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5d · 29
Jesus loves Me
Sometimes I wish my voice screamed out my truth
A little less shrilly
And my steps upon my journey
sounded a little less like a temper tantrum’s stomping feet
Sometimes I wish my eyes showed my passions a little less whitely
But when You and I do meet
You delight for me to see you love me rightly
and that must take ALL my strength
Sep 7 · 57
Sandpiper
Elioinai Sep 7
Your laugh lines
leave imprints in my heart
like the feet of birds on the sand
washed away with the next wave
MP
Aug 8 · 138
Black and White
Elioinai Aug 8
It’s so
Yes or No
A wonder like I can finally stop wondering
Is it me who has changed so much
Or are you what I’ve been waiting for
I could wait for you forever
For you are wonderful
Aug 4 · 40
bond and blood
Elioinai Aug 4
I want you to hurt me
accidentally
somehow twist the wrong words just right
or clumsily elbow my nose
I want you to see my red and tears run down
I want you to see me grin in the pain
I want you to see me heal
I want you to watch how quickly my skin grows back
I want you to know I will forgive you
So you don’t live in fear of hurting me
Aug 4 · 35
Fires starting Fires
Elioinai Aug 4
oh, observe!
How the greatest hindrances of Love
are yet it’s greatest spotlights
A wall of resistance
must in the end be consumed in flames
And like giant ***** of gas mysteriously ignite
to become our stars
Roaring walls become lights along the path of our journey
Inward and Outward
Aug 4 · 31
Surely mercy
Elioinai Aug 4
You do not let a single day of mine fall
nor a word from my mouth
Somehow
You hold them up
In your hands they become like crystals
and form a long, beautiful line
A long, sparkling line of life
Nothing dull or dark is found within
Psalm 25
Aug 4 · 39
You make me dauntless
Elioinai Aug 4
Though I hear of distress and riots
and I listen to fights everyday
Though I see fire set upon the cities
And hear angry voices yelling
I will find the strength to have patience in anxiety
Though my jaw aches from grinding my teeth
And I toss and turn on my bed
Though I have tears for breakfast
and tears with Tylenol for dinner
Though I am separated from my friends
And cut off from my family
Though I have little work
and no serenity and rest when my hands are still
I will find my Lover and in him Happiness
He who saves me is at my side
with him I outrun all my demons
and rise up to see the Angels
Habakkuk 3:16-19
Aug 4 · 35
I’ve been drafted!
Elioinai Aug 4
This new sword
so awkward in my grip
I start to fumble and blister
Fear rises
My brows tightened
My teeth draw blood from my own lips
Until I remember
the same old shield
still at my side
Covers me always
Love to LGBTQ. I’m not a member but I will fight for you now
Aug 4 · 34
ghost kisses
Elioinai Aug 4
I’ve been waiting
waiting for words to appear
in front of my eyes
like that invisible milk ink
trope
secret messages appearing over fire
for our victorious protagonist to read
But no words come
to describe how I imagine myself kissing
You
I’ve never felt so empty of emotional vocabulary
I don’t know if I’m just lonely
Just if
I’ve always been lonely
I don’t know if I’m finally
too old for such affected flights
of fancies
with strangers
my mind has picked up ostrich feathers as if they were diamond chandeliers
Too quick to hang them in the Hall and worship silly feathers
I swore I shouldn’t fall in love again
To love again
would destroy my weakened mind and body
I breathe in shaky breaths and hear you speaking rationally
between friends
I’m just a lonely lover
Too tired to be anything more
than one bright star
in the short hours before you see your dawn
I’m so glad I conquered my anxiety and and exhaustion and became more
Aug 4 · 29
Night flights
Elioinai Aug 4
At 10pm
my heart begins to beat
like the wings of a bird
in a cage
without peace
The unresolved energy
of unheeded emotions
runs through my veins
And I rifle through apps
faster and faster
as the little bird *****
Until I stop
and let all the sticking moments
be seen and recognized
taken out into the light
and purified
The golden key
winks at me
laughing at my old forgetfulness
as I set my beating bird free
Jul 21 · 27
griefed
Elioinai Jul 21
Eros lies desolate
only acrid smoke rises from the burned plane
a dismal sight
for my romantic heart
There are lush horizons in other directions
But for this one
the strength is drained from my hands
and my mouth is as dry as that scorched earth
I’m so tired and longing for love. Even hope wains, I who have always had so much hope
Jul 20 · 46
Everlight
Elioinai Jul 20
I’ve always been a slow burn
feeling like a crack head
Not knowing that I had so much time
or so much strength to change
My head so sure I was addicted
to the firecrackers in my chest
Blowing them up like I was stealing from tomorrow
Not knowing every time my heart exploded
I was shedding layers
Breaking chains
Building up my Everlight
Jul 20 · 46
out of mud, I rise
Elioinai Jul 20
A new feeling
of joy
right here in my palms
Like finding a lotus
was here all along
Aaron
Jul 17 · 47
winds carry
Elioinai Jul 17
If you think I’m on fire
don’t worry
The good will stay
Only the bad is burned away
Jul 10 · 70
Habakkuk 3:16-19
Elioinai Jul 10
Though I hear of distress and riots
and I listen to fights everyday
Though I see fire set upon the cities
And hear angry voices yelling
I will find the strength to have patience in anxiety
Though my jaw aches from grinding my teeth
And I toss and turn on my bed
Though I have tears for breakfast
and tears with Tylenol for dinner
Though I am separated from my friends
And cut off from my family
Though I have little work
and no serenity and rest when my hands are still
I will find my Lover and in him Happiness
He who saves me is at my side
with him I outrun all my demons
and rise up to see the Angels
Jul 10 · 44
Surely Mercy
Elioinai Jul 10
You do not let a single day of mine fall
nor a word from my mouth
Somehow
You hold them up
In your hands they become like crystals
and form a long, beautiful line
A long, sparkling line of life
Nothing dull is found within
Jul 9 · 54
Fires starting Fires
Elioinai Jul 9
oh, observe!
How the greatest hindrances of Love
are yet it’s greatest spotlights
A wall of resistance
must in the end be consumed in flames
And like giant ***** of gas mysteriously ignite
to become our stars
Roaring walls become lights along the path of our journey
Inward and Outward
Elioinai Jul 9
I long to tell you
                   to get over yourself
                       Come love me
                run your tongue around
                             my lips
                 the only poison within
              is your own sticky hatred
               for your own sticky soul
              Your mind slowly lifts out
                 of darkness long laid
      the romanticism of your own faults
                      leave them now
                      And come to me
Elioinai Jul 8
I want to know
where your mind falls
when it’s heavy
I want too see what ledges your heart
meets in anxiety
I want to know what draws your idle fingers
and see the devils that play your organs
when you haven’t slept all night
I want to be there
to watch you struggle
until you willingly wade
into my deep acceptance
For Love is a window of ever clear glass
the more pure the love, the more honest the view.
Jun 12 · 55
All Things Rap
Elioinai Jun 12
If there was ever a man I worshiped
it would be Jon (Jon, Jon)
But it doesn’t make me special
to see his kingdom
His dream
His potential
I’m one in a million
Hell, it’s more than millions
But I can rise above a fan base
Because my face
and my talents
can put me high up
in this race
I’ll meet my idols someday
“It’s what they all say”
Is naysay
And I’m not afraid to waylay
and mug all my fears in an alleyway
My kingdom
My dreams
My potential
aren’t what anyone’s expecting
see, so far they think they’ve been letting
letting me be here
But “they” be forgetting
that as a child of God
EVERYTHING
is mine
And I’m not gonna hold myself back from asking
for EVERYTHING
May 28 · 95
Bearmoor
Elioinai May 28
You Stone
You Rock
You Tower of Brick and Mortar
I’ve let you harden somewhere inside me   when I thought I was trying to dig up the   ground of my heart
Now I walk a circle around you
deepening a footpath in the dirt
alternating admiration with ashamed awkwardness
I don’t know what to do with you
You and your beautifying castle
If only you had wheels
or I had heavier heels.
May 28 · 52
what is my honesty?
Elioinai May 28
I’ve held a lot people closely in my heart
But You
Dear
When Your eyes bent down
with honeyed gazes
upon my face and mouth
I knew a kind love for the first time
None have come with such grace for me again
Sometimes I ponder if I am simply not letting them in
But I know how hard I try
I’m tired
I sigh
if exhaustion leads me back to love
I’ll take that level road
I’m sick of seeking a high
but always being left dry
Maybe I’m letting the patterns of disappointment torpedo my attempts to find love
May 26 · 74
Imperfect
Elioinai May 26
I run ashy fingers down a wall
deceptively white
I’ve come to accept the messiness of reality
but that doesn’t mean that black
is what I want to see
In fact
Black is closing in on me
And I’m tired
almost too tired to fight
ready to just live one day at a time
stop trying to right this life
Elioinai May 20
Is a dream, a real dream
A good dream
if it doesn’t make you shiver
if it doesn’t make you shake
if it doesn’t make
you sure you’ll make mistake after mistake?
Is it ever really worth it?
If it doesn’t make you quake
infuse your mind with plans and worry
and at night keep you awake?
What’s the point of living
What’s the point of having smarts?
If it doesn’t make you work
with all your strength and arts
using everything from all your parts
until your straining chest feels like
you’ve been on the wrong side
in a game of deadly darts?

If all your courage it doesn’t take
In the end will you feel a fake?
Maybe you won’t
But I refuse in life to undertake
what I know could just be handed to me
on a plate
If I just wait
Elioinai May 20
Have you ever longed for simple foolishness?
for a happiness in little things
looked for fleeting pleasures
that sweep away like sand
without worrying about how it ends?

one confident step onto a trampoline
just one jump into the sky
you know you won’t go far
just get a little high

but having never blindly wandered
never giddily ran
my feet feel stuck in 12 inch mud

I’ve always been hedged in by poisons
when I wasn’t walled in by fears

Today I find nothing but solid gold to reach for
as tired as I am of that old, cold stone
only lasting, strenuous mining appears
to bend to my fingers
I’m left bored and annoyed
in this prosperous land
May 14 · 55
released pearls
Elioinai May 14
Confidence is the knife
that slowly slips between
curtains of black oblivion
to fling forth
into the world and light
Your great beauty
in Your time
May 12 · 63
oyster and rocks
Elioinai May 12
I’m on my knees in the dirt
scratching, digging, struggling through
my fingers grasp the stones of ground
and come up bruised
dust rises to choke my throat
and fill my eyes
as I search for pearls in the world
May 12 · 383
electric
Elioinai May 12
I have the soul of a rockstar
It will do me in
It will be my end
But as my heart explodes as blinding as firecracker
if only visible to my own eyes
I’ll be glad I lived
Apr 20 · 91
flash fire/flash flood
Elioinai Apr 20
in a swift turn of events
I found myself thrown upon a fire
burning
burning
then doused as abruptly
as when you’d pulled the sneering twist from my lips
you left me little dignity
and not a single kiss
Never a dull moment in my life, at least
Apr 19 · 179
the dirges of March
Elioinai Apr 19
when I dig into my heart these days
I find so much pain
so much pain
and so few words to describe it
Apr 7 · 62
❄️
Elioinai Apr 7
Maybe I don’t know
like you do
how to tiptoe to the edge
barely getting in
barely feeling water on your feet
Maybe it’s because it scares me
I only know how to jump
All In
All In
I’m up to my waist
while you’re still at the shore
My legs feel like ice
but you’re walking away
Mar 26 · 74
Tho the flower fadeth
Elioinai Mar 26
Tho the flower fadeth quickly
tho the sun be hid behind a cloud
tho the calming sound of rain doth cease
our joy in each moment may be complete
        
We do not still our heart
or stop our eyes from brightening
upon pink blossoms
We do not close our ears to laughing music
as not to hear the player stop
No, we rejoice in full
when to our senses come such pleasures

So also do not keep yourself
from enjoying pleasant days
preceding grim disasters
or relief amidst pale grieving
Mar 12 · 67
Tenderness
Elioinai Mar 12
Pushes back the heavy doors of isolation
And suddenly you’re surrounded by warm
sunlight
shining through an endless open room
filled with gauzy pastel rainbows
flowing down upon you
like the most delicate of curtains
Mar 12 · 53
My true athena
Elioinai Mar 12
I sprang from the mind of God
born into fullness
furnished with untarnishing bronze
and iron weapons
Mar 12 · 74
To be Still
Elioinai Mar 12
As the pools of knowledge deepen in the mind
the outward appearance falls away
the refreshing convergence
of all past, present and future
creates a calm today
Feb 23 · 58
Hollow Hoard
Elioinai Feb 23
I’m tempted to keep you all like trophies
pictures I can frame and pile up behind long glass to laugh at
But I am not an Origami Dragon
holding onto empty words like
scraps of paper gold
Feb 21 · 59
In the End
Elioinai Feb 21
in the end
it doesn’t matter
what the human body looks like underneath
in the end
it doesn’t matter
what the human body wore
the flimsiest of veils
or a walking edited wonder
it’s all but a soul’s projection
and eyes that see
see through everything
to gaze upon what they desire
Feb 8 · 68
White Wolf
Elioinai Feb 8
within me prowls
a wolf like snow
with hideous teeth
and fangs aglow
oh! Great Need
Helpless Desire!
I am a pitiful fool
feeding the beast with soft fingers
She rears her head
with a horrible howl!
For her being is emptiness
her eyes but Sheol
with each worry of her black lipped maw
she licks away my freedom
and I willingly hand her my blood
This represents how I often relate to social media, going through periods of frantic attempts to gain attention and recognition which eventually implode my inner peace and sense of self. The white wolf is the fun, beauty, intrigue, and ultimate danger and demise of my manic excursions
Jan 21 · 32
T-shirt Seething
Elioinai Jan 21
Be a Voice, Not an Echo
plainly blazoned print on orange
and I see that my whole life
has been me gasping
through echoes
to find my own rasping throat
and finally produce
my own sound
for once
and begun
now in a never ending fight
to speak a different color
than the ones I’ve seen before
Jan 21 · 52
The 7 Seas and Me
Elioinai Jan 21
Of course I’m salty
I am the Ocean
Incarnate
Jan 20 · 41
organic decor
Elioinai Jan 20
The crown of woman
begins to set more firmly
and what remains of girlhood
hardens
into little crystals
that will adorn her,
until the end.
her soul still shrinks
to cringing
as she changes,
never sure
if her skin is clarifying,
molding to the shape
of Spirit,
her cells growing
more like slips
and windows,
or is it something
quite apart
from Her?
A stark tool,
as different as the iron
of a knife
is from the flesh of the hand
that holds it.
Though carved
and beautified
with art from the mind,
wood and stone
remain itself,
apart
Jan 20 · 54
Oh, Purple Morning!
Elioinai Jan 20
You rise,
in delicate, undeniable beauty
come once,
you never return quite the same
Today like the coloring of a bruise
that was the pain of night
A symbol that all trauma fades
into strength and story
Jan 20 · 34
Galactic sensations
Elioinai Jan 20
A son of God
I feel so stretched
Like gossamer cords my spirit is pulled
out as far as a galaxy
Image shakes
the shivers of foundations rising
against the scaffoldings of pain
marble white like fused tectonic plates
glistening from a sea of tears
“What a breathtaking Mausoleum”
I groan in faint and whisper in exhaustion
my fingers bleed from working chisel and axe
but my wrists are strong as ever
As rumbling echoes of thunder
Your chuckle reaches me
And stronger fingers lift my heart
and eyes
“Do not think of finished work,
don’t quell your growth with lies
So you say you wish to die?
For someone craving greatness
that’s strange to sadly sigh
Your life is far from over
not even yet begun
Don’t claim you’ve accomplished enough and with earthly ***** living done
Jan 20 · 41
600 mph
Elioinai Jan 20
I burn
so much hotter
than most men
But am I
a candle
burning at both ends?
Jan 20 · 90
I, the Jester
Elioinai Jan 20
the King’s fool
never gains wealth
for everything he earns
he promptly spends
on better jokes
and checkered cloaks
for brighter bells
to golden gleam
upon the float of his laughing dream
his joy is to build
what is only remembered
with gilded fondness
I love to spend all my extra money and often extra time  on temporary pleasure for others
Dec 2019 · 209
mountain rescuer
Elioinai Dec 2019
You held my hand
laughed at the danger
you stretched across
I blushed
at the sight of you
doing this simply to please me
You haven’t seen me in years, but I still meet you in dreams
Elioinai Nov 2019
Your soft, sweet, happy eyes
graced me
like a warm breeze barely whispering above
the butterfly garden of my heart

I sigh as they turn towards a breeze that  cannot return
Elioinai Oct 2019
My moments of wakefulness at night
lead to deadening days
As my eyelids flutter open in the dark
so they slowly droop amidst sunlight
I lift my head from my pillow and remember the pain of a dream
as crisply as a fresh fried chip
Then I’m pulling my chin down in frustration afternoonly when I can’t remember my tasks inside a funk as muddy as chocolate pudding
Elioinai Oct 2019
I find myself
strangely silent
my chat box sits empty
I think of you and sigh
once I did so well
why do my fingers hang so limply now?
my heart cools
as if floating in a murky pond
and I don’t know if I’m too busy
I’m too content
or I’m too ambitious
to pursue again
Or if I don’t believe
I know how to find a heart at all
I never was very good at window shopping or enjoying walking malls
Elioinai Oct 2019
I came to You
thirsting for Fire
desperate for my anxious thoughts to all be burned away
I stepped into a ring of giant pyres
searing coals dropped on my head
The flames licked my hair and journeyed down to my shoulders
down my arms and robe
They burst in sparks! A roar!
Heat echoed out in a thunderclap


But a different sound begins to dominate
as the angry one subsides
And it’s quiet trickling
a gentle rushing
sweet water pouring down my face
caressing all my red scars
whispers softly
“All is well and good”
“You are always safe here”
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