How long can I pretend
To feel
To heal
What's real ?
I'm lost
∆°In the surreal ∆°
The art is false
The grass is grey
I'm a needle
In hay
Nobody's looking
Lost forever

It's been 8 months
Why am I not
  Over
        It
Why is it
   Swallowing
              Me
                   Deep
                          Er?

I fall
    Steeper
The pain
In my chest
I grow
       Weaker
Life looks
      So
          Much

              Füçking
                     BLEAKER

help me
Help me
My distractions
Are
        Gone

Stop
Swallowing
Me
         Whole

I'm an empty bowl
        Drained
                Pained
  Stained

In your blood

My eyes
Our but a
                Flood
                ~~~~~~~~
I drown
And drown
     Drowning
            Drowning
No breathing

I let go
I forget
I
Get
Lost
In my screams
      Agonizing
               Patronizing
            Losing
Loser
Lost
  Gone
          Ghost

You haunt me
     Every *******
   DĀY

      Please

Please please
Please    
          Please
                    please
PLEASE


Go away
Haunting nightmares
Love and friendship
Lies and guts
Demons and monsters
     You are
              Nobody to me

Go away
        Leave my mind
              Clean my heart
   Of your
                  "love"

Whip off the glove
I wear
As you tear

I want it gone
    8 months strong

I want you
Gone
Her gone
All of her
  Bye
Go away
You have no place here

        To stay
Please .....
       ....please
                       ...   Please




    Stay?

I was born a witch
Magic runs inside me
You called me a heathen
Cursed me to a doomed life
I see magic in everything
But unable to open it inside myself

I search endlessly for a cure
You were cruel and unkind
Told me I'd never find one
Everytime I give up to your whim
My tears fall and magic hits the floor
Losing another part of me
What was my destiny?

Still I hope
Still I believe
Only so slightly
But when I see
The stars on a clear night
The moon shining under a cloud
I can feel it surround
Every part of me
The stars shine for me

I haven't looked up in so long
I think I was
        so
                   close
To breaking this horrid curse
It became stronger
I am falling
harder
I hold on to her smile
I hold on to his warmth
To the music that beats
with me
To the laughter that
escapes me
To the peace in their eyes
the misty autumn skies
I hold onto that magic
I know I'll find it within me
I know I can break free

You won't rule over me
I was born a witch
And nothing can change me
Magic is coursing
   forever
       ~through me~

How come I only feel alive when I'm losing my mind
How come the flashes from history
Bring back so much misery
But the memories of love
Bring more tears from above
The heavens aren't real
Just raindrops
And pretending to feel
My guilt is real
For what I do not know
My memories are a circus
A short circuit
Ready to stroke
Lighting and electrocution
But never the fun colorful
Kind
Only the pain and deadly
Mind

I'm losing my mind
Perhaps lost it long ago
I used to feel some hope
Now I know none
Miss all the fun
The pain has only just begun
Once I feel a little
A waterfall of all
Comes bursting through
Every five ******* minutes

I've lost it
I'm crashing down
I want my memories to stay calm
Ride the boat through
Stop crashing into rocks
And falling
Sinking
And drowning
Every **** day

I just want to play
And be loved
Remember my past
And not want to crash

Why can't I

I can't find the words to write
To make this pain sound beautiful
It just ******* *****
I haven't moved from my bed
I'm already half dead
Crying until I'm shaking
I'm sweating and sick
And I just want to touch you
But then I'll puke
From my hurting heart

You ******* ****
How could you hurt
Such a sweet little heart
I just wanted to give you my all
And you broke me to the ground
But you're sorry
You're my friend right
Why does my chest feel so tight
I can't make any sense right

Lost all my friends
*** you're all I can say
You're my whole day
Burning inside my brain
Tearing open every wound
I've stopped crying today
Not because it doesn't hurt
But because I needed a break

I told you we were okay
We would go back to normal
What else could I ******* say
Being without you was unbearable
Being with you is just as terrible
Your words circle through me
Constantly they jab me
Every spasm I endure
Is just another reason
To beg for more

I lay here awake
Not much more to say
I'm gonna brake
And accept you're not for me
I can't escape this
The loneliness
It's with me
It never leaves
You on the other hand
Surely will always leave
It's what's meant to be

I think
Oh I know
I'm going to cry again
  I wish you could feel my pain
And melt the **** away

I'm not fighting for happiness
For that I know I'll never obtain

I'm just fighting
For some type of peace
In this ****** up brain

You are a rose
Sweet yet sharp
You are a boulder
Strong yet unappreciated

Like a bird learning to fly
Pushed down without help
You arise Everytime

A mother saving her kids
From the hungry beasts
Preying upon your cave
You fight and always win

You are a warrior
Lovely, pure, and brave

You give more joy then
Saint Nick himself
For you are more kind
More caring and strong
Then any human can hope to be

You're my sister
And I thank God for making you so
❤️

You know growing up was never easy
Life was crazy
Nights were chaotic
Youth and adolescent
Being melancholic
But i remember
The good times
I remember

Driving with you in your semi
Laughing with you at whose line
Holding my head up on lifeless nights
Helping realize there's life worth the fight
Letting me confess who i am
And sending me off to live with a fatherly grin

I know you get a lot of slack
Never getting a pat on the back
Life hasn't been easy for you
And to see you find your glue
Finally after all these years
Find something to take away the pain and tears
We all are rooting for you dad
And we all love you and appreciate everything we ever had

Thank you
For everyday
Thank you for the breath you made
Thank you for my existence
I hope you find these words
Comforting
And know I love you
And the past we once lived in

I'm scared to feel
I'm scared of anything real
The days are dark
The nights are cold

I want to cry
But you find me
And place me in your arms
To hold

When I run away
When I feel ignored
You smile at me
You notice me
Suddenly I forget
The others that hurt me

I'm scared
You'll grow bored of me
I've never showed my real self
To anybody
You seem to like me
That's Insanity

You say I'm you're only friend
That's really sweet
But I feel more
When I'm laying next to you
Breathing you in

Sometimes I forget
The deep pain I bare
When we're goofing off
I can't help but stare
All i think about I you
And never my old sins

What I'm saying is
I think I really like you
Maybe deeper then anything before
But I can never admit this
I'm terrified of this feeling
And I'm still unsure

If you'd feel the same

I'm getting older
I'm finding me
I'm realizing certain things like
I'm not my scars
I'm not my depression
I'm not the pain they caused me
I'm not filthy
I'm not pain
I'm not disease

I'm simply me
I'm loving and sweet
I'm music beneath my feet
I'm overjoyed over simple things
I'm moonlight and stars
I'm singing in the car
I'm anything i want to be
I'm simply me

I read a book for the first time in years
It nearly brought me to tears
About a girl and all her fears
As i read
In my head
I thought
Why does she hate herself so much
What's up with that
But then i look back
And that was me

I was devoured by my own destiny
I hated myself
I pleaded for help
I beat myself
I blamed myself
I became negative
And down
Always with a frown
I felt like a clown
I read this book
And it made me see
It inspired me

I have grown
I have changed
I have became
Less deranged
I found love
Within myself
And forgiveness
For my own hell
I am comfortable in my own skin
That is an absolute win

Take time today
To appreciate your accomplishments
Remember you are not your pain
You are not for their gain
You are you
And you can be
Anything you want to be
I want to be free
Like a leaf
Dancing in the wind
Going softly with a grin
Every so often I'll spin
And let others see
How they too can be
Free

That is me
And that
Makes me happy

Empathy in this world
Is what we need
Empathy is what we should breathe
I sit here at night
And i cry
I ask god why!?
Why?
People are fighting
For their rights,
yet they're being called
Evil and spies
Watching their families
Screaming goodbye
Yet the people watching the news
Screaming they're the bad few
They're the evil of the world..
Empathy needs to be cured.

It breaks my heart
And it should break yours
The state of this world
The state of the people
So much suffering
So much pain
But they only care about
All of their gain,
Billionaires
And fame

It's getting darker
more cruel
It's hard to ignore
But what can i do?
I'm one of the weak few
The disabled
The poor
A women
Crying at your door

What can i do?
What can any of us do?
Stand and scream
Have an epiphany
Fight for what's right
Burn the senate down
Take away his crown

But in reality
Will standing and screaming work?
Or will we all just go berserk?
Fighting for what's right,
While being told we're wrong
Til we're all gone..

But we belong!
We aren't doing wrong
We are the weak but also
The strong
We will stand
We will give a helping hand
It's all we can do,
To keep empathy around