My sight gets blurry as I cry
As I remeber the happy days with her
As I remeber the worst
As I remeber the most worrisome
As I remeber the pain
As I remeber the arguments
As I remeber her turning left instead of right
As I remeber her go down the wrong road
As I remeber the time we spent
All I wish is for her be six feet above instead of below
My sight gets blurry with tears as I cry and remember her

Do you remember?
I destroyed you
Do you remeber?
I cheated
I lied
I cut
And I tried
Do you remeber?
So don't come back now
There's no way no how
Do you remeber?
Our fights
Our anger
Our pain
The danger
Do you remeber?
You destroyed me
Do you remember?
You manipulated
You lied
You left
Never tried
Do you remember?
Why did we do that
Do you remember?
After the kissing
The missing
The loving
I'm reminiscing
Do you remember?
Your lips
My hands
Together
Our plans
Do you remember?
Like glass
One thousand feet high
Breathless
Our bodies touching the sky
Do you remeber?
We were happy
So happy
In love
Do you remember?
But we can't live back there
In the past
Do you remember?
The future
Do you remember?
I loved you once
Do you remember?
Can we love love again?
Do you remember?
I won't get my hopes up
Because I remember.

We took everything off the shelf
opened each can to look inside our self
diced the onion until we had tears in our eyes
skinned the potato until the rough skin subsides
chopped the carrot so only sweetness remained;
rotten lost, flavor gained
turned the knobs to the highest setting
combined our ingredients to avoid forgetting
heated well and tried for taste
we added spices until the right ones were placed
you said you wanted a cinnamon girl
we grabbed it from the lazy Susan and gave it a whirl
it was just what we needed but we were too blind to see
I burned my tongue when you were feeding me
it still needed work but we never lost patience
we just kept trying; most things require maintenance
the finished product was reached after a while
you poured in cheese as I flashed a cornbread smile

while your hands traced the curves of my body and touched the breath on my lips
i knew that i would be doomed with another thing to write about
that you would create bruises wherever your skin ignited mine
like the nape of my neck, or the back of my hand.
or my eyelids. yeah a very funny place to be kissed at.
or the spaces in between my legs
they will rot and mourn the passing of another lover another abuser
i put your name right next to the first man that touched this body they call a temple
and i call a warzone
i was two years old then, and i was twenty two when you claimed what you thought
was rightfully yours to take
somenights i wonder that when your brain takes you back to that room
what do you remeber?
i remeber yellow sunny lights
my hearts catapulating, my eyes blurry
my legs open like a cave
my body getting prepared to please another
to take refuge of you only to never see you again
i hope you remeber the last time you touched my body and
called it comfortable was when
i couldnt feel anything but death on my tongue
now i lay here
four prescriptions , ten suicide attempts later
trying to remember
which list to put you in?
where you a lover? or where you a abuser?
or where we so complicated in the mix that
i made a burning house out of my body
and burnt you down too.
i still sit  at 3am waiting with that
blade in my hand waiting to make that last
final call

Do you remeber of the love we had?
Do you remeber of the kisss shared?
Of our hands searching for a hold on us?
Of our keep secret, no one knows, affair?
I do, for it was a love that was rare.
Do you remeber of how curious
We were, exploring every chance we got?
Filled with passion that could be dangerous.
They would say that our love was hideous,
that the lord above hates, In hell we'll rot
But we ignored everything that was said.
Do you remember how we loved alot?
Of how much we wanted to go and wed?
I do but now that love so rare is dead.

Sunny California sunny California
How the day's and the lazy ways just difted on by
Laying on the sand the sun beaming down
Warming all the lovers laying around
Sunny California sunny California
We spent the day's in crazy ways that made us smile and laugh
And the sound of the waves crashing on down remind me of the way we found our hearts
Sunny California sunny California
You hold us right into the night when the sun goes down
Walking with my baby seeing all  the love she has for me
And time ain't gonna change the way we feel and strangers will look and see
How sunny California held us in its love

It's funny, y'know?
How you can know someone
Know everything about them
Share memories, spend countless hours with them
And then one day
As if out of nowhere,
THe memories fade
And it gets harder to remeber their secrets, what they look like,
And you talk less and less
And you wonder if they even remeber your name
You wonder if they even remeber being friends..
Of course they don't
You're just a face,
A part of their past
Just
*A n o t h e r
F  a  d  i  n  g
M   e   m   o   r   y....

Remeber you're not here to eat
You're here to survive
You're fat I know
And that's alrite

Get on your feet
and do the drill
Since too long
You've been chill

It's now or never
or you'll lose control
So push it my friend
And don't be an *******

You think you know
Where you're headed
Just look around
And you'll dread it

You're not in pain
And you think it's good
Get on your feet
and be worthy of the food

For too long
You went with the flow
It's time now
To rise
Shine
And glow

To all the crushes.
Hey! How are you doing?
Shhh! don't answer.
I know you're good;
you always were.
That's why I fell for you
in the first place.
We don't know each other.
*You don't know me.
You don't have to.
trust me; fine, don't.
I owe you,
for all the butterfiles,
and the clicks in my knees.
I admit I am not romantic.
I am in fact dull as a dust,
but I have never found it hard,
to praise you, or compliment your existence.
Like your enchanting eyes
or as I like to call them
“The black hole phenomena”
as they could capture time,
never to let it go;
Or the radiant smile
fabricated by your perfectly carved teeth.
But I chose to not talk about it,
as it has been clichéd
by many great poets.
Remeber everytime you caught me staring
and I made it look like I was not?
Such a great actor I am,
you gotta admit this.
I always thought you had a slight clue.
Meh! It doesn't matter anymore.
And If you ever find about me
(I know you won't),
Just don't feel bad, or sad
(I know you won't).
Believe me,
If the knot in my throat had allowed,
I wouldn't be writing this. Instead,
I would be singing this in my crocodile voice,
as I then had not cared about anything, or anyone.

My dad was the greatest of men
I wish I would of gotten more time with him
Time has sure done it's shading
I hate to say his face is fading
His voice has long ago slipped from my memory
The sadness of that is sheer agony

I miss you as much today
As that sorrowful day you where taken away
You left this world way to soon
I still remeber that hospital waiting room

I was to late, death had already greeted you
I was only fourteen I didn't know what to do
I stood there crying in my sisters arms
I knew I would forever miss your fatherly charms

As I stood beside your open coffin
Tears spilling onto my dress, I felt like an orphan
Knowing I would never again see you smiling face
Your death was so hard to embrace

It was a gray rainy day you where placed in the ground
Setting under the cemetery tent no comfort to be found
Thinking even the angels on high
Could do no more than cry

You had been my hero, I was a daddy's girl
And my life from this point would do nothing but unfurl
I was, and still am so lost without your presence
I missed you at so many of my lifes great events

At all of my children's births
I thought of you first
And how you would of beamed with pride
At the thought I just cried

But as my memory, with time harshly shades
My love for you will never fade
I carry you forever in my heart
Like I was in yours from the start

When i die,
Please show me the thing i've loved the most
For i can not remeber it.

I think my biggest fear is losing,
My own imagination to increasing age,
Not birng able to write the story of my life,
Can't hold the pen or move the page.

My time has passed like the speed of light,
Tipping and turning away from my eyes,  
But my mortal life isn't over,
Until all my happiness dies.

Our photo frame wasn't that heavy,
But it felt heavy as a stone,
The smile weighs my heart down,
Now my photo frame of life is alone.

I am agened, broken and weathered,
There are lines on my face that she's engraven,
Before she left, she'd dwell in my old, weak arms,
I was her broken haven.

Why did she leave? Where did she go?
My lights of sanity are going very dim,
It wasn't her that made my life lonely,
Her leaving made it grim.

I still hold our photo frame, crying, washing
The glass with my elderly tears,
Losing her, forgetting her voice,
And the color of her eyes are my fears.

I Remeber the day she wore white,
Her face the shade of Ivory,
Her brown eyes, innocent like a doe,
Her jet black hair, the color of Ebony.

Years later, her freckled hands were still,
Wearing the eternity ring, her love made
Me feel treasured, knowing that our vows from
Decades ago would never fade.

My sand filled hourglass is almost empty,
I'm suffering consequences without a crime,
I am nowhere near young and strong,
I'll never surrender to Father Time.

Even the earth wept
Birds took shelter
And the sky took revenge
The addition of this soul
Was too much for all
Even today it rains
Honoring the tragedy
Which still walks the soil

You are the rose gold to my white,
Shining so bright
But never just by yourself,
Not trying to be the lime light

You dont wanna stand out
You maybe a little shy,
You just wanna be there living your life with pride


You have got that glam, that makes every color seem pretty
Even if its the tasteless white, it appears shimmery

You make this white feel loved,
You compensate its simplicity
You make it feel
So much out of its self insecurities.


You take me up with yourself, you help me rise
Everytime I tumble down you make me realise
"Remeber you are not alone, remember you are not weak.
Remeber you've got me,
Everytime someone tries to sweep you off your feet"

You give me strength,
You help me shine
You are the rose gold,
Who always help me thrive.

You are pretty as a rose,
You are precious as gold
You are like a gift to me, a beautiful whole
A shade of pink,
A tinge of gold
You are the rose gold, always knowing the right ways to console

You are a mixture of decency, calmness and strength
You always know all the beautiful trends,
You are someone who I would always recommend
You are the rose gold, I'd always love to befriend

You are sugar and spice
You are everything nice
You are the best, you are wise
I know we will never break out ties

Because, When I am with you
I know I dont have to pretend to be a rainbow
You completely know who I really  am and have loved me this way since long ago
You always accept my flaws and help me make them right
You are the rose gold, whom I would never doubt,
Not even a slight

There's something majestic, yet also extremely gloomy, about a streetlight at night in the rain. Something, some unplaced dimension within the echoing cars and within the particles of water, as they spray...into oblivion*

Mother, do you recall that rainy day?
The day my gumboots soaked through,
I beleive we were waiting for a bus. It was one of those city rains, when all you could dream of was home or the warmth and comfort. When all you wanted was a bath and hot-chocolate or another item of food, steaming with love. Mother, I remember holding to you're body for warmth as we sat under that old wooden bus shelter.
I clung to you're body and melted into you're lingering scent, you're falling breath and you're human form.
You held me, you hid you're shivers so as to warm mine.
We watched the cars spray etheral mist into the orange lights of the city.
We watched lovers rush by under umbrellas, we watched rain curve down the cement like a snake on it's own journey.
We listened,
oh did we ever listen, we ate up the noise, the stories within the rain, we cuddled until we felt the warmth from our bellies rise out of us like smoke or a dragons breath, tainting the air.

I, you're daughter. You, my mother.

You're long hair curling down your breast. Me, like a little berry scrunched up as close to you as I could get. Like our bodies would drip into each other as one, our breath the same. Only my gulps of air came much sooner and you silently resisted my subtle games. When the huddling was done you reached out to me with you're strong hands and you led me along the night of echoes. I can't remeber much else, asides from sitting with you in the empty pizza shop as we both savoured and satisfied our cravings for comfort. Cold-handed laughter as we danced over the most delectable pizza.
Then we caught the bus home, you sat on the red leather, grabbing the creamy yellow bar, I jumped onto the ratty blue seat beside you and leaned once again into you're body, melting into sweet harmonies.
Eating in the sounds of humans and the sound of the bus, splashing through water
and journeying on through the deep
and endless city night.

How badly I want to be in that
John Hughes film
I want the cheesy romance
That reeks of tears for fears
And looks like the **** or geek or criminal
That sixteen candle
Sitting on your 944 porche
With the credits rolling up kind of romance
Please leave your notebook at home
Locked up with a vow you don't remeber.
I want that weird science kind of chemistry
A day off involving you
I can look pretty in pink
I can look pretty in Hughes of you.

I told you this would last forever
But I lied
I said things will never change
But I lied
I told you you were beatiful, even though I can't explain beauty
So I lied
I told you Red was a beatiful color
but who and what describes beauty?
For they say the beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder
I say it's mostly directly proportional to how you feel about a person
Excuse my mathematical jargon because I'm no Mathematician
Don't they say in the Bible that King Solom wore Purple, the color of beauty, the color of wisdom
But who am I to tell it different so, I lied
I said your skin was as smooth as silk and as beautiful as vanilla but, was it?  Was it really? I know I couldn't tell the truth so, I lied

I told you your eyes are beatiful, your eyes are big, twinkly
Maybe I lied, it was just your pupil dialating when it saw my light
I told you I could give you the world,
But the world was not mine to give to begin with, but baby its what you wanted so, I lied
I also told you the sky was green, the sea was blue, and you believed every word, I'm sorry

Maybe I lie a bit too much, or maybe just enough, or maybe that's also a lie
It's mostly to protect you

Remeber that day at the park?
I held you in my arms
The world didn't seeze to exist but us
We swore to be together for life, was it a lie
You said you're mine forever and I'm yours too, or was it also a lie?
Can't keep with the lies no more

It's lie after lie because that's all what you seem to believe
Because truth to you, seems too good to be true
I remember the day you held my hand, looked me in the eye and said, "do you still love me? "
I know I used to answer that everyday with no doubt in my mind, but that day,
The answer remained the same,
As I said proudly, "I still do babe"
Guess what?...

I called you Baby with a smile..
Happy and foul thinking you are mine
Even between us a thousand miles.
I just wanna remind you that you are mine
I called you baby so you'll smile
and to remind you,you are mine
I called you baby and I know
You will pick up and say hello
I fell into you voice mail
And it was the voice of male
He said you retched.. ..&....home.
And right then I knew I am alone
You broke my heart and lock the door
As you shut down my soul
I now check your picture from time to time
And cry over the days when you were mine
I called you Baby one last time..
And I hung up with a broken smile..

Thud, Thud.
Thud, Thud.
Thud, Thud.
Thud, Thud.

The heart could never stay calm,
Not at a time like this.
Whispers spread along the line,
Did Miss Jones just say "Good Luck"?
I dont know, I wasn't really listening.
Remeber what happens, I tell myself,
Dont look into their eyes or you'll forget.

Five minutes to go, how much more
Do I have to bear this?
Four minutes....now John Smith has
Just passed out.
Three minutes....now Emily Watson has
Just passed out too.
Two minutes....I think I might just follow suit
And join the unfortunate ones.
One mintute to go, now i can't bear
this much longer.

How much more do I have to bear this?
None
A sound is heard,
Lights suddenly brighten
Silence then follows.
My feet lead me forward,
But I can't remember a thing.
I looked into their eyes.
Wished for darkness again

If you could turn back time,
What would be your time.....

If you could turn back time,
What would be your reason why.....

If you could turn back time,
Would ever thing turn out fine......

If you could turn back time,
remeber you would have to go,
through your reason why....

If you could turn back time,
how long would it last,
the time will go by fast...

If you could turn back time,
would it be a crime.....

If you could turn back time,
would it be for peace of mind.  .

I miss you morning noon and night. I miss you and miss you. No matter how long it's been sence iv been with you. If im not with you im missing you. Please always remeber I love you and if you ever miss me...remeber...i'm thinking of you and missing you

It was a good night
With cold wind

Until I wrapped my car around a telephone pole
I was in and out at first

upside down

Saftey glass
Refelected on the moonlit road
As I wait in silence



Each breath is ragged beneath my shattered ribs
The rub of the seatbelt on my my clavicle
Snapped like a broken branch

I fight to keep my eyes open



I wake up to a man kneeling in the puddle of diamond windshield pieces
Yelling into a cell phone, and then talking to me calmly

I don't remeber my name

No I don't know what day it is

I'm gonna die


I wake up in the ambulance
The feeling of my lungs pumping themselves
The feeling of blood pooling beneath my hands
The sound of paramedics yelling at each other
Then talking quietly to me

No I don't know where I am

No I don't know how many fingers you are holding up


A neck brace keeps me from looking around
But I can see so clear in my mind



That day at the beach
When we skipped school


The night I snuck to your house
When your mom was out


The time I got bit by a dog
A hot afternoon in April

I remeber pine needles falling from the trees
As you kneel in the clearing
Talking about heaven


The emergency room doors slid open
On their own

Nurses yell back and forth
And speak quietly to me

As they cut away the clothes from my blackened skin
As the needle finds my vein
And I notice the old flamiliar sting
Among so much anguish

I dont smell the sterile smell of the hospital
Or the smell of my own scorched skin

I smell the sea
The sand on your skin
The taste of salt
The after swim kiss

I can't hear the beep of my blood pressure as it begins to rise
Or the yell of the nurse for a crash cart
I heard you sing
As we drove down the road
The moon was orange
And the sky was red
I could have turned down the radio
Just to listen

They yelled around me
It all fell on deaf ears

The last thing I ever told you was
"I never loved you and I never will

Am I wrong
but didnt i care about things
I can remeber crying
when my dad dropped my pet fish in the sink

Am I wrong
but didnt i feel things
I remeber laughing
and crying
and hoping

Am I wrong
but didnt you love me
I could remeber your face when you saw me
your eyes said more than your mouth

Am I wrong
but didnt I love you

Am I wrong
but doesnt this situation hurt you too

Am I wrong
but arent you thinking about me like i think about you

Am I wrong

While out walking with my girlies

Felt a feeling in my curlies

No need to say just what

Had made that feeling in my ....(nether regions shall be used here....but feel free to rhyme away)

I ran into the nearest store

I knew what I was looking for

No need now to name the brand

You'll all know later where I stand

It's obvious who came to visit

You never really want to miss it

Unless you're trying for a kid

Then everyone knows what you did

No need now to be so coarse

But later riding on a horse

I felt a sudden urge to swim

It came to me just on a whim

So off I went out to the pool

Standing there just like a fool

My Esther Williams gene arrived

And on the count of three....I dived

I was great, I did astound

Thankfully..no sharks around

But as I finished in the water

I thought...well now I think I oughta...

Go out running for a while

In four minutes I'd done a mile

Incredibly, I had a feeling

For a cup of good Darjeeling

So I took a small time out

Before I had a boxing bout

Now, this I thought I'd never done

But then again, it could be fun

I was surprised, for I'm quite meek

I only hoped I didn't leak

Remeber when this whole thing started

It wasn't cause I thought I'd farted

Now, truth be told I cannot lie

I'd never give these things a try

But on tv....I saw an ad

And women do these with their pad

So, Playtex is the brand I like

And now I'm off to ride my bike!!!

So slap one on to be athletic

Then you won't be so pathetic

Buy one box and get two free

Playtex is the brand for me!!!

I need to remeber what it felt like to have a blade run across my skin

I need to remeber the feeling of relief when the pain starts

I need to remeber the joy I get when I pick up the knife

I want to know the feeling I get if i burn my skin

I want to know if it feels better or worse than the knife

I need to do it one more time

uhm, so hey!
i think i really like you?
I saw you the other day, im pretty sure it was in may-

you gave me this smile, that made all of my terrible thoughts go away.

and i swear you gave me this look, that took me forever to get out of my mind.

you were so kind to me, and enjoyed making me tea.

oh gee,
i hope i dont so cheesy, but gosh i think you're amazing;

remeber when you were gazing at me? and came up to me saying how i was so pretty?

my face became hotter than the sun, on a monday afternoon.

i loved that day,

anyway yeah i really like you. and i don't know if you like me too, but hey that's okay! Maybe i'll find out one day.

Are you sure you want to erase this message?

**Yes.

Let's stand around and talk about taxes and crime
Or watch it on t.v
Cool people only getting cooler
As alcohol leaks

I think I remeber leaving a party with you and falling asleep
on a dew covered hill

But I woke up in my bed

The shirt you had warn
Was pink and white through the haze
Remebering your face
But I still couldn't think your name
...I remember that you said you liked only
The old starwars
And your favorite Zelda
Ocorina of time
You got high with me and watched adventure time
And talked to me about the effects of ether on the human mind
You liked ska and doc martens
With only black laces
Japanese tea pots
BC ***
Black Jack Davey
Tattooed on your neck
You told me you were fourteen
When you last wore black lipstick.
"Far out"  
Yellow Submarine
Mushroom picker
The
Tingling of your spine
As it creeps up your neck
I was about to fall away to oblivion
Until I saw your smiling teeth




I got all the way to work without noticing
Jen
And your number on my wrist

I was driving to work just the other day

this guy was riding my bumber like I was in his way

he decides to pass but almost clips my car as he cuts me off

he hears my horn and flags the ******* to flip me off

I return the gesture and his tail light burst into bright red

slamming on his breaks and tempting fate what a bone head

I hold down my horn to let him know I am thoroughly ****** and had enough

he motions to pull over to the side of the road, he thinks I won't call his bluff

out of my car first and I can hear his big mouth and it is still runnin'

I won't be showing any mercy this ***** has it commin'

my fist meets his face with a loud smack and the blood begins to flow

a few more punches and he lands face down in the snow

now his ribs and my steel toed work boots are being vigorously introduced

it's amazing how from rude behavior so much hostillity is produced

before I go to get in my car to leave and finish out my day

I lean down and look into his ****** face and blackend eyes and I say

"The next time you decide to be an inconsiderate ******* when you drive, remeber this beating and how lucky you are to still be alive!)

The pub under the hands of some fellow madmen and
my divorce already in the works I set out cause why sit around a place and be misreble when ya can be heartbroken and drunk off your ***
somewhere else.

That and and my new wifes boyfriends were stealing all the dam covers
dam you Dallas Cowboys.

The trunk looked as if i had ran over a drug dealer and knocked over a liquor store ****** had i been sleep walking again?
There was uppers downers wild turkey and beers chips dips chains and whips oh my.

Yes this would be a journey that would test the limits and like a boozed up college girl.
On a ******* video would expose many
things for a T shirt  and a chance to make dad proud and kinda weirded out at the same time being he was trying to have some alone time to ummm   do some deep thinking  and touch apon  well yeah.
But enough with the foreplay children.

I was loose apon the highway bound for the place of true insanity
home to killer thieves perverts and the rest of my family.

Knotts Island N.C. is but a small island off the Virginia border
but remeber kids it's not the size of your island that counts.
or at least thats what your girlfriend tells ya cause secretley she's
******* half the state of texas  but hey who's bitter.    
  
Yes there was a smell of outdoor fires corn whiskey maybe
some organic  umm tabaco  that was green and Dr Jerry  had prescribed to me for my vision although i still couldnt see ****
but after awhile who gives a **** I never liked that guy anyways.

So after dumping the body in the marsh i had arrived.
Home where i could smell the microwave pizza burning cause mom
was to busy  helping 16 year old Brain  with his homework.
Yeah public schools ****** good thing Momma Gonzo loved to teach
and who better to teach *** ed than the town *****.

After there session had ended there we stood.
John how the **** are ya  you little *******?
Well it was a moment of only true gonzo  understanding and after are usal  conversation like hey did ya bring a bottle? And hey are we related?
And hey mom do ya think ya could  put on some clothes cause its kinda awkward im just saying.

We laughed we cried we turned on the tv and watched are family reunion on jerry springer ahh memories all alone in the moonlight.
Hey mom great left hook you really showed that ***** although
grandma did put up a hell of a fight.

We drank my mother knew her little Gonzo was hurting
and so we spoke over ten, tweenty cases of wild turkey.
Well son did ya pay her after ***?
She wasnt that kinda ***** mom.
What a stupid ***** hell she could at least made some money i mean really though look at you.

Thanks ya heartless *****.
Your welcome honey.
Going home it really reminds ya why ya left and went in the witness protection program to start with.

And looking at my okay kinda perverted lush of a mother I relized
****** no wonder im ****** up.

We drank talked I relived the old times as i held
her hair as she puked.
then she spoke to my heart once worried me that just maybe she had finally drank herself sane.

Ya know son sometimes people's are just a plain pain in the ***
but no matter what mom always loves you.
But ya gotta leave cause the Hells Angles are coming over
and you know your uncles Skull and Eightball still are a little sore
over the whole   you turning state witness thing.

Yes the thought of getting drug behind a mottorcycle for a few miles till your flesh was ripped from your bones really did sound like a downer.

So as I hugged my slighty weird kinda crazy okay perverted demmented  hell of a gal i called mom goodbye.
I realized the journey had just begun and Mexico was a calling i needed a save place to relax  and where better to than a semi insane drug cartel controlled  country  hey but other than that it was swell.

As I herd the chopper's apraoching
And had to ask for my wallet back now mom.
Really i havent fell for that since highschool  when we were on are double date at the prom.
i know what your thinking the Gonzo clan are nuts and momma Gonzo really shouldnt had me at such a young age but she was very mature at 13 and corn whiskey and football teams  happen.

Hey she said suprized looking at the pic thats Skeeter?
Umm  yes.
Hey can I have her number?
Ahh family moments.
And as I sped away like some
hyped up teenage girl  after there God Justin Beiber.

I thought well no matter where the road takes me  
as long as I have the blood of that  lush, perverted,kinda insane,southern bell in my veins it will always be second nature to forever stay crazy.

I’ve been drinking last night
I am not proud
It didn’t end up well

But
After such a long time
I felt like I belong
Somewhere
I could talk
And I did
I kissed, I laughed
And today I don’t remeber much

I’ve asked myself many times
Why do I do this?
Drink until I can’t control myself
For such a long time
I haven’t known the answer

But I know it now

Well, it is easy
To lose yourself to alcohol
To forget everything
Especially who you are
To become someone else
And I like it

I like to be that loud girl
Who does what she wants
Who doesn’t care about opinions
Who kisses whoever she likes
I do like that

I LOVE being wild
´Cause that’s the exact opposite of my true self
That’s why I drink

Creek
I call it a crick
when I was ten- no eleven

Maybe ten and a half

My dad worked as a mechanic....like I do now

I remeber he came home one day and kicked off his ***** workboots by the front door
His hands were always dirtier than a *******

He always had grease and dirt under his nails when he got home
and would run them under hot water and glo-jo like I do now

Them hands were COVERED in scars
....mine aren't that scarred yet
and I'm hoping they never will be

I got out of this town once and made it half way around the ******* planet

But I came back when aunt mary-lou died
the only thing I remember from that funeral
....the girl across from me was wearing a red thong
her name was Megan (I had a dog with that name once)
She was aunt mary-lou's friends **** *** stepdaughter

She had that look like
"I am way too good for this trailer park *******"
And I smiled and thought
"I know you are"

Well my dad came home
To find out that I had broken the bb gun he got when he was fourteen

And instead of yellin' at me
or beatin' me
he told me to go get him a beer
and he let me have a sip

I thought he was gonna tear me up and down like a red headed step-child
Or put his cigarette out on my palm

But he didn't
He just sat there
and still to this day I wonder why I didn't get the usual


Truth is:
when I came back from getting his beer on that fateful day
I thought I might have seen my dad wiping a tear from his cheek