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May 2017 · 1.2k
doodling hearts
Astraea May 2017
Every one drawn with care
Fingers laboriously gripping pen
Every etch made under an intense stare
Pen meticulously scratching paper
Every one is an emotion laid bare
Paper carefully folded and kept
A secretive smile flitting across my lips
Apr 2017 · 516
Perspective
Astraea Apr 2017
These moments, so fleeting
Deep breaths that I can finally take
The peace, so rare
A time that I can quit thinking of what's at stake

This peace, seemingly imaginary
An illusion created in solitary
Yet the fire ignited, so fierce
A proof of a wonderful reality


I inch trembling fingers into the blaze
Flames licking my fingers, carressing each knuckle
Skin popping and blistering but yet
I defiantly hold the fire's gaze

This flame, had me create a belief
That many things are not what they seem
It may seem silent
But a furious war is blazing


Breaths caught in my throat
Air trying to crawl out from my lungs
A step back, another
In search of the peace, that melodious song

And night falls...
So we fall asleep, tenderly...
When the sun rises again...
...Those moments and flames await


Astraea
**rinnette
What's your perspective?
Dec 2016 · 515
Missing You
Astraea Dec 2016
It's like being a child again
Doodling hearts and
Writing the name of that boy in your textbooks
Or the name of that cute actor from that TV show you really like

Like living in a city
With lights near and far
Looking up into the sky
Barely able to spot a star


When I look into your eyes
I feel myself stop breathing
The intensity, diving into the pools of thought
It's almost hard to keep gazing

Leaning against you, it's like being home
Your arms encircle, and I'm close
I'm untouchable, safe and sound
My comfort cloud at the ends of a million rainbows

I can almost feel your warm embrace
Like a phantom limb I yearn
But it's just not there, unsubstantial
An ache I can't discern

Stray thoughts keep flitting by
Little bubbles I have to pop, can't resist
Pop! There's that smile! Pop! And a laugh!
Oh and that makes your eyes crinkle adorably I must insist

Uncertainty had been warring
On the battlefields of my mind
The throne's been seized, a side has won
I know for sure, this is what's mine

Like living in a country
With summer all year round
Getting ready for Christmas and looking out to see
Not a single flake of snow on the ground


It's like being grown up, but there's still that little girl
That wants to see his name doodled all over
So she writes about him in a journal
And his name is there, everywhere, hidden amongst the sentences
Nov 2016 · 1.2k
What is this
Astraea Nov 2016
What is this feeling
Deep inside myself
A little something stirring
Awakening afresh

What is this sensation
Smile dancing upon the lips
Forcing my mind into concentration
Distracted, off wandering

What is this sentiment
The little things that matter
Deeply-buried excitement
Almost bursting forth

What are these butterflies
Flitting about
A dance amongst the lilies
Everytime he smiles

What are these flushes
A shy dip of the head
Hair swinging forth to hide the blush
I never know what to say

What is this
I've never had before
Little bubbles of joy
It's time for us to explore*

••    ••
••      •      ••
••          ••

First time for everything
Oct 2016 · 428
my jagged friend
Astraea Oct 2016
Cool metal
Invitingly
Teasingly
******* my cheek

Serrated edge
Gleaming
Grinning
Eager for an ugly scar

Pointed tip
Gliding
Slicing
Gashing open chambers of thought

Tender flesh
Cleaved
Carved
Away goes all that once was

Warm memoirs
Digging
Cutting
Out all the used-to-bes*

Lips
Curling
Screaming
......
Aug 2016 · 373
Savior
Astraea Aug 2016
Yearning badly to take away your pain
Eagerly willing to help you contain
The look I saw I couldn't unsee
A beast inside I wanted to set free

A plea to the Universe for me to take
Away the hurt I wanted you to forsake
"Why not share with me instead?
Let me shoulder some" I had said

The Universe must have a sick sense of humour
Or else Its hearing must have been a late bloomer
For your notched arrow made its way into me
Burying between my ribs, straight for the heart

I never dreamed it would come from you
The bearable ache now a lightning bolt
Journeys meant to be tranquil and thoughtless
Now swarming with trepidation and sickening jolts

My mind's vessel is sinking from coherent thought
My heart's chambers are pumping uncertainty throughout
My stomach's depths are churning with fear and doubt
I am struggling for outward impassiveness...

I'm sorry, I've tried my best
But it clearly wasn't enough
I haven't done a thing right
I fear that much to be true

This time it's clear
I have to give up
I wish to keep trying but
I need to save myself
Aug 2016 · 397
Time
Astraea Aug 2016
Creeping feeling of dread
Crawling its way up my spine
Tears uncontrollable
The dam of my eyes broken down
Time is of the essence
Time is key
Every chance I get I seize
To roll a dice against time
My control wavers
Badly needed
So desperately craving
A raw hollowness inside
I chance another gamble
Time slips my grasp
I withdraw my bet
Let's not push my luck
I plead silently with time
To give me what I want
I need this time
Jul 2016 · 829
Occhiolism
Astraea Jul 2016
I stand here
One of many
You'd think I'd realize
I barely noticed any

I stand here
Where there's others
I'm just one
There'll always be another

I stand here
Full of stories to mention
But there's going to be
Someone else's tale of epic proportion

I stand here
Amidst the buzz
Rushing back and forth
Tending to life's fuss

I stand here
On a space so tiny
With herds of other identities
Filling Earth's every nook and cranny

I stand here
I'm just one
But I'll make that one
Stand out to me
Occhiolism - The awareness of the smallness of your perspective
Making yourself known to yourself is all that matters
Jul 2016 · 444
walking on pages
Astraea Jul 2016
It is within the pages of a book
Hidden inside that I find a friend
One who comes whenever I look
Human relations they do transcend
The caress of their papers seductive
Yellowed edges containing wizened perspective
Plots of treachery and trickery give me the tingles
Heart-felt confessions whispered to my fingers
Secrets as enigmatic as they could be
No other soul would grasp it the same way as me

Inky letters dancing in the dark of cotton sheets
Illuminated by the moon's glow of a flashlight
The dot of an i bouncing in front of me
The tail of a g curling and beckoning to me
I follow the twisty path of z
Tread down the straight road of an l
They lead me into their clandestine story
Of tales and fables far away
Or maybe not so far after all...
Jun 2016 · 608
Enchanted Reality
Astraea Jun 2016
A sprinkle of splendour
Across the sky
A wave and a gesture
Sending fire shooting up high

A hop and a skip
My dreams come to life
A twirl and a leap
They bring tears to my eyes

When you wish upon a star
...


Winking lights
Emblazoning luminosity
What a sight
Parading through the city

A castle standing tall
Turrets pointing to the sky
Pictures played on the walls
While sparks shoot up and fly

Makes no difference where you are
...


She twiddled her fingers
A gentle wave at me
He pointed, asked "How are you?"
A grin that set me free

The music swells
The crescendo builds
The ring of bells
The voices lilt

When you wish upon a star
...


The conjury alluring
The enchantment simply magnetic
Each feat so fascinating
My heartbeat almost frantic

The magic feels oh so real
Imaginations brought to life
Euphoria unable to conceal
Adrenaline on a high-speed drive

**Your dreams come true
The pure magic of
DisneyLand simply cannot
Be captured in words
Jun 2016 · 419
Red
Astraea Jun 2016
Red
Red is the colour
flushing beneath my cheeks

Blue is the colour
in my shivering fingertips

Yellow is the colour
of the magnetic pulse my eyes draw to

Grey is the colour
when I hear the issued dare

Purple is the colour
dancing across my stupefied mind

Green is the colour
while I pluck up nerves of steel

Orange is the colour
of the steel-melting lava

Pink is the colour
behind my eyelids as I get up before I waver

Red**
stars again as I say
*"Hi, you guys are cute..."
A fun and cheeky piece of when I was dared to speak to a couple of strangers. :)
May 2016 · 627
Nothing
Astraea May 2016
A void of blackness
A chasm of emptiness
A cavity of hollowness
A vacuum of*  nothingness

Stripped to oblivion
Silence ringing loud
At the very edge of the abyss
Screaming out with no sound

Sun shining without a glare
Gravel shifting without a crunch
Wind stirring without a whistle
Heart breaking without a crack

I want to feel anything
Than this, maybe nothing
At all, but there's one thing
At least I feel
  *something
May 2016 · 2.6k
New Feet
Astraea May 2016
Stumbling on her new feet
A regular fish out of water
Wanting her brain and heart to meet
The former to talk some sense to the latter

Wistful for the melancholy seas
Nostalgic for those left behind
It is on land where uncertainty breaks free
A plaintive wail for those of her kind

Foreign land stretching afar
On pale limbs she has yet to adopt
How crashingly desolate will it be to explore
To make use of this magic she has yet to exploit

A wriggle of her toes
Jaw clenched in determination
She stands by the decision she chose
To search for the source of her affection

He's out there, she'll find him
No matter the stakes
She'll stand on her two feet
And wait as long as it takes
May 2016 · 761
Opia
Astraea May 2016
The eyes are first to sparkle
To reveal boundless joy
The eyes shout euphoria from the very tops of every hill

The eyes are also first to glisten
Swimming in a salty pool
They blink and blink to hold them in but they won't always stay hidden

The eyes are the windows into the soul
They peer to see if it is broken
Or if it is still standing, resolutely strong and whole

The eyes can read a thousand lies
They peel back woven cloths
They offer a glimpse, a chance to check if anything is disguised

I keep my face turned away
My eyes fixed on something else
I keep my eyes averted just so I can avoid another's gaze

But when I do, when I hold
Your unwavering stare
Lightning bolts shoot through me, stirring deep and cold

A heightened awareness of every breath
Making sure to keep them steady
I keep up my end, never breaking, with all the courage I have left

Those eyes bore right into my being
A rawness fresh and apparent
Your eyes have now seen everything
I flinch, I sever the electric current
Opia is defined as the ambiguous intensity of looking someone in the eye, which can feel simultaneously invasive and vulnerable.
I've always found eye contact between two people to be intimate and unnerving and tend to avoid it when I can.
May 2016 · 845
The Beast
Astraea May 2016
Dusty drapes ripped to shreds
Pristine carpets now flecked with mould
Windy gusts blow through the windows
Time ticking, growing old

Pots and clocks shivering in the cold
A lone candelabra giving heat
Looming gargoyles' fixated glares
A petal falls, smelling sweet

He presides over a hollow husk
A castle once proud now disguised
Unkempt greenery peeking between cracked bricks
This new reality, he denies

Fearsome howls cut through the air
Echoing his fight so resolute
Torn canvas of family paintings
Reflecting the Beast's solitude
May 2016 · 1.5k
Milestones
Astraea May 2016
Overgrown grass
On the path
Hidden by a sharp bend
Dank and dark

Grass underfoot
Well trodden and trampled
By countless shoes
A journey cut short and retreated

Mysterious hoots
They begin to beckon
Strained ears
Listening for a welcome

Clumps of foliage
Waving a greeting
Tickling the thorny thickets
Eager for a meeting

Dare I step forward?
Dare I choose this path?
Dare I make this choice?
What will become of me
?
The end of a milestone requires courage to take on another.
May 2016 · 678
Folding Stars
Astraea May 2016
With every crease
And every fold
I breathe a silent wish

Clumsy fingers
Stubby nails
They slip with every pinch

Paper crinkling
Fill my ears
My mind almost in a trance

The clock ticks 2
But I go on
The window's blackness at a distance

Smooth the paper
Pinch the edges
Imbue in them a fervent plea

I really hope
I really desire
For these stars to carry their spell
Out into the galaxy
May 2016 · 822
When I Grow Up
Astraea May 2016
"When I grow up
I will be brave enough to fight the creatures
That you have to fight beneath the bed
Each night when you're a grown up"

Before I grew up
The creatures residing
Beneath my bed were
Crocodiles swimming
Fearless of the lava
Fiercely bubbling
Across my floor
Each night spent jumping
From light switch to bed

When I grow up
The crocodiles changing
Into thoughts
Incessant buzzing
The fiery lava
Slowly hardening
To form my mind
No amount of leaping
Able to protect
My feet from burning

When I grow up
Will I be brave enough to fight the new creatures
That I need to fight within my mind
Each night when I'm all grown up?



"When I grow up
I will be strong enough to carry all
The heavy things you need to haul around
With you when you're a grown up"

Before I grew up
The heavy things
I had to carry
My bag for school
Notes for filing
Hauled around with me
Spare clothes for changing
When I get messy
Joyously playing
Without a care
Or worry in sight

When I grow up
Bag no longer as heavy
As emotions all weighing
Down on my shoulders
Sentiments receiving
Tending to different orders
Spare faces for switching
My masks of skill
All for pretending
That I don't have a care
Or worry in sight

*When I grow up
Will I be strong enough to shoulder all
The heavy feelings that I need to hold within
My heart when I'm all grown up?
Quoted words are lyrics by Tim Minchin from the song When I Grow Up in Matilda the Musical.
Inspired by this song because it was so much more than a child singing those words. As it turns out they can apply for anyone of any age.
May 2016 · 1.5k
Believe...
Astraea May 2016
Pixie dust to soar up high
Magic carpet gliding through the sky
Pumpkins giving carriage rides
True love's kiss for eyes to open wide
Her head nestles on her cloud of pillows
Her mind welcomes the Sandman's approach
A pinch here and there taking form
Exuberant fairies waltz around her head
Carelessly dropping twinkling specks
Strewn and sparkling around her bed
Her world is perfect, as you will soon see
She swims with Ariel, deep under the sea
Her best friend is Genie, she gets wishes! Three!
Unfazed by ticking, Pan always helps her flee
A carefree child, she's got the key
A sprinkle of magic solves everything because
She believes...

His forehead hits the tabletop
Exhaustion winning out
The corner of his eye catches sight
A book flecked with glittery spots
His lips curl in distaste
These tales are not to be believed in haste
His gaze alight upon
The little girl deep in slumber
The outside world is a scary place
He wants her well-prepared
He fights the knowledge he has to face
He'll shatter her dreams with words because
He doubts belief...

Belief is not a terrible thing
It offers great resolve
It strengthens hope
And doles out joy
Imagination lavished upon
Belief can come in many forms
Especially when facing a storm
When all you see are clouds' anger festering
Belief discerns a silver lining

Even when fairytales are all grown out
In memory they abide
Fairies wink as they sip from buttercups
Awaiting the mind's rollercoaster ride
When trouble arrives, emotions run high
Their lazy potion licks at the tracks
A shower of sparks
And there a new path lies
A yellow brick road so tranquil and wise


It's simple really
Simply believe
A little pinch of belief and magic never hurt anyone
May 2016 · 1.2k
A Dance Worthy of a Princess
Astraea May 2016
Bow to each other
Take her hand
Hold her closer
Look into her eyes

The first strains begin
The lilting tune of a violin
The swell of horns blowing
A melodic rhapsody

Her heels click
Upon the marble
The dance floor
A motley of pastel

By delicate fingertips
She holds up her skirt
Shimmering satin
Light prances across
Carefully weaving
An iridescent mirage
Every sublime swish
Bewitching the crowd

The kingdom's people
Fall into a lull
Every eye beguiled
By a dance spellbound

She follows his lead
Their every step
Blending exquisitely
Beyond compare
Billowing hair behind her
Strong arms around her waist
Barely any effort
Swept her off her very feet
She chuckles in delight
Her toes grace the floor once more
The last few twirls
As the music dwindles

Bowing low as he kisses her fingers
Her nails gently brushing
Against his cheek
A mischievous hint
Before perfect etiquette returns
She dips an elegant curtsey*
"Thank you for this dance
Fit for a princess of every sea"
Inspired by the beautifully animated dances in classic Disney films
May 2016 · 708
False Sense Of Security
Astraea May 2016
I got a new coat
That filled me with pride
I was a little hesitant
Wanting to give it a try but
What about my jacket, my sweater?
Or the one with the hood?
Would it keep me warm?
Safely tucked in its arms?

I loved my coat
I wore it everyday
I wanted to show it off
In every possible way
No wet blanket
Could be thrown on my ardor
Filling me with affection
A feeling I covet
Treasured it almost with revere

The lining started to crumple
Seams began to rip
Fraying threads barely holding on
Clinging for dear life
A whisper like a scissor snip
Fabric tearing on the inside
Veiled from the outside
Pristine to everyone's eyes
But tattered lining brushed my shoulders

I don my coat
An insatiable hunger unsated
I still love my coat
It still tries for hugs filled with tender
Its kisses light against my skin
Attempting the comfort it used to offer

I appear balmy
But inside I quake
The warmth clings on
But the chill seeps in
I love my coat
But now all it offers is a
*False sense of security
I don't actually own a coat...
Apr 2016 · 403
Fear
Astraea Apr 2016
I can only think
I can only hear
I can only see
I can feel the fear

I can imagine what I desire
Dreams that were once there
Imagination turning desperate
Hallcinations laughing in my mind

I can catch the sound of weeping
Whispering tendrils close to my ear
Ignore the angry beast still sleeping
Hissing and mocking, never leaving

I can picture the sorrow
Glittering threads spin away
My mind's eye shuts it out
An image of sorrow, where it lay

I feel the pounding in my heart
A feeling steeped in fear
Fingers clawing at my lips and arms
Till blood peeks out, a crimson leer

Hands clench and unclasp
Reaching out to someone
One who means the world to me
Anyone else, they find themselves eclipsed

The pounding rings harder
Unrelentless, unforgiving
The yearning grips stronger
Smothering, suffocating

And suddenly...

Sensations wash away
Gears creaking to a halt
Silence comforting in my ears
Doused in darkness, no need for help

I let my sigh fill with peace
I wave the noises right by
I let my gaze pass unseeing
I fold my arms against myself

I fear the loneliness, beckoning to me
I fear its fingers, threatening a trap
I fear my acceptance, what is needed of me
I fear its fishhooks, swung out
and reeled into its lap

I know it is time
I know I'll be alone
I hope I know how to climb
Back up where love awaits
Apr 2016 · 453
Don't say...
Astraea Apr 2016
Watch it fly
Never again
Come back, please
Say goodbye

A firm grasp, ever so confident
Tender but strong
Loving but tough
Laughter and tears

The string snapped
Five fingers slipped
What it was, it burst
What it was, it floated away
Come back, please
Say goodbye

Reach to the sky, jump
Pick it up from the ground, a lump
Forming in the throat
Swallow it down, hoarse voice croaks
Come back, please
Say goodbye

Nestled in a palm, cradled with care
Gaze down at it, wasted and gone
Rain threatens to spill, look up and stare
A mere dot in a blurry haze, all alone

Wipe the rain away,
glance away before it hurts
What could have gone wrong,
everything and more
What was once filled with joy,
exhaling breaths of sadness
Curl up, dejected, left in the lurch

Come back, please
Goodbyes were said
A lingering gaze broke
Seams unraveled
Come back, please
*Un-say goodbye
It's not goodbye
Apr 2016 · 647
Never Lose Hope
Astraea Apr 2016
Waves crash upon the shore
Grains bound with stories
Swept away by receding tides
Swallowed by the ocean's maw
Roughened by a journey of
Tosses and tumbles
Gentle foamy kisses guiding them
Onto a distant pebbled beach
As tears of salty water trail
After a wave that bade farewell

Fingers just barely losing grip
Balloon floating out of reach
String swaying in the breeze
Engulfed by roaming cotton sheep
Sighing across the sky as they graze
Battered far by an angry howl
Drifting on a lazy whisper
Shriveled as it settles down
Finally to rest in a dreamy meadow
A flurry of feathers as a bird takes flight
The flap of its wing hissing goodbye

A trek well worn is
A journey much needed
A challenge never given to
A man unable to meet
A soft heart taken away is
A hardened resolve returned
**Never lose hope
Everything happens for a reason.
Losing something doesn't mean it won't return.
Hope is stronger than despair.
Apr 2016 · 612
Distraction
Astraea Apr 2016
A nip to the bud
A frosty chill spreading out
Deep breath of billowing white
An icy punch to the gut

A young boy's chuckle
A little girl's bowling hug
Virtual conversations teasing back and forth
Chipping away slowly at the deep-set chill
A friend's reassurance
Determination and persistence
Turning icy glaciers into
Wavering reflections of myself


Sunlight battles with the clouds
Winds buffeting with Jack Frost's breaths
Slivers of light reach for his toes
But yet Jack Frost still lingers
Undeterred by a little suntan
All you need is a little distraction to ease your mind off things for a bit
Apr 2016 · 463
Hole
Astraea Apr 2016
Fill in a hole
Cover it up
Conceal it with dust
It'll be there to stay

A thick layer of disturbed earth
Never the same
Try to hide it
It's there it once lay

A scar left behind
The mark of destruction
No healing or scabbing
Erases the wound cut deep in
**Never whole again
A hole is what it is.
No amount of time and healing
erases the memory of it.
Apr 2016 · 378
Wish on a Dream
Astraea Apr 2016
A dream is a wish your heart makes...
Vivid colors forcing deeply-buried secrets
Drifting up after drowning in a murky lake

I dream dreams that swirl with longing
A tidepool of hope to one day come true
Wish upon a star...*
A star too burdened with wishes to keep soaring

My heart yearns for reconcilation
Of precious friends long lost
The love and loss profoundly felt
Yet my star offers no consolation

A warm embrace so snug and tight
Arms encircling me in its safety net
The love so strong that my heart swells
Left in the embers of my dying star's light

The wishes kept in my heart
Well and truly locked
Only released when the walls come down
But achingly sweet dreams do depart
Not all dreams are as pretty as they seem
Apr 2016 · 749
An Actor
Astraea Apr 2016
An actor is a clean slate
White as paper, lying in wait
For a pencil tip to grace its surface
Draw alive a story, giving chase

An actor is a full glass of water
Blocking to memorize, lines to remember
Brimming with character pride
Never pausing, never breaking stride

These are the things they tell us to do
But behind every actor, there's a person too
A person with their own stories to tell
With their own emotions they will befell

An actor can be a sly, cunning liar
Or can be called out for having his pants on fire
For this actor isn't acting, but merely himself
Any role he holds is packed up, resting on a shelf

An actor cries onstage
Bravo, some roses, a round of applause
An actor cries offstage
Tissue, a hug, don't even pause

Never accuse an actor
Of crocodile tears and cries
Every actor has a heart and mind
Just like anyone, you and I

Acting is a skill, you see
One I tend to sometimes hide
For I've been questioned if I lie
But...
I am good at improvise

— The End —