Romance is dead
Jump in my bed
We'll have some fun
Til I'm finally dead

Lesson learned
After i got burned
Not the first nor the third
No it took many hits before i learned

Sometimes you have to fall
Deep into hell and crawl
Before you can find any meaning and stand tall
You'll hit and hit so many walls

One day you'll be free
Tell yourself no more stupidity
Until you get wrapped into it again suddenly

Life brought tricks and sneaks to get you
To go back and make the same mistakes you always do
It's just a test to see if you'll make it through

Cause i guess it'll never stop until the lesson has been learned

Nobody ever comes
Nobody ever comes
Nobody
   Nobody

Ever
Nobody

I'm still
Or no
I'm shaking
But I'm always
That girl
That little girl
Crying
Alone
Always
Always
Alone
They never came
They could hear me
Nobody cared

I guess I thought
Or maybe felt
I healed
I was wrong
It was a lie
To disguise
The pain
The lonliness
The lack
The lack
Of joy
In my heart


I was torn
Torn apart
I hid the memories
Within my heart
I closed the doors
And forgot
Forgot the horrors
Forgot it all
Wasted on life
Wasted
Wasted
On forgetting

It comes rushing back
These days
The memories
The feelings
I am but a little girl
Little
And fragile
Little
And
Alone
   Alone
      Alone

A kraken walked
No
Burst
Through my life
Sending me in a spiral
Spiral
           Spiral
Larips
              Larips
    S p I r a l

Of memories
Pain
Loss
Lonliness
I can't come back from this
This
Shaking
Shaking
The earth might be quaking
I have so much to feel
I cannot heal
Everything is too real
Real
Real
No
Nothing is real
Nothing
Nothing
Everyone is bluffing
I cannot
I can
Not
Pretend.
I
Am
After all
Nobody's friend

I am alone
And crying
Alone
And
Crying
It's all come back to me
All come back
I'm alone
And nobody
Nobody
Ever comes

When you hear me
Hear me cry
Will you let me die
Or will you
Perhaps
Prove me wrong?

Please
Prove me wrong

I am so ******* tired
Of being sad
Tired of trying
With everything i have

Tired of living
Just to cry
Please god
Let me die

My tears came
From being alone
Now theyre here
For reasons unknown

Waking up everyday
Just to lay in bed
Dreading life away
Scared of what's ahead

It's so dark
I can't see a future
All i know is pain
Why is life such torture

Why do i fear death
How can it be worse
Then living this solem life
To breathe is a ******* curse

My suffering is on repeat
Isolated and alone
I tried to break free
Eternal hell I've been shown

God writing these words
Makes me sick
All it does
Is slow down my fit

I could never convey
The endless hell
Why do i even bother
In trying to tell

Someone ******* shoot me
Since i can't do it myself
I'm a nobody don't worry
You won't go to hell

For killing me
Wouldn't be sin
No-one would care
As I die with a
Grin

they ask me
Choose a way
This or that

Find yourself
live and become
Someone

They don't see
My reality
Is dead

It's not a cry out
It's not a pout
Im gone

I can barely write
Words aren't flowing
My canvas is empty

I'm walking
Only because a leash
Is pulling me forward

No goal
No care
I'm no longer there

Empty inside
I may still cry
Left over pieces

They see emotion
They see sad
Then they get mad

Try harder
Stop whining
Start shining

They don't know
I already made a choice
I decided to die

And it's already in progress

Imagine for a moment
That you're barefoot
Freshly awakened

And in a box
Of nothing
A blank slate

As you look back
You see darkness
Overbearing depth

Is that where you were kept?
Now look forward
Take your first step

You will see it's blank
This is your chance
Take your barefeet and dance

Splash new color
Maybe joy maybe blue
You can make so many hues

You can go slow as you like
Or fast on a bike
It's your time now

Sometimes the dark may follow
Push it back under a cage
Lock it tight

Use your might
You escaped the dark
Show your path some spark

Your colors may not match
Some of the slate
May stay blank

That's ok
Do it your way
Honey, you're here to stay

You'll never go back
So stop looking
No need to attack

Maybe you'll find
Red shoes very divine
Maybe you click them together

And find home in new weather
You'll find your "together"
And be able to rest in forever

Old memories flood in me
So so many
Storms of memories
Of you
Of me
Of everything
I once dreamed

I was so deeply in love
never to touch
You
I wanted to know you
I wanted to show you
My heart

I saw magic
With us
You are why
I believed in
The sky
At night
At sunlight
The moon
The romance
The perfect chance
To steal
A kiss
To feel
The bliss

I remember it
So vividly
I held onto you
You kept me living
Breathing
Full of
Hope
You helped me
Fight
So many demons
You helped me
Survive
For so many reasons

I never could thank you
You might find me crazy
You probably always knew
The crush I had on you
It was awkward
Embarrassing
Yet sweet
And charming

I love you
not in that way
I adore you
For helping me
Stay
Alive
Most nights
I wanted to die.
when I saw you
My hope shined through
You gave me a chance
To sparkle
To shine
To leave my pain
Behind

I kept a photo of you
To never forget
To never regret
I treasured every moment
They were small moments
Meant nothing to you
I was just a small girl
In your large world,
But you were everything
To me

Never mean to me
You spoke to me
You were kind to me
That's all I needed
You were beauty
To me
In my eyes
You gave me reason
To realize
I could love
I could climb above
And feel
It all
Feel the helpless
Romance
Feel the imaginary
Dance
Feel my heart
Beging to
Prance

You gave me
Everything
I needed
To be a girl
You gave me a
Whole entire
Shimmering
World

I had a chance
To grab ahold
To have you
To find us
To see it through
I decided
It's best to
only pretend
To know
All of you
I never want
The magic
The secret
Taunt
To go away
No
I want the romance
I dreamed of
To stay
So to you
I strayed
I ran far away
Part of me wanted to play
all of me knew
To keep away
So I can hold onto
My feelings
My hope
Of girlhood
Of a sweet, Romantic
Rope
I clung to so tight
I never wanna see
A night
Where that could be tarnished

So thank you
For being my
Sweetest crush
For the most
Innocent of lust
For letting me
Feel
Without limitations
For letting my mind
Run wild
With imagination
It kept me alive
It kept me burning
With passion

Thank you so much
For the beautiful journey
And lesson
Thank you
For being you
You have no idea
Of what you saved me
Through

Feeling
Feeling
I can't stop

I feel sad
I feel mad
I feel bad

It won't stop
It never stops
I'm getting tired

I feel cold
I feel old
I feel sold

All these emotions
Keep piling on top
If i must keep feeling

Why can't it be happy

Why won't anyone
Love me

Why won't anyone
Care for me

I give so much
And recieve none

I can't stop crying
No use trying

No one wants me
I know
I won't ask you to

I just want to know
Why

I used to cry alone
I used to beg on the floor
Desperately trying
Desperately seeking
For love
For comfort
Everyone walked away

But for Christmas
You gave me a shirt
But for new years
You gave me a kiss
On Valentine's day
You gave me a gift

You said it's nothing
You said I deserve more

You don't understand
How much it means to me
When you show me you care

When I cried on your couch
When I needed help
When I felt so alone

You gave me a hug
You gave me a kiss
You told me you cared
You stayed right there

I never had to beg
I never had to plead
I never had to sink so low
Or fall on my knees

Maybe you think you're not enough
But to me every little kiss
Every little hug
Means the entire world
And I never want to give you  up

My loneliness is crippling me
Shattered legs sinking
Into the darkest quicksand

The metronome ticking
Steady and heavily
beat ¶¶¶¶ Beat

The door closed
Only shadows consume me
My thoughts scream me to sleep

The ground where I wept
Is my favorite sleeping spot
It's warm to cuddle with

I'm just a sad *****
Crippling and falling
I'm tired of crawling

Let me lay here
Impaled with a spear
Evil spirits always near

I'll smile for the show
None of this is real
Let my skin start to peal

Someone release me

Sitting here i ponder
A poem to write with wonder
But the open wounds call my name
I pick them open and let the blood drain

Once i pick there's no going back
I'll keep going until i have an anxiety attack
It gives me sick pleasure to feel the pain
open wounds are  everywhere
i cannot restrain

I want to heal to grow past this
my flesh it calls for the sadistic bliss
scars they harden into my skin
I know I'm no good I let them win

Nothing can stop this eternal hell
like a red ocean into which
i fell

The world is crumbling around
People are panicking
Some are dying
It's tragic
And terrfying

The stars glow seems off
The moons calm is shattered
The wind screams like a howl
So many hearts into a growl

Falling to my knees
Shaking with every beat
What do I do
Where do I go

Then I remember
I found you
You heard me cry
You let me stay
All I can say

I never thought I'd fall in love
Slowly over months passed
Your warmth is all I crave
Holding you calms my breath
I forgot the world was crumbling

That may sound dumb
As I'm not sure you feel the same
But I know you care
Probably more then you can bare
Please don't let me go
As the world may soon blow
I've finally fallen in love
And my heart feels like it's above

So let me stay
I swear I'll pray
You may not believe
But it's the deepest I can feel
To thank God for making you real

It's hard to hold onto the good
Too difficult to remember the joy
The giggling and laughter
The jokes and memes at 3am

When it's night and I'm alone
All I remember is crying in a bathroom
Everyone leaving as I stop breathing
Wondering around aimlessly
Falling to the ground shamefully

Ever night I sat there
Crying harder then before
As I looked at that hotel door
Waiting for my savior
I prayed and I wished
My insides were in a twist

I thought maybe
If I sat in a random hallway
More drunk then I can explain
Maybe someone would come
Looking for me worried
Hugging me to safety in a hurry

There I sat
Staring at the vending machines
Crying and breaking
Hours ticking away
No one ever came

Picking myself back up
To end another lonely day
An ounce of love is what I crave
Maybe some attention if I feel brave

I'm so insecure everyday
I wouldn't know what to do
If it ever came my way
Yet I always try
But my best isn't enough

It's never enough

I feel the February air
But I don't care
I can't care
You seem to be everywhere

You are all of new York
You are all of my walls
You are all of my parts
You
...  You
Are
Or were
All of me
Now you are just one thing
February air

You run through me
Without a care
You blare your angst
You remind me of the pain
Of leaving me at the door way
Of pushing our friendship away
Every day

You remind me
Of running into your arms
Of corn and fields of farms
Of surprises in train stations
Of birthdays in New York
Laughter in a swimming pool
Walmart shopping at midnight
And bagel bites candle lights
But most of all
You always remind me
Of February air
The breeze I once loved
Now dead and mud
Cold through the bone
No brisk breeze
Just frigid freeze

You are the seasonal depression
But every month now it seems
There is no end
To February
My very being
It'll fade
The autumn will come again
One day
I know it
I hope it
I need it
For I cannot breathe
For the rest of my life
In
February air

Let her out
Let her cry
Let her shine

Go ahead and pout
Go ahead and shout
Go ahead and freak out

Don't be afraid
Of what's inside
Stop trying to hide

She's in there
Screaming for freedom
Let her sin

Let her breakdown
Let her be a *****
Let her out

forget their words
Forget their judgements
Forget their hate

Shine as much as you need
Shine as far as you want
Shine until you want to stop

I finally feel her
She wants out
I still have fear
Stopping her

I hear her shout
I hear her dreams
I hear her pouts
I hear her screams

I want to grow
I want to love
I want to let it all out
Even the dark
Im so afraid of

I just don't know
How to open the gates
And let her escape
To her epic fate

Driving in the rain
My brain starts to yell
Obscenities i cannot tell
To anyone for they are but shame

I want to **** me
But i dont i feel bad
I can't understand why my mind is mad
At myself what did i do I'm trying hopelessly

My heart pounds
I nearly crash
I move my car in a swerved dash
My body is shaking through the ground

I can't breathe
Im crying and shaking
What is my mind making
I just want to leave

Lately my face has been blush red
Like a rose

My heart has been calm yet excited
Like a river flowing

I start to cry
I can't decide
If what im feeling is good
Ive never felt like this before

Is it happiness?
It is joy?
I'm so scared
Maybe it's just a another ploy
To hurt me again

I can't describe how I feel
Not truly
Because it's so new
I know it's warm

Just please don't hurt me
Like everyone else has before

Like a tear drop in my eye
Or a rain drop in a puddle
You fill me with emotion
If I sit in them too long
I'll become an ocean

I always wondered
Who will I be at 21
My young eyes thought
I would really be someone

Now i ask
Why am i still alive
Im 21 but hate myself
Dissapointed my young eyes

Call myself a gypsy
Always moving around
I don't want to be lost
I want to be found

All these years I held on
To my destined age
I thought 21 would be me
Yet I'm locked in the same cage

Lying about who i am
Because i have to settle
For what i can get
I'm tired of the battle

I want love
And respect
I want friends
It doesn't have to be perfect

I want a home
And balance
I need warmth
Like a white picket fence

I don't want boring
Or captivity
I hate unsteady
And high difficulty

When will something
Stay with me
Give me peace
And my sanity

It's been 8 months
Why am I not
  Over
        It
Why is it
   Swallowing
              Me
                   Deep
                          Er?

I fall
    Steeper
The pain
In my chest
I grow
       Weaker
Life looks
      So
          Much

              Füçking
                     BLEAKER

help me
Help me
My distractions
Are
        Gone

Stop
Swallowing
Me
         Whole

I'm an empty bowl
        Drained
                Pained
  Stained

In your blood

My eyes
Our but a
                Flood
                ~~~~~~~~
I drown
And drown
     Drowning
            Drowning
No breathing

I let go
I forget
I
Get
Lost
In my screams
      Agonizing
               Patronizing
            Losing
Loser
Lost
  Gone
          Ghost

You haunt me
     Every *******
   DĀY

      Please

Please please
Please    
          Please
                    please
PLEASE


Go away
Haunting nightmares
Love and friendship
Lies and guts
Demons and monsters
     You are
              Nobody to me

Go away
        Leave my mind
              Clean my heart
   Of your
                  "love"

Whip off the glove
I wear
As you tear

I want it gone
    8 months strong

I want you
Gone
Her gone
All of her
  Bye
Go away
You have no place here

        To stay
Please .....
       ....please
                       ...   Please




    Stay?

How long can I pretend
To feel
To heal
What's real ?
I'm lost
∆°In the surreal ∆°
The art is false
The grass is grey
I'm a needle
In hay
Nobody's looking
Lost forever

It ***** to lose the one
The one person who made the stars
More magical then they already are

The one person
You could lay on the road with
Talk and bond your soul with
The one person you were forever with

A sister
A friend
A soulmate
A magical date

It really *****
So ******* much
Who will I look up with?
To see the stars at night

They feel dull to me now
They feel wrong to me now
I feel only sad
And lonely
When I look above
It'll never be
What it once was

You and me
Sharing our hearts
On a cold open road
Laying there like crazy nuts
Laughing and singing
Our minds were ringing
Of joy
being content  
Of magic
So potent

Now it's gone
Your touch
Our love
The friendship
Everything it was

It really *****
To lose all that
It really really ******* *****
To remember that
It can never be what it was

Now everytime I look above
I feel my heart being torn
Apart
Now I can only feel blue
When I look at the pale  moon
: (

I was born a witch
Magic runs inside me
You called me a heathen
Cursed me to a doomed life
I see magic in everything
But unable to open it inside myself

I search endlessly for a cure
You were cruel and unkind
Told me I'd never find one
Everytime I give up to your whim
My tears fall and magic hits the floor
Losing another part of me
What was my destiny?

Still I hope
Still I believe
Only so slightly
But when I see
The stars on a clear night
The moon shining under a cloud
I can feel it surround
Every part of me
The stars shine for me

I haven't looked up in so long
I think I was
        so
                   close
To breaking this horrid curse
It became stronger
I am falling
harder
I hold on to her smile
I hold on to his warmth
To the music that beats
with me
To the laughter that
escapes me
To the peace in their eyes
the misty autumn skies
I hold onto that magic
I know I'll find it within me
I know I can break free

You won't rule over me
I was born a witch
And nothing can change me
Magic is coursing
   forever
       ~through me~

I'm not fighting for happiness
For that I know I'll never obtain

I'm just fighting
For some type of peace
In this ****** up brain