She was the light in my future.
She was the wall that held the tsunami that crashes in my mind at bay.
She was a dance at 9 in the afternoon.
She was the song at the end of a hard day.
She was a beginning to me.

She is now gone....

Now I have hope.
Now I dont need a wall.
Now there is no storm in my mind.
Now I dance and sing all day.
Now we have a life, not just a beginning.

But she was my everything, and I had to have you, to show me what everything could be.

Torn between lust, old love, and new beginnings.
A fear of messing up.
A weight of guilt still lingers.
Will I ever be better?
Will I find myself wanting more?
The struggle is so terrifying not to **** up again, I cant get close.
Alone is where ill make a mistakes.
With her its bliss.

Fun times
Goofiness
Honestly
Happiness
Trust
Courage
Beauty

She will be my rock... Like one other...
My old flame.

           Oh how she still burns bright

I think of her ever day,
Oh will the pain just go AWAY

Like shadows, lust forever fallows me.
Pain from all the memories.

I want to grow up.
I NEED to grow up.

Be a one woman man, loving another with all I have, time and effortlessly putting in more.

I wish I wasn't so torn.

We cannot escape this prison.

The chains hold us back.

As the storm passes through my body, lighting shoots through my veins.

I seek no help in this torture, bless the grave and forgive the fires that burn my sins.

A labeled cheater, and his words as weapons, I spit lies to my loved ones like venom on prey.

Slow pain till you realize it's too late, my love has gotten ahold of you, and the pain is to hard to take.

Flee, run! As fast as you can, my love.
But soon the memories will fallow your foot steps and it will all come rushing back.

I fall to my knees, and grab my own blade, to see the mess iv made.

Tears bombard my cheeks to the souless woman I see before me, cold and dark my spell has made you, and forever ill weep.

Never yours, never mine, the future holds grim.

Shes a cancer.
My disaster.

Her whispers ringing in my head.
Lonely nights i dread.

Those lovely eyes stun me.
Bliss is the touch of her body.

Kills me from deep inside.
I run but still cant hide.

I leave, but im never gone.
Off to tomorrow for it brings a new dawn.

The excitement, the rush.

The Laughter and bliss.

Shes what has been at the end of the storm.

What iv been waiting for this whole time.

When we are together planets collide.

Earth quakes tremble and shake when we kiss.

This is why the road has been hard.

This is who I was ment to be with this girl.

The stars set, the earth shifts, my mind races and the universe quits.... All is right in the world.

A hurricane of emotions rip through me

My hands tremble and shake.

The sky flooding with bright colors.

A piercing ring echos in my ears.

Death settling in, lending its hand.

Cold, but warm.

Welcoming yet foreign.

Love is evol.

I hate how you sought me out to ruin my happiness.
I hate that I wasnt strong enough to see your plot.
I hate that you stole my paradise from me.
I hope that we will dine together one last time in hell. For sinners like us, who lie, steal, and cheat to get what we want, you will feel every last bit of hate I can muster.

She was my everything, and you couldnt handle it. She was better, and beautiful beyond compare.

You foolish little girl, who tricked me time and time again, you may have made me lose my one an only, but that means I have more time to focus on you, to feel hated and lonely.

I cry every night.
I wallow, and I weep.
The tears stream down my face.
I ask, and blurt out useless prayers.

She may be my one an only, but maybe, maybe shes someone elses... If so, then they deserve her.

Lying naked, glaring at me, she haunts my thoughts. Her most pure form. No clothes to shield her beauty, those majestic eyes see right through me.

Love they call it. The brother of hurt.
The sister of sorrow. And the mother of healing.  Time fades with that absent love, its never forgotten, but maybe learned to love deeper then the last.

I cycle through the stages of grief and love lost, like a man playing Russian roulette.  

I often think about her at night, my last smile, followed by a tear, before I dream.
I wake to checky phone in a hurry, just to see if today is the day. I listen to our music, to hear of i missed anything that could have saved me, and I find myself more alone and lost, while searching for answers.

Raise your glass to the tears of loves gone to past.

Drink up the sorrow of  lovers quarrel.

I lift up my drink to you my friend, soon one day love will find us right around the bend.

Driving tipsy down heartbreak road, love songs sing to me, straight to the soul.

If you loved me like I love you, we would share this half empty bottle of *****.

Cliche walks on the sand, I get on bended knee and give a gentle kiss on your hand.

I speak those words and you say yes! I lift you up "CLEAR....." (ok we have him back)

Sir can you hear me, you have just been an a car collision, we are on our way to the hospital now.

Drink, Drunk, Drank...

Life has boiled down to dumpster **** and self loathing.
The last stage of depression is shame.
I constantly look to my phone for ******* to want me, I find myself more alone.

The hard part isnt writhing, it's perfectly describing the pain in words.

That sight of my woman being with another man, drives me to **** myself. So I dare not look, ill go crazy before I squander this life.

Incomplete thoughts and bad decisions washed down with lots of drugs and alcohol.

In conclusion, im a child in a mans body, going through the motions. living just to keep goin, goin just to keep saine.

I am not an angry person, ill walk up to that bridge from time to time, but never cross it.

I feel like that is what makes me stand out, defines me as a person. My inability to to rage out.

Don't get me wrong I can get mad, and be mean, but im not a person to be angry for more then a short time.

I do hold a grudge for a long time, its like how my mother taught me how things hurt... If I touched a got stove id only do it once, thats how I take in people.

Other then select family, there are two females I can forgive timeless times and keep getting hurt, but never angry.

I was once asked to choose who I would save among the two, of i had to choose... I guess now I would just turn and keep walking.

I want you to be the reason I listen to love songs again.

I want you to be the one I say cute pet names to.

Did you know iv been wanting you?

I want you to be the one I come home to.

I want you to be the Juliet to my Romeo.
(with out the ****** suicide part)

But im not gonna buy your love.

I wont change myself to be what you want.

I like you just the way you are.

I just want you to be the reason I listen to love songs again.

With desire in my eyes, I wake up out of the ashes, I rise and walk up the steps to my Empire.

I have learned many things in my trials, the only thing you can do is believe in yourself, trust yourself.

Love is a crime, the wrong love can rob you of a wonderful life. Mug you of rising far beyond your limitations. ****** you of your hopes and dreams. Just because a you fell in love with the wrong person at the  right or wrong time.

But thats the beauty of love, the best teaching tactic life can give you. Hurt.

He battles his mind during the day, he cant handle reality.

He slowly drifts to sleep, too scared of what kind of dreams will creep.

She haunts his mind like ghosts in a grave yard. The memories torment him.

Shes the last thing that crosses his mind at night, till he dreams of her.

The only salvation he gets, is the dreams where shes back in his arms.

Obsession doesn't come close. Its a dying love for her.

He dies at work, fights for an escape from the pain.

He knows you cant run from your mind, but slaving away at life because she is not there to enjoy it with you, takes years off of life.

Her heart is the sky, it has no limit.

My thoughts are dark, for there are no such thing faster then darkness.

Shes left me, so iv left me.

I turn 23 today, and iv never felt so ******* alone in my life. Sure my friends take me out. not because they remember it's my birthday, but because I had to make the plans, and even then some bailed. I waited all night to have the love of my life wish me a happy birthday, and nothing. Maybe because she knows the only way ill be happy is if she gave me another chance... Which wont happen, so she stays away.
I just wanted one day for people to actually think about me so im not so forgotten and hurt all the **** time.
This isnt really a poetry site for me, more like an anonymous private journal, so one day someone can relate to my struggles.
The one day where your supposed to wish for yourself outa the whole year, I normally wish for my dad to make it another year... But i want her back more then I want air to breath.
Im stupid I know, but love is stupid.

Life is too short, the world is actually small, and we age too fast...
Music is the transition through it all, helps cope with each event coming and passing.
Risk is the rush to make life more beautiful.
Time is a ever going fictional object, that keeps track of the events and risks that leave scar tissue.

I may not live alone, but no one knows where I go, when I go there.

If i were to have a heart attack, or struck by a car, how long would it take for people to find me?

how would anyone know it was me, other then my drivers license?

I don't know if I can stomach my parents or friends coming across my mangled or burned body to claim that it's me.

My deepest fear is that I die and no one remembers me, or I die and not recovered for quite some time...

I hate being alone, and no one to think of me, no one to care till im gone.
I play life on the safe side just in case...
I dont know why I bable to this site..
Maybe I figure strangers will listen over the people I think about..

I talk to you to test the water,
Its still too deep to jump in, I have no idea why i still bother.

Every time you make plans with out me late at night, I get so **** jealous.
I hate to start another fight.

Your free as a bird, able to roam where ever you please. while on the outside I sit in silence, but on the inside I want a release.

I want to make you happy, I know with another chance i could. Right now im just bother some, to me just misunderstood.

Again I am still writing poems to reach out to you any way i can, but still nothing from you, everyday I feel less and less like a man.

I have such vivid daydreams from time to time.
I see her, walking down the aisle between the pews, the dress is beautiful, flows with your hair... But thats not what im crying about or looking at.
Its your eyes and your smile.. I can see this aura around you, I bust out in tears thinking about it.
Iv only witnessed that type of beauty, when im with you, but like I said its just day dreams.
You dont see what I see, it's like im there and never been happier, or see you smile so much seeing me standing there at the altar.

As the tears come thinking about what happiness I miss out on, I smack myself back into reality, full of guilt.  I'll only experience that kind of happiness with you inside my head.
I think its time to roll over and think of something else.

In my travels I recall this old and dusty wall.
I gazed upon it in wonder for months, wasted my younger years away...
I stood up at it, asking questions, "who could have made such a masterpiece? What did it take to put each brick into place?"
This wall mocked me.
I dare not climb it, for it was too tall, what if i fall?
I looked for a way in, but no door nor window, to get inside.
to dig under surely ment suicide..
So as I camped out side the wall I began to go crazy, hearing whispers telling me to leave, go home, and turn back, for there was nothing for me here.
I scratched at the wall, carved my name in stone.
A traveler walked by and told me what I had become, a sick man spreading sadness... For my wall that I found was a mirror, and I was tortured by the sight of it, the whispers telling me to leave were my own voices trying to help...

They Say the Grim Reaper collects death, but he harvests the soul to a better place, if theres anything left to save and harvest...
The body will carry on, but that motivation, the man behind the machine can die long before the body does.

I am whats considered a black Dracula, a man with out a purpose to **** the dark lifeless soul out of a body, the part thats left before I drain all hope for a future.

My job is to make the people around me, friends, family, associates alike happy and comfortable in the way life is, while slowly putting down there hopes and dreams.

The sun is not my enemy, nor a wooden spike, but a hard life lesson on pain amd broken heart.  Im not pale to the sunlight, I blend right in, I walk among you, showing you everything is beautiful in this world, so a hope of an afterlife, paradise of the heavens, is lost to the cavities of your mind.

My broken heart drives me to this madness, numb is my body, but fresh and limber is the pain of a broken heart that still lingers.

My monster inside has consumed me, but I write this as a warning for all to read, to save yourself one last chance at happiness.
  
Love her unconditionally.
        
Respect her for every little strain of         her life she can produce.
            
Her beauty only matters on the inside for it is ageless.

Cheating on the one you love never goes away with time.

Her eyes will haunt your dreams, your memories, and your life, till the black Dracula consumes you too.

Be good to her always, fights, loss, and loving moment's, she is yours to take care of forever.

Lastly.. You only get on life to live with a great loving woman, dont spoil or settle for less because you cant handle her beautiful flaws that set her apart from everyone else.

Sitting at a bar, beautiful girl in front of me.
Im a no body not even a regular, I chat her up anyway with no confidence....
Boy friend, should have guessed, oh well talk to her anyway, make a name for myself.
Guys walk in at the end of the bar, slowly take her away from me.
I walk away with shame, what was I hoping for?
No good for anyone anyway, too beautiful for me.
With a soft smile and a black hat, as I walk away I look over my shoulder to something that could have been.
Too late, not enough umph..
Tomorrow's another day, another let down.

Your never to far outta reach are you?
I see you, hiding, waiting.
You fallow and keep close just in case you need me to save you, not the other way around.
As I walk among the Lillies you think you blend in like a tiger lillie.
Find someone else to stalk, I always feel your presence like is breathing down my neck.
You say your leaving, but you will always come running back Again.

I tried for the last time tonight,
Shes like a waterfall, forever moving forward, unstoppable to any change.
For you to read this, take away one thing, which is never let go of what you think could be the greatest thing in there life, not yours, because maybe just maybe they will return the favor.
I lied saying I was done, ill never be done, just learning to face and deal with the pain. I am the Lillie, travelling, and going no where at the same time. Im content on what happens but am sad as I pass people, places, and things on my travels.
We crossed paths and I never looked back. Your rushing water took me to better places fast, but with every waterfall, you ended abruptly and I fall deep without you.  On a bright side I will land on another adventure. Still travelling through life free and beautiful.

It shouldnt be this way, a connection lost.
I burned down every bridge that I found and your the last one.
This site was the last small piece of you I had. When I look, its just an empty space.
My poems were for you, a direct line to my creativity.
The woman that throw themselves at me, worthless
The offers I get to move on, useless.
You want what you cant have and I have the worst case of it.
I think I write about you, so later on I can tell the story of a true heros tale.
How I walk through this hell fire of my sins to reach you, because your worth it.
How I battle myself each and every heart ache, because your worth it.
I knew this would be a waste of my time, you wont see it. But your still worth it

I ripped you off like a band aid and it never felt so good.
Im glad you can find happiness in him and with my friends because I know they will be good people for you.
Iv haven't felt this great without you in my life and I honestly dont need the attention from another to relieve my loneliness for a day or two. I figured out how to be happy on my own and its a good thing your on gonna weigh me down any longer.
I havent found the light yet, but I have found a path, it will take awhile out of this cave I built but ill do it and come back better then ever!

I watch all these movies, romanticism at its finest.
But one story stands out, not the notebook... But "I walk the line" this true story about hardships and love for a woman hits home. I made tons of mistakes like he has and ends up with his woman, never giving up, turning into the man she wants and knows he can be.

Im trying ***, believe me, you have told me no 100 times now, its time for you to come up with a new answer.

The light beams down from the heavens, but they do not shine there grace on me.
Shackled by the mistakes iv made, careless in the dark, so I can be punished with never seeing the light again.
I miss her
I miss what I once was.
I was unfaithful
A lier
A cheater.
Who would dare want a broken man knowing the truth like that.
Im  foolish to think I had any chance, or hope..
Shes too perfect for me, not her beauty, no. Her soul when it touchs mine.
We danced, and sang in the car.
We played in a shopping market.
Kids finally living a happy life smiling and joyfully loving.
Then...
I bow my head, darkness gathers, a grave mistake takes place again and a again.
Now iv told her, I accept my paradise lost.

Her whispers, are a violent scream to me, one breath, I look frantically, and come running.
She threatens my very way of living, because without her, I know ill choose the wrong woman.
although the next woman will be great, its not her.
She is something else, a wild fire, free and forever burning.
While im a candle, short and burning fast.
A boy, never knowing defeat or growing up, hurt a woman in the form of a man.
Always scared of the risk love has, till its gone, I'll chase it blindly.
Letting go isnt easy, but giving up is forever.

The clock ticks hard,
Tick
TOCK
Tick
TOCK
as it chimes and rings, I wonder how many more rings it has left? As many times as it will before someone stops taking care of it.
This is one old piece of history, this clock has seen people come and go at all different times. If this face could speak or its hands point to a destination, the wonders.
Sad that one day this clock will stop making sure people go when they need too, that its chime will go unappreciated, ringing for no one to hear.
Like the clock I too, chime deeply. Travel throughout time, meeting the people I need to meet in my youth and then, ill be inadequate, go inappropriated, and be forgotten like a small clock on a ledge.
Ill be known forever in peaceful silence..

Why do we do things that we know are wrong and will still hurt others, especially the ones we love?
To feel alive or something.
Im not a bad man, iv tried my damnedest to be I good i swear.
But i guess you cant always get what you want, but if you try, you get what you need.
Im desperate, I think im having what you call a crisis of faith... Im a lover, yet im too much of one and cant do a thing right.
I need help lord.

I cant loose you too. Not you father, you are all I got left.
I hear you, breath heavy in the morning's, I see the traces of ***** still lingering on the toilet.
I weep every night. I love you more then my own life. This year has stripped me of everything.
They say god gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers, by now ill be invincible, fear no pain.
But I will always remember you as my own superman. Always there. Even when your gone.
You will always be with me. Always.
Ill soon be behind you dad, but ill take my time, make you proud of me.

As Rihanna once put it, she's in love with the monster under her bed.
Similar, I'm in love with the monster in my head.
I am addicted to the pain and stress,
I walk around at night nothing but a mess.
I dream of walks in the park and late night dates to sweep you off your feet.
Now all I am is a ghost, nothing but you being discreet.
The whisper of your name releases endorphins of hope, it all fades by the end of this rope.
A lousy text or call could have saved me,
I am ***** by loneliness, still that even  fills me with glee.

When I think of you, I think of him.
My body shakes with anger, life gets grim...

If our relationship were a game, it would be basketball, last shot was just off the rim. With two seconds left, I just fall.

You think of me as just a friend,
You come around like a bad habit.
This is no fairy tale, like peter ******* rabbit.

You dont get to just not hurt,
When all I feel is pain and despair.
You only feel better because your a cute flirt.
This cant be real, life is just not fair.

You want the real poet? Stick around baby girl, I just might show it!
Love is like a game, and im stuck in it.
But this time now,
you will feel the shame.

You say your on an adventure, but also still a rock? Cant you see that rocks dont move, faded memories of you looking like 2pac.

Learning and trying real hard to be myself.
But the future is hard when iv put you on the tallest shelf.

One day I hope you come back and see me.
For one day ill be better,
Your smell still lingers from my favorite sweater.
Hope your dreams come true. ill see you around, one day when your downtown

I am a boat, and life is the sea.
Im minding my own business,
Trying to get from point A to point B.
Wave after wave, life crashes into my boat.
Wave after wave I barely stay a float.

I race to my lover, wherever she may be.
I am but lonely in this boat,
I cry for her, at last!  her kingdom by the sea...

I speak up and with Cause,
She stares open, looking right through me.
I wait for its a long pause...
She says to me, "oh dear traveler from the sea,
You come but I need no rescue your trip has ended for I seek and wait for my lover"
"But I travelled over your crused sea, surprised i didnt flip, wave after wave I sit, and all this time it was for another?"
"Oh weary traveller you have much to learn,
For I am not your queen, but just a girl waiting her turn."

With that she let me go on my way,
Hopeful that I find happiness some other day.
I fell in love with my travel to get her,
beauty, grace, the memory is now a blur.

You won't be forgotten, ill try to keep close, just in case you ever fear,
Your call will reach me, no matter how far or how near.

My little boat carrys on with hope in my heart, that one day ill find her
may we never fall apart.

I cant help but wonder if you will still think of me down the road.
If im this hopeless romantic thinking one day you'll be mine to hold again, like the timing for us just wasnt right.
Im sick, I wish she knew how sick I was.
Her memory is everywhere I look, when I close my eyes I can smell her... Life is a fickle ***** and they say you win some you lose some.. Well let me taste victory just once to see how bitter sweet it really is.
Iv lost alot of love in my days, when will I learn im destined to walk alone.

You pull me in close at night like you never left, its beautiful, and you feel the happiness too.
Come morning your mind fills with regret, your heart became weak in the night, longing for escape from the loneliness.
I call, you show, we talked, I kissed, we held each other, my heart reconnected to its other half, a feeling of warmth and completeness rushes over my body like a river over the rock bottom, I made love to you in my most true form, ego and self righteous set aside for you, to take me how I am.
Your morning text, tells a different story, forbidden love, you call it. A rush of passion due to us never to be together.
you need to find yourself and I am no longer a plan for your future. I know what I feel, and I know you feel it too... Ill hurt myself steping into your fire again and again, to prove that you belong with me. I would think the night was a dream, but you left yourself here, a bobby pin, something so small to prove to me that you and I are real. Soon ill be impervious to your pain, and you will stop hiding and running from your feelings,  this jackal you have become will hide no more.

In my hour of darkness, no, your not there. And tho, I reach out to you, couldnt lend a hand...
I struggle to put words on paper, my thoughts are else where.
My motivation has left me alone with black thoughts of just frustrated emotions.
This writing puts me no where closer to archive a goal, yet my ramblings of of my shadow, the man I used to be, is all thats left to speak. That person is tired, tasteless, tattered, worn, stale... yadda yadda...
You need something new to read, I need new emotions, to write about. Excitement, joy, wonderful creations in between these lines of gibberish.

I try and fight to stay away, giving you your peace amd happiness without me.
But memories of us hit me like a comet to earth, barely seen, beautiful, yet so abruptly it shakes the ground on impact...
I'll never be able to Say enough, to win you back or to tell myself to let go.
I may sit in my ivory tower, but im no king, but a jester left alone due to the plague of my past.
                                    **Sad
                               Troubled
                               Old man
                      Left dancing alone,
                    fighing himself About
           Words left that were unspoken.

Our time is running out,
My patience is paper thin.
You seem like life is seen out of a snow globe,
I see life is a news paper in the obituary section.
It's not hope, its not life or love.
It's much more then that.
Its a race to the finish line, whether we like it or not, you have no control over it.
You can love me or hate me, but ill be lifes mvp when it's said and done