I toss and turn.
dreading the concept that I might not be living up to my potential.
I sit with a bottle of whiskey before I am comforted into believing that I can sleep.
I still don't believe it however.
Maybe it's the drugs but maybe it isn't.
Either way I am enslaved by the desire for progression.
It looks healthy on the outside, haha, truthfully it's haunting on the inside.
Perhaps I just need some more prescription drugs from my Doctor.
Am I delusional as they say hearing my declarations
Am I favoured as they boast in my achievements
Am I wrong or am I right
Do I speak a language foreign to that accepted by our societal limitations?
Am I the only one who believes in the power of the human soul?
Can someone please tell me what's going on, what is real, what is true
because I'm losing my mind trying to figure out what next to do
To go all in or to fold for another chance -
but - we never know if that chance will come
All we can do is hope.
I hope that I am I am true.
Like a blank canvass I entered her life.
Like a set of pastel crayons she coloured mine:
She taught me how to live, she taught me how to smile;
She taught me how to lie;
She taught me how to dream.
And in the end, she taught me how to cry.
PS. Ahe also taught me that if you hold a remote close to your head and press the button, the remote will work.
If you want to see a girl leave you;
Tell her she's beautiful.
Tell her she's perfect.
If that doesn't work -
Tell her you love her
This is true. I honestly will call ballshit if you disagree.
Will a day come where I no longer need to run, from the fears entrapped in my mind?
Can I just decide to leave them behind? Is the choice even mine to make? Or is this a designated - haunting - punishment by fate?
Whatever the answer
I can't run any faster from the shadows that swallow my mind.
They follow my moves every step of the way - am I a fool for even trying to get away?
This game of hide and seek
I don't know how to play -
wherever I hide they seem to find and no matter how much I seek I feel I n c o m p l e t e.
Will there be an extinction of this sorrow? Or will they be here tomorrow? Waking me with a pressure on my chest.
I promised I'd try my best...
I just don't know how to break out from this intricate mess - Each day I feel -
less and less.
Until the only thing left is this
on my chest.
But I will still run and fight off the fear of tonight - my stength slowly drying.
They say every cloud has a silver lining? I hope they're right because my precious mind Is slowly
D y i n g.
I square up with my worthy opponent because I'm not dead yet.
I feel the fear in my eyes
And I see it in his.
But who on earth wins when it's
me vs me?
The one that leaves me
-All I'm trying to do-
Is free myself from me.
I don't sleep. I dream with my eyes open. It's safer that way.
As I light my cigarette,
I remember the cause
for my addiction for self sabotage
In the same way that I cannot kick this habit
When my lungs exhale and the smoke floats away
the memories of You always stay.
Sabotaging me in its own violent but beautiful way...
© John Paul Fraser
Lighting my cigarette just ignites the reason I started.
"I will conquer.
I will prosper.
I will not quit.
I will never stop winning.
I will never stop succeeding."
I refuse even consider words that indicate doubt.
My vocabulary does not extend that far,
And it never will.
I will always win...
So again, I'm sorry for my limited vocabulary...
Actually, nope, I'm not.
What picture are you painting for your mind?
Mirror, mirror, on the wall...
Is it worth me asking anymore?
Do you tell the truth
© John Paul Fraser
[WARNING: Eating and drinking prohibited.]
I have not come to eat or drink,
I do not have time for that now.
I have come to
satisfy my hunger to grow
and quench my thirst to know
From everyone. Everywhere.
Why do they not see the good in what I have done?
By choice they label me, persecute me.
I’m strong but it seems as if this battle was designed for me to lose.
I cannot lose!
There was something inside me that I couldn’t let die.
Why are they doing this to me?
Are they scared? They fear what they cannot control?
‘Yes’ My soul whispered.
‘but so are you’ he continued.
I faced them, all of them. Alone!
They buried me in the earth that day.
In a dead and lifeless landscape.
The earth, warm. Held me.
‘Why have you taken so long’ she whispered
I couldn’t answer.
She collected my tears with caution and precision.
The more I cried, the more the landscape flourished.
Life sprouted, excitedly.
I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore.
My tears ran out.
Under pressure to maintain the new life.
I turned to her, already knowing what I was going to say…
‘Be still my child, your time of tears is over,
there is another, like you, who will be here soon.’
© John Paul Fraser
He achieved great things.
And so did she.
They stopped wars; Fed the hungry;
Clothed the naked; Cured diseases;
They chased after their dreams
and in doing so they changed the
What motivated them?
They knew that time was
They knew there was no
negotiating with time;
They knew that this World was
waiting impatiently for them to
reunite with the Earth from
which they Arose.
Every night they whispered a
reminder to each other;
'Time is r u n n i n g o u t'
Until one night it.
Go now, child! Do it!
Change the world around you!
We don't have much time.
I can't sleep.
I dream while I'm awake and get nightmares in my sleep.
I live in a dream world. It's one I can visit without having to close my eyes.
Perhaps it's insane.
But it's happy.
Are you happy?
I close my eyes.
I remember the day.
My heart barren and dry.
I caught a glimpse of happiness in your eyes. In your smile.
It was the first time I believed that maybe I could be happy too.
It was the day you set my heart's dry landscape combusting into flames.
You promised me you’d stay.
I tried to hold on! I did!
But every memory of your scent, your soul, your touch, melted through the gaps in my clutched fist.
reduced to ash.
Just like the rest of me.
The flames. Still burning, but aimlessly, searching every inch of my being for you.
But there was
to be found in an evacuated heart.
From a distance.
Your smile no longer recognizable to me, as the insatiable flames grasped and clawed its way through my soul.
Then, it stopped. Your fire, suffocating itself to sleep.
. It was done.
.. I opened my eyes. and saw
..... from the ash of what used to be,
A brave soul sprouting...
Life after destruction. There can be no new beginning until there has been an end.
They say life is the greatest gift of all.
Don't be fooled,
life is not a gift,
It too needs to be returned to the person who gave it to us.
It is a debt that we carry,
until our life prescribes.
The satisfaction of this debt is the freedom born from death.
On the brighter side,
maybe when we return our life,
we get something back in return....
Whatever it is, it can wait.
I'm not ready to pay up...
She was not mine to keep.
They tell me it was for the best.
Besides, is anything really to keep?
Maybe I am meant to cherish the times I held her in my arms.
In those moments it felt as if that was what my arms were made for.
I thought she felt loved. I thought she felt safe.
Didn't s h e?
She returned to the arms of the very man who drove her into mine from the start.
Maybe she expected more from me, I don’t know.
I can live with never finding out why she left.
The one thing I cannot get myself to do,
is find another reason to allow my arms to make another soul feel safe.
I guess there is one thing I get to keep….
…… my arms to myself.
Maybe one day this poem will have a happy ending.
— The End —