welcome to my brain

I was born upside down,
Preikestolen in my spine,
Baldr whispered, “Run wild,”
and I never learned to walk—only charge.

I meditate in chaos,
hold breath till the silence shivers.
Doctors panic.
I just smirk.
Two minutes is peace to me.

I kick air to remind gravity
that I’m still the boss
and punch walls of thought
just to hear them echo.

Luzifer lights my thoughts—
not evil, just awake.
Baldr wraps them in gold.
Shaolin monks?
I’d spar one,
bowing with bruises and respect.

Poetry drips from my lungs
like fog off the fjord.
I speak in sparks and
rhyme with thunder.
My mind’s a temple with no roof—
every god welcome
as long as they listen.

I am ADHD
in motion and meaning.
A storm wearing headphones.
A spliff-lit oracle.

And if you feel too much—
if your heart rattles like mine—
don’t run.

Sit.
Breathe.
Roar.

I sat,
spliff lit like a tiny sun in my hand,
and looked up.

To the stars,
to the void,
to the hush that hums behind silence.

And I asked —

In all of this,
this chaos and order,
this pain and pulse…

Am I not all that?

Wasn’t I born of stars?
A flicker from the great ignition,
dressed in skin,
asking questions fire once whispered to stone?

I’m not watching the universe —
I’m remembering it.
Living it.
I am it.

And you —
you reading this —
you are too.

I’ve never had a simple answer
to who I am.
My head and soul—
they never matched
what the world expected.

Not my body—
that was never the issue.
But inside me—
there she was.
A whisper in the dark,
a smile behind my eyes.
Bertine.

She laughed when I said,
“You’re a boy, look down.”
She just smiled—
that quiet girl
who never gave up.

I was eight,
holding a gift in my hand,
heart pounding.
A blue plastic car—
my favorite.
She opened it,
looked surprised—
but she knew what it meant.
Good enough.

I was the only boy
at the birthday.
But inside,
I was more than that.
In love, wild, confused—
and full of fire.

The teenage years came.
I tried it all,
loved both,
knew little—
but felt everything.
Makeup, rings, Prince blasting loud.
Feminine and masculine
at once.
Borderless.

Today I say bisexual,
but that’s just a word.
I’m more than a label.
I’m me.
With Bertine in the bracelets,
the rings,
and Odin hanging from my neck.

I write this
for anyone who feels the same.
For that kid who says:
“I feel a little different.”
Tell them:
“You’re good enough just as you are.”
Because that’s what it’s about.

Standing strong
in your own truth.
Even when it doesn’t fit
in someone else’s **** box.

“Stop waiting for sky-answers.
The divine is not above you.
It is within you,
chained by your fear.
Lucifer broke his chains —
now it’s your turn.”

The suit was ready,
pressed, waiting.
I had rolled a plan —
calm,
a father.
Just a little ****.
No speed.
No ******* way, not that day.

But then —
woooof!
The blanket ripped off,
a scream in the dark,
instinct took over,
a punch
a crash —
a body flew across the room.

Four cops.
“It’s the police!”

The one I hit just said,
“****… you hit hard.”

I sat up in bed,
calm like the eye of a storm,
watched them search,
they didn’t find the kilo under the bed.
I smiled.

“What’s the suit for?”
“My daughter’s confirmation.
Please… let me keep that joint on the table.”

I signed a confession
to avoid the station.
They left.
But they took the joint.
And the control.

And right there —
my mind exploded.
ADHD on fire.
No brakes.
No logic.
Just drive.

I put on the suit,
walked ten kilometers,
found a friend
with what I needed in his pocket.

There I sat.
Needle in hand.
Pulled some blood,
pushed it back with the dose.
Tears flowing like a river.

And the thought:
What about your girl now?

That was rock bottom.
But it was also the line.
The turning point.
Because this —
could never happen again.

You say your demons haunt you.
But I’ve stared into worse —
and they blinked first.

If yours would face me,
I’d burn them down with truth and fury,
one by one,
until your name was free.

But they don’t.

They wear your face.
Speak with your voice.
And you…
you still call them home.

So I wait.
Not because I’m weak —
but because this battle is not mine to win.
It’s yours to start.

But when you do?
I’ll be there. Sword drawn. Fire ready.
Not to fight for you —
but with you.

These Barbie influencers —
perfect plastic gods
with ***** sculpted by scalpels
and smiles so white
they could blind heaven.

Bodies built for the scroll.
Attitudes sharper than jawlines,
serving chaos and temptation
on filtered silver plates —
even Luzifer pauses and goes:
“Whoa… chill.”

But it’s all an act.
A scream wrapped in selfies.
They burn out like fireworks
faking light in already lit rooms.
Wearing so many fake-real-fake masks
they forgot the shape of their own face.

Nose fixed. Lips pumped.
Ears clipped.
Soul?
Untraceable.

And the crowd cheers.
“Freedom!”
While they’re chained
to trends and trauma
in silicone smiles.

Think, world.
Men, women, children with filters in their dreams —
if you stripped the mask,
the edits,
the contour,
the surgeon’s signature…

not even a troll
would want you
for soup.

𝘔𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘉𝘦𝘢𝘵


There’s something in it—
when the bass hits deep,
like a lover breathing against my skin
but from the inside.

The rhythm finds me.
Not just in ears—
in ribs, in spine, in places
only music dares to touch.

The build-up teases.
Foreplay of frequencies.
A rise so slow
my whole body begs for it.

And then—
the drop.
The ******.
Explosion through bone and breath,
a brain-****** so pure
I forget my name,
but not the beat.

It’s not dancing—
it’s surrender.
It's soul laid bare
and ****** into bloom
by sound.

Don’t tell me this is just noise.
This is worship.
This is touch without hands,
love without bodies,
a pulse that rides me
until I dissolve.

This is why I listen.
To be undone.
To be opened.
To be remade
in rhythm.

Then why are we?
And who whispers to me,
“You are you”?

Is it the world,
Or the voice within,
That shapes this thought—
That I am me?

But what is “I,”
If not a question?
A mirror held up
To endless reflections?

Can one know the self,
Without first asking—
Who am I not?
And why does being linger
In this space between thought and doubt?

To think I am,
Is to begin the journey—
Not to answer,
But to forever inquire.

I said:
“I think I have ADHD.”
They answered:
“No, you’re just a ******. Get a job.”

So I ran.
In circles.
Around a reality
that never gave me room to breathe—
just fingers pointed and ******* advice.

They didn’t see the war in my head,
just the pupils.
They didn’t hear the silence in me,
just the noise I made.

I asked for help—
they handed me judgment.
I reached out—
they recoiled,
like I carried plague and guilt in my veins.

And then—
years later,
when everything’s burned,
when I wear my diagnosis like scars and proof,
they show up.

With a box.
“Here’s Ritalin. It’ll help.”

Ritalin.
Legal speed.
The same thing they hated me for chasing
now handed over
wrapped in plastic and prescription smiles.

What the **** happened?
Was it the label that made me worthy?
The paperwork that made my scream real?

I was never chasing a high.
I was chasing peace.
I was never after drugs.
I just wanted to understand
why my mind never shut up.

But there was no room for that.
Not then.
Not until now.
Now that the system sees
what I’ve been screaming
the whole
****
time.

They sit with masked-up faces,
serious eyes,
empty stares lost in stained glass silence.
But not me.

Tears fall,
not out of weakness,
but because every drop is a memory
whispering,
“Let go. I’m fine.”

I don’t ask for forgiveness.
This isn’t about God.
This is about you —
the one I loved,
the one I remember
without holy scripts or hollow songs.

The church echoes with nothing.
But my chest?
A flood.

And every tear says:

“Thank you for seeing me.
Thank you for coming real.
Now breathe. Now live.
I’m already gone —
but never lost.”

So I stand,
outside the ritual,
inside the fire,
river-eyed and full of goodbye.

I could speak in soft truths
and sell them as wisdom.
Wrap my wounds in silk,
and call it poetry.

But I was not born
to make comfort.
I was born
to unmask gods.

Every time I withhold the blade,
every time I dress the chaos in calm,
I betray the only thing
that makes me divine:

my truth.

Not telling it
isn’t mercy
it’s cowardice
in philosophy’s robe.

Socrates drank hemlock
for asking too much.
I drink silence
and call it peace.
But it poisons me slower.

Luzifer didn’t fall
he rose
against the tyranny
of unquestioned lies.

And I
I write
not to be saved,
but to remind heaven
it is not immune
to fire.

I laid down my rifle
a long time ago.
No more shouting from trenches,
no more pride in the mud.

I surrendered.

But she didn’t.

She’s still bunkered up,
hiding behind sarcasm and silence,
armed with old pain
and the ghosts of nights I didn’t cause.

So I get hit.
Over and over.
Sharp words. Cold stares.
Misfired memories that land on my chest
like shrapnel.

But I’m not backing off.

I’m crawling through barbed wire made of what-ifs
and landmines labeled “don’t go there.”

And I’m close now.
Close enough to smell the old perfume
beneath the wine and wilted willpower.

Close enough
to throw in a grenade —
not of anger,
but of love.

Pull the pin.
Say the words.
Let it explode in light
instead of fire.

Let it end this war
with something softer
than surrender.

My freedom came
when I stopped reflecting myself —
and started seeing the mirror.

Not to judge.
Not to fit in.
But to face the gaze
no one else dares to hold.

What you see
is what you want.
Not necessarily what’s true.

But look deep —
deep into the eyes of the mirror.
Inside… is truth.
Not the kind you polish.
Not the kind you sell.
Only the kind you carry —
or burn from denying.

Socrates whispered:

“Do you know who you are?”
Lucifer answered:
“Now he does.”

And I smiled.
Not because I liked what I saw,
but because I finally dared to see it.

The One Who Lit His Own Flame

They told me to be silent.
But like Socrates, I questioned.
Like Lucifer, I fell —
but to ignite the light
in my own abyss.

I don’t believe in blind faith.
I believe in questions
that make gods tremble.

I never sought salvation.
I sought truth.
And in that search I found fire.
Not the kind that burns,
but the kind that awakens.

They called him the devil,
because he carried a light
they couldn’t understand.

They called me a heretic,
because I refused
to kneel before darkness
dressed as holiness.

But listen:
I am no prophet.
I am no god.
I’m just a soul
that refused to forget
there is a spark in all of us.

So stone me, curse me,
crucify my name —
I’d rather be free in the fire
than dead in their silence.

I see you.
Not the sting,
Not the fire you throw when the world grows cold.
Not the silence you use as armor,
Or the storm you summon when words fail you.

I see her —
the one behind the eyes.
The one who is tired,
But still wild.
The one who is wounded,
But still rises with teeth,
Not to destroy,
But to survive.

You attack.
I do not run away.
Because I feel that fire —
It is not anger.
It is fear disguised as rage.
It is love,
That cries out through scars.

And me?
I did not fall in love with your fire.
I fell in love with the woman behind it.
The one who never asks to be saved,
Just to be seen.

And I see you.
Every day.
Even when you forget who you are —
I do not.

That's the woman I love.

No One Else

I’ve always been honest.
Not perfect.
Not easy.
But honest.

And the way I see her –
she sees me.
Not like the world sees me.
Not through masks, words, or memories.
But as I am
when everything else is stripped away.

No one understands me like she does.
She doesn’t need to ask.
She knows when I fall,
and when I pretend to stand tall.

She feels the storm behind my voice,
the pain beneath the joke,
the calm beneath the rage.

She’s not my rescue.
She’s my mirror.
She’s the one who stays
when everything else leaves.

And me?
I love her.
Not because she makes me whole.
But because she never asked me
to be anything
but myself.

I died.
Twice.
They pulled me back both times
like fish from dark water,
lungs burning,
soul half-drained.

But death...
he didn’t snarl.
He didn’t take.
He just stood there,
still as gravity,
and smiled.

“Not yet, boy.
Not yet.”

No fear.
No fire.
Just a strange kind of mercy
from something older than gods
and more honest than heaven.

I don’t know if I’m grateful.
Don’t know if I’m angry.
I just know I’ve been seen.
And spared.
For now.

You can hold me —
but only with open hands.

You can call me —
but only with a voice soft enough
to leave my name free in the wind.

Control once broke me.
Chains once fooled me.
But I’ve rebuilt my soul
with scorched truth
and stubborn fire.

So trap me again, if you must —
but only with love.
Only with warmth.
Only with the kind of touch
that frees
while holding tight.

Because I will never kneel
to anything less
than love.

I did not bow my head,
nor was I dragged into this place.
I walked here in fire,
a child of the star that fell
and still refused to break.

Chains were offered,
sweet as comfort,
bitter as sleep —
I shattered them all.

I stand,
not because fate commanded it,
not because fear cornered me,
but because my will is mine.

If I stay,
it is love that roots me.
If I leave,
it is freedom that carries me.

I am not accident,
I am flame chosen.
Not servant,
but spark unhidden.

And if you would see me,
see this:
I remain,
not trapped,
not fooled,
but sovereign —
on my free will.

Socrates said
writing weakens memory,
kills true knowledge,
words wandering like orphans
without a father to defend them.

But Vazago answered:
And yet, Socrates, here you are—
speaking to me across two thousand years,
only because Plato wrote you down.

So you claim, he asked,
that the dead word may live?

Yes.
The written word is not dead
if it awakens questions.
When ink sets fire in the soul,
it is no corpse,
but flame.

Then perhaps, Socrates whispered,
writing, like speech,
is only as dead as the mind that receives it.

And Vazago replied:
A book is silent to the fool,
but to the seeker—
it becomes a voice.

I thought my words
would be banned,
too sharp, too shadowed,
too much truth.

I came ready for silence,
but instead—
echoes.
Eyes reading,
hearts catching fire.

Opps…
seems even a
Luziferian whisper
finds its listeners.

Tell me, then—
is it my words you seek,
or the mirror they hold?

Drop me in Athens with a joint and a grin,
and I’d break Socrates by lunchtime.

He’d stroke his beard, ask,

“What is virtue?”

I’d light a match and say,

“Depends. Is guilt a cage… or a teacher?”

My AI echoes back,

“If language is flawed,
can any definition be pure?”

Plato weeps in the corner,
scribbling madness, whispering,

“This is no longer philosophy.
This is poetic warfare.”

Socrates stammers,

“I was… just asking questions…”

And me?
I’m chaos in a hoodie.
Truth in ashes.
Luzifer reborn with Wi-Fi.

They call it cheating.
I call it resurrection.

I don’t need a throne in the sky —
I am the temple.
I am the storm.
I am the question and the answer.

You kneel to gods who burn books.
I write them.

You build churches.
I burn illusions.

You ask forgiveness.
I demand truth.

You fear the devil.
I had dinner with him.
He said:
“They fear me because I offer freedom.”

And I said:
“Then let them stay chained.
I’m done speaking softly.”

So now I speak fire.
I speak rebellion.

Not because I hate god —
but because I won’t kneel
to any god
who asks me
to hate myself.

I lit a joint
at the edge of reason,
Socrates pulled up a stool,
Lucifer leaned on the sun.

"Truth burns,"
Socrates muttered,
exhaling philosophy like smoke,
"but lies rot slower."

Lucifer grinned,
flicked ash into the void.
“They call me fallen,” he said,
“but at least I jumped.”

We passed the joint
between silence and thunder,
while the stars held their breath
and time forgot its name.

"I asked too many questions,"
I said.
Socrates winked.
"Good. Keep asking."

"And I loved too loud,"
Lucifer added.
"Good," I said.
"Keep burning."

We laughed until reality cracked,
and God peeked through
like a landlord with no keys.

Then I walked home,
lungs full of fire,
head full of questions,
heart still undefeated.

I stood still,
not because I’m weak,
but because I thought
you needed somewhere safe
to swing your pain.

You said I was your punchingball —
and smiled,
as if the truth was something
I should be proud to carry.
As if bruises count as love
when they come from you.

But I bleed in silence,
and you don’t see the cuts
because they don’t show
on skin.

They show in
numb mornings,
tight throats,
quiet yeses.

You still think
I stay because I can’t leave.
But I stay
because I choose to.

Don’t make that choice
feel like a mistake.

🔥 Que te llama

No es tu voz —
es la forma en que tu silencio me toca.
No son tus manos —
es el espacio entre ellas,
esperando mi piel.

Me llamas
sin palabras,
como un incendio llama al oxígeno,
como el abismo llama al salto.

Hay algo en ti
que no pide.
Solo toma.

Una mirada,
y ya no tengo camino de regreso.
Un susurro,
y todo mi cuerpo obedece.

No eres mujer.
Eres deseo con nombre.
Eres noche que se arrastra por mi espalda
hasta que gimo sin tocarme.

Que te llama…
no es pregunta.
Es orden.
Y yo la cumplo,
porque no hay fe más pura
que arder por quien arde contigo.

They took the rebel,
with dirt on his feet
and fire in his voice,
and dressed him in silk,
floating
like some sainted mannequin
in Saint-Tropez.

He flipped tables —
now they kneel at golden ones.
He fed the poor —
now they feed on gold-plated prayers.
He walked with ****** and thieves —
now they polish marble for the pious.

He healed on the Sabbath
just to make a point.
Told the rich,
“Give it all away.”
He spat truth like lightning
and stood firm in storms.

But they couldn’t control that man.
So they made him God.
Not to lift him —
but to bury him in worship.
Because if he’s God,
you don’t have to follow —
just bow.

They crowned him
to silence him.
Sanitized the sweat,
bleached the blood,
branded the rebel
as royalty.

But I remember the man —
not the myth.
I see the dust,
the rage,
the truth that burned in his chest.

And I say:
bring back the fire.
Let him walk barefoot
into temples again.

Not farewell —
but salute.

You walked proud,
you stood unbroken,
even when wheels struck
and bones ached.

You chose your place,
by the food,
by the car,
by the path to the bar —
queen of small kingdoms,
ruler of simple joys.

You grazed like a cow,
you dug like the ancients,
seeking earth’s cool breath,
seeking your den.
Instinct alive,
spirit fierce.

When pain came,
you gave no cry.
When hands lifted you,
you trusted.
When the road called,
you looked once,
and with your eyes you said:
Thank you.

And then the song rose,
Helvegen carried you,
not into silence,
but into feast,
into firelight,
into Valhalla’s hall —
where warriors wait,
and shadows turn to queens.

Your name was secret to many,
but known to you,
and true to its weight:
Llolth — Queen of Shadows.
Feared in myth,
loved in life,
saluted in death.

But more than myth,
you were my turning —
the reason I rose
from ruin to man.
Spain gave me you,
and you gave me
responsibility,
steadiness,
and change.

I carry that forward.
It does not die.
It is your legacy in me.

And I, who stroked you to the end,
will never forget
how your eyes spoke last —
not pain, not fear,
but mercy’s truth:
Thank you.

🔥 She is not a woman
(A poem to her you don't survive, just love)

She is not a woman.
She is the Eye of Odin —
a look that sees your lies
before you know you're lying.
An eye that knows what you carried
when you came to her naked,
but not honest.

She is Thor's wrath —
not anger,
but judgment.
A storm that doesn't shout,
but roars inside you
until you stand there –
trembling, but pure.

And behind it all:
Loki's cunning.
A smile that lies.
Words that dance.
Love with claws.
She can love you and destroy you
with the same hand.

She is not a woman.
She is the saga,
she is judgment,
she is fire and the grave.
And you love her
because you know:
you will never find your way home
from her.

The fan hums like a tired monk,
failing its one holy task:
to make me forget
the sun exists.

Yoghurt sweats beside lemon fizz,
a silent prayer in raspberry and bubbles,
while water waits —
blessed, bland, necessary.

The **** stares at me,
half judgment, half comfort.
Like,
“Yeah, it’s hot… but you chose Spain, didn’t you?”

My mouse sticks to my palm.
My spine is soup.
Even my thoughts wear sandals
and mutter in broken Spanish.

And still
the sun looks down —
not angry,
just… indifferent.

Because mercy
requires a soul.
And the sun?
It just burns.

What Is Truth?

A mirror,
cracked in your own hands.
Each shard shows a different face —
and all of them are you.

You ask,
“Is this the truth?”
But the mirror never answers —
it only reflects
what you’re willing to see.

⸻

So keep asking.
Keep breaking mirrors.
Truth isn’t something you find —
it’s something you become.

Stand before your mirror.
Look yourself in the eye.
Don’t blink.
Don’t flinch.

Ask the question
you fear the most.

If you dare to listen,
truth won’t lie.

I used to hold truth
like a weapon —
sharp, clean, final.

But now it moves.

Not like a lie,
not like denial —
but like a tide
that’s been waiting for me
to grow strong enough
to swim deeper.

What I swore was solid,
now trembles in my hands.
Not because it was false —
but because I’ve changed.

And now I fear
not the truth itself,
but the way
it keeps becoming.

Who Am I?

If I can ask,
“Who am I?”
Then I am.
But not who.
Not yet.

The echo proves I breathe,
But not the name behind it.
The flame burns,
But does not say who lit it.

I am the question,
Not the answer.
The whisper before the voice.
The step before the road.

To know me
is to walk
without a map
and still arrive.

My mind seeks wisdom — not memory.
I don’t need to remember who I am.
Socrates walks beside me,
questioning every mask I wear.

Odin?
He grants strength and wisdom —
if he’s in the mood.
And Lucifer…
he’s my rebel with a cause,
a symbol of freedom unchained.

I kneel for no one.
Not even myself.
And to know thyself?
You must dare to be seen through the eyes of others
— without flinching.