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Jun 27 · 33
blah blah drunken talk
I toss and turn.

dreading the concept that I might not be living up to my potential.

I sit with a bottle of whiskey before I am comforted into believing that I can sleep.

I still don't believe it however.

Maybe it's the drugs but maybe it isn't.

Either way I am enslaved by the desire for progression.

It looks healthy on the outside, haha, truthfully it's haunting on the inside.

Perhaps I just need some more prescription drugs from my Doctor.
feelimg enslaved
Dec 2018 · 56
What's Real?
ABeautifullMind Dec 2018
Am I delusional as they say hearing my declarations

Am I favoured as they boast in my achievements

Am I wrong or am I right

Do I speak a language foreign to that accepted by our societal limitations?

Am I the only one who believes in the power of the human soul?

Can someone please tell me what's going on, what is real, what is true

because I'm losing my mind trying to figure out what next to do

To go all in or to fold for another chance -

   but - we never know if that chance will come

All we can do is hope.

I hope that I am I am true.
Apr 2018 · 229
She taught me so much
ABeautifullMind Apr 2018
Like a blank canvass I entered her life.

Like a set of pastel crayons she coloured mine:

She taught me how to live, she taught me how to smile;

She taught me how to lie;

She taught me how to dream.

And in the end, she taught me how to cry.
PS. Ahe also taught me that if you hold a remote close to your head and press the button, the remote will work.
Jan 2018 · 839
How to make her vanish:
ABeautifullMind Jan 2018
If you want to see a girl leave you;

Tell her she's beautiful.
Tell her she's perfect.

If that doesn't work -

Tell her you love her
This is true. I honestly will call ballshit if you disagree.
Jan 2018 · 263
Free Myself from Me.
ABeautifullMind Jan 2018
Part I

[1/21, 23:37]

Will a day come where I no longer need to run, from the fears entrapped in my mind?

Can I just decide to leave them behind? Is  the choice even mine to make? Or is this a designated - haunting - punishment by fate?

Whatever the answer
I can't run any faster from the shadows that swallow my mind.

They follow my moves every step of the way - am I a fool for even trying to get away?

This game of hide and seek
I don't know how to play -
wherever I hide they seem to find and no matter how much I seek I feel   I n c o m p l e t e.

Will there be an extinction of this sorrow? Or will they be here tomorrow? Waking me with a pressure on my chest.

I promised I'd try my best...

I just don't know how to break out from this intricate mess - Each day I feel -
less and less.

Until the only thing left is this
                on my chest.

But I will still run and fight off the fear of tonight - my stength slowly drying.

They say every cloud has a silver lining? I hope they're right because my precious mind Is slowly

D y i n g.

Part II

I square up with my worthy opponent because I'm not dead yet.

I feel the fear in my eyes
    And I see it in his.

But who on earth wins when it's
                 me vs me?

The one that leaves me
        perfectly free

-All I'm trying to do-

Is free myself from me.
I don't sleep. I dream with my eyes open. It's safer that way.
ABeautifullMind Nov 2017
As I light my cigarette,
I remember the cause
for my addiction for self sabotage


In the same way that I cannot kick this habit
When my lungs exhale and the smoke floats away

the memories of You always stay.

Sabotaging me in its own violent but beautiful way...

© John Paul Fraser
Lighting my cigarette just ignites the reason I started.
ABeautifullMind Jun 2017
English revision;

"I will conquer.
I will prosper.

I will not quit.
I will never stop winning.
I will never stop succeeding."

You see,
I refuse even consider words that indicate doubt.

My vocabulary does not extend that far,

And it never will.
I will always win...

So again, I'm sorry for my limited vocabulary...

Actually, nope, I'm not.
What picture are you painting for your mind?
Jun 2017 · 1.0k
ABeautifullMind Jun 2017
Mirror, mirror, on the wall...
Is it worth me asking anymore?

Do you tell the truth
at all?

© John Paul Fraser
Jun 2017 · 304
ABeautifullMind Jun 2017
[WARNING: Eating and drinking prohibited.]

I have not come to eat or drink,
I do not have time for that now.
I have come to
satisfy my hunger to grow
and quench my thirst to know
Jun 2017 · 230
ABeautifullMind Jun 2017
From everyone. Everywhere.
Why do they not see the good in what I have done?
By choice they label me, persecute me.
The pressure.
So heavy.
I’m strong but it seems as if this battle was designed for me to lose.
I cannot lose!
There was something inside me that I couldn’t let die.

Why are they doing this to me?
Are they scared? They fear what they cannot control?

                 ‘Yes’  My soul whispered.
         ‘but so are you’  he continued.

I faced them, all of them. Alone!
They buried me in the earth that day.
In a dead and lifeless landscape.

The earth, warm. Held me.

                  ‘Why have you taken so long’  she whispered

I couldn’t answer.
She collected my tears with caution and precision.
The more I cried, the more the landscape flourished.
Life sprouted, excitedly.

I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore.
My tears ran out.
Under pressure to maintain the new life.

I turned to her, already knowing what I was going to say…
She answered;
                    ‘Be still my child, your time of tears is over,
                     there is another, like you, who will be here soon.’
Jun 2017 · 425
ABeautifullMind Jun 2017
© John Paul Fraser

He achieved great things.
   And so did she.
     They stopped wars; Fed the hungry;
       Clothed the naked; Cured diseases;
         They chased after their dreams
           and in doing so they changed the

                What motivated them?

                 They knew that time was
               They knew there was no
              negotiating with time;

            They knew that this World was
           waiting impatiently for them to
         reunite with the Earth from
        which they Arose.

      Every night they whispered a
     reminder to each other;
       'Time is  r u n n i n g    o  u  t'

   Until one night it.
Go now, child! Do it!
Change the world around you!
We don't have much time.
Jun 2017 · 216
Day Dreamer
ABeautifullMind Jun 2017
I can't sleep.
Not now.

I dream while I'm awake and get nightmares in my sleep.

I live in a dream world. It's one I can visit without having to close my eyes.

Perhaps it's insane.

But it's happy.

Insanely happy.

Are you happy?
Jun 2017 · 303
Love arsonist
ABeautifullMind Jun 2017
I close my eyes.
I remember the day.
My heart barren and dry.

I caught a glimpse of happiness in your eyes. In your smile.
It was the first time I believed that maybe I could be happy too.
It was the day you set my heart's dry landscape combusting into flames.

                                     You promised me you’d stay.
                                                           ­ …

I tried to hold on! I did!
But every memory of your scent, your soul, your touch, melted through the gaps in my clutched fist.
reduced to ash.
Just like the rest of me.
The flames. Still burning, but aimlessly, searching every inch of my being for you.

But there was              

to be found in an evacuated heart.

You watched...
From a distance.
Your smile no longer recognizable to me, as the insatiable flames grasped and clawed its way through my soul.

Then, it stopped. Your fire, suffocating itself to sleep.

. It was done.
..   I opened my eyes. and saw
.....   from the ash of what used to be,
A brave soul sprouting...
Life after destruction. There can be no new beginning until there has been an end.
Jun 2017 · 246
ABeautifullMind Jun 2017
They say life is the greatest gift of all.
Don't be fooled,
life is not a gift,

It too needs to be returned to the person who gave it to us.

It is a debt that we carry,
until our life prescribes.

The satisfaction of this debt is the freedom born from death.

On the brighter side,
maybe when we return our life,
we get something back in return....

Whatever it is, it can wait.
I'm not ready to pay up...
Jun 2017 · 472
My Girl
ABeautifullMind Jun 2017
My Girl.

She was not mine to keep.
They tell me it was for the best.
Besides, is anything really to keep?

Maybe I am meant to cherish the times I held her in my arms.
In those moments it felt as if that was what my arms were made for.

I thought she felt loved. I thought she felt safe.

Didn't s h e?

She returned to the arms of the very man who drove her into mine from the start.

Maybe she expected more from me, I don’t know.
I can live with never finding out why she left.

The one thing I cannot get myself to do,
is find another reason to allow my arms to make another soul feel safe.

I guess there is one thing I get to keep….
…… my arms to myself.
Maybe one day this poem will have a happy ending.

— The End —