What if hell isn't below earth?
What if it's below heaven?
Ō-Ō

What if each of us were a small piece of God's soul and the devil only wanted to steal us to weakening him?
I could believe that
Could you?
I don't know why I've thought of this
It just came to me at 6:01am
If we are a small part of his soul why don't we know?
Or does he just create our souls out of his power of faith and love?
The devil takes that away from him to weaken him?
Every soul he takes
Every soul he creates
Is a part of him
And the devil only tries to take it to be ruthless and weaken him
If this were the case I just hope God wins against his old son Lucifer

What you basically sayin is **** me.
**** me.
Cause I don't matter.
**** me.
Cause I don't need clothes.
**** me.
Cause me feeling good about myself don't mean ****.
**** me.
**** me.
**** me.

I'm anxious to feel the hugs you promise me
I'm craving all the kisses you'll give me
But most of all, I want your company
The warm, caring, and full company of your personality
No matter how annoying you think you'll be, I'm still looking forward for us to live together
There may be some fighting, and there will be
And there may be some incidents, again, there will be
But what does that matter?
I'll still be looking forward to you even when I have you
*And the Sun will have kissed your face

All these whispered thoughts inside my head
They hate me
I hate me
I'm fat
I'm shy, awkward, and quiet
I'm not beautiful either
Not like other girls
I'm different
I'm weird
I'll never be loved by any guy, even if I loved him
None of my dreams would seem to come true
I won't be the writer I want to be
I won't get married and have kids like I want to
And I'll go out like Juliet in Romeo and Juliet, but without my Romeo because he won't exist
Or I might drown my sorrows in my own blood and wine
Red wine
The blood of wines
I'll drink it down till I don't feel anything anymore, but warm tingles and numbness
I might fill up the bath and grab something to end my pain
But even that is a dream
And it won't come true
None of them do
I've seen better people fail
I'm no better
At least I don't believe I am
*This is what I think of me...

Light can't live in darkness
That's why I'm dying

People say the hateful and ungrateful don't deserve anything.
That the too insecure deserves no love.
And, yes,
They make strong points on why they don't deserve anything.

But in the end, even though I know they're right
I still get the still human feeling.

It's hard to see the good when you're only shown the bad

It's amazing how I see things and others don't
Their eyes are ******* in wrong

And I wonder,
If my eyes are ******* in right.

*They just might

You don't know how hard I've tried
Sorry to tell you this is my time to die
I apologize, that this is my last goodbye
Please understand I need to release what's inside
My funeral isn't the time to cry
Just let your past wishes and regrets fly
I may be in a better place,
And if I am there when you one day arrive
Don't be too shy
*To just say hi

Never have these words spilled from my mouth
“I know everything."
I never thought I knew everything either
Cause my fellow person,
Riddle me this,
If I knew everything what the **** would I need from you?
What the **** would I need with you?
****. That's what. I would need ****.
Cause that would mean I have all the cards
And know how to play them.

When we meet
I want to look beautiful
When we meet I want it to be perfect
When we meet
I want to stay up all night watching movies and talk all night, and I want to fall asleep in your arms
When we meet
I want to fall in love all over again
When we meet I'm hoping to be more confident
*When we meet
I'm hoping I will come alive again
I'm hoping I'll be all you want and need

When will I ever be enough?
Do I have to starve and purge myself of everything?
Does my waist have to fit into your inches of perfection?
Does my hair have to fit into your length of shine?
Does my anything have to fit into your definition of perfect?
No. None of it does
In fact, if you don't like it it's not my fault or problem
*You don't have to look at me
And no one is making you

When I'm gone you'll never know
You'll only feel what is in my soul

When lamination slowly starts to creep
We weep
We seek
To release
We're meek
Helpless
Sleep sleeplessly
Terrible dreams
We seek what they mean
Froze
Stuck
In our lamination
Paralyzed in our dreams
Rainbows and unicorns were not in them
And if they were they were what led me to these nightmares
Nightmares when I try to run
Try to scream
Try not to stare at the rising sun
My lips blue
lying on the beach
Skin pale and sand smeared lips
Eyes unblinking
almost vacant, but not quite

There's still life!
My body rarely barely breathing
So still that it's eerie
My brown eyes almost vacant and unmoving
I know I'm there
I can hear the ocean
I can feel the morning breeze brushing my sand covered face and the strands of my hair
The problem is that it isn't me
There's no way I'm this beautiful or pale
Yes, I'm almost dying
But she's not me
Her skin is a white porcelain
Her eyes are the only thing of mine that's hers
Her hair brown
Her figure slim yet curvy
I'm in her body
I remembered
My body changed
But not my soul
This is me
The opposite of me
In a parallel universe who almost succeeded in what I did
*My soul was showing me what my other me did too

What about yo **** self?
What you been up to lately?
Who YOU been ****** with?
Why are you concerned about me,
and what I'm working with?
Tell your story before you start scribing fibs of my life
Your life is no better than mine
For this I don't have the time
But I do have the pleasure to write
Loving this much feels like a federal crime
Everyone's so concerned with what's mine.

When will it ever end?
When will he stop ****** his sister?
When will he stop molesting his daughter?
When will she stop beating her son?
When will she stop talking down on her daughter?
When will the killing sprees end?
When will  all the unnecessary pain go away?
When will her boyfriend stop beating her half to death?
When will our stories be told?
When will we stop the killing sprees?
When will we ever see what is wrong with the big picture?
We keep what we don't want in the shadows and in the cellar
Nothing can be fixed if it's in the dark
It can only be fixed once brought to the light
And the light heals
While the darkness kills

Corrupted thoughts and dreams turns whispers into screams
But reality
Oh how reality turns screams into whispers that corrupt and drain
Drain innocence left behind
Uses every bit of breath to corrupt good hearts, good minds, good starts
Screams to whispers
Whispers to screams
Corrupts our hearts
Corrupts our subconscious and dreams

Pure
             In it's
                        Physique.
Beauty is the same.


            Just
                       Like
                                    Me.

Never about where
It's all about the *who

A little girl who didn't remember
A little girl who didn't care about looks or felt sad
A little girl who hadn't yet saw the world for what it was
A little girl who was always happy
A little girl who had good friends

I'm none of those things anymore
I remember
I care
I feel depressed
And I am seeing the world for what it is
I am afraid of living
Not afraid of the dark like when I was little
In fact I love the dark
Best place to hide if you don't want to be seen
And it's really quiet but full of noise

I am not a girl anymore
Neither am I a woman
Because a woman isn't afraid
And I am
I'm afraid of living, breathing the breathe I'm breathing, feeling, I am afraid of love, cause I don't want a broken heart, and I am afraid of fear
But not death, I'm not completely afraid of him
He is my wish, my lust, and a friend
The only one who will stay with me at the end
So we're destined to meet
I just won't know when

But until then I'll be afraid of living, of breathing, and of loving

The reasons why I broke up with you
I always felt so lonely and alone when we were together (even more than when I was single)
We dated for eight months and you only talked to me a handful of times
You were always busy (I know people get busy, but for months at a time?"
You were never there when I wanted you, or needed you
I know that you love me(I love you too)
I was just tired of feeling alone, lonely, and unwanted
You have to ******* count my feelings too!
It hurt me to hurt you
It hurt me more than I thought it would
*In fact I did not think that it would hurt me at all

The biggest, yet shortest question
And most difficult to explain
Unless you plain old don't give a **** and that's your answer.

Wonder why I'm here
Am I here again?
Why can't I leave,
Just like the wind?

I hate this **** we call life
I wish I could give up
I wish I could cry
When I just want to die

I wish I knew what to do
I wish I had a clue
But I'm clueless
I'm the most clueless person out here
I don't know what to do

Do I cry or do I deny?
I deny everything
But I can't anymore

I'm growing up
I don't want to grow up
I'm not ready
And I didn't think I ever would be
That's why I tried to take my own life
That's only part of the reason
Everything else is what makes it worse
The pressure
The expectations
The stress
The everything
Becoming an adult
Everything
I'm scared
I'm tired of it
My time to be an adult is almost near
Why can't I be a kid again where I didn't remember or cared about these things?
Sometimes I feel numb or overwhelmed with it all
I just wanted it to end
Why can't you take me?
Why won't you let me die god?
I've tried to hang on, but I'm tired of hanging
Just take me
End my life and bring me to you
Why do you let us hurt when you could end our pain?
You know we hurt
And we'll seek solace in anything to make it better
Even death
I tried seeking solace in death time and time again
Why can't you let me die?
I'm not good for anything but taking up space and time
Why can't you
Please tell me why can't you

Please be the wick to my flame
Or I just might burn out in shame
Please be the passion of my fire
Or my poetry might make me a liar
Please be my ink and paper
Or my fire just might waver
Please become part of my solace
And I'll be your palace
And you'll be the wick to my flame
Not to burn out in shame
But to make a fire of eternal oneness

My body is like the winter
Not cold, but barren
My heart is like a snow storm
Not only freezing, but icy chaos
My soul is like the winter
*Something you'll wish you never went through

I wish I could convince myself she never existed
I wish I could shatter, rip, and burn every image I have of her in my mind
Cause my eyes keep seeing her so clearly
I don't even have to close them

*Will it if the wish is mine.

All I do when I am broke
I burn their money inside my throat
And I don't choke
I just dream of buying things my pocket won't fit
I often think about enjoying each hit
I get a rush with every daring slit
I'll take her money, and **** yo *****

Wolf of my eyes, please choose wisely
Don't go for the weakest prey
Crawl under the heavy leaves before you come and get me
I am the black shading you seek
I am the strongest amongst the meek
The ruler amongst these trees, am I
I am the shadow behind your eyes
Choose wisely, Wolf of my eyes

The woman in white has done it
Ran me into **** again
Oh,
but she's the baddest habit
Like hard drugs and liquor
And it's even harder to kick her
She's as unavoidable as the law
People wanting to bust my *****
Cause of the woman in white

She is ecstasy in the purest form
Look at her hard delicacy
She's exactly who you feel coming

Things won't stop falling
won't stop breaking or slowly cracking
everything shattering into a million pieces
flying everywhere and never found again to put back together
or fixed to be new again
I won't stop falling
I won't stop crashing into this bottomless pit of depression and sorrow that nips deep down into my bones
I'm falling
I'm crashing
I'm way too deep to stop falling or crashing down into what feels forever
I have to stop it
stop it the only way I know how to

"I could lie, and tell you the world is perfect."
But it's really the people not worth it
That destroyed the earth that was beautifully imperfect.

If there's one thing I know
This world is living backwards
And we're in the middle of it in its war

I don't know what's worse,
A person with too much pride,
Or a person with none at all.

My heart is cold steel
*Is it worth the will?

If I am wrong you may punish me now
If I am right may you be flooded with doubt.

A meek and drake thing?
Honey please, don't make me laugh too hard
That little chuckle was great
My newfound confidence came from the single life baby
My life is better without you
Your life is better without mine
Need to stop bickering before we get fined
I know I ain't gotta love you
And in all honesty, you didn't teach me anything I didn't already know
But, look at the positive note,
I did say that you were the most effective teacher though

Remind me of the beauty you had
You're not the girl I tried to convince myself to love
Yeah, *****, you getting terrible
I like it, and I love it
But I hate it and dislike it
I expected you to be a better person

But, you know
You said your purpose was to disappoint

You don't get that I don't like you
I gave you hints that were obvious

You called me childish
How the **** am I childish?!
I said I didn't feel like talking
And you call me childish over that??!!

Yes I'm rude to you
Only because you annoy me in a way I can't explain
Everything you do annoys me
I tolerate you at best
I try to be polite, but I just can't help but feel angry or frustrated when I'm around you

I unfriended and blocked you on Facebook!
That should of told you I don't like you
If I don't want to be friends with you on Facebook what makes you think I would want to be your friend in real life?

Yes I know of you, but I don't know you and I don't plan to
Yes I know why you went to jail
Cause you killed someone
And yes I don't care
Don't give a ****

I honestly don't get why you never got that impression
Yet, you have a conversation with me about the way I've been acting towards you
You talked, and I sort of listened
You told me about being in jail (which I don't care about)
You told me that you don't take disrespect in any way, shape, or form ( And I'm just thinking shut the **** up please)
Yet, you didn't
You talked the whole car ride (which was the longest fifteen minutes of my life)

You're my uncle yes, but I don't have to like you
You were never there (And I understand why)
And when I first met you I knew, oh how I ******* knew I wouldn't like you
I knew even before we formally met that I wouldn't like you
We talked on the phone twice before we met
I knew then, and I know now that I don't like you
If you demand respect, then fine
I'll be polite as I can, and make fast to cut every conversation you try to have with me
I know I'm being a bit harsh, but I simply don't CARE
I'll try to be as polite and nice and I'll try to be as straightforward as I can
And maybe soon you'll get the impression I've been giving off
Or maybe I'll just tell you
I don't plan on changing how I feel about you
Though you might try to change it
But the best I can do is tolerate you, and be as polite and as nice as I can

Oh, you think you know me?

Do you know what I think about and struggle with daily?
Do you know what truly lies in my heart?
Do you know how I think of myself?
Do you know the terrible things I wish I could do to myself?
Do you know my hopes and dreams?
My disappointments?
Do you know why I'm depressed?
*Sorry, but you don't know me

You know it's you.
Who I am talking to.
You don't have to listen to how I choose express myself.
If you don't agree, that's you, but don't be rude.

Protect your fingers, protect your toes
Follow the wrinkles, pay out the tolls
Jump the gate, find the bread crumbs
It's too late, would you like some ***?
Wallow in the gallows, more *** flow than blood flow
Limply creeping to who knows
You hate yourself.
You let it woe.

You're so cliche
Telling me that I'm fat and ugly
Telling me no one would ever want me
Cliche cliche cliche
Tell me something I haven't heard yet
Oh
Go **** myself?
Starve myself?
Purge myself?
And mutilate myself?
People say these things everyday
I know these things
These words sound cruel but they don't mean anything
Nothing to me anyway
You're so cliche
Go read a book
And if you don't have one
I can give you a book on how to learn any day
You're so cliche if you think that's the worse you can say

Sometimes I wonder why it took you so long
But then I remembered you said you were slow
And the things you've been saying lately, oh they're humorlessly funny, but so **** confusing
You say one thing, then turn around and say you mean the other

But,
         I'm the fake one?

I'll mull that thought over over afternoon tea
***** will lose everything
Breath,
Breath,
*Heartbeat.