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1d · 8
Untitled
"We were never lovers.
We were two addicts sharing the same poison."

But only one of us overdosed.
How can I hate them,
when they taught me how to love
But never loved me.

How can I hate them,
when they taught me how to care
But never cared about me.

How can I hate them,
when they taught me to live
But never cared if i died.

How can I hate them,
when they taught me to speak
But never spoke with me.

How can I hate them,
when they taught me how to shout for help
But shushed me when I tried to scream.

How can I hate them,
I don't now—
I just started to hate myself..
I don't hate them now..
4d · 17
Hair!?
I used to cut, them inch by inch.
Everytime I was hurt,
Everytime I felt overwhelm,
Everytime I wanted to cut my sk!n.
As if removing inches, would remove memories.
As if shorter strands, could lighten the weight on my shoulders.
I cut them when I wanted a new start
Thinking I have finally let go..
But I haven't,
I still cut them.
Everytime i feel too much,
Everytime I can't let go,
Everytime I feel I'm not enough,
I just cut them
Again trying to start fresh....
Why can't I let go and start fresh..?
5d · 97
Deeper
Sometimes I wish they hurt me physically
So that it would hurt less as days pass
It will fade of with time
But all they did was
Hurt with words
Words which had power of knife
The knife which went straight to the heart
And stabbed
Which stirred up a deep scar in the brittle heart
Nothing could ease the pain
For the reason that no one saw it
The scar was heavy
So it when deeper and deeper
Just like that deeper into an abyss
It stabbed right in the brittle heart....
May 24
Dying...
Charmour May 24
She who is afraid of sharp things
Who's afraid of needle
Who's afraid of being physically hurt
Who's afraid of getting cuts
Who cries on the smallest invisible cut
Who tries to protect herself from getting hurt
Who can't stand blood
Who's afraid of dying
Who wants to live
Who wants to explore
Who wants to be lively
Who wants to be happy
Who finds happiness in the smallest things
Is now c*tting herself
Just to know that she's alive
Just to know she isn't dead
Just to feel relieved
Just to escape her life
Just to bleed all the pain out
May 24 · 401
Crave
Charmour May 24
I crave for their affection
I crave for their love
I crave for their appreciation
I crave for them to love me back
I crave for them to be there for me
I crave for there to notice me
I crave for them to listen to me
I crave for their time
I crave for them to stop comparing me with my brother
I crave for the things i know I'll never get
To atleast be happy with me
But it's not gonna happen
I know it won't
I want them to love me back....
May 24 · 20
Anxiety..
Charmour May 24
I keep on getting anxious
Every second,
I try to hide it behind my smile
I try to be happy
But it just doesn't seem to stop
I started skipping meals
Not once,
Sometimes I don't eat at all
Under the table,
My shaking legs
Sleepless nights,
Tossing and turning
Cutting people off
Talking less and less
Not getting out of my room
It just seems to grow and never stop
I don't even know how do I explain this feeling
It's just killing me inside
Slowly enough
For them to not notice....
It doesn't seem to stop...
Charmour May 22
I never knew touching like that was a thing
It felt disgusting
It still does
I still remember it way too clearly
I was 5
It still haunts the f**k out of me
Never had the courage to tell anyone abt it
But I can still feel his hands on me
Touching me
But I couldn't do anything
I was helpless
still am
Didn't know anything abt it
Didn't know how to react
After all this I live in the same house
Acting like i don't remember it
While I feel his hand all over me every  second
He touched me....he wasn't supposed too..
May 21 · 56
Kisses..!
Charmour May 21
"I need to kiss him soo badly
One of those kisses
Where I'm pressing against him as much as possible
And my hands are in his hair
and movie down to his back
Clutching to him in any way I can
Kissing him as deeply as possible
Thinking he's mine, mine, mine"
May 21 · 156
They destroyed me
Charmour May 21
How can they  pretend like nothing happened...
Like they never said they regret giving birth to me
Like it never happened
But im crying every night
Till I can't breath
Cursing my existence
Blaming myself for everything
How do I tell them
Their words are killing me every second
How do I tell me
I force a stupid smile ever time I'm abt to cry
How do I tell them
They destroyed me in every possible way
May 21 · 428
Touch?
Charmour May 21
I still remember his hands on me
Touching me everywhere
Everywhere he shouldn't
I still live under the same roof as him
Acting like it never happened
Acting like a loving family
But still I feel his hands on me
I told my mom
She knew everything
Yet nothing ever happened
Yet I sleep crying cuz I feel his hands on me
May 21 · 89
They say they care..
Charmour May 21
But never noticed me crying
Never noticed my hands trembling
Never noticed me getting distant from them
Never noticed i tried to **** myself
Never noticed I had no friends
Never noticed the things I like
Never noticed I needed their love
Never noticed my unsteady breathes
Never noticed my voice trembling
Never noticed my tear stained eyes
Never noticed my body flinch at shouts
Never noticed my efforts to love them
And they say they care....
They don't care......do they?
May 20 · 72
Him<3
Charmour May 20
I love everything abt him,
Maybe too much..
But how could i not love
That voice
That smile,
That laughter,
Those eyes,
That humour,
That passion..

How could i not love him if he is everything i have ever wanted?
May 16 · 72
Untitled
Charmour May 16
Maybe I'm just,
Pretty enough to be "Flirted with",
But never considered for
"Something real"..

Pretty enough to be "Admired",
But never "Seen as the one"

Pretty enough to be "noticed",
But never "pursued passionately"

Pretty enough to be an "option",
But never the "only choice"

Pretty enough to be "wanted",
But never "worthy of commitment"

Pretty enough to be "liked"
But never enough"to be loved"
Never enough....
May 10 · 58
house or home?
Charmour May 10
I live in a house with
doors and windows
Its not exactly the best place
It has walls
Not love
It has those soft muffles after crying
Stained red eyes
But no one to care to listen what happened
Its hard to have a normal conversation in this house
Every conversation turns in big fights
No one to console
It became worse than before
The nagging were more hurtful now
I started to care
when i told myself it'll hurt me more
And it did
They don't know
their daughter is the most happiest
when she is far away from this so called home
May 10 · 88
Never the chosen
Charmour May 10
Always the lover,
Never the loved.
Always the healer,
Never the healed.
Always the photographer,
Never the photographed.
Always the helper,
Never the helped.
Always the cheerer,
Never the cheered.
Always the painter,
Never the painting.
Always the poet,
Never the poem.
Always the option,
Never the priority.
Always the lister,
Never the heard.
Always the writer,
Never the muse.
Always the understanding,
Never the understood.
Is it only me?
May 10 · 104
Forgotten one?
Charmour May 10
Im a daughters who never
Says anything to her family.

Who is never asked whether my heart is  okay or not.

Even tho i want to tell everyone many things abt my hard days and still there are many things in my heart.

I heal my own wounds, I fight my insomnia, every night is filled with taers and overthinking.

But when the morning comes,
I fake my smile and laughter :/

— The End —