I stand watching as you keep walking
on
The last drop has been bled and now
i'm all alone
What little hope I had you took it
along
And now even the stars in the dark
sky are gone



Hurt me once more O' you cruel
wicked world
Take me to the memories i've never
been
Make an ocean from my tears
and blood
A dark and cold abyss that i've never
seen
Drown me in my own nightmares
ignore me once more
Take that last piece of my sanity and
ignite me 'cause I'm so cold
Let your fire make me want to wish
that I was never born
Make me feel all your pain that
no one has ever known
Its still not enough , every fall that
you've shown
My eyes are still closed and they
won't mourn
Open them for me , so I can be blind
again
Take me with you and away into
the unknown
Let the lingering dream finally
be buried
And now is the time to lead me to the
unmarked grave
I've to reach home soon , mama will be
worried
Give this heart of stone what it craves
and what you made



Show me the way to myself , a road
never walked upon
Let the strangers strangle me along
the way
Burning with rage , a seed that i've
sown
Let me walk back to my demise and
be on my own
Burn my skin with every lonely breath
I take
Creating reality that we never wanted
to make
Now what have I , an endless
nightmare that I made
Fed it all my hurt and now it's ready
to take my place
Hurt me again O' you cruel wicked
world
It has been so long that I can't even
remember my face
Bury me once more in your dark and
dirt
**** me for I never want to escape
from this maze
Spill my blood and paint it all across the
walls
Tell them my story , tell them I was
never lost
Now take my hand and let me fade once and
for all
Walk me to the edge of myself and
just let me fall





Let my tears sing for the rest of the
lonely world
Make them see through my every
hollow word
Let them be one with all the pain and
despair  
Make them see what I couldn't in my
hurt
Let me be the road to guide them
back home
The warm shadow that won't ever
leave them
alone
The face in the mirror when everyone
else
is gone
Let me be the one for whom they
would all mourn
Let a song be heard from the depth of
my grave
And let the stars be found again in the
approaching sunrise
For every lost Soul trapped inside
the dark maze
Make them remember that we'll
always
have the sky
Hurt me once more O' you cruel wicked world
make this ocean of dread rage with all
that's left alive  
Burn me down with all your wrath
and fury
And watch me with dismay
as I slowly
come back to life


Hurt me once more O' you cruel wicked world

*Hurt

Dear stan, as I write this letter to you I'm sitting at rock bottom
You told me i'll be well by summer but now it's another Autumn
There's nothing to look forward to, and I still feel so rotten
I've been having these nightmares lately and maybe I need them
They keep me up all night, otherwise I have those pills they gave me and sometimes I pop 'em,
Remember those anxiety attacks I used to have, I've still got them
I don't know how any of this will end but I think I finally need a friend,
I'm tired of talking through a pen, and I don't know when I might do something I'll regret later,
There's so much going on and she gives no **** at all, I hate her
I guess I would to, if I was in her shoes
But I have told you how much I love her,
And I don't know what to do, I don't want to alienate her
I have no one else and I know I am lucky to have somebody
But I don't think I deserve her because I am nobody
I know she worries and I can't help but feel sorry
All I want is for her to be happy, but I know if she remains with me soon she'll lose everybody
I know what she's feeling inside even though she never tells
I don't want to be that someone but I know I can't be anyone else
I don't know what needs to be done to get out of this hell
Sooner or later I know I'll reach for the gun and disappear like everyone else
Before I die I want to make sure I did everything I could
You told me to never judge a book by its cover and maybe I should
And you know if there was a way out I'll run for it, you know I would
Sometimes I smile when I think about my childhood though it wasn't good
At least I had a place I could call home and I don't know if again, I ever would
I could've had easily slipped into the bad influence of my neighborhood
But I never did, I never took a hit
I always kept my distance until this loneliness did it
Now I need it, like a mother needs her child
And now I don't remember how to live without it because I've been doing it all this while,
There's so much more I would like to say but I'm forgetting my own words
I've been shut inside these walls for so long that I've forgotten how the world works
I'm afraid to open a door because I know it will close once I leave
I've been so close but I know you tell me to stay in control and believe
But I can't help myself or her when she weeps
I've been grateful for so many things but I know there's something I still need
Because I know how I feel when everyone goes to sleep
I have this hunger inside of me that nobody can feed
You told me that if I fight my demons one day I'll be freed
But no matter how much I try, this promise I can't keep
I'm so tired and all I want is to fall asleep
But I know I might never wake from a scar this deep
I've had so many till now that I've lost my count
I try to hear in the silence but I hear no sound
And even though when I'm in a crowd it feels like no ones around
Why is it that even though I'm at the rock bottom I'm still falling down
I don't know why I picked my pen today and felt like putting it all out on the table
And trust me I'm no fool, I know you think I'm unstable
But trust me, I've been trying to find a ride back home
But guess what, nones available
And There's so much weight on my shoulders that I know I won't be able
To get back on my feet without crushing myself in the process to be stable
I know I'll fall right back into the abyss, and no one would even miss me
Though I had a little hope you gave to me but I know it's unsustainable
Because all the pain I have in me makes that mountain unattainable
I wish things could have turned out a little differently
But now I am all but gone, detached from my own reality
I know I will give in to this pressure eventually
Break apart and disappear for one last time
And I know you knew it too, c'mon what chance did I have statistically
But I would still like to pretend that we're not staring at the end
And I still have a chance to defeat the monsters I've bred
I hope you don't mind me speaking out my mind, my friend
But Don't feel bad for Me if someday they find my corpse with a hole in my head
I'm sure you'll be the only one to ever miss me enough to give a ****
We both know how it'll all turn out and I admit it hurts
But you never know the reason for anything why anyone does
And sometimes you need to perish before you can get rid of the curse.

Yours truly
Stan

24-march-1981

Hey sweetheart, it's been a while and I know you are depressed,
Sometimes it takes some time before you can move on and forget.
I wish I could've been there for you but that's not my only regret,
How is our little girl, do you still sing to her like I did,
Before you put her to bed ?.
I've been busy lately, there's just so much goin' on inside my head,
It's been so hard and I've been so stressed lately that sometimes--
I even forget to take a breath.
The time is ugly and I miss your pretty face whenever anger begins to swell,
Last night I tried to take my life, climbed over a chair and put on a belt,
But somehow I don't know how, it didn't work out when I fell
And I am sorry, I wouldn't do it again, I don't ever wanna feel,
How at that moment I felt.
I am sorry I left you guys alone, but know this that I'll never leave you,
I know it's been a ride but yesterday I had a dream and we did pull through,
You wore the black dress you wanted but I didn't have the money to buy,
I am sorry I couldn't get you things, I always hate myself for being that guy,
We are good people, don't you think ?
God doesn't answer our prayers no more and I don't know why,
I pray to him everyday, I want to buy you guys the world before I die.
Oh, it's about time already, I have to leave, see you soon, loads of love.
Good-bye.

3-april-1981

I got your letter yesterday, you sound better then you did a month before,
I hope you are doin' fine, I don't want you to get in trouble no more.
I don't want to speak about your suicide attempt, I have no words in store,
I hope you never think of it again, get those thoughts out of your core,
If not for me, for our daughter at least, I know you won't, I am sure,
Remember we have no one else but you, don't lock away our only Door.
Our little girl is growing way too fast, you should see her before she does,
She doesn't wants me to sing to her, she wants you,
So I don't sing to her anymore.
It's gettin' hard to pay the bills, it kills me to ask you,
But when are you sending the money, winter is around the corner--
And it's getting cold.
They say the winter is going to be the coldest in a decade,
I saw it yesterday on the news report.
I am saving some money, will buy our princess a new coat.
Don't you feel down, we love you with all our heart,
I miss you so much, I miss the way you could make me laugh.
Money is never important, but I guess we have nothing else either,
I still need some time to forgive you and forget what you did,
I don't sleep in our room no more, I still imagine you inside her.
But I guess I don't hate you anymore, I understand mistakes happen,
And out of 'em all, you deserve a second chance more than anyone else,
You were always and always will be a fighter,
I trust you with our lives, they say in darkness even a spark looks so brighter,
I know it's been a ride but we just have to sit it out and hold each other a little bit tighter,
So, I'll wait for your letter, take care of yourself,
I hope things will change now for the better.



17-june-1981



Things are getting bad over here, they are cutting men off,
I don't know if I'm going to be the next, so I am putting in more hours,
I don't know when it's all gonna' stop.
Sometimes I don't sleep all night, I just go out and walk,
It's good here in the city ya' know, every one minds their own business and nobody comes over to have a talk.
I went to a seminar yesterday, it was good ya' know,
The man on the stage told us we should be happy with what we've got
And then there were people crying about the loved ones they have lost,
It got me thinking, what a fool I am, I have you guys and that means alot,
Nothing would mean anything to me if I don't have you guys,
I just want you to know how much I love you guys and want to be with you no matter what the cost.
By the way I sent some money, I hope it would pay all the bills,
If some gets left over, I want you to buy something for yourself, promise me you will.
I know I hurt you so much and the scars need some time to fill,
But you know I love you and I know you love me still.
I don't wanna talk about it today, it makes me feel so sad,
Past couple of days were no good either, i guess I'm going mad,
I never knew things will turn out this way and the time will get this bad,
All I can do is dream about the good times we could have had.
Life is slipping away and every day we are getting old,
Why don't we learn about how much life *****, why is that we are never told.
I don't want rest of my life runnin' around and chasin' gold.
I want to come home and kiss you when I want, touch you and hold,
I hope it gets better after we die, I hope we have a soul,
This world is ******' trash and it swallows everything like a black-hole,
It takes away a father from his daughter, and husband away from his wife,
Dumps you in a ******' garbage land and expects you to survive,
God, it's been so long and all I want is to feel alive,
I am goin' out for a walk, I don't want to make you more sad, kisses to our princess, good-night.


26-june -1981

It's okay to be sad, it's okay to feel hurt and pain,
But it's not okay to just cry about it and complain,
Who are you so angry on, who else should be a part of our blame ?
Tell me, I need a name!.
Life is no fairytale, I have learned to accept it and now I am awake,
I hope you do too, before the lights go out and you have nowhere else to run,
You give up so easily, why do you think everyone else is havin' fun ?
Natalie lost her child a few weeks back, Stan lost his home,
We have both, don't we ? why do you think we are on our own ?
I get it, sometimes all this misery can make you feel alone,
But that doesn't mean you should give up everything and mourn,
C'MON don't give up now, remember when our daughter was born ?
They said she wouldn't make it, but she did, she didn't give up and neither will you for our home.
I know it will get better, most of all, you deserve it more than anyone else,
Even when the goin' got tough, you never once asked for help,
And I am proud of you, as I should be, and you should be too for yourself,
Like every other time, we only get stronger, after all the stuff we have dealt,
I admit, it feels like we're in a ******' hell,
Fate is not in our hands, but we can do our part and give all we have, it will make a difference I promise, someday we might hear them bells.
I don't have anything else to say, I hope you write back soon,
When you take a walk tonight look at the moon, I'll be looking too.

















12-November-1998

Hey Tim, I know we are getting married in a month but I still miss you so so much,
Wish you were her with me tonight, so I could kiss and touch.
But that's not why I am writing you this letter to make myself feel better.
I wanted to tell you about how I feel about it all,
Do you remember that painting I put on the wall ?
I made it when I was six, it was getting colder and it was in midst of fall.
Dad had gone away and mom and me were struggling to survive,
I was crazy too, not a day went by when I didn't pull of a tantrum and fight.
I wanted dad to sing to me every night, see his face before switching off the lights.
I didn't like mom that much, she always scolded me no matter what I did,
But i guess i didn't understand then, i was just a kid.
It was hard when I was growing up, sometimes we had a place and no food,
Other times we had food but no place of ours and trust me that wasn't cool.
I was always the odd one out and everyone made fun of me at school,
I hated my parents for that--
Oh, I was such a fool.
Dad worked night and day just so we could have food on the table every night,
Both my parents never got through high school, and got married when mom got pregnant and was thrown outside--
Of her home inspite of the fact she was the only child.
My dad left his home to support my mom against the wishes of his family,
They were so happy when I was born, they never treated me like a tragedy,
No matter how tough the times got, how low they got, they gave all they could to me happily,
They held me close and away from the gloomy reality.
I still remember how those years went by, for me it was just a blink of an eye
But to them it was a lifetime of hardship and pain,
But you know what they tell me ?
They would happily do it all over again.
They worked hard, both of them and things did change,
But you know what, they still remain the same,
Inspite of how far they have come and what they have achieved,
When it was too easy for them to leave, they stayed together,
Held my little hands and sheltered me no matter how bad was the weather,
I was all they cared about, nothing else never did matter,
They saved every penny for me, even though my dad had so many chances but he never left her.
You must be wondering why I am telling you all this now,
But today I found some old letters, in a box in the attic, now I understand so much better,
It made me sad for a while, but I guess it was a part of our life,
It made us who we are today, I wouldn't want it any other way either,
I don't know what to call it, but I know it makes me feel loved, crazy isn't it ?
To know how far they have come, and how their hard worked payed off,
It almost makes me want to believe in god but I don't have to,
That will only make my parents struggle look less inspiring, god didn't pull us through.
They did, and I owe my every breath to them,
I don't know what made me hold a pen, but I don't want them to know I found those letters,
So I am confessing all of this to you,
I will show them to you one day, when things get tough, maybe that'll help us to find our way,
For it made me realize one thing and one thing only,
Love stays red even if the world moves on to shades of grey,
I guess it all makes sense now, it's such a beautiful day.

a naked tree stood on the end
of a forest far and wide, blue and green
a lonely place with no friend
at the corner it would hide, unseen
unheard were its tears at night
as it stood cold against the winds
when the sun shone high and bright
It would be reminded of its sins
forest grew more green and dark
and the river filled up to the brim
but peace in this world never do last
sooner or later a monster walks in

the forest was cut open and sold
in pieces, scarred and in polished tint
burnt to the ground, breathing charcoal
diseased and with a despairing stink
the river was fed a poisoned brew
howling abuses and killing every child
the monsters bred and the hurt grew
in the shadows of the corpses piled
only the darkest of the forest remained
green all but lost to the monsters red
for every mother lost for them to gain
world will nurse scars and birth death

monster fed till nothing was left
only one naked pillar from the yesterday
when they got full, turned on themselves
the river ran red for a thousand days
and silence swept in the sky again
clouds started building the blue sky
those who were hiding came out again
slowly and softly the clouds begin to cry
the naked tree stood alone in the rain
now one with the world and its creed
every star in the sky now knew its name
for in this world, it was the only seed

*the river began breathing again
and the children seeding in depths
a barren land filling its scars again
breeding what little that it had kept
the tree grew more beautiful everyday
now that the world swirled to its feet
the lasting winter came and went away
and it stood as wide as it could reach
it planted a seed upon springs breath
birthing more in every coming spring
down the river they would be swept
and soon a young forest began to sing
all around their mother, a king.

Inspite of the opinions that dominate your every line
Every tear in my eye that falls in a rhyme
Of all those thoughts that cross my grey Mind
I want you to find , the real me
Smoke on the screen censoring my every word
Between the lines where my thoughts get blurred
I got no wings dosent mean I dont want to fly like a bird
I want to unfurl , the real me
Every day in my own dreams I find myself
Hunger inside grows which no love can quell
And I walk away in disguise every day , creating my own hell
Oh well , its not the real me
I'm a stone cold heart with a hint of madness
Never afraid to embrace my other side , my darkness
Trying to fill myself and be away with all this hollow-ness
Shallow-ness , that aint real me
Back again , gone tomorrow for I got no home
Thousand miles afar , no place for my heart , forever alone
Lost and cold , never told , I wither like a stone
Broken bones , not the real me
And if you could see what haunts my dreams
Every word that I speak , can you even understand what it means
It escapes the eye , for you'll find truth in my lies
I watch the time fly by , the real me
Holding on while everything else gets **** in a black hole
Every day I fight these ******* *******
Lost to the sea , just me and a burning boat
Unfold, the real me
All you can see are the clothes I wear and the words I speak
But tear away my outside and than you'll see
That the stains that cover my being goes real deep
Feel , the real me
The real me bleeds , the real me feels
Real me cries , real me never lies
My reality is not for your assumption ,
Real me aint afraid of your shiny gun
For its too late to use death as an option ,
Throw those stones at me and let be all in motion ,
Corrosion  ,  fatality to the impending explosion
For i'm a dynamite , the real me
Ticking away with every moment of pain ,
And one day , you wont find the real me


That day , no one can save you from the real me

one day you might find me wandering
wondering...
in dreams and lies
beauty of your eyes
forgotten words and whispers
as I have lingered
beyond reasons
across the seasons
touch me
and I will wither
fall into pieces
like ash drifting in the air
I will be everywhere
and you will know I never left
only you never saw me burning
as I was turning
into nothing without you

His hands search for comfort
Lying by the road in chaos and dirt
Eyes still searching the sky
To find the last glimpse of his hurt
Her eyes speak to the night
She's scared of every passer by
She never wants to be lost in shadows again
Fading like the stars in the sky
His old cane is all that's left  
Shoulders weak by the lifes debt
A pond of tears he always knew ,
Further from home , where he quietly wept
Her aging arms wrinkled
Her face now old and stained
grace lost to the memories
Mirror will never be a friend again
He plays with his toys
Shy , with a smile too coy
Wears his heart on his sleeve
For he's just a boy
Her eyes quickly ****** a look
fairytales begins to whisper in her head
they say, First love is true
She knows , she'll never forget
They smiled and yet again
Hands couldn't find the way
Fingers left alone and cold
Hoping for a new day
A fading moonlight keeps them awake
In each others arms , still so numb
Warmth escapes their union
What has distance made them become
He knows they didn't forget
But why is it so hard to remember
She knows they're in love
Then why is it that they're not together  
Forgotten, yet still haunted
They walk alone but never far
In dreams and tomorrows
A flame that keeps burning in their heart

He smiled , she smiled
World forgotten with just one kiss
An aura of lust and love
Forming clouds of eternal bliss
Her hands finds his
A vow made to never let go
He looks in her eyes one last time
And they know..


-They'll always be in that moment
No matter how much it hurts
For they've tasted
the kiss of love

wipe away those tears
cause they don't mean a thing
don't cry because you can't fly
it's you who traded your wings
to be locked inside a cage
and now you want to be free ?
cause you miss the skies
no limits , no lines
but now that you've left it all behind
it Dosent mean a thing

you gave yourself up
cause you couldn't bear the hate
traded your freedom
to be locked inside a cage
too scared to face their anger , their rage
All you wanted was to be free
And now you're a slave
and now you silently weep
cause there is no escape
you thought you had what it takes
to soar higher
living in dreams and finally you're awake
and it Dosent mean a thing

you say your sorrows have made you hollow
and you never wanted to be this way
but you gave yourself up
to claim there love
but all youve conquered are lies
and now you wait
its you who gave in
but now it Dosent mean a thing

Now trapped inside those walls
You pray to be saved
For someone to come
And take you away
You were never so blind
How could you not see your mistakes
You curse yourself Everyday
And it Dosent mean a thing

But someone who can help
Isn't so far
Look deep inside
To see who you really are
You're your own saviour
Only you can break those walls apart
There might be battles outside
But right now , there's a war within
And Untill you believe in yourself
It won't mean a thing

if I tell you that i love you
will everything be the same
if i tell you I need you
will you ever hold me again
if I tell you I dream about you
will you still call me every night
if I tell you , all I do is think about you
will you still let me hold you tight

What if there was more
Than we accepted there to be
What if , we are something more
Than we want us to be

What if we could carry our past
And mold it in something new
Create a place for us
Just for me and you

Where do the lines blur
When do we cross over
Even if love was there all along
Can we just start over ?

If I tell you I want you
Will you ever meet me again
If I tell you , it hurts too much
Will you take away the pain

What if , we started all wrong
Mistook the way we felt
Is it ok to be happy from
just what you get

If I tell you that I want to be with you
Will you go away
If I tell you , i can't even breath without you
Will you stay

If I tell you I've got nothing else to say
And I won't say a word
My feelings , you'll never hear
Because to lose you
Is something I can't bear
But sometimes I wonder
How beautiful it would be
If I told you
And you'd still be here

God is true , god is faux
He's there , he's not
God is good , god is bad
You believe , you don't believe
Doesn't matter , you're mad
What is god , what is satan
If he's there , can human mind
Really imagine
If he's not there , why do we care
Why can't we be just kind
Only be good 'cause we fear ?
They talk , they mock
One opens , other locks
Belief is ones own
Than why does it shocks ?
Who the **** are you to tell me
If i need or don't need god
If you can't respect ones faith
God or no god
Its one ******* mistake
If Gandhi didn't believe in god
Do you think he didn't deserve  paradise ?
And if ****** believed in him  
Would his sins be forgiven when he did die ?
Isn't it better to keep the talk to self
Preach love instead of god
I don't really think one needs help
If ones kind regardless of it all
I have nothing against god
Frankly , i no longer care
I've seen enough chaos
I no longer care if he's there
We cut and **** in his name
They put it all on his name
Are you ******* insane
We , ourselves are to blame
If you can't respect a person
You ******* as hell can't respect god
God or not , doesn't matter
You have to love all

charred guns and bones
burning upon the ground
in the deep of the woods
nothing but silence all around

no screams or whispers
dead people can't talk
the hunters have fled
angels had gone on a walk

men have been killing men
from the dawn of their birth
and they will **** them all
so us all can rest in dirt

even the one's with hearts
them mothers and children
everywhere there is a wall
and there's no place left to run

and in the noise of those guns
erasing yet another name again
all but the lords and their sons
everyone will bathe in this rain

do we know who we are
or that what we have become
monsters eating monsters
and we cheer for the one

those guns don't bleed
they melt by the rotting flesh
In all the poison we keep
we only ever bite ourselves

and fall asleep to never wake
in lullabies of screaming men
screeching metal tearing half
but no one listens to them

some are put to rest by guns
sometimes by an unmarked stone
someone's head is on a pike  
somewhere midst of charred bones

men dying for other men
falling asleep for the dream
not a tear to wave good-bye
for being the angels  
that they have been

only a slaute of the guns

Remember who we were,
I know it has been so long.
Take my memories with you
And I might come along.
So many miles to walk back on,
Even the smiles will haunt.
Wish I could tell you-
There's so much more to this life,
Than just our needs and wants.
Hear me for the last time-
All of my rights and wrongs.
Wish I could sing to you-
For every old man has a song.

Yesterday we were young-
Now even tomorrow feels so old.
Left so much unseen and unheard,
Now there's nothing left but-
An incomplete tale to be told.
I still can't remember your face,
So much to accept and be-hold.
How is that you're still so beautiful,
Even after watching so many springs-
Die and be cold.
Do they ever remind you of us,
Back when we were whole.
Wish you could tell me then-
That love is meant to die for.

When does it all change,
An old man has not a clue.
And the time never waits,
We all have to pay our dues.
From the summer mornings-
To the winter blues.
The moments-
Are so far and inbetween,
In our hearts and few.
There's not much left within-
To hang onto something new
And even when it lay all around me,
All that mattered was you.

When the darkness held me-
I heard myself whisper your name.
Your face was all I could see-
And I knew I was in love again.
Like I've always been,
I felt the same.
An old mans dream-
To be young once again.
Like the last page of a book,
That wants to be read once again.
Only without the questions
And the answers-
I wish I could've changed.
And when I'm gone-
I'll know deep in my heart,
That a story remains.


Embrace me for who I am
And what I am,
Will be yours to keep.
I wish I could make you understand,
When I'm gone -
There's no need to weep.
Look at me like you always did,
For I'm just falling asleep.
Kiss me for I'll need it,
Before you leave.

Love me O' love me
And I would happily be alone
Kiss me O' kiss me
And I might find my home.

a dark cold sea
spanned the horizon
eyes could see
mountains in the distance
white peaks by the blue
upon a blanket so green
sailing through a nightmare
tearing through the seams
into the dreams
and beyond
far from this place
to another age
in search of morrow
more than eyes can crave
the slave in the cage
can only peer
through a window

it has been a while since I've seen in your eyes,
another spark to **** me.
i know it from your smile how you tell another lie,
enough of your scars to fill me.

i see you falling asleep again and I wonder,
if this will be your last.
in all the beauty you feed I'm still a stranger,
begging back my heart.

your flesh against mine, as you wake in my arms-
I've never been more afraid.
stained sheets and spilled wine, I don't feel warm-
in whispers your love forbade.

i see you staring at me like you can't find a morrow,
passing another night in lies and cold.
you took everything but me and now I'm hollow,
how i see you slowly growing old.

it has been a while since I've heard you cry,
i hope the tears won't burn you within.
i know how your love seeps near and pries
i don't believe what you've turned me in.

hearing you breathe, as another moment grieves in silence-
in words that'll never drown the ocean.
If I could leave, i know my heart would still crave the violence-
in a world that crowns the broken.

I find myself pulling the trigger, against the silence that haunts and lingers,
withers in pieces and whispers;
in tears that kiss the hollow,
walking in darkness that swallows,
the moment about to follow
screams that won't be heard outside this box,
it is to be seen if I am or am I not a corpse,
here in this ambiguity, I feel so lost,
I fear the cost of repaying life with death,
for something I haven't met yet;
dreams I cannot forget,
and a handful of regrets,
here i am, chained to myself,
so the ashes can burn my skin and Eat my eyes,
consume the bliss and feed my lies,
I swear I feel I have died, every night there are only ghosts by my side,
dead moments and dreams,
my box is already full, and I can't let go of where I have been,
what I have seen in the loneliness of my being,
I am everything and nothing at all
I'm only standing in hollow as tears fall,
I am no one, inside the walls of this box,
I am someone, for something I rot,
I have no where to be and so I walk, I talk to the emptiness,
the loneliness,
of being me inside the box.

Once upon a time,
I saw the angel cry.
I stood there mesmerised,
And I never asked why.

I thought I had found,
The most beautiful sight.
Oh, I stood there in her awe,
As I saw the angel cry.

Her wings spand the moon,
And eyes like stars in the sky.
I thought I heard her whisper,
As she slowly bade me good-bye.




Oh, my years felt so old,
My life so much away and far.
And then when she disappeared,
I realised she gave me a scar.
Oh, those winds were so cold,
That night so lonely and dark.
I don't recall what happened,
But I know I lost my heart.




That moment still haunts,
I was afraid to look in her eyes.
Now that I think of it,
those tears never did dry.

We just stood in silence,
I don't remember when I died.
I woke up and searched for her
But there was only sun-rise.

that's all I remember,
Of that one lonely night.
I thought I saw a dream,
Where I saw the angel cry.



Oh, my years felt so old,
My life so much away and far.
And then when she disappeared,
I realised she gave me a scar.
Oh, those winds were so cold,
That night so lonely and dark.
I don't recall what happened,
But I know I lost my heart.

spiking nails in depth of a coffin
hammer spilling blood on a grave
heads munching on white teeth
master eaten by the ***** slaves
eyes growling in a red pool
skin frowning by the way served
drying on a wire weighing a body
tool on a table mangled and severed
take a bite out of this rotten cage
open the gate and breathe it all in
beat the **** out of that holy sage
for bleeding the world by his sins

What defines existence
What defys death
Stories of the mortal
Onto last breath . .
History of the birth
Tales of the dead
We march on
Onto our last breath
Thou shall die
Truth as pure as thee
Wide ocean
Blue all i see
We write in blood
Washes away it still
Nothing remains
hollows don't fill
Pain lingers on
Till the day we lose
Not our fate
Faith cant choose
The flower of life
Blooms a day
Flood of regret
Do washes it away
Love entangle like ****
***** out the bright
Traps us blind
We fight till the night
Thou shall die
Ugly truth to be told
Infants don't know
Warmth become cold
Spring may come
Alongth carry the joy
But fall will undo
Rust , destroy
To Bathe in the sea of blood
We need courage by the ton
Only cowards bath
In the sea of ***
The Cycle is never ending
Only death shall bring the freedom
But we earn it by living
WE Earn our freedom

I'm done being human,
I don't like the places it leads
All those hidden emotions
That I just can't seem to reach
The saints hung on the cross
And all he ever does is preach
The air is full of holy words
In this smoke I can't even breathe



Take my hand now,
And lead me to my grave
I don't need your love
For i've seen you hate



Why am I talking to you,
You've never seen my nightmare
All my sins I hurl upon you
And silence is all you can hear
In the crowd I feel more alone,
Even though you're everywhere
tomorrow i'll be gone,
But you'll always be right here



Every breath that escapes me,
Is a smile in your eyes
You want to show me the truth
When all you have are lies




What of these sweet dreams,
And the lullabies that haunt
Why are you still here
What is that you want
I've given you everything
Yet, You still seek more
Why did I ever embrace you,
What was it all worth for



Will you hunt me down,
Now that I don't belong
And take away my crown
If I don't come along



Every blade that kiss my skin,
Will be in your name
As the scar travels within
It will remind you of pain
You watch me fall apart,
Don't even bother to pull out your knife
You squeeze my bleeding heart
And ask me, what i've done with my life



As I embrace the other side,
You whisper in my disgrace
You broke every mirror
Now you want to scar my face




I'm not what I was,
Something inside changed
I was born human
But i'll never be one of you again
If that's what it takes,
i'll scar myself with a smile
You're not awake,
Hav'nt seen the devil in a while




You will fear once again,
Of the ghost you so made
When i'm done with you
Every colour will fade




As I rip open your Soul,
Stare deep in your eyes
Remember you're the evil
I was made from your lies
As I make my way to your heart,
My claws will hurt no more
Can you not see in the dark,
Where you enslaved me for ever-more





I won't even hear you scream,
For i'll be lost in your demise
As the blade brings down the wrath
You'll see the human in my eyes








And i'll see the human in yours

Sitting here all alone ,
Only dreams to comfort my suffering
Travelling a lone road
It seems to be never-ending

All I have is your memory
speaks to me when i'm down
mountains, they never whisper
Eclipsing all that is around

Hidding from me what lies on the otherside ,
Every gush of wind makes me more blind
Pines tower over me , guarding the skies
No bird I could ever find

quiteness of the forest makes no sound
All I hear is my own reflection
Solitude is what i've found
And it travells in every direction

Keeps me from making noise ,
Destroy what we have achieved
For it dosent wants me to wake up ,
From the depths of my sleep

Lost but not forgotten
It wants me to dream
Traveller , nothing more
It wants me to be

To forever lurk in my own self
In this world made up of magic
Where every view is a wizard ,
And every moment nostalgic

I walk where my eyes lead
Feet no longer care for a trail
Where sunshine and river meets
Heaven feels so near

Lost inside this maze ,
Every corner has a different view
can you escape from that cage
Where every wall sings for you

the old king saw him young
and now he saw no child
what he bore with all his love
gave him a fruit rotten and wild
in songs of him, in lores of them
he heard not a sound
and now when he could see more clear,
He saw only the dark all around.

and where is my crown, the old king asked-
Should I bow my head so low ?
You stand there with one mocking smile,
What truth I don't know ?
in a sky so blue, in a sky so dark
we stand strong behind our walls
and if you dare to bleed my love
You'll taste the sharp of my claws.
not on my head, not on my throne
but them eyes know no lies
and in here with all that is mine
you dare to look in my eyes ?







and so he whispered and so he spoke,
of the gods young and old-
the little man with red in his eyes-
and the words so cold

and so he screamed and so he spoke
of the lores young and old
the little man with red in his eyes-
and a sorrow to behold.

so the king won't see the stars those change,
in the glow of his throne ?
them colours do change, oh my lord
but every moment a new morrow is born
what is mine and what is yours
that is not for us to weep
and when you're gone, oh my king
what you leave will be mine to keep
beyond the pines I see what we can claim,
Is that not how the world goes by ?
In the stones when they engrave our names,
they would sing not about the moment we died.





If you seek the glory you abide, hear-
the gods won't hear your call
so what if you have age by your side,
you haven't seen the scattered dolls
and where is your kingdom ?
to rule them all,
is that how you will cause them stars to fall ?
you are mine and i am your king
you know nothing what lies beyond those walls
In a sky so blue, in a sky so dark
the stars have a place to hide
and what will you do when you have them claws-
Open your heart far and wide ?






and so he cursed and so he wrote
every tear down on a page
and so he purged and so he wrote
Every scar from the rage

and so he cursed and so he wrote
every drop on the page
and so he purged and so he wrote
behind the curtains of the stage





I will find my own fate, said the little man
my father knows nothing of the ills I've seen
we're mocked all about from beyond the walls
I've always wanted what we must have once been
In the name of the gods I must seek the justice
my blood will seep in the ground and mark my claim
I will uproot the graves and make the dead speak
for they knows about the people beyond the walls, small and strange

I see you through the stained walls of my home,
Your window is open
And my heart is beating way too fast.
I can sit back and enjoy now that I'm all alone
My heart would be broken
But I don't care no more for it won't last.
John just left a few minutes ago-
And I gave him what I had.
I never told you how beautiful you are,
But you are amazing, my love,
Those are some nice **** you have.
Now I'm ready for the show,
Oh, and-
I love the tattoo on your back.
Such a fine lady,
It must be so hard when he leaves you alone,
Sometimes I think about it,
And the other day I broke into your home.
I didn't take anything,
God, I'm not a pervert
But I remember that feeling-
It changed everything,
I saw how beautiful your life is-
And I admit, It hurts.
I watch you as you stare in the mirror,
Displeased the way it makes you feel
I remember that scar he gave you,
Guess, some scars do never heal.
Sometimes I dream about you and me,
Try to plot some ways I can steal your heart,
You have no clue how shallow you've made me,
Without you I might break apart.
I stalked you once,
followed you to the park where you take your kids,
I hope you realise,
All of the neighbourhood comes out to have a look at your ****.
I even fought one of those creeps,
Remember how he abused you your way home ?
I found him late one night in the street,
And bashed his skull open when he was alone.
I even gave my candy to your little angel,
She has your eyes
I wish we could be more than just strangers,
I need you Mary, I won't lie.
I can't sleep without you,
And the pills only make me feel more miserable
John told me I need a doctor,
I'm getting more unstable.
But he has never fallen in love,
Has never felt the way I feel for you
I know you won't understand
But I know deep inside you love me too.


I watch him as he slits your throat,
I admit, I've never seen something more beautiful than this.

Wish I could be the one caressing your throat,
Licking all that blood as it trickles down your ****.

Only if you would've chosen me instead of him,
God knows you could have been so happy and alive.

Now John is my friend and I care for him,
But... " HEY, JOHN! KEEP YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF FROM THE **** OF MY WIFE ".

a mad crow quietly dreams in silence
of a world very different than ours
where there is no meal without violence
and you can even count the long hours

there is grey and mist wide and far
shadows of crooked trees and prey
as black as a charcoal ashen'd heart
and the nights never melt into the days

the river flows white and with heads
delicious eyes dyed in blood and lies
only smoke comes out of every breath
where there's no grave everyone has died

gingerbread little huts spanning the hills
and children playing with mud and chains
by the old dark woods where a pond fills
as silently as it is hollowed once again

the mad crow spans into the night sky
shrieking with tears of a very small baby
claws clenched and a throat that is dry
it glides in the air crooked and patiently

a mad crow quietly sleeps in silence
in dreams that his eyes hath sowed
there is a kid watching, cold and silent
reaching out for it's tiny little throat

get it out of me
the unsaid thoughts

unwritten letters
to no one

this sinking
feeling

tear it out
from me

the heavy
heart

bury it in
the fire

let it
burn

it will never
love again

I will love you till the end he whispered
and that's when she looked in his eyes
as she touched him he withered
after all his words were her lies

I have no where else to be
she heard him every night
in the cold hearts and warm bodies
only the claws dug deeper and tight

don't let go of me you ******
he heard her moan so softly
as the moans got louder
the silence screamed loudly

she had never been so lonely
as he turned his head away
the look in his eyes
voicing more than words can convey

in her fading dreams he lingers
like he did when they were young
now the distance seems long enough
in how far they have come

only the stares she says
they are enough to make her his again
she knows when he wakes
she can hear him call her name

and he can still make her smile
like he did when they were young
and if nothing else they know
they shared what they've become

i love you more than life he smiled
as she woke in his arms one day
she had never been more beautiful
he knew he loved her more everyday

i love you she whispered silently
for she knew he had no heart
he caressed her ever so softly
there would be a morning in few hours

i love you more than life he said
before he disappeared back into the dark
with all her wishes gone and paid
now she keeps a broken heart

Hidden and depraved
They lurk in the dark alleys
Of a forgotten world
In a nightmares valley
In the devils belly
A place to call home
Invisible ghosts
Now and forever alone

Living on morsels
That life throws at them
In those grey cold walls
With a melody they blend
Every brick whispers
A scar in their tale
Hung on their chests
With a crooked nail

Breathing the smoke
Pure with grief
Seeps deep down
Where no one can reach
Learning lessons
That no sorrow can teach
Tears have dried
With blood they weep

Living in oblivion
With tracks outgrown
Road is lost
In miles they've known
Eyes don't seek the sky
For its too far
Searches dreams
In own heart

Aroma of the burning rubber
Fills the morning blues
Every marrow
There's a fear induced
Of what lies ahead
In this winter gloom
Searching for day
Children of the moon