto empty words like
scraps of paper gold
Feb 2020 · 83
In the End
Elioinai Feb 2020
in the end
it doesn’t matter
what the human body looks like underneath
in the end
it doesn’t matter
what the human body wore
the flimsiest of veils
or a walking edited wonder
it’s all but a soul’s projection
and eyes that see
see through everything
to gaze upon what they desire
Feb 2020 · 91
White Wolf
Elioinai Feb 2020
within me prowls
a wolf like snow
with hideous teeth
and fangs aglow
oh! Great Need
Helpless Desire!
I am a pitiful fool
feeding the beast with soft fingers
She rears her head
with a horrible howl!
For her being is emptiness
her eyes but Sheol
with each worry of her black lipped maw
she licks away my freedom
and I willingly hand her my blood
This represents how I often relate to social media, going through periods of frantic attempts to gain attention and recognition which eventually implode my inner peace and sense of self. The white wolf is the fun, beauty, intrigue, and ultimate danger and demise of my manic excursions
Jan 2020 · 60
T-shirt Seething
Elioinai Jan 2020
Be a Voice, Not an Echo
plainly blazoned print on orange
and I see that my whole life
has been me gasping
through echoes
to find my own rasping throat
and finally produce
my own sound
for once
and begun
now in a never ending fight
to speak a different color
than the ones I’ve seen before
Jan 2020 · 64
The 7 Seas and Me
Elioinai Jan 2020
Of course I’m salty
I am the Ocean
Incarnate
Jan 2020 · 64
organic decor
Elioinai Jan 2020
The crown of woman
begins to set more firmly
and what remains of girlhood
hardens
into little crystals
that will adorn her,
until the end.
her soul still shrinks
to cringing
as she changes,
never sure
if her skin is clarifying,
molding to the shape
of Spirit,
her cells growing
more like slips
and windows,
or is it something
quite apart
from Her?
A stark tool,
as different as the iron
of a knife
is from the flesh of the hand
that holds it.
Though carved
and beautified
with art from the mind,
wood and stone
remain itself,
apart
Jan 2020 · 74
Oh, Purple Morning!
Elioinai Jan 2020
You rise,
in delicate, undeniable beauty
come once,
you never return quite the same
Today like the coloring of a bruise
that was the pain of night
A symbol that all trauma fades
into strength and story
Jan 2020 · 49
Galactic sensations
Elioinai Jan 2020
A son of God
I feel so stretched
Like gossamer cords my spirit is pulled
out as far as a galaxy
Image shakes
the shivers of foundations rising
against the scaffoldings of pain
marble white like fused tectonic plates
glistening from a sea of tears
“What a breathtaking Mausoleum”
I groan in faint and whisper in exhaustion
my fingers bleed from working chisel and axe
but my wrists are strong as ever
As rumbling echoes of thunder
Your chuckle reaches me
And stronger fingers lift my heart
and eyes
“Do not think of finished work,
don’t quell your growth with lies
So you say you wish to die?
For someone craving greatness
that’s strange to sadly sigh
Your life is far from over
not even yet begun
Don’t claim you’ve accomplished enough and with earthly ***** living done
Next page