A million times a day
I sit on the bridge, over the bay
asking what if life is just some sick game?
then I hear a voice saying
"Why don't you stop playing?"

Demons come out to dance at night
All eyes on them, as they enter the spotlight

Darkness inhabits every space
Only two dull eyes shine on my black face

I’m forced to witness what they call entertainment
Waste of focus, energy poorly spent

I’m tired of the fights and the arguments
I close my eyes, I can no longer handle it!

I was made to love
Sometimes I hate
I’m broken

it's hard in times like this
when I'm away, that face I miss
when you talk, I watch your lips
fantasizing about our first kiss

not sure if you're taken
or if you go this way
but **** baby,
you make my day!

I've been here before
and yes I am afraid
but I won't let you go
until I get laid

Over the years
I vowed to wear
My emotions
Less.

Since the beginning
Of time
They were the reasons
I stressed.

Recent failures
blame them
For creating this
Mess.

How far
can I get
Being
emotionless?

I'm not sure
but it's worth
a test.

Excuse me while I make love to you with the lights on
we slow dance to your favorite song
I admire your perfume that I inhale in my nose
as I melt from your body heat
as I pull you close.

You inch closer for a kiss
I try to relax, body tense
This is merely imagination,
but the thought alone
had my heart racing.

adore my beauty
before it grows old
look into my eyes
before they grow cold
undress your body
before I go blind
tell me you love me
without lying
kiss my lips
before they go dry
give me a reason to live
**before I die

I let you go,
to only want you back.

I fell in love,
to only break your heart.

But I was the only one broken from the start.

I fed you sweet nothings,
to feel like I was really something.

Now I'm stuck with lonely tears,
from my own stinky onion.

I miss your presence,
but most of all I miss your loving.

I have this sick feeling
in the darkness of my soul
something so tempting
yet something so wrong.

I've tried to run, but nowhere I've gone
in years my body has grown
yet I'm still a confused little girl
alone in a big empty home.

Lust I have sown
my flesh is weak
but my will is strong
evil is all I have known.

One day it may win,
or at least for a while.
For now I plead the fifth
until my due trial...

heart in your large hands
legs weak, hard for me to stand
held captive to a evil man
I could leave, I know I can
but its scary out there
foreign land

I promised not to fall for you
quick sand
I promised not to love you
feelings banned
but I live for you

----your biggest fan

And I remember being in your home
In your bed
Insecure thoughts
ran through my head...

Like, do you love me?
Do you really care?
Satisfaction and pleasure
I could not share...

I knew I shouldn't have been there
I had the answers
And the truth hurt
But it was too late to go...

I had already dropped my skirt.
Yearning to belong but still alone
And repeating the same old heartbreak  song...

I'm sorry if my love was not enough
Life was about time,
I was always in a rush.

So much to do,
so much to see,
I guess I forgot you needed me.

Now I lay in the ground alone,
covered with dirt and anxiety.
Hoping you knew I loved you entirely.

From the sky
I gaze down
trying my best not to cry
I am finally free!
I can finally fly!

From the clouds
I can hear screams sung aloud
I glance down to see
a woman,
a man,
a child.

The woman is heartbroken
the man's shirt is full of sweat and blood,
it's filthy and soaking
the child has tears on his cheeks
confusion and pain slowly running.

I begin to die, as the child starts choking
I too, was in abusive relationship with a man named Life
the sun nor showers would stop him from beating his wife.

He loved me when it began
but he could never get past my affair with sin
then one day God heard my prayer and let me in.
To hell went my husband and boyfriend
I knew it was over.
This was the end.

smiles
reality
I sometimes fake.

sleep
death
always late.

hurt soul
her soul
he's pleased to take.

one of these
mornings
I won't awake.

if so...

my soul.
my soul.
please do take!

to heaven
to paradise
I hope to make.

regrets pile up in my closet
dreams disappear, as I forget what they meant.

fortune no longer comes my way
blessings are no longer sent.

the love boogeyman
haunts me from under my bed.

as I replay every heartbreak
in my broken head.

I love you
and you too.

I need pink hearts
to color over my blue.

I love you,
and I love you them too...

I need you all,
I simply will not choose.

my lover asked a favor
I refused, his agony I savor

mouth drenched in gold
breathe ice cold

lips as gatekeepers
passion they hold

the power of a kiss
is a secret untold

never ask for what you want
Take it. Be bold!

Question,

what can make
such beautiful
souls corrupt?

Life answers.

I have so many exes'
I could make a ***** jealous.
I have enough sin in me
to make the devil envy.
I have loved so much
exhausted heart doesn't want to be touched.
I've won experience
but I have loss too;
the abiltiy to feel
and trust you.

I've always only been somebody's maybe,

never anyone's baby.

To others I've always been a mysterious lady,

they don't know I'm really cRaZy.

I've always been good at masking my sadness,

Now I seem really angry.

Once little miss sunshine,

Now I'm cold, they call me Shady.

thinking in the past

only wastes time

energy and thought

lectures; my friends preach about.

For those moments of us are gone

But, tell me you do it too

that I won't feel so alone.

so I can continue to gloat on.

in misery of a kidnapped heart

bound at your home.

As time crept by

I      s  l  o w l y

Began to die

I am forever on the run...

After who I want to be...

and from who I've become...

sunset til' sunrise,

dusk til' dawn,

I run. I run and then some.

You never quit on me
Though I threw in the towel
Over and again
I washed my filth
Took an arrogant bow
You drew near me
Though I reeked of sin
not used to being loved
Intimate woman
I’ve never been...

wonder how he's doing,
whose he *******?
is she prettier?
does she make him smile?
are they known around town?
does she make him frown,
like I did, way back when he was all mine?
what we were doing seemed fine
thought we would age together like the best wine
but we ran out of time
and that bottle broke!
our memories scattered the floor
leaving nothing but a joke.

the only things I'm good at is
poetry
and making people smile!

But oh how my soul hurts at night

because I have yet to find
anyone to stay with me
a longer while....

One more heartbreak
Added to my score
Liking you became difficult
Like a mandatory chore

One more heartbreak
Against my name
Paint me the bad one
Portray me to blame

I tried to warn you
prevent you from feeling blue
it went unnoticed
so here's a clue...

beware of lust
be slow to start
beware of love
guard your heart

I became a statistic
and
it made me sick.
**(*****)

I can't love you
because loving you is wrong
it's a sad, beautiful, romantic song.

you tell me not to fight the feeling
but you're sick and kind of contagious
my health you're killing.

you are no Angel of mine
so, I can't love you right now
nope, not during this time.

My God does not approve
you are the sin my heart will never choose
this will always be the right move.

It was the closest thing to love
I ever knew.
It's funny how this tiny
feeling grew.
I said I had felt it all
I had not, it was not true.
What we had was something new
warmth you gave,
soul kisses you blew
so, no matter who I'm with
I'll forever love and thank you!

as a dog returns to his *****
so I return to sin.

He's always waiting for me,
asking where I been.

He claims to love me
more so than kin.

I will leave him one day father,
just not sure when.

with sin,
I keep testing my father.

I fear one day

I'll ask for forgiveness,
& He won't bother.

I must learn closure
the correct way
so the next time I see
a person I've dismissed
they won't be bitter
they will  happily smile
and say "hey"
they will remind me
that I did exist to them,
then I can go about my day

I remember that night
like I remember my name
you were a game
I wanted to play
but I played it cool
calmly I lay
as you touched my body
and kissed my face
we did not rush
we did not race
that night was truly beautiful
blessed by your *grace

Never believed

in love at first sight,

then you appeared in my dreams

night after night.

see honey, we are not the same
although we are called by the same name.

see baby, we are not the same
I hate you're here, she's glad you came.

see sweetie, we are not the same
she wants the riches, I am the fame.

see player, we are not the same
I'm the prize, she's just the game!

we were too young to understand
I was not yet a woman, you weren't a man
even still, we did the best we can
the both of us lost in LaLa land

you gave me more than I could ever ask
though loving me was no easy task
way too fragile, I broke the glass
quits you called it, way too fast

your heart fell to pieces, my tears fell down
our love laid helplessly on the ground
from my nightmare I awoke, but you weren't around
vanished through my dreams, never again to be found

"please don't bother!"

"I'm someone's daughter...."

he didn't care

YOUR HONOR I AM GUILTY OF MANSLAUGHTER.

In the midst
of giving every man
a piece of me,
I lost the peace in me.

In the moment
of finding myself
I became helpless,
I needed help.

Thinking a man
could help me become a woman,
I lost my dignity,
blind to who I should really be loving.

I fell in love
with the way
another girl made me feel.
but I didn't want
a boy Pinocchio
I wanted a man,
something real.

I was born wild
looked after by one burdened cloud.

I grew alone,
strangers always came to vandalize my home.

The others died,
in a ****** open field they left me.

I am a bound tree.
Dying to be uprooted,

Waiting to be free
expectation has become my misery.

Day by day I decay,
I can't continue life this way.

I went searching the other day
for the love we lost
The price I paid for pride
wasn't worth the cost
shaking your time, energy, and effort off
dismissing you as an employee as If I were boss
the struggle between man and woman
the fights, fussing and cussing
poured down on our loving
vulnerable hearts, left open, no covering
what went wrong?
is all I'm left wondering.

i can taste your skin
although I've never had the pleasure
i've worshipped you
as an antique treasure

the wind teases me
with whiffs of your scent
savoring in this goodness
assures me this was meant

a heavenly body
laying besides mine
glistening gold
from citrus sunshsine

i can feel you here
although you are gone
never tell the secrets
which inhabit my home

last night she cried black tears
reality was no longer clear
it had come true,
her biggest fear

He no longer loved her
he no longer cared
I told her to move on,
*but she wouldn't dare

I've known hate,
more than I've known love.
When I die,
I will take your breath away
wearing a black glove.
I bled with shame,
Ate up pain.
When I die,
I'll forever curse your name.
Your rejection murdered my innocent soul...
When I die,
What's left of you shall also ... go

got addiction and crazy from ma side of kin

pa didn't offer much

except a bad temper and bad skin