I bought sunflower seeds and planted them in a little *** on my window sill
I watered and tended to the leaves everyday
Every time the leaves seemed sick or browning
I had to hold back tears as I cut away the rot
Is it weak or dumb of me that I cried?
Like witchcraft I cared for that flower as if it were our love
As the leaves would rot so too did our hearts
As the petals fell so too did your love for me
And in every falling petal
Every cut leaf
Every inch of that flower
I felt you grow farther and farther out of reach from me

Why does this relationship feel like unrequited love?
I knew loving each other would be our downfall
But I didn't think it would feel so empty and lonely

There is no worse feeling than knowing you love someone more than they could ever possibly love you back

Our love was such a beautiful flower

One so unique and brand new it didn't even have a name
As it's petals bloomed and towards the moon it grew
I felt a love that was so deep and true

I thought that it was so beautiful and ethereal
That it must be immortal
That I'd see it in this life into the next and the one after

But it wilted
All the petals browned and fell
The roots rotted and leaves receded

Every flower has its season, this one just came late and let false hope into my heart

No matter how much I watered
How much I changed the soil
How much love I poured into it-

I could not save our dying flower

Because of him I've come to know what love is truly like
And it's not the way I've written it
Love is painful
Love is insecure
Love is questioning

I've always written that
Love was healing
Love was confidence
Love was knowing

While sometimes it may be all those things, it alternates
Love is bittersweet
Love is longing
Love is searching

Now that I know love, I've come to understand it even less
Love is having constant questions and having the answers just out of sight
Love is wanting to hold someone and them being just out of your reach
Love is desiring the sweetness in a romantic ballad while the sound is deafening

It is both everything I can't live without and everything I wish I could

He carries my heart in the soles of his shoes
So when he's looking down it's not because he has the blues

But lately it seems he forgets me at the door
He walks out into the world barefoot, sad and empty

I wish I could catch him before he leaves
Climb into his pocket and make him feel relieved

Watching from the window I am helpless as he sighs and frowns
On the window sill I sit on edge, patient and waiting for a chance to hold him

He looks like a person searching for something lost, something forgotten
But when he comes home he'll see it's me he has forgotten

I see him turn the corner of our street, he looks up at the window of our home
His gaze fills the room like sitting by a warm hearth

But he looks away and all that remains is the sounds of his shoes hitting the pavement
Our home is now cold and empty as he walks away

Will you still love me if I'm not pretty?
If all my teeth were broken and chipped
If acne covered every inch of my skin
And if my hair was always oily to the touch?

Will you still love me if I am no longer young?
When all my teeth have been replaced
When my skin is softly wrinkled like a well read book cover
And when my beautiful red hair is turned white with age?

Will you still love me if I am truly me?
All my insecurities and flaws I try to hide
All the fears and doubts within my heart
And all the dreams and ambitions I hold so dear?

Will you love me for me if I let you try?

I feel somehow I am fooling you
That I'm not as captivating as you imagine in your mind
I'm not as mature or put together
I'm deceiving you surely,
I'm confused and all over the place
I'm hesitant and scared all the time
I always forget things, I'm not pretty or smart like other girls
I wear a mask of confidence
I'm not really so sure of myself
I'm truly terrified of all my uncertainties
So many qualities I wish to lose and wish to gain for you
But when you say my name I forget that these insecurities ever even mattered
How is it you see me so clearly that I only truly love myself with you?

In the silence I find comfort looking out the window at the beautiful sky above me, knowing that somewhere in this world it sees you in the ways that I can not
That when you step outside the sun embraces you and holds you in the warmth and gentleness that I long to
And when it rains you can hear, see and feel me for within every drop I am with you in these unknown ways
Because in these ways, through the distance between us we are connected
When I glide my hand along the sunbeams around me I feel the traces of you carried back to me

When the sun sets and darkness surrounds me I feel your heartbeat in the quiet
Under the moon you are reflected in the light, dancing off the beams of her mystical magic
And the dazzling sea of stars calm me in their endless cosmic stretch
For if the stars above can live so far from the people who adore and love them
Then the distance between us is nothing

And I feel comfort knowing you can feel me in these ways that I feel you
When I close my eyes, in this way the distance fades away
So when you step outside, feel me in the warmth of the sun
See and hear me in the pouring rain
Watch me dance in the moonlight
And forget the distance in the stars perpetual range

It's so curious the way the human heart
***** us in through the eyes
Captive to these unfair emotions
Covering every inch with stitches on our skin
Reflecting all the love torn apart within

Bruises on our egos, showing how shallow we can be
Everyone trying too hard to please
The social norms that leave us on our knees
Praying for release from the things we can't control
Because we're all so scared of the unknown

Fake your intentions, pretensions feed the flame
All of the questions that are keeping us awake
What more can we forsake for those illusions we all chase?

And is it worth it in the end
When we look back at the lives we've lived
Knowing every move was calculated, faked for show
Because we were told to live that way
Faking our emotions, driving out the sin

With the same hands used to yield we beckon with a wave
Inviting back all the things we've thrown away and overcame
All the envy rinsing off our skin, falling into life once again
Because we long for the touch of other's to fix what we cannot
Yet we hate and love each other in the same fragile thought

How is it that you fear me like I'm a toxic flower
But still hold me in your arms like I'm all that you desire?
Feeling up my emptiness, caressing away all that is corrupt
Walk with me in the shadows of my soul, breath the air within
Will you hold me up to the sun, that I may feel again?

They were innocent
The ones who walked this path before me
The ones who never did any wrong
Who committed no sin
'Do what ye will but harm none'

They were the ones who loved the earth
Listened to the cries of the wind and the heartbeat of the sky
Saw the dawn kiss the night sky goodbye
And how the moon would watch over them all
The ones who fell in love with all of Earth's mysteries

The ones who loved to heal
Who cherished all life, and wasted none
The ones who saw everything and nothing
Who ran with the rain
And sang to the storms
Who thanked the crops and respected the Earth
The ones who wrote in runes
And spoke in code
To save our craft and protect our herbs

They were stripped of dignity, but not of pride
Dropped into the water but embraced by the gaurdians of the West, resting in defiance on the surface of the sea
They burned their bodies, but not their souls
They wounded their flesh, but not their will
And like a Phoenix, they rose again
Reborn more powerful, more proud

If again we must, again we shall
No longer will we hide our pride
Our symbols, our spells, our rituals, our magic
No longer shall we fear the ones who do not love the earth we live upon
The ones who burned our brothers and sisters out of hate and refused to understand
The ones who slaughter the land and do not value
all the life that exists together
For we are witches who honor our past and rise together as a Phoenix, rising from the ashes of the ones who crumbled so we could soar

I don't claim to be the most beautiful for simply vanities sake
From my first breath of life I learned
That in this world my beauty is my worth
If I am not desirable, then I am nothing
I am beautiful because I have to be
Since that first breath of life
I was told that I was beauty, through and through
If I am not beautiful, then what am I?
What purpose would I serve?
If I am not the most beautiful, then have I lost my worth?
The diamonds on my skin
The blinding, dazzling layer of my shallow beauty
Hide the precious gemstones that cover my heart and run through my veins
For I am beauty, through and through

He carries my heart in the soles of his shoes
So when he's looking down it's not because he has the blues
I hold his dreams on my shoulders so when he's depressed
He'll have a safe space where his mind can rest

Eros shot his golden arrow and I'd been hit
Through his words the flame was lit
There was no negotiating it
Because bottling up your feelings isn't lit
As if all the planets had aligned
There was nothing left to be denied
But fear is like a heavy chain
How long can we allow it's reign to remain
Freedom beckons with loves lingering light
And with these feelings I take flight

The crushed wing of a butterfly still inspires me to fly
It shows me not to take my own for granted

How many?
How many holidays are to be taken away?
Valentines day was once Lupercalia
A day to celebrate fertility in honor
Of the Roman Gods
Now it's looked down on
Called a consumer's holiday; A day of romance
Either loved or hated; stolen nonetheless

When I am asked how I feel about Valentine's day
I look at Christmas; Yule and Saturnalia
Easter; Ostara
And who knows how many others
If you are going to steal a holiday,
At least don't make it on the same day

It makes me think
Why am I forced to hide
On these oppressive days?
My religion has been demonized
Stolen from and misrepresented for so many years
Suffered in witch trials, burned and drowned
If we have done so much wrong
Then why are you stealing our sacred days?
Giving them new names, copying the rest

Our symbols, our holidays, our spells
All stolen
The cross, Valentine's day, a prayer

When I think about Valentine's day
I think about how much has been taken from me
And how much it hurts to hide
In the shadows of a vilified faith
'Do what you will so long
As you harm no other'

Our kindness has been trampled on
By the 'generous' faiths
With their arms outstretched
To ruin and take
Rather than forgive and accept
Forced into the shadows
To practice my religion
Wearing my symbols
Like chains of shame
Looking at my holidays
In envy and with heavy heart
Happy Valentine's.

I wish I could walk along the path you leave behind
Do the things you do to me that I'd never do to you
Say the words I know will hurt and cut you deep
So you can understand what it feels like to have
Those scars that run across your heart and weaken your mind

I'm jealous of how highly you think about yourself
How easily you hurt others without a second thought
How you can do whatever you want
Say whatever you want
And never face a single consequence

If I could walk a day in your shoes
I'd break a million hearts with every step
And when I'd get tired I'd have a glass of water
Poured from the ocean of tears from all those you've discarded

And I feel like I'm your ghost
Pacing in the steps of the one who hurt me most
Bathing in your legacy of tragedy
In all these memories I am searching for my remedy

But all I have found is a band-aid to rip off
A quick and momentary pain I won't remember once it's done
In my mind I shake the walls of insecurity and reminisce
About the times I was able to commit such crimes of passion
About the times I was stronger than the person that I am now
When I wasn't too scared to rip that band-aid off

I hear that love is the strongest blade
With the kind of strength that cuts through all that's wrong
And builds whole kingdoms from the rubble
But every day through lover's eyes
I watch it defile all perfection
And empires fall with every deception
All the dishonesty that is unburied
Teaches lessons you ought to learn before you're married
Hold yourself and don't look up
Eyes that search will surely find
Perfect love that masquerades with devil's at night
I find that within this life there are no gallant knights
True love never satisfies
A hungry heart that feeds off lies

I may not feel like I'm the prettiest girl in the world
But at least I know my heart needs the surgeries
Before the Doctors ever touch my face
And open me up like a game of operation
One more round of what's wrong with this chick
Fuel the world's desire for gossip, keep them in the loop
I roll my eyes at the social media craze
Before I cough out all my insecurity
Let me take control, heal myself from inside out
I'll pull myself back from deep inside
The chasms of all my heartaches and
Find my soul still swimming in
All my painful remedies that never let me down
As I let go of my thoughts of yesterday,
I find the beauty in my doubt

Letting go of my feelings for you
Making you smile
Protecting that fragile happiness
Being your friend
That is my favorite sacrifice,
And I'd make it again and again

Even if it feels like ice has covered
Every single inch of my skin
Like frostbite that covers
My heart, my mind, my eyes and ears
Shutting out every sense
That would bring me back
To my love for you,
As senseless as it may be

My love is too much
It's strong, careful, delicate and clingy
It will swallow you whole, keep you captive
And when you finally free yourself
That love will burn to ash
Like a moth that got to close to the flame
And I will be the one left keeper of the blame
Alone to hold back the tears in loves name

"I wonder what it feels like
To hold the world in your hands
And let it slip from your grasp"

Suppose I finally understand

I see the world in different shades of him
I try to keep my eyes closed, pretend not to see
I deny and deny and refuse to feel
Because he is too important to lose to love
So I will suffer until I learn to let him go
Or perhaps one day I'll cave and finally let him in

Because he is everything I have ever wanted
And everything that I never want to lose

He chased love like a child chases dreams
Like a dog chases its tail
Excited, carefree and hopeful
Like second nature

Daphne was his temple of worship
He turned the ground she walked on
Into precious gold embroidered with jewels
He played songs of love on his golden Lyre
Lovely melodies for her and her alone
But she would never look at him the same
She only saw the caterpillar, never the butterfly

She decided rather than to love him
She would prefer to be wiped from existence
But Apollo never hated her for it
When she was turned into a Laurel tree
He made a crown from her leaves
Wore it with pride around his head
And wept for love that taught him
Even the Gods hearts can bleed for love

He took his ****** heart and let it heal in Troy
He placed it in the hands of the beautiful Cassandra
Who took his love and abused it with insecurity
She pretended to be sincere as she took his gifts
Strung him along with hope trailed behind her
Like cheese in a mouse trap

He gave her the gift of prophecies
And she left him with the agony of abandonment
Thought she was cunning, tricking a god

Do you think she ever thought
about the ways his heart must have sunk when she used him?
Could she see far enough into the future and predict
all of the ways he would reflect
on why he wasn't good enough for her
for all of eternity?
And did she feel remorse?

He gathered his tears and left with his sunken heart once more

Perhaps the only one who truly loved Apollo
Was his dear Hyacinthus, the alluring Spartan Prince
The short time they had together gave Apollo back his hope
His heart had finally healed, mended and repaired once more
But even the mighty god of healing could not save the one he loved

Zephyrus' jealousy and envy stole from him as if the other Gods weren't satisfied with his happiness and cursed him to never find true love
He held Hyacinthus in his arms as he died, trying to heal to no avail
He cursed his weakness as love once more slipped away from his open arms
To commemorate his lover, he sprung a flower from the blood
A hyacinth, a permanent reminder of his grief

He gathered his heavy, grieving heart as he tried to move on, but fate wasn't done with him quite yet

The Princess Coronis had everything she could ever want
But she was selfish and took a piece of Apollo's grieving heart
A piece she never intended to hold in a gentle grasp
A piece she didn't want to cherish or to return
But Apollo was blind to her cruel motives behind her lovely words

He had fallen for her, loved and treasured her so much
He truly believed he had found redamancy at last
And wanted to keep her safe from all harm or sorrow
Keep her away from the wicked hands of the Gods
Like Eros who shot his Daphne with a lead arrow
So that she may never find love in her heart
Like Zephyrus who stole the life of his Hyacinthus
In order to protect his treasured love
A white crow was sent to watch over her

Yet no matter what Apollo did,
Love was not meant for him
It fell through his hands like
Life falls through time
Endlessly and hopelessly

Coronis's affair with Ischys was revealed
And Apollo learned the heartbreak of betrayal
Unlike Cassandra, she didn't return with her life
Apollo shed no tears as he loved for the last time
And left that piece of his heart behind

The innocent white crow
He made to represent his healing heart
Turned black to serve as a reminder
Of the true deception and torture that love can leave behind

Don't look at a God as something to use
As someone who is cruel for no reason
Look into their abuse
Marvel at how they managed to survive even just one more season
And ask yourself if you could do the same

I could handle hurt from anyone else
But the person who built me up
Should never have been the one
To tear me right back down

I heard you weren't doing well
It hurt
I wished I could have reached out
And told you I was still here for you
But my better judgement told me "No"

I tried so hard to remember why we drifted so far apart
I couldn't recall the weopon, only the memory of the wound

But now the memory of that day is clear
The way you told me I wasn't enough
The first person to tell me I was
The first person who made me believe

You were the crack that started the spiderweb that weakened my glass
You left me vulnerable for the next false Messiah to completely shatter me

You promised me peace and brought me devestation
You promised me a temple of confidence and instead broke me with insecurity
You didn't take my side, left me defenseless
You threw me into the wolf den without a warning

Our friendship was full of nothing but falsehoods and pretenses, worthless promises that did us no good

But I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish you happiness
It's not in my nature to be unforgiving and cruel
I don't have room in my heart for hatred and grudges
You may have hurt me, but I don't want to hurt you

Aren't we all like Perseus?
Looking for what we can conquer
For what will give us glory
And immediate satisfaction?

Looking for what we selfishly require to soothe our sinful palate
Rather than see the thievery, debauchery, infidelity and calamity
That we leave on our path to that beautiful glory

We keep our eyes fixated on the prize

Pretend that we didn't hesitate
When we pilvaged the sanctuaries
Behind the eyes of the innocent
For just one more
Unsentimental mug raised in our name
A mug haunted by the eyes
Of the lives we stole in glories name
And tainted by the shame inside our hearts

Pretend that it meant nothing to us
That we didn't stay up in vigile the whole night
While guilt and remorse swallowed us whole
That we didn't bury our armor and burn our honor

Or worse; pretend that we did

Spend the day twisting the knife
Through the knees of the kind
Laughing as the crowd cheers
Only to forget the next day
What it all was for

I suppose that's what makes us human
Desire
Selfishness
Hesitation
Remorse

When Aphrodite was given life
She was born into this world
All alone
There was no mother or father
To greet her arrival
There were no smiles
Cheers of joy
No warm welcomes into life

But Aphrodite didn't need it
She brought her own love into the world
She knew from her first day in life
That someone had to teach the world
To cherish, to hold, to touch, to desire
To caress, to feel, to long, to see
To love the beauty in between

She who gave us the deepest emotion in life
Chased that feeling to hold as her own
But as many tragic stories end
Aphrodite never had such luck or peace
She chose love and love again

But love never chose her back

Why lock your heart in a cage and give someone else the key?
You didn't spend all those years in isolation
Just to lock yourself up once you're finally free

What right does she have to tell you when to feel together?
What right does she have to hold your freedom in her grasps?
Does she kiss your cheek and make you forget your weaknesses?
Does her smile tell you that you are worthy
And only then, do you believe?

When he holds your hand, is that the only time when you feel safe?
When he caresses your fears away, only then do you feel healed?
Will he hold you in his arms and make you forget your past?
Will it be worth it when he makes you forget all your trauma
And the past repeats?

The four walls of your mind reflect my tower
I waited for someone to come and save me
That was my first mistake
Healing has to come from inside out, not from outside in
Save yourself before you rely on a possible savior
No one else can mend your wounds
Don't rely on forgetting, try learning more about healing

He fought for honor with Achilles
Two brothers in arms against the world of treachery and deceit
No one saw the tender gazes that the two shared in their last goodbye
A final brush of their hands as they shake with an uncertain future
Patroclus knew he would die
Dressed in his lovers armour
At the hands of his lovers enemy
And in his death he'd bare his heart with one final grand gesture
He'd gladly exchange his life
For his beloved Achilles

If love is a crime, her head will rest at the foot of the guillotine
If desire is wrong, her heart shall be ripped from her chest
If lust is unnatural, she shall be sunk back into the ocean

She dipped her feet into the waters on the docks
As she longingly watched the ships return to the land
The sailors back from adventures of somewhere grand

She watched as lovers embraced after months apart
She sighed with pride at her gift to humankind
Thought to herself, "Nothing is wrong, or am I blind?"

A shift in the wind, love in the air, and Aphrodite full of despair
Looked around with heavy eyes, searching for something wrong
Searching for the sin between the lovers lips and honeyed words

Aphrodite felt empty and cold, no love to warm her bones
She, the goddess of love, felt lonely and distanced from all
For she could simply see no wrong, no harm, no sin

**** her beauty, and **** their gazes
**** the gods for their judgement
**** them all for tainting love with lies

Her eyes saw only eternal springs in every sight
Her heart knew only compassion and nurturing
She had so much left inside of her to give
She gave it all to the man who had nothing left in him
He was lonely, castaway, feared, despised and hated
But Persephone had patience
She had a heart larger than the Underworld
Deeper than the river of Styx
And brighter than Mount Olympus
Her love was quicksand
And it swallowed him whole
One smile at a time
A woman so kind
Taken from home
Taken from familiarity
From a life of flowers and sunlight
Condemned to afterlife with a beating heart
She saw beyond herself, beyond her own situation
She filled the Underworld with color and warmth
Just as she did with it's ruler, one smile at a time

Pandora gave us many gifts
Disease, poverty, misery, sadness, death and all the evils of the world
All which gave humanity balance and morality
Without disease, poverty and death
We wouldn't know compassion, humility or cherishment
Without sadness and detestment
We wouldn't know happiness, excitement, longing or love
Without the evils in the world
We wouldn't know anything outside of ourselves
We would be selfish, lonely, sinful, greedy and gluttonous
Most important of Pandora's gifts, she gave us hope
Hope that touched the shadows of evil and healed the wounds of hate

We treat women who lie with our husbands like an army of Medusa's;
we blame the wrong person out of jealousy, envy, and heartbreak

It's not their fault they fell for the same lie as us
It's not their fault they are insecure or ignorant to the truth
It's not their fault our lovers didn't say no, that they couldn't resist and respect us

It's our fault for cursing the mistress
Damning her to turn everyone who looks her in the eyes into stone
Perpetually frozen in looks of horror and disgust
For something she didn't mean to do
For giving into desire

We are all Athena's
The ones who act on envy and rage
The ones who think we know it all
When all we know is the way to barbwire a heart

In the end, we are the ones to blame
For hurting someone already heartbroken
Penetrated by the same blade that stabbed us in the back
Only they were stabbed directly in the heart, the gut and the mind
They were forced to feel undeserved guilt and humiliation
For the faults of our own lovers

Don't blame the victims
Blame the cause
Blame the liars and the cheats
They are the real Medusa's in disguise; giving more to the temptations of beauty and desire rather than to the temples of love and respect

They brush their fingers across the chicken flesh of our skin
Leaving their static electricity behind

They caress our insecurities
With words of possibility

They hold our doubt
And replace it with support

Sleep holds me in his warm embrace
His hands creep around my neck
The pressure keeping me awake

The world's ablaze
Filled with rage
Mother nature is to blame

Not your God who is supposed to save
Not your God whose hands create
It's mother nature, the one who gives

Mother nature, the one who shares
Mother nature, the one who loves
Not your God who turns his back, no

The God who cares more
About your "unholy" bedroom life
More about your uncharitable deeds
Than he does the state of peace

Blame it on our mother
Who gives us her breath so we may live
Who gives the fauna from her back so we may eat
Who is crying silent tears so we can drink in peace

Yet you praise God
For his Mercy
For his 'generosity'
While he steals all her credit

Our dying mother, mourning her broken body all alone
While we dance across her continent sized bruises
And blame her abuse on herself alone

We block out tragedy
With insensitive jokes to hide our fears

Put a pause on the tears
That feel like a painful rain

Push away the horror and trauma
While hoping for sun to reign again

Knowing that the uncertain future
Will inevitably unravel before us

And only we can pick up the pieces
Of a broken history that crumbled before our eyes

We hold up our open hands
Though the world tells us to hold them shut

We help where we can
And we shatter where we can't

He knelt at the side of her bed
Like a throne or alter
His mind full of hope or surrender
Even he didn't know which it was

He held her hand
Told her he couldn't understand
What she was going through
That he didn't know what would happen

But he told her he'd be there
He'd be her comfort and all her courage
She would see him in her dreams
He would never leave

He swore it like a Knightly oath
With his hand over his heart
He told her tomorrow was uncertain
But today would last forever

And so she never died
She lived forever in that moment
Like a Queen with her fervent strength
A Goddess with her humble tears

She lived eternally within his promise

I crashed into love
My ship had been lost at sea
Map was torn to shreds
And my compass had mislead me
Lied to me and abandoned me
Brought me to the wrong island
To hell and back and back again
I was trapped there on that Purgatory Island
Afraid i'd never make it off at all
I escaped-
Returned back to my ship at sea

My anchor was lifted
I let the ocean carry me away
Simply drifting through
A torrent life
Aimlessly floating by
Island after island
Too afraid to land
Too afraid it would be
Another perdition in disguise

I closed my eyes after staring
So closely and longingly at the clouds
How they danced in the sky
A song of freedom and carelessness
While I was chained down to earth
My heart anchored in the lonely sea
I closed my eyes to escape reality
To for just one second
Feel as careless as the clouds in the sky

I let my ship be wrecked once more
By a tiny islet alone in the ocean
Such a hard ****
Such irreparable damage
From such a tiny island
I felt helpless
Distraught and terrified that
My carelessness brought me back
To that devilish island

I was shipwrecked by love
Afraid and alone
I had no clue what to do
Other than brave it out
And step once more
Onto a foreign land
A tiny island
Not even on a map
A tiny beautiful island
The more I let go of fear
The more I longed to see
The deeper into the heart I went
The less afraid I became
I didn't want to leave
And to this day I remain
Home on that Heaven Island

The sea no longer calls to me
No temptation on the horizon
No doubt on my tongue
The angelic land is home to me
Holds me in a devoted embrace
My Elysium hidden away
From erroneous judgement
A tiny islet in the sea
Yet home to a thousand Nirvana's
Just for me

Most people say family is forever and everyone else is just a choice
But truth is we choose our family with every passing moment
We choose our spouse, choose to have children
We choose to stay; to care; to coexist
While this isn't always the case for every one in every place
We often have the option to choose our family
Sometimes families tear each other apart with hate
Instead of leaving we choose to say "We are family" and stay

We don't choose love

We don't get to decide who takes our heart by force and in a flurry
We can choose who we will allow keep it safe and hold onto it
But we don't get to decide who we fall in love with

We call it a fall because it isn't a walk, a run or a jog
It's sudden, unexpected and unanticipated

We don't walk around this world knowing the love of our life
We bump into them, we are introduced, we trip and fall
We stumble into love and we stumble out

We don't look around a room and say-
"That one, that's the one i'm in love with"
That's not love, that's lust and attraction

We fall into, for and because of someone else
We get hurt
We pick ourselves back up
We laugh, we cry
We don't get a say in if they leave or if they stay
We lose, we grieve
We blame and we accuse
But we don't get to choose
Because love is not a choice

Love is a feeling
A calling
An urge
An undeniable force of gravity; A magnetic field
We are pulled towards and pulled apart
We are pulled so hard together we knock each other over
Just to get to our one true center

Love doesn't have a name
It's not a person
It's a connection
My love is the force that pulls us together
My love is the hurt that knocks me over
Whether I wish it was or wasn't
Love is not a choice

We can't lie to ourselves like we lie to others
A heart that beats is simply such
You can't tell it to stop or beat for someone else

Family we choose
Love we find

The last time I believed in God
I was 6 years old in Sunday school
I asked my teacher why we believed in a man above the clouds
I loved that woman, but her answer wasn't enough
All she was able to say was "Just have faith and the Lord will save you"
Children are simply meant to blindly believe what they are told, but some how I couldn't
I was defected
Because that was the day I stopped believing

The last time I spoke to God
I was 16 and losing sight of who I was
I asked him why he thought he deserved so much credit
For the world he made
A world that self destructs
A world where people find it so hard to breathe they take their life
A world where we can't see ahead of us because the future crumbles before it comes

I asked him why he let his children starve
Why he let them cry at night with no hope to hold on to
Why he let them hurt, shrivel up and die
Why he let them live in poverty

I asked him why I was supposed to have undying love
For a man who doesn't cherish the creation of his own two hands

A father
Who doesn't pay child support
Who doesn't hold his child in his arms
Who doesn't tell them he loves them
Who doesn't put food on the table
Nor a roof over their heads
Who doesn't speak or console
And who leaves his children alone and unprotected
Unsupervised and broken down

If we hold our own human fathers up to this standard, then why don't we hold the father of all responsible for his neglect?

The last time I prayed to God
I wasn't kind
I didn't ask for anything
I simply called him out
If a God truly exists
I hope one day he is put accountable for his crimes
And is punished for his sins

Being a voice for the voiceless
Is not making a choice for them
It is teaching them to make a choice for themself
It is telling them that they are worthy
And giving them the empowerment
To advocate for themselves

Being a voice for the voiceless
Is not manipulating the broken, the lost or the weary
It is not deceiving the hurt, the trusting or the kind
It is outstretching your arms, opening your palms
And not slamming them shut when you've had enough
It is being humble, humane and compassionate
It can do more than save a life, it can change a life

Your angelic words wrapped with demonic intent
Wont reach me from all the way up there
Your pedestal is too high, I'm afraid I can't hear a word you say
Your godlike vocabulary can't hide that devilish motive
And for as much as you lie, you are one awful liar
That angel light of yours can't blind me anymore
I have a special pair of sunglasses now
They block out all the repugnant **** from sight

We've truly done it
We've sold our future
for the useless millisecond
that is the present

We've gift wrapped our dreams
and sent them off to space
in hopes that one day
maybe they'll find their way back

We've sold our hearts
mass produced our compassion
and felt the void within our chests
we're heartless and we don't care

We've sold the future
to bathe in the pettiness of the now
the pathetic present
as putrid as it is

We've sold the future
like it was ours to begin with,
for something so worthless
even we don't want it-
                                        We've sold the future.

This world is a sad and dangerous place
Everyone knows it, everyone feels it
The new year brings new disasters
2020 didn't even give us a minute
to catch our breaths

We have the possibility of facing
A new war with every passing minute
It seems a new shooting happens everyday
Australia is literally on fire
And what can we do?

We place our trust in our leaders
In our countries
To keep us safe
Placing blame on anyone but ourselves
Some pray for people to be good
Yet even churches are no longer safe
We hope for the world to cool and calm
But with everyday comes new calamity
And what can we do?

War is an idiots parade, and we don't have a say
We can't predict disaster
We can't predict who will lose their mind next
We aren't prophets
We don't know how to be safe anymore
Worst of all
We are too lazy and selfish to save our planet

We don't know what to do anymore
This world is falling apart
And what can we do?

The roads I will take
Will be long and winding
Curvy and broken
Split and cracked
***** and dark
Damp and cold

They will lead to dead ends
Disasters and regrets
Heartaches and pain
Insecurities and envy
Burden and loss

They will hold sorrow and judgement
Fear and turmoil
Insincerity and tenebrosity
Anxiety and dread
Betrayal and delusion

But they will one day
Come to an end

The roads I will take
Will lead to floral paths
Full of sunshine and clear skies
Laughter and curiosity
Innocence and empathy
They will be beautiful; pulchritudinous

They will lead to destiny
Opportunities and possibilities
Miracles and dreams
Wishes and desires
Elegance and grace

They will hold hope
joy and excitement
Wonder and relief
Satisfaction and love
Peace and tranquility

They will have been worth it

I tried to close my eyes and walk through life blindly. I often stumbled, fell, cried and got lost. I heard many honest people lie through their teeth. I've felt the rough hands of a hardworking mother and father. I've learned the meaning of patience, hope, charity and sincerity.

When I opened my eyes I asked myself; "Now what have I missed?". I expected to see hardship and disaster. A world run by liars and held entirely on the backs of the innocent, broken and bruised. Yet I forgot my most important lesson. Hope.

It came in the form of the birds singing their mellifluous songs in the trees. A trail of sunshine falling through the fluffy white clouds. The bright and ignorant smiles of the passersby. Yes, the world is ugly. But I have learned to see the beauty in between; I have learned to look.

To fight as enemy to thy current
Is but to strive in vain
A heart that beats is simply such
Thy thunder scarce is an echo for me, he, or she
Ahwær thy heart may flee
Will it be me, loves hearth shall I be

My parents carry regret and insecurity everywhere they go
When they first open their eyes in the morning
When they close them at night
And every moment in between
Guilt and doubt sit on the edge of their bed

My mothers eyes hold back years of trauma
Abuse from her childhood
Abuse from herself
Cowering in the shadow of her present self
Stuck somewhere in the past, she can't move forward

My father holds nothing back
His sharp words telling me I'll never get it right
Making me feel small and insignificant like a penny in the road
I don't think I could ever love or respect this man
It's so hard to see into his mind and through his eyes

But I know he is insecure in the same ways as me
He doesn't want to feel useless or be forgotten
He is afraid of failure and blame
He's is also cowering in the shadow of his past
Stuck somewhere inside himself, he can't climb out

My eyes carry hope and determination
My favorite words to hear are "I'm proud of you"
Because I never thought I would ever hear it from my parents
But I am older now
Mature enough to know that pride doesn't need to be spoken from someone else

While my parents are trapped in the past,
I'm lost in the future
Too busy dreaming of possibilities to see the present
A beam of light hangs over me, distracting me
I'm too captivated to look away and see ahead of me

We are all trapped and isolated inside ourselves
We are roses grown in sand
Blaming each other for our own lost vibrancy
We are butterflies without wings
Judging each other for why we can not fly

Don't fall in love with an actor
All they want to do is play the leading role in your heartbreak
They are just rehearsing for someone else while they fake their way in and out of your life
They steal the spotlight in your eyes and take all the credit they can carry
They treat love like an audition
Then they run away like you're Macbeth and let their ego swallow you whole

He thinks that everything that blooms and flourishes is only born to wither before it perishes
Happiness to him is like a candle that's run out of wax and can no longer be lit
I try to lift him from his pain, but I carry him away in vain
Everytime I think I'm holding him high enough above his fears and insecurities
He's distanced himself and disappeared once more

He's a rose that's grown from sand
He only sees himself as a freak and an anomaly
People around him tell him he's a burden
That he is useless and insignificant
They take advantage of his kindness
He wants to disappear rather than be a disappointment

I feel like I'm always fighting to hold him above the river of Styx full of souls with their reaching arms desperate to drown him
If my love isn't enough to save him
I hope someone with stronger arms will come along and pull him from the current and onto land at last