"I am alone"

I repeat as I toss the last shovel of soil over the grave of my careless love.

I became whole
But my body was broken
Ridden with age,
I grabbed my last token

Into the machine
My luck was spent
The scythe to my back
To Hell I was sent

Hell is a hole
Hell is a mountain
Whether you fall
Or whether you found it

You climb and you reach
But the air just gets thinner
You grind at your teeth
But you are the dinner

You fight and you wrythe
But the chains cut you deeper
You find what was lost
And why you can't keep her

I left my soul
In a devil's arcade
'Neath a pile of clubs
Hearts diamond and spades

I tasted the blood
And sulfur and ash
The wine hit my teeth
Like a tamer's quick lash

My body was broken
Whole was I made
When I sold my soul
In the devil's arcade

The bitter end
The taste of velvet
Slipping down my weary throat
I hold my head towards familiar faces
All their eyes
Blue
The cloth slips around my neck
The wool scratches at me
Like the claws of a midnight shadow
Creeping 'cross the cradle
For a whisper
For death
I close my eyes
The earth beneath me shatters
Like glass the door breaks loose
My body breaks
My soul releases from this cage
This broken,
Withered,
Rotten cage.
But their eyes were still blue.

The smoke seeping from your lungs
Into mine
Like the venom in my blood
Pulsing
Reaping
Reminding me of the cold in his breath
The nails down someone else's back
Then back to you
Back to me
I carve your name over and over
Until the words become air
In my lungs
In your head
In my head
I find myself trapped in this cage
In this life
In this love
In you
In me
I am lost
In the smoke within your breath

My eyes crave a sun so bright
a summer for my wilted heart anew
Blinded by the rays
fires of gold piercing my skin
Burning
Melting
My arms crave a mountain
of nails and ashes to drag my weak and fragile animation of bones
Set me on fire.
To become the phoenix
a harpy of the flame
My eyes crave a sun.

In my bones there is fire
It seeps from my marrow
It radiates
It burns me from the inside out demanding to be heard
To be felt
To be known
I shut my eyes and push back the pain
The sorrow
I allow myself to become hollow
And pure
But I am unclean
I am filth
I am rage
There is a fire
And it burns
And as I rip the flesh from my bones
I can hear it whisper
It is pure

The desperation in your voice
Quivered like the arrow
In your grasp
Hunting for the answers
Only time can tell
You searched a thousand faces
Looking for the one to keep you whole
Make you one
Lead you out of every breaking
Heart to hold
Hard to hold
I can't feel you anymore
Anymore
But I still find myself
Searching through a thousand faces
Begging you to be

Love,
I fear
Is lost with me
Through eyes dark as coal
and crows
I left a piece of my
Humble heart
The core of all I could have been
There could only be two
The quiet
Whispering
Devil
And the broken bodied prince
I lost them
I lost them both
And I fear
I will never love again

It was the way your body drifted closer to mine
Again and again
I became aware of the veins in your wrists
The blood
The rhythmic pulse of your eyelashes
The ragged cream of your skin
I knew this couldn't be action
No, this was a reflex
But I didn't care
I was awake

For a thousand lives, only one was needed
Every lie I told, and infection treated
We run together, we run apart
We fight the madness of mind and heart
I cling to you for one last breath
I wish for life, I wish for death
And with this promise you have spoken
And every promise I have broken
I forgive myself with reason
Only time can cleanse this treason
For you, a thousand lives I give
For you, a thousand lies I live

With the weight on the world on your shoulders
Will you be the one to crawl?
The serpent writhing on the earth
The angel before the fall

Will the whisper of your greatest sins
Send shivers down your neck?
Will the kiss of death bite through your lips?
Will remembrance take your breath?

Do you crave the iron blades of truth
The wisp serenity
Did the sirens tempt your wicked heart
Will your penance be the fee?

With the weight of the world on your shoulders?
Your knees dragging the earth
Can you find yourself sinking in
When you're choking on your worth

I need a soul stronger than mine
Not to save me
But to hold the other end of the rope
To watch me walk it
To be the goal
The end
The finish

In my darkest dreams have I ever wept
Until the tears rained blood into the soil of the earth
And roses bloomed like wildfire ripping across plains in a sea of thorns
Of red
Im time I found the temptation
Growing stronger in me with every breath
I listened for the call
The fox and the crow we became
His cunning matched by his own oppression
In death, returned my soul confession
It was time for me to take what belonged to me
To make it my own
In my darkest dreams have I ever wept
Into the waking morn', my obsession.

Christmas came
on a Thursday in the middle of June
The snow swelled up around us
Our bodies, did it consume.
I drank the whiskey
And you drank the gin
We made love until love could be made over again
By the light of a cold Christmas Eve
I waited for you
Waited for you to leave
But you came again
And again
And again
And I wanted to close my eyes and wash you away once again
But when I looked up there you were
At the top of the moon
Or the sun
Or maybe the end of the Earth
Heaven knows I know you were not the worst
I could have
But you definitely made a mark
On me
Didn’t you, that.

In darkness I found myself
Empty through the veins
To my finger tips
Numb
I became
Inseparable from the pain
The leeches that drew
The words from my flesh
My flesh from my bones
The bones I crack open
To feel alive
To feel ashamed
I'm on my knees and I no longer feel a thing
Feel you
I long for you
I cling to you
But you can't even hear me anymore
But until the earth has taken me
Until my rotting marrow
Seeps into the bellow of the lamb
I will call for you
For you

A thin piece of glass
separated me
from the destiny
I was born to cross
Its reflectance beckoned me
like a piece of gold dangling from a string
Hypnotized by the light
My soul stepped through
Breathing tiny shards of crystal
My lungs coated with divine vanity

I am but a cross

There was a certain air
Of mystery
Buried beneath a stack of knives and teeth
Plucked from the mouths of little girls
Cut into paper dolls
Connected by a ribbon
Stripped from a crown of curls
Soft golden curls
Curled around the handle of a gate
Leading to the infinite drought
Of a desert of sand
Wrapping the beaches of a white winter lake
Snow crashing to the ground
Boulders
Mountains
A burning mountain in the distance
Fire burning from within
Smoke spreading the skies
Like a thin layer of ice
Cold as the skin
Of the slithering viper
Scales
Scale
Scaling
Climbing up to the stars
Where the twinkle in her eye
Was the only thing you can think about before you slept
Before you sleep
On a throne of knives and teeth

I feel the plates of the earth pushing us apart
We grind and we glide but we never let go
I think about you there in the cold winters
On my tiny island
In my inferno
I think about the scruff on your face
The rose in your cheeks
I wonder about your scent
I think about the way your skin must feel
Underneath another's nails
But in truth I know I deserve no claim
My loyalty came with a price
And to be fair
The wound is still raw
Still open
Still waiting
If waiting for the past makes me a fool
Then to hell with wisdom
I won't swallow this
But today is not the day
For resolutions

I wanted to stop
Truly I did
But the idea became more than disillusion
I was drawn to it
We were all drawn to it
Like flies
But it was bound in thick glues and saps ready to **** us in
I watched him take the first bite
Venom spilt from his lips
Molding them
Rotting them
I ran with determination
But there was the apple
The drug
The venom
I wanted to stop
But **** it was sweet

When the world breaks
And the sky falls
When the sun expands
And engulfs the moon
Will you be the one to carry out the final blows?
Will you run from the flames?
Will your final words be sweet goodbyes?
Or will a battle cry rip from your lungs

Will you become
Or will you be?

I sold my last breath
For a pocket full of memories I would soon forget
Because I forgot what it feels like
To stop breathing

Every scream left an echo
Rippling through my mind
I held my breath
Hoping the veins in my neck would  unveil my every thought
I had been bluffing far too long
Playing a game with a deck of spades
I was unprepared
Young, naive, shamefully virginal
I watched myself in the reflection
I smiled
Why was I smiling
I looked away and with a gasp I saw it was me
It was me
I held my breath
I jumped
My feet tore through the glass
My body seemed to rupture as the cold enveloped me
I held my breath
Turning my head to the sky, I opened my eyes
There I was looking down at the body below
And I smiled
I couldn't look anymore
I couldn't watch
I couldn't face myself again
I had to breathe
I ****** in the water
And with my resolve
I prayed for my mother
I prayed for God
I prayed for someone to reach down and pluck me out
I looked up one final time
And she jumped.

Briefly I allowed myself to falter
I leapt
Down, down the wish well
I caught a glimpse of myself
Smiling
Breathing
Laughing
As the little voice told me I loved you
I leapt full force
And came crashing down
Until there was nothing
But me and the waves at my feet
I walked on water for you
On earth
On air
I walked on fire for you
And as my world came crashing down
It was only you behind the glass
Ready to pull me out

The consequences of my infinite vanity
Was the realization of my mortality
I wished to be young and free
But age has taken me by little surprise
The whisps of gray tangled around my face
They engulfed me
Like the riverbeds in my cheeks
The ivory in my teeth
My children watched the ticking clock
Hungry
The clock strikes 12!
She's dead!
But I can never die
I took then by surprise
I clawed my way from the grave
The dirt in my teeth tastes like copper and old bandages
I was consuming myself
The nips
The tucks
The folds
The lifts
They all came crashing down on me
Down on my head
I'm down on my head