How is it now, that good looks get you everywhere in life?
How is it that 'talent' is simply throw it together or use auto tune?
What happened to hard work pays off?
What happened to the little things?
Why does race, size, gender, and all of that matter?
Why can't we just accept each other?
Who decides all of this?
Who's to say all opinions can't be valued?
When will I be able to say something like, most of the people here on HP are far more talented and real than any celebrity?
When will I not be chastised for saying such a thing?
Probably not in my lifetime...

Words cannot extinguish this flame
Fueled by pain; raw, untamed

Just because I'm introverted doesn't mean I'm shy
Doesn't mean I have no feelings or I never cry
Just because I'm introverted doesn't mean I'm scared
Doesn't mean I'm hateful or socially impaired
Just because I'm introverted doesn't say I'm weak
Maybe I don't feel the need to continuously speak
Just because I'm introverted doesn't make me weird
Doesn't mean that I am judged, misunderstood, or feared
Just because I'm introverted doesn't mean I have no life
Doesn't mean that I couldn't be a great friend or loving wife.

Sweaty palms, broken dreams.
Those piercing sounds imprinted as screams.
Crusted blood hides under, dirt stricken nails.
Drags along where deep darkness lurks and prevails.
Breaths growing deeper, stumbling around.
Have to keep going, don't want to be found.
Hung on branches, bushes, and sand.
Trudging among the treacherous land.
Pull out a shovel, removing the earth.
Deeper and further, whatever it's worth.
Grabbing the cold, stiff, rubber-like hands.
Whispering I'm sorry, no reprimands.
Pick up the shovel, returning the ground.
Turns away, leaving his bride safe and sound.

Why does it matter, whatever your size?
The amount of space between your thighs.

The width of your waist, the size of your shirt.
That doesn't measure what you're worth.

The buttons on your pants, the flat, toned abs.
That's one thing I sure don't have.


All of those "models" are starving and thin.
Do people even make the sizes they fit in?

Seeing every bone isn't healthy or right.
Society has done this, warped our sight.

The size of your bra, whether A or D.
Should not be the first thing we judge and see.

But unfortunately, all that I say isn't true.
The world judges the outside of both me and you.

The only way inside my heart
Is to patch it up, not rip it apart

Slowly, but surely, stitch by stitch
But one slight hesitation, unravels so quick

Delicate tugs, no frustration
Long, tight hugs, anticipation

One wrong move is detrimental
Everything said was confidential

Betraying trust rips vulnerable flesh
Bleeding and open, exposed to the rest

Ambulance blaring, but speeds right past
Forgotten again, but alone at last

It has been said that the eyes are the windows to the soul...

Maybe that's why our pupils are black...

Looking at the outside, can only tell so much.
The way I look and how I act.
But don't take one glance then rush.

Maybe I'm pretty average, not much to this kid.
Watch your words, you don't know me or the things I did.

Sure, scars and cuts fade on the outside, no one would ever know.
But take a peek inside, where the real feelings show.

Pulsating heart, where wounds never heal.
Carried through veins, the pain that's more than real.

Blood flowing, thick and red.
The same that comes from slit wrists left for dead.

They say don't judge a book by it's cover, and that always reigns true.
Would you really want everyone judging you?

The rough concrete caresses her thighs.
A look of madness dancing in her eyes.
Crisp, fall breeze blowing through hair.
How far the drop, no one is aware.
Bare feet dangle, sway forward and back
Sliding closer, still under attack.
A single tear drops and disappears in the mist
Hoping to catch it, the voices insist.
Seconds later, flying through the sky.
Feeling the frost, softly whispers goodbye.
Closed eyes, going numb.
Unbearable sorrow to which she would succumb.

She walks with a purpose, no fooling around.
Eyes fixed in the distance, her destiny found.

Head held high, a confident pride.
Discreetly wiping the tears she just cried.

No signs of weakness, no prominent shame.
Stricken with turmoil, herself to blame.

Into the night she silently treads.
Leaving no trace of the horror she dreads.

No one knows for certain, I want you to be near.
I feel your warmth surround me, the memories so clear.
Amid the eerie silence, I almost hear you speak.
Those calming words of wisdom, does it mean...

Are you still here?
Haven't you left?
Everything you loved is now bereft.

There you were, curled on the floor.
That loving, little girl we all adore.

What went wrong?
What did we do?
How could we have stopped from losing you?

It was wasn't right.
I understand.
Maybe you'll be more happy far from this land.

This is goodbye, I can't walk away.
Tears run down my cheeks, the last words you hear me say:

I love you lots. I always will.
Your soft, little body which I once held has fallen still.

Don't be afraid, I must let go.
You're at peace now, tucked beneath the snow...

To those who are hurting, to those feeling pain.
For those who have none left to regain.
To anyone beaten by their own mind, the lost and afraid who already died.
Just listen to me. Please, I've been there.
I know you are lost and drowned in despair.
I know how it feels to be all alone.
When your heart shrivels up, hard as stone.
Long sleepless nights, filled with tears.
Anticipating greatest fears.
Ready for darkness and death to grip.
Watching the blood from your wrists drip.
Hopeless and hollow, no strength left.
Slowly inhaling the very last breath.
Please be a fighter, do not give in.
God has the power, He knows you can win.
Bold and triumphant, making it through.
Embracing the future, see what you can do.

The first time that I felt the thrill.
In my English class, I wasn't thinking, it just happened.
I had wondered for a long time, what it would feel like.
So I put the pencil on my arm.
It danced and glided across my skin and for the first time in a long while, I felt something.
I continued to get the thrill of pain.
Any way I could. Anytime I felt like it.
Sometimes 12 hours a day.
It took a turn for the worst.
My arms, hands and legs were already scarred.
Why not my wrist?
The ultimate statement, something everyone can see for all eternity.
So now I am stuck with five, perfectly straight scars running across my wrist.
But I did it myself. I don't complain.
I can't remember when I stopped. But it lasted about four months.
Then, one of my friends needed help.
She was really stuck. When I went in the dark to drag her out, I fell in.
I started small. Didn't tell anyone.
It was easier that way.
It escalated quickly. I was at my worst.
I had slit my sides, my shoulder, my arms, my legs.
A zipper of cuts dripped down my stomach.
I felt so many things, that I couldn't feel anything.
I acquired a collection of scars all over and I knew that I needed to stop.
Enough was enough.
Stopping the second time was a hell of a lot harder than the first.
As of today, I have been completely clean for a month.
30 days seems like nothing.
But if I can go the first month, I can go for the rest of my life.
I know what cutting is like and I am over it.
Cutting was a great feeling. But nothing compares to the feeling of kicking your addiction in the ***.

Way back when in Bible times,
Being a ***** was like a crime.

But you'd think with today's many advances,
We'd offer more people second chances.

Today we have lepers all around.
But no one helps them stand their ground.

They come in different shapes, sizes, forms.
Black, white, yellow, orange.

Homosexuals, transgender, maybe different than you.
They're all human beings, respect them too.

Don't hate because they have darker skin, being yourself is not a sin.

Don't hate because someone is in the wrong clothes.
It's not your choice, that's just how it goes.

And remember just how lucky you are, getting married at the altar.
While maybe two women or men somewhere near.
Are living together with one great fear.

You can get married, so why can't they?
Why do opinions get in the way?

Just tell me what's wrong with accepting everyone?
Do you think war, prejudice, and tragedy's fun?

Change can be hard, but change can be good.
Make the world become what it should.

New flowers to bloom, the ice has gone.
Baby animals stumble out of the dawn.
Life, happiness, love, and fun.
Is my wish for you, soft little one.

As spring turns to summer, cool breeze in your hair.
Your supple, tanned skin which once was so fair.
Growing up fast, more warmth ahead.
Out of your crib, in a big girl bed.

But as seasons change, so do we.
Then comes fall, a catastrophe.
Once warm and bright, cold wind races through.
Losing piles of leaves, and parts of you.
Piercing, bare branches sting like a knife.
When fall comes, prepare to get up for your life.

Winter charges, no mercy, no end.
Stinging blizzards swirl again and again.
Lost and alone, frosted heart.
Then opens a door, the heat melts it apart. Reluctant; heat burns on frostbitten skin.
Buried in blankets and warmth from within.

Broken and brittle, heart frozen and small.
Taken in and warmed up. Someone heard your call.
Sitting together in front of a fire.
Hand in hand, knowing love will never expire.

AB:  Flowers and trees, a thousand degrees, we ***** around in the winter , we can't freeze.

FNB: Leaves are falling, fireplace calling. The icy cold wind is somewhat appalling.

AB: Lost in translation, broken sacrifices, free vacation, let's perform a crisis.

FNB: Out in the dainty, crystalline frost, I reach for your hand and my worries are lost.
But winter will fade and in comes the sun. The cold left some ice that can't be undone.

AB: Summer time when spirit of a young god lay to rest, flowers in your hair signifies that you're at your best. Love music and tattoos, a grain of sand, sitting in the corn fields, we can't lose, to a world created by man.

Isn't it crazy how one decision can change everything forever?
Like having that extra test at the doctor.
Who knew an endoscopy could be the difference between life and death?
No one was expecting anything to happen.
Just routine checkup.
This would be everything but routine.

A tiny little cancerous polyp cost half an esophagus plus part of a stomach and spleen.
Years of recovery, sleepless nights.
Feeding tubes, coughing fits, at home nurses.
Building up strength just to walk into his own home for the first time in weeks.

That tiny cancer would've spread.
On this day, we could've been mourning instead of celebrating.
Cancer took a hell of a lot from us, but look what it gave us.
My dad turned 48 today.
Without surgery, I wouldn't get the privilege of spending this birthday and many more with my dad.

Some say fear holds you back.
That it shouldn't rule your life.

Some say they laugh in the face of fear.
But fear is a powerful thing.

Some say once you face your fears,
There's nothing that can stop you.

I say fear has saved me bloodshed.
It's kept me out of the hospital and the morgue.

I say fear keeps me in check.
Fear keeps me sane.

Fear keeps me from ******* up my wrists so bad that I pass out on the ground.
I bring that knife to my neck and that little, tiny voice says HELL NO!

So I don't laugh at fear.
And I definitely will let fear hold me back.
Because fear gives me something to shine through.

Who knew that something as small as a word, could cause so many problems.
Haven't you heard?
It seems like nothing, no one was hurt.
Intact on the outside, but inside was worse.

Words can cause pain and long, sleepless nights.
Words can cause broken hearts, damaging fights.
Words are more powerful than they may seem.
Once something is said there's no way to redeem.

Be careful of words, they pierce like a knife.
You just might impact somebody's life.

I don't like pain yet I still cut...
I feel weak yet I still keep going...
I help everyone but not myself...
I'm falling but won't let anyone catch me...
I'm a failure yet I do better than most...
I'm fat but I still eat...
I barely eat but it's still too much...
I love others but no one loves me...
I'm here but I'm still lost...
I look fine but I'm not...
I have always been here but I don't belong...
It's been a long road and yet I still stay strong...

All those dark nights, lost and afraid.
Fighting the thoughts that come to invade.
Sitting alone, fresh blade in hand.
Gliding across the soft, fleshy land.
Droplets rise up, a dark liquid shade.
Out of the slashes and wounds that were made.
Forget the struggles, the tears that were shed.
Holding the knife stained permanent red.
Stare in the mirror and what do you see?
Pink, little cuts covering me.
Some on my ankles, my stomach and thighs.
More on my arms, but that's no surprise.
Still in denial, all is ok.
They don't go real deep, the scars fade away.
Not willing to stop, not ready yet.
This addictive behavior is full of regret...

Feeling the tip pushing into soft flesh,
Still clean and unbroken, perfectly fresh.
Sharp and gentle but only at first.
Torture and bloodshed quench only this thirst.
Dancing so lightly, sends shivers throughout.
Mind in a storm, darkness tunnels about.
Clouds form overhead and the rain starts to pour.
Thick, crimson droplets collect on the floor.
Winds then pick up and all things are destroyed.
Left bits and pieces you try to avoid.
No time to recover, the ground crumbles below.
And out of the depths, comes a shadow.
Strikes with the most abhorrent of claws,
dismembering victims with bone-crunching jaws.
Splattering blood, insides and more,
Leaving stains darker, more now than before.
The clouds dissipate, a light ray shines through.
Making the carnage glow, a brilliant red hue.
Echos of cries and screams fade away.
Piles of dead bodies, left on display.

For anyone who ever wonders or forgets what FNB stands for,
For anyone who doesn't know my story:
FNB is three little words,
Fat No Bones, does that sound absurd?
It may not make that much sense to you, but in my mind it all is true.

F is for fat, it's how I feel.
I look in the mirror and see that it's real.
N is for no because nothing is right.
Everyday is another fight.
B is for bones as I wither away.
Put on a smile as my body decays.

That is my story in three little words,
I take it in stride through the twists and turns.

Looks like happiness ,everything right.
Smiles and jokes all day, but later at night.
Take off the cloak, what lies beneath?
Covered by a thick, bulletproof sheath.
Sadness, worries, imperfections.
Distorted images and reflections.
Trying to hide all that is wrong.
Blending in, playing along.
Drowning in emotions, getting no sleep.
Buried far underground, getting too deep.
When the light comes, put on your disguise.
Wipe off the tears, and muffle the cries.

In frightening silence, hiding in wait.
Hoping to strike, deciding your fate.
Wearing your patience, and self-control.
These consuming thoughts have taken their toll.
Slitting each wrist, draining red crimson.
Mesmerised as it flows, sparkles and glistens.
Heart beating fast, shaking so hard.
Nothing can stop it, no way to discard.
Feeling lightheaded, stumbling around.
Landing softly upon the cold ground.
Wrists still dripping, time's running thin.
Life pours out of the veins from within.
Lying and wondering when death will grab hold.
With evil, dark hands, and a piercing cold.

I always wish I didn't care, that I didn't have to see
All the pain and the dark that lurks inside of me.
Always there it's hiding, waiting for the day.
When my foundation crumbles and I start to drift away.
Telling me lies, that I soon believe.
The job of this horrid demon, is simply to deceive.
Once it consumes its' victim, leaving some entrails.
It slinks off into the vast darkness, unaffected by screams and wails.
Then comes a lonely wanderer, lost and all alone.
Befriended by this evil, going deeper into the unknown.

I let you see my biggest secret, confessed my greatest fear.
You saw all of the things no one has gotten near.
Countless secrets, agonizing pain; i shared it with you.
Whispering words, holding me close, was any of it true?
I reached out; about to drown. You pulled me from the sea.
Brought me back and saved my life, just to ****** me.

When you feel that familiar feeling,
At first subtle, then grows so unappealing.
A tingling slithers all around, drawing you in, pulling you down.
Invading the mind, body as well.
Looking at scars, it's easy to tell.
Give in, they scream and claw inside.
There's not a single place you can hide.
Feeling uneasy, what will you do?
Split yourself open for that liquid red hue.
But after it happens, red knife in hand.
Live with the guilt and scars; you did it again...

Crackling fire, shimmering tree
children all laughing, filled with glee.
Stockings hung up, music and cheer;
running to bed because Santa is near.
Bright lights and cookies, love all around.
Can almost hear reindeer stomping the ground.
Giving and happiness in the atmosphere,
sounds like Christmas is growing near.

It's time to accept, it's been over a year.
All of the pain and the sorrow that's here.
So many scars, so many tears.
Feed and become the greatest of fears.
Just one more time, it's no big deal.
Everything broken will once again heal.
No matter how bad, the volume of blood.
All the emotions that happen to flood.
Unable to find the solace and peace,
while letting go of your only release.

My knife is my comfort.
My blood is my tears.
My shield is concealing the greatest of fears.

My cuts are my refuge, my way to escape.
Watch as the problems pour out of each scrape.

"I'm fine" is my cover, it is such a lie.
Because no one's there to answer my cry.

I went into the blaze to pull someone out, but then i fell in and wandered about.
The smoke filled my lungs, i could not breathe, there was nothing that i would receive.
I gave all i had, there is nothing more.
The flames have destroyed and ingested the door.
I struggled for air and as i went black, a figure appeared and someone came back.

it's either black or white, there's no grey in between
it's either cut until i cry or stay completely clean
you love me or you hate me, no matter what i do
leave me bleeding, broken, alone or be my superglue
hold me when i need it, or let me be in peace
put the knife up to my throat or make my hand release
love me until the day i die or don't love me at all
don't deceive me, tell the truth, i'm waiting for your call

Weakened heart, growing pain
Nothing left to remain
Blood rising in your throat
Enough to make you gag and choke
Lungs filling, fall and sputter
On the floor, you seize and mutter
Eyes roll back, here comes the flood
Drowned and dead in your own blood

By the time you get here, it will be too late
My heart has slowed, my organs done, the damage is too great
Do not try to save me, just look into my eyes
Stay with me and hold my hand until my soft demise

Always sad, always worry
Put your clothes on in a hurry
Let no one see the pain
Or the scars that you will gain
Feel the disapproving stares
Everybody seems aware
Watch the blood, the warmth slide down
The world starts to spin around
Hear a crash, you're on the floor
Bleeding out, alone, ignored.

I can't quite tell you which is worse the pain right now or then.
The first time it was all brand new but here it is again.
The sharpness of my little blade brings back the memories
Sadness, darkness, and despair that brought me to my knees.
Already fought the first war, did not return unscathed.
Badly beaten and destroyed, left alone. Betrayed.
Now here comes the second, it's shadow lingering.
Shots are fired then it's time, the bloodshed that will bring.
Storming from all directions, thundering, crashing down.
The battlefield collects more stains the second time around.

When i'm asked if i'm okay, i always say i am.
Because i know that honestly no one gives a ****.

So why should i just sit here and tell you everything?
Like all the others, you will leave; the sorrow that would bring.

Do not ask me that question, i'll have no more to say.
You just keep it to yourself and don't get in my way.

Sometimes i wish i didn't care, i wish i didn't see
All the cuts and all the scars have been engraved on me
Sure, i try to hide it
But i often fail
The demons and the voices always will prevail
When the thoughts creep over, clouding every move
Watching all the blood there's nothing left to prove
Thinking, and planning, waiting for the day
When all the sorrow and the hurt will finally go away
Once i am all ready, the blades are in my grip
Nervous and uncertain, my hand starts to slip
A shot of pain runs through me, then it all goes numb
A sticky, warm sensation is surely soon to come
My heart is thundering in my head and then i see a light
The blood cascading from my neck is no longer in sight
Suddenly, it stops like that i see from another place
That lifeless body that once was mine is only a cold, pale face.

I don't always know exactly what to say.
I like to keep my feelings locked, it's always been that way.
But here you come along, opening my heart.
Why can't i keep you out, it tears me apart.
I listen to your problems, you help me out too.
When i start to crumble, you're the superglue.
All these new emotions, spinning through my brain.
None of this has ever happened, will i go insane?
Everything is different, but somehow it returned.
All the pain once has taught, now will be relearned.
I'm trying not to hurt you, so i hurt my skin.
But i'll always be here,  to ease the pain you're in.

It seems like a weight, wrapped in your heart.
It shouldn't have happened, but now plays a part.
Feeling so tiny, alone and confused.
By your own conscience, you're  hurt and abused.
Pile on the strees, add to the fear.
Let the idea sink in and adhere.
Pray for some guidance, pray for the love.
Do not lose the one who comes from above.

All those dark nights, alone in my room.
Wishing for death to come and consume.
So many options, none of them real.
I'm afraid these ideas just don't appeal.
Touch every scar, remember the days.
Seems so long ago, covered by haze.
Ignore what they tell you, ignore all the stares.
Fix your own problems, cause nobody cares.

Which way is right?
Where'd i go wrong?
Why do i need someone  keeping me strong?
I lost my courage, can't find the light.
Somebody help me and hold on real tight.
Keep me encourage, try to refrain.
Some of my promises will not remain.
Look in my eyes, put me to sleep.
But if you let go, i'll fall way too deep.

Drained of feelings for anything, nothing has a meaning.
Emotions held inside so long, altogether retreating.
Say whatever, i don't care it's probably the truth.
It's clearly read upon my face, so you're really not a sleuth.
Go ahead, look at me, i have none to hide.
My face you see, is but a blank, and it's the same way inside.
It's scary when you're at a time, not knowing who you are.
What is life, who even cares, have i gone to far?
Am i alone, can anyone hear, will they answer my call?
Is someone willing to be my rock, pick me up every time i fall?
Can you please stop all the talking and listen for a bit?
Can't you be there, like i was for you and understand this ****?
Keep a serious look on your face, no pity, or concern.
No wide eyes, dropping jaws, disdain, or discern.
Hear my story, the good and bad and then draw your conclusion.
If you judge me before the whole picture, what you see could be an illusion.

Feel the crisp breeze run through your hair
Let it down and billow through the air
The crescent moon hit your skin so fair
Open your eyes if you dare.

See the iridescent moon
Lighting feathers of the loon
And as it gives its' final croon
Does it have to end so soon?

Feel the icy, midnight sea
Carry you off so peacefully
So bright and captivating can it be
Floods every inch of me.

Alive, yet drowning in the waves
Waiting for the one who's brave
Falling victims turn to slaves
Buried in their watery graves.

Finally! Crawling to the shore
Above the dreary ocean floor
A brand new place to explore
With opportunities, so much more.

Wiping off green sea foam
Heading off with new places to roam
Not afraid of the great unknown
No longer entrapped in the mind of one's own.

Only been a couple months but seems like forever
Something that was once done, although you said you'd never
Four faint lines, growing weak
Willpower, growing meek
These four faint lines bring out the dark
But still attached, left a mark
Shouldn't mean a single thing
A sign of being surely clean
Being damaged should not bring pride
So why does it bring accomplishment on the inside?

I once met a girl so innocent and sweet
Until she took a stroll down evil street
Where all that's seen is the negative side
Find yourself drained; lost on this ride
Taunted by devils, demons, ghouls
Looking for solace, stability, rules
Wandering hopelessly along this path
Waiting anxiously for the aftermath

Soft, warm hands, crystal clear eyes.
Everyday is a new surprise.
Lightly holds you in his arms.
Overwhelmed by that lovable charm.
Deep, smooth voice puts you to sleep.
Morning smile makes your heart skip a beat.
Respectful, sweet, cuddly too.
Hopefully he'll propose to you.
Living together, for better or worse.
Will it be a blessing, or will it be a curse?

Everyone hanging in their cliques,
Nothing i can really do about this.
Everything i do seems wrong,
It's no wonder i don't belong.
Loitering around, saying "Hi"
Not invited to come by
Never really fit in anywhere,
So i walk alone, without a care.

Touch so soothing, soft and gentle
Not cold, rough or experimental
Eyes unending as the seas
Carry me off with a cool, calming breeze
Speaking in a musical voice
Captivated, i have no choice
Feel the warmth cascading down
Engulfing me, all around.
Now awake, sheets cold as stone
Looking around, but still alone.