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"disowning" poems
I'm disowning my name. In America, my name is cumbersome and clumsy and confusing so I'm leaving it behind. See, my name starts with an S and ends with a Z and one's a mirror of the other so they're like bookends for a collection of letters that spell a name that I never really felt belonged to me. Every morning, when I wake up, I wriggle into my name but it doesn't feel quite right. It's like borrowing your best friend's jeans even though she's tall and skinny and you've got a hundred generations of Puertoriqueña swirling around the blood in your hips. I don't like my name cause it doesn't diffuse across your lips. It bursts through your teeth. It's got a weight on your tongue that brings down the sound with the weight of a thousand sinking ships. I've got a Hispanic Titanic of a name but my skin's so white it seems impolite to claim an ethnicity that only lends its elasticity because of my father and the people that brought him here. My name is not me. It never was. It is an anchor that keeps me on the island of what my family used to be. I am not a race. I am not a category next to a box on a sheet of paper. I am the syncopated heartbeat of a tribal drum. I am the ****** whisper of water on the sand. I am the sunburn on the corrugated tin. I am the hunger in the stomachs of the working poor. So when I die let me not be remembered by fifteen letters I did not choose seven syllables I did not select three titles I did not ask for. Let them tell stories of what I did where I went what I saw who I loved the words I spoke the thoughts I formulated, ignorant of my race free of bias and prejudice and preconceived notions of what I should have been because in the end none of this will matter I'll have no strength for words but with a penultimate breath I'll still be able to smile.
0
Aug 2, 2012
Aug 2, 2012 at 10:27 AM UTC
An Introduction
I'm disowning my name. In America, my name is cumbersome and clumsy and confusing so I'm leaving it behind. See, my name starts with an S and ends with a Z and one's a mirror of the other so they're like bookends for a collection of letters that spell a name that I never really felt belonged to me. Every morning, when I wake up, I wriggle into my name but it doesn't feel quite right. It's like borrowing your best friend's jeans even though she's tall and skinny and you've got a hundred generations of Puertoriqueña swirling around the blood in your hips. I don't like my name cause it doesn't diffuse across your lips. It bursts through your teeth. It's got a weight on your tongue that brings down the sound with the weight of a thousand sinking ships. I've got a Hispanic Titanic of a name but my skin's so white it seems impolite to claim an ethnicity that only lends its elasticity because of my father and the people that brought him here. My name is not me. It never was. It is an anchor that keeps me on the island of what my family used to be. I am not a race. I am not a category next to a box on a sheet of paper. I am the syncopated heartbeat of a tribal drum. I am the ****** whisper of water on the sand. I am the sunburn on the corrugated tin. I am the hunger in the stomachs of the working poor. So when I die let me not be remembered by fifteen letters I did not choose seven syllables I did not select three titles I did not ask for. Let them tell stories of what I did where I went what I saw who I loved the words I spoke the thoughts I formulated, ignorant of my race free of bias and prejudice and preconceived notions of what I should have been because in the end none of this will matter I'll have no strength for words but with a penultimate breath I'll still be able to smile.
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61
It's a waterfall. You know, the kind that cascades hard like the white water rafting trips' featured waves and just when you think they've calmed, they're back even stronger. They said they had their suspicions. *You've been more flamboyant. You don't want to dress like your gender. Stereotype, stereotype, stereotype. But to be accused, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US To be yelled at, *YOU THOUGHT WE WERE DISAPPOINTED IN YOU THEN? To wish you were anywhere else but here... Somewhere over the rainbow... But I'll never be over the rainbow. Contrary to her belief, it's not a phase or something I'll grow out of. It's genetic. Contrary to his thinking, it's not helping when all my communication with others is severed. I'm gay. There, I admit it. It's not like I'm gonna scream it from the rooftops, and no, it's not the reason that I really like bowties and short hair. Can't you just accept me? The final blow is when your family decides you're too good for that type of lifestyle. WHAT MORE CAN I DO TO IMPRESS YOU? I've tried my whole life to make you proud. I guess this just goes to show that being myself will never be enough. So leave me to my cascades and wet cheeks in bed-why do you care- because we all know you're wishing I'm something I'm not. Someone I'm not. Disowning me would have been the far superior alternative to the disappointment. "Our youngest daughter is just like her father, but looks like her mother. And our oldest daughter? She looks like her father, but acts like her mother. Well...she did."
0
Dec 25, 2016
Dec 25, 2016 at 11:19 AM UTC
over the rainbow
It's a waterfall. You know, the kind that cascades hard like the white water rafting trips' featured waves and just when you think they've calmed, they're back even stronger. They said they had their suspicions. *You've been more flamboyant. You don't want to dress like your gender. Stereotype, stereotype, stereotype. But to be accused, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US To be yelled at, *YOU THOUGHT WE WERE DISAPPOINTED IN YOU THEN? To wish you were anywhere else but here... Somewhere over the rainbow... But I'll never be over the rainbow. Contrary to her belief, it's not a phase or something I'll grow out of. It's genetic. Contrary to his thinking, it's not helping when all my communication with others is severed. I'm gay. There, I admit it. It's not like I'm gonna scream it from the rooftops, and no, it's not the reason that I really like bowties and short hair. Can't you just accept me? The final blow is when your family decides you're too good for that type of lifestyle. WHAT MORE CAN I DO TO IMPRESS YOU? I've tried my whole life to make you proud. I guess this just goes to show that being myself will never be enough. So leave me to my cascades and wet cheeks in bed-why do you care- because we all know you're wishing I'm something I'm not. Someone I'm not. Disowning me would have been the far superior alternative to the disappointment. "Our youngest daughter is just like her father, but looks like her mother. And our oldest daughter? She looks like her father, but acts like her mother. Well...she did."
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46
My Mom called me a clever girl It felt like a slap in the face She said, “My sister did that, too, Wrote silly poems and crocheted lace” Since Alpha, her older sister Had a bad rheumatic heart Too weak to help with the farm work She cooked a little for her part While Mom, the Swedish farm girl With a rope tied around her waist Up at four to reach the barn Six feet of snow was every place She had to milk the cows then It was bone-freezing cold Her older brother Forrest Plowed the fields at twelve years old Their father died and left them To run the family dairy farm Soon after Alpha passed on, too Depression inflicted more harm That year was 1931 Ancient history one might say Grandmother never recovered Her depression years there to stay Cokato, Minnesota Who could blame my mom for running Her mother could not forgive her Til she installed indoor plumbing She had run away to Oakland A California nursing school Her mother called her ********** And disowning her was cruel But she was the lone survivor In her family of five So she nursed her future husband After World War II arrived They married and moved to Boston The Yankee soldier and farm girl It was 1950’s suburbs To my father it was rural Theirs was such a raucous union Like a constant fire alarm That when I could I moved down South My dream came true-I bought a farm How history repeats itself And leaves its own impression Alpha was reborn as me But treated for depression
0
Dec 5, 2015
Dec 5, 2015 at 12:25 AM UTC
Alpha and Me
2012 reasons To be afraid Of the end And I Decide not I will Drop the world After carrying For too long Caring for too long Lost faith Makes room For another Sharing my last Drop of water With the unfortunate These ************* Have ****** Mother earth For the last time The last crime Is the worst sin ****** in the first Then Third degree burns On her children Which they earned For disowning her The mother’s boys Are looked down upon So they take after their father Wars Generals Kings of destruction ******* the life Out of humanity Insanity is for the wise Guys Who’d rather go crazy Before leaving Earth blazing With the false truth We have faults too Falling Into the ******** Propaganda proposed By the doctor Believing being Bipolar Isn’t good And bad Having a war within the mind I’m A soldier of love And these ******* Are making it hard On The ones trying To save Grace From these ********* While we Are called ***** For taking it all in We reap what we sow Workers use the *** Then look down On what they created While desperate housewives Left alone Let gardeners Enter her home What In the **** Is the world coming to An end. But I disagree With the Mayan calendar Their knowledge Is great Yet weak From their lack of faith In humanity Let’s prove ‘em wrong And walk backwards For a change When the earth quakes And the sky falls Let’s break From our ways And stray Away From any path Created out of fear And stand At out post As the sun Cries it’s tears Of fire And burn Us all Ignorantly, Ill ignore And stand tall .Just. To show these ******* The meaning Of having *****
0
Sep 30, 2010
Sep 30, 2010 at 12:52 AM UTC
**** 2012
2012 reasons To be afraid Of the end And I Decide not I will Drop the world After carrying For too long Caring for too long Lost faith Makes room For another Sharing my last Drop of water With the unfortunate These ************* Have ****** Mother earth For the last time The last crime Is the worst sin ****** in the first Then Third degree burns On her children Which they earned For disowning her The mother’s boys Are looked down upon So they take after their father Wars Generals Kings of destruction ******* the life Out of humanity Insanity is for the wise Guys Who’d rather go crazy Before leaving Earth blazing With the false truth We have faults too Falling Into the ******** Propaganda proposed By the doctor Believing being Bipolar Isn’t good And bad Having a war within the mind I’m A soldier of love And these ******* Are making it hard On The ones trying To save Grace From these ********* While we Are called ***** For taking it all in We reap what we sow Workers use the *** Then look down On what they created While desperate housewives Left alone Let gardeners Enter her home What In the **** Is the world coming to An end. But I disagree With the Mayan calendar Their knowledge Is great Yet weak From their lack of faith In humanity Let’s prove ‘em wrong And walk backwards For a change When the earth quakes And the sky falls Let’s break From our ways And stray Away From any path Created out of fear And stand At out post As the sun Cries it’s tears Of fire And burn Us all Ignorantly, Ill ignore And stand tall .Just. To show these ******* The meaning Of having *****
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107
Reach for the sun, My father always said, Don’t ever fall to the ground; So I climbed every tree, Hiked over every mountain, But the Sun, I never found. Get off your knees, and Run to the Heavens, He would always say; I ran to Church, and Away from my sins, But the Heavens eluded my way. Swim to Atlantis, Find the lost city He muttered under his breath; I swam for miles, Dove to dark depths, But discovered, there was nothing left. He forgot my existence, Lost all faith, From his mouth, there wasn’t a sound; He escaped my glances, Never asked for a thing, His love was nowhere to be found. And yet: I had reached for the Sun, Chased after the Heavens, Even searched for Atlantis. I had reached for his approval, Chased after his affection, And finally decided - **** it.
0
Jul 17, 2012
Jul 17, 2012 at 1:37 PM UTC
Disowning Disapproval
Days flash past my shadow Unable to distinguish your face. Missing someone is overestimated An individual can't be missed But how you felt in his presence Will subsist. Love conquers as endless matter Thus exposing your heart is key, For a new world to perceive. An unknown yet familiar ardor rushes through my veins, I thence forsee you're present but somehow Gone away. Humankind around neglected you Trust is reasonably locked into your gut Disowning is no option, Neither patronizing you; Been there myself. Dark nights Dark thoughts; Disoriented your head, But reincarneted who you are today. Don't contemplate there is no better. Stand high on your feet, Drown yourself on memories That once made you Complete. Perhaps I'll never be your future, Perhaps my existence to you is nonsense. Straightforwardly; Merely knowing you're no longer lost, Will be my cue for moving on.
0
Sep 14, 2016
Sep 14, 2016 at 11:38 PM UTC
For Him (1/4)
I sit on the floor of my newly carpeted room searching for answers in the white crackled ceiling and find nothing but imaginary shapes of hope in the bumps that preside in it. There is no meaning to this, broken hearts laying down final words as they rest easy, hardly trying to find love again in the things they lost, criticizing every act of affection and disowning the thought of recovery. I imagine the sky changing past the roof above where my eyes meet the ceiling while I sit here decaying with the thought that no one will ever love me like I want them to and no one will ever want me if I don’t even want myself, how do I get through a life where there is no affection to be found? I sink into the carpet, eyes red against plush blue wondering if I’ll ever accept that some people aren’t meant to be loved and maybe I am one of them.
0
Jul 30, 2018
Jul 30, 2018 at 5:51 PM UTC
I Was Not Meant to Be Loved
did you become a monster trying to be like me love found, our bitter catastrophe I announce in small tongues because I am far past shy I dwell below the medium of discreet I fell for that that which will never fall for me secret bliss shared in corners of my mind to be gazed upon by wolves devoured in the late night sky I travel with your mind in my mind I do understand none of this will ever be redefined but I carry you within me regardless of the bad times touch the ill pale stricken love side dive in midnight incubus pools we lived in the most blackened of times we drank what was not but to me, the most red of wine I sink into the thought of you you do not love me anymore I was torn behind you shredded like pieces of cloth buried deep into the cemetary in your soul lost that woman who believed in romance and goth I smear the dirt from against my cheek you should see the sadness within me the ****** blood tangent the ****** of naked torture I cover my privates there is nothing left to hide prisoners try to escape I dwell here, numb with the thought of you   my hands trail behind me Im going to die Im going to die right here admitting this beneath me tonight a few hours man haunted kissed shoulders hair trailing age there is something hidden between the refined lips of a staggered feline tramped like irony against my soul a birthmark a cure hurt hurt no escaping trapped whole the understanding the love that gives out a sigh of death a sigh of disowning a sigh of painful living endured upon me like knives punching peircing reminding every single drought stricken day I lay upon my pillow gently oh yes I give into all this pain what else can I do with my small hands that were left wrinkled and have become prune from living in your rain what has become of the sickness the splattered guts and the vain suffer detachment drunk comfort drowning smile nervously smile hesitantly smile remorse beg hurt how can I ever come to play simply spread my meaning simply tell the tale of where my soul went when you had gone astray packed your bags and got on the closest highway with the word gay dripping out the side of my brain hands curved next to my cheek fingers twisted heat overwhelming panting screaming I have learned you stitched lips
0
Apr 7, 2011
Apr 7, 2011 at 7:59 PM UTC
read.
did you become a monster trying to be like me love found, our bitter catastrophe I announce in small tongues because I am far past shy I dwell below the medium of discreet I fell for that that which will never fall for me secret bliss shared in corners of my mind to be gazed upon by wolves devoured in the late night sky I travel with your mind in my mind I do understand none of this will ever be redefined but I carry you within me regardless of the bad times touch the ill pale stricken love side dive in midnight incubus pools we lived in the most blackened of times we drank what was not but to me, the most red of wine I sink into the thought of you you do not love me anymore I was torn behind you shredded like pieces of cloth buried deep into the cemetary in your soul lost that woman who believed in romance and goth I smear the dirt from against my cheek you should see the sadness within me the ****** blood tangent the ****** of naked torture I cover my privates there is nothing left to hide prisoners try to escape I dwell here, numb with the thought of you   my hands trail behind me Im going to die Im going to die right here admitting this beneath me tonight a few hours man haunted kissed shoulders hair trailing age there is something hidden between the refined lips of a staggered feline tramped like irony against my soul a birthmark a cure hurt hurt no escaping trapped whole the understanding the love that gives out a sigh of death a sigh of disowning a sigh of painful living endured upon me like knives punching peircing reminding every single drought stricken day I lay upon my pillow gently oh yes I give into all this pain what else can I do with my small hands that were left wrinkled and have become prune from living in your rain what has become of the sickness the splattered guts and the vain suffer detachment drunk comfort drowning smile nervously smile hesitantly smile remorse beg hurt how can I ever come to play simply spread my meaning simply tell the tale of where my soul went when you had gone astray packed your bags and got on the closest highway with the word gay dripping out the side of my brain hands curved next to my cheek fingers twisted heat overwhelming panting screaming I have learned you stitched lips
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100
If you ever see me run over. kicked. bleeding. blurring. on the ground. incoherently. something wrong with me. or that I’m not conscious, don’t look for my breath or heartbeat, don’t reach for a phone to call an ambulance that will drive me to the hospice to which the world throws you in when your window sill climbing, barefoot walking in the dirt rolling like child with freeing thoughts drooling or law-culture breaking gets too much of a crime for them. don’t ask me if I see still fine your two or four fingers yet look for the tears in my eyes. For if I don’t have them anymore and won’t get myself then or ever again to truly cry, it is only then that you’ll know I stopped fighting, I died, I ultimately ***** myself and I forgot there is more Beyond. and without that my existence isn’t worth looking for the pulse anymore. I will not be worth of seeing stars as a boy without sanity or glasses anymore. ... I swear on you upon all that heed.
0
Aug 18, 2020
Aug 18, 2020 at 3:09 PM UTC
DisowninG
The possible possibly came possible to her possible responsibility But the product produced her production And hope hoped for opinion to indulge Gulfs of emotions showed attention which led to disappointment advantage disowning the prophet that lies Average feelings decided on their own Affection caused Meetings annoyed many mind cells turning down any appointment pointed All was needed was love that resulted in fear Fear of love war all was bad into their hearts Because of love
0
Apr 27, 2015
Apr 27, 2015 at 11:53 PM UTC
the possible love
Unconscious con-artists sipping on each other's pop intertwining their legs like Twizzlers Squeezing the back of their necks playing in the dark tumultuous bed sheet half-hanging on a mattress Bruised lip, scratched skin Disowning our faults Pulled triggers on abrasive guns for provocation and crawling into trouble
0
Mar 23, 2016
Mar 23, 2016 at 4:26 PM UTC
Incense
poetry with two spoons and a salt shaker ~for poet, writer, Lora Lee, unexpectedly~ my symphonic orchestral accompaniment today, musically unlimited, except by lack of disowning skill, a voice unkempt, spoons and salt shaker, there in-nate rhythmic opinions off key, worse, my manly word-smithy, out o’town in June, July, August too? He, having an affair with my she-muses, left me bereft & berated, helplessly hoping, the timpani of my words clashing, overrated, woeful under-something, betraying my need for spicy sriracha, poetry, sans hamburger helper, no-tasty, even less-than-average everyone comes rushing in to the kitchen, hearing my to-sky-voices howling, thinking something wrong, the four instruments rack up a cacophony of rhythmic-less noises, words emerging, to-a-person, they announce, “you’re no Allen Ginsburg, ppp-please not so early next time” alas, they don’t know the poems are coming hot and heavy, guess I’ll go outside, serenade them birdies in the trees, the striped bass in the bay, the rabbits procreating/sleeping/eating under their (our) dock the squirrels know better, have skedaddled to the next-door-neighbor who feeds them classical stuff with a dollop of jazz creme mixed in, but I don’t care, cause I got all day, the rest of my life, to amuse me & you too to refine the qualitative, to improve my creative, I’ve gone “native” and the rush is the best, the wind beneath my spectacles (haha) drives my rhyming to lowlight heights of prosody, besides seems everybody has gone to a different beach, so it’s just me and the giant blackbirds cawing holy hell noises, and I’m thinking seriously about baking pie, but they just don’t get the hint, how annoying is that! harrumph! BESIDES GOTTA WRITE SOME SERIOUS STUFF...
0
Jul 4, 2020
Jul 4, 2020 at 10:13 AM UTC
poetry with two spoons and a salt shaker (Lora Lee)
poetry with two spoons and a salt shaker ~for poet, writer, Lora Lee, unexpectedly~ my symphonic orchestral accompaniment today, musically unlimited, except by lack of disowning skill, a voice unkempt, spoons and salt shaker, there in-nate rhythmic opinions off key, worse, my manly word-smithy, out o’town in June, July, August too? He, having an affair with my she-muses, left me bereft & berated, helplessly hoping, the timpani of my words clashing, overrated, woeful under-something, betraying my need for spicy sriracha, poetry, sans hamburger helper, no-tasty, even less-than-average everyone comes rushing in to the kitchen, hearing my to-sky-voices howling, thinking something wrong, the four instruments rack up a cacophony of rhythmic-less noises, words emerging, to-a-person, they announce, “you’re no Allen Ginsburg, ppp-please not so early next time” alas, they don’t know the poems are coming hot and heavy, guess I’ll go outside, serenade them birdies in the trees, the striped bass in the bay, the rabbits procreating/sleeping/eating under their (our) dock the squirrels know better, have skedaddled to the next-door-neighbor who feeds them classical stuff with a dollop of jazz creme mixed in, but I don’t care, cause I got all day, the rest of my life, to amuse me & you too to refine the qualitative, to improve my creative, I’ve gone “native” and the rush is the best, the wind beneath my spectacles (haha) drives my rhyming to lowlight heights of prosody, besides seems everybody has gone to a different beach, so it’s just me and the giant blackbirds cawing holy hell noises, and I’m thinking seriously about baking pie, but they just don’t get the hint, how annoying is that! harrumph! BESIDES GOTTA WRITE SOME SERIOUS STUFF...
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19
My tears would soak my face, eyes red from the tiny veins busting inside from strain my laugh was the loudest, my love was all in my heart was running a never ending race I felt a constant weight lay on my chest and my stomach never felt full A deep emptiness engulfed me, a longing for life like I could taste it if I wanted to chances waiting every hour, every minute things could change goals upon goals and dreams upon dreams I could take on the world, the doubt of others only a motivator to my next step a powerhouse of life, love, movement and strength I was a butterfly in the sky just out of reach I really felt like I could fly back then I felt guided by my spirit, Like Frodo I had a secret weapon in my pocket to find the light, even in the darkest of places, unafraid to use it when all hope was gone I was sassy, sarcastic and quick always on the ready to jump, scream, laugh smile or run It felt like me against the world and I was on the greatest team I had a knowing that I was not going to let myself down, I would not be like them I would be different but I wasn’t all the poems that I wrote, all the feelings that I felt, all the love I poured out, all the dreams I wasted and achieved, all the trying, kicking, screaming, joy, sorrow and peace, all of it and yet I still became the one thing I spent so much time disowning I still became me
0
Sep 25, 2023
Sep 25, 2023 at 11:53 AM UTC
Me when I was young
As you know, I come from an emotional, dysfunctional delusion A sort of internal, infernal, disowning confusion This pain is sempiternal, but I'm a dynamite with the fuse lit I’m not gonna complain again, cause that’d be useless I mean it’s not like she’d ever hear the words that I say it's As if I never spoke them, oh god I'm nuisance I'm so pessimistic It's really pathetic To watch me **** myself over a few sad sentences I'm so narcissistic It's really poetic To tie the knots on my noose with my own words Before I die though I'll go on the aggressive With some passive resistance Because I'm honestly quite sick of all this constant ******** Call me Ghandi and I'll be quick to dismiss it Unlike him, I know when I'm through being messed with And I don't let people step on me like I'm a rug on their doorstep Unlike me, he's not over possessive And people didn't call him out for being over obsessive But we both fight for what we think is right Except he teaches on the lesson While I'm kind of offensive And the amount of times I swear is a little over excessive But It helps get the point across to these ******* thick headed dimwits So I can see how I'm not one they'd be impressed with You know who you are when I'm this far on the defensive I'm just a little over protective There's no limit to how much I can stress it You'd be my way too if you were looking from my perspective. Because what if all of the sudden Like a flame in the kitchen Something you thought was normal grew into something that isn't Because they only listen When there is no way of saving And only when you die do they even look what you've written Poem after song and song after poem I'm so sick of all these words unspoken But I'll let out all my thoughts and that is a promise So look me in the eyes and I'll be honest
0
Mar 28, 2014
Mar 28, 2014 at 1:58 AM UTC
**** Me So It Stops (Please?)
As you know, I come from an emotional, dysfunctional delusion A sort of internal, infernal, disowning confusion This pain is sempiternal, but I'm a dynamite with the fuse lit I’m not gonna complain again, cause that’d be useless I mean it’s not like she’d ever hear the words that I say it's As if I never spoke them, oh god I'm nuisance I'm so pessimistic It's really pathetic To watch me **** myself over a few sad sentences I'm so narcissistic It's really poetic To tie the knots on my noose with my own words Before I die though I'll go on the aggressive With some passive resistance Because I'm honestly quite sick of all this constant ******** Call me Ghandi and I'll be quick to dismiss it Unlike him, I know when I'm through being messed with And I don't let people step on me like I'm a rug on their doorstep Unlike me, he's not over possessive And people didn't call him out for being over obsessive But we both fight for what we think is right Except he teaches on the lesson While I'm kind of offensive And the amount of times I swear is a little over excessive But It helps get the point across to these ******* thick headed dimwits So I can see how I'm not one they'd be impressed with You know who you are when I'm this far on the defensive I'm just a little over protective There's no limit to how much I can stress it You'd be my way too if you were looking from my perspective. Because what if all of the sudden Like a flame in the kitchen Something you thought was normal grew into something that isn't Because they only listen When there is no way of saving And only when you die do they even look what you've written Poem after song and song after poem I'm so sick of all these words unspoken But I'll let out all my thoughts and that is a promise So look me in the eyes and I'll be honest
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41
0219 God’s provision is manna to keep, Manna to embrace, Manna to enjoy. Under the heavens, one can burst into complain When he knows not the worth Of even a single drop pouring like rain. While the others rejoice — Dancing in the moonlight, in the fiercest milky way For his prayers have been answered, His tears, he knows are worth keeping in a bottle. One can roar like a lion in desperation: And so he starves but neither he was killed by others’ bow Nor the strong cravings in his belly But by grumbling with his poisonous words Like wearing a snake as a scarf on his neck. One can ask for more that are outside of his reach, But there is one who before he asks, has already been greatly received. His grips are not on his pocket, Not even on the purses which were secondhand, But it’s a grip of one who is courageous enough — The one whose arrows are not traded to the west, Nor does his shield echo while in defense of his keeps. The one who knows whom he truly trusts: A trademark of a mighty warrior, Never peeling in deceit. Two eyes can be set on the same red sparrow But in the goodbye of the mist, Truth is still the truth, there’ll be no hidden things. One eye blurs into the abyss of fire While the other is embraced with the kiss of the heavens. We can choose to be one who is choked by his words — The one whose sword is in his golden chest, Never knowing the bleeding of his heart, The one whose spirit is mourning alive. But rather be the one who is the recipient of grace, Melody is the Sun, shone on his face The one whose greatest weapon is the decree of his heart. He thirsts for instructions, Knowing the throne isn’t his. He dwells in the court of corrections, disowning his pride — So be the one whose trust is never in his might.
0
Feb 27, 2019
Feb 27, 2019 at 9:43 PM UTC
Manna Like Rain
0219 God’s provision is manna to keep, Manna to embrace, Manna to enjoy. Under the heavens, one can burst into complain When he knows not the worth Of even a single drop pouring like rain. While the others rejoice — Dancing in the moonlight, in the fiercest milky way For his prayers have been answered, His tears, he knows are worth keeping in a bottle. One can roar like a lion in desperation: And so he starves but neither he was killed by others’ bow Nor the strong cravings in his belly But by grumbling with his poisonous words Like wearing a snake as a scarf on his neck. One can ask for more that are outside of his reach, But there is one who before he asks, has already been greatly received. His grips are not on his pocket, Not even on the purses which were secondhand, But it’s a grip of one who is courageous enough — The one whose arrows are not traded to the west, Nor does his shield echo while in defense of his keeps. The one who knows whom he truly trusts: A trademark of a mighty warrior, Never peeling in deceit. Two eyes can be set on the same red sparrow But in the goodbye of the mist, Truth is still the truth, there’ll be no hidden things. One eye blurs into the abyss of fire While the other is embraced with the kiss of the heavens. We can choose to be one who is choked by his words — The one whose sword is in his golden chest, Never knowing the bleeding of his heart, The one whose spirit is mourning alive. But rather be the one who is the recipient of grace, Melody is the Sun, shone on his face The one whose greatest weapon is the decree of his heart. He thirsts for instructions, Knowing the throne isn’t his. He dwells in the court of corrections, disowning his pride — So be the one whose trust is never in his might.
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43
The suppressing, the forgetting, the disowning of a me I never wanted to be seems to be failing miserably As she slowly creeps, scratches her way back to the surface. Each day consuming me and transforming me bit by bit Back to the person I once was And fought so hard to forget. I promised myself I'd never become her again And yet here we are. She's laughing and mocking me For ever thinking I could pull off being this girl I pretend to be. I guess I was hoping Eventually this act i have on would consume me The way she had and finally I'd be What everyone wants me to be: OKAY.
0
Jul 7, 2014
Jul 7, 2014 at 5:15 AM UTC
Untitled
I don't care much would you mind giving me your number You look fab, tonight. of which, I go as I dance in a midnight shadow and this lurking image on me the curse begin of the pain, i felt and the bitterness i don't care much disowning everything you ever knew is of mighty courage as i remove myself from all the subjects i ever read subtracting to all the inheritances of shallow practices and gaining attentions with bleak sincerity would you spend time with me you are beautiful, lovely lady these words, it doesn't reach to my ear nor to my heart I don't know why people fall in love with a hollow shadow or maybe they find solace in not being noticed in these naked nights i sleep all my time keeping myself too busy to think much as i don't care much
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Dec 30, 2016
Dec 30, 2016 at 7:38 AM UTC
the journey
I often find myself seeking validation from words that were never written for my tongue Caging myself behind walls made of letters still undefined pacing the corners of my fears wondering what is being said in another’s mind I run from the words that define my faults, disowning them and leaving them behind But I still carve them into the crevices of my skin, to remind myself of everything that I’ll never be Then, I write a stranger's name beside them so that I can blame someone else for my insecurities.
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Jun 28, 2020
Jun 28, 2020 at 4:17 AM UTC
Borrowed Words
To my loved ones, I'm a ghost: I haunt them, I am to be shunned. Heartless as ghosts are, I do not feel wrath-- I feel the emptiness. What have I done to become this sort of monstrosity? What must I do to come alive before them?-- What must I do-- to become real in their eyes? To my loved ones, I am **** I am brown, filthy, avoided. They seek to go back to the ******** of the owners who love disowning them. Why, my beloved owners, do you not see-- that I am your **** There are many like me, but this **** is yours. To my loved ones, I'm just phlegm. Sticky-- yuck! But, the same substance used to protect them from viruses Why do you look at me-- Your protector, with disdain? Do you not see: I may be all of these, but I am yours anyway.
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Nov 12, 2014
Nov 12, 2014 at 10:32 AM UTC
Being Everything Bad
Poetry Reading in Oslo Never had the lack of talent exhibited itself in so many poets. I'm referring to a poetry fest in Oslo- years ago- for whom Norwegian was not their first language. On a wooden table booklets of third-rate poetry trying to look invisible disowning the poet's feeble effort to make words sing. The poetry reading was disrupted the readers a military band next door a blessing for the listeners of trite words of love. Among the naïve public, women looking for *** with young poets thinking it was romantic. What a moth-eaten group of poets assembled in this cold and indifferent land, hope is when they came home sat down and through hard work gave birth to poetry.
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Nov 3, 2016
Nov 3, 2016 at 7:05 AM UTC
poetry reading in Oslo
I'm a ********* Agony is ecstasy so wound me Cut every part of me that failed to please Watch my hands swimming on those cuts like your fingers sliding through your hair Feed me more for I'm a zombie feeding on myself Savor every moment because I won't stand tall to go down again Crack me wide open to find no part of me crying in pain Knife your name all over me and peel like an artist disowning her sickest masterpiece One doesn't bleed love and nothing you did could **** the you inside me It was love that got me ready to bleed for your delight Love was when I refused to fight Bisect my heart in two I die in love with you Drink your fill like a vampire before you hand me to the pyre Love was when I surrendered to please your desire
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Aug 28, 2015
Aug 28, 2015 at 12:04 AM UTC
Die In Love With You
The rest of me , I lay down my weapons so this could be . I fall straight down to one knee. And cry endlessly. Grey lit skies above , when you look away disowning love. Take the time to beat , and see whats in my mind , mind boggling . Destroying every last string holding me,can't you see. I'm falling apart , as my world comes deadly. Silent screams , crackling bolts of lightning strike facelessly, namelessly . Open heartedness, forgiven .lost for the time I was driven . Believe in . Every aspect of my life , thrown out my  window and forgotten. But me , I'll never be the same again . Ever again .
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Dec 23, 2018
Dec 23, 2018 at 4:42 AM UTC
Forgiven
Faithful faults r we. Wedges pounding our frozen shattered beings. How a heart beats in granite like masoleums. Massive monsters we have roaming. Calling home a sense or feeling. Den of vipers we are owning. Not a one is, can, will be disowning. Egos blaspheme steady.
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Jun 6, 2018
Jun 6, 2018 at 10:08 AM UTC
Faithful Faults
where to begin there is so much ******* pain lined up inside me like layers of skin i have layers of pain so much unsorted trauma lying in my chest, mind, heart my soul it aches for growth, but i am still figuring out the trauma part i am not who i am born into i am not the things that have happened to me i am not the people who have hurt me i am Me i am my Self I am Grace i am strong i have been hurt but the weight of the pain has become too heavy to drag around i must dump the body the body of trauma that lay inside me fare ******* well i am not required to forgive you and for now i cannot for you have sinned much more, far, far, far more than forgiveness could erase ten fold i hope the horrible terrible evil things you’ve committed i hope they come down raining ten fold on your stupid ******* head since you don’t get the picture and here i will sit while you writhe in suffering disowning your evilness rather than facing it head on swords up cutting through the thick disgust but you ******* cower like the piece of **** you are you feel no remorse you find pleasure in the pain of others and for that let bygones be bygones i trust. for your troubles are out of my hands the things you’ve done to me they are out of my hands i will try to forgive, oh but i will never ******* forget i fill my hands with what i deserve i fill my hands with love i fill my hands with abundance i fill my hands with peace i let you go now you no longer have a place in my life holding on much longer will not suffice
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Sep 22, 2020
Sep 22, 2020 at 5:50 AM UTC
i will never ******* forget
where to begin there is so much ******* pain lined up inside me like layers of skin i have layers of pain so much unsorted trauma lying in my chest, mind, heart my soul it aches for growth, but i am still figuring out the trauma part i am not who i am born into i am not the things that have happened to me i am not the people who have hurt me i am Me i am my Self I am Grace i am strong i have been hurt but the weight of the pain has become too heavy to drag around i must dump the body the body of trauma that lay inside me fare ******* well i am not required to forgive you and for now i cannot for you have sinned much more, far, far, far more than forgiveness could erase ten fold i hope the horrible terrible evil things you’ve committed i hope they come down raining ten fold on your stupid ******* head since you don’t get the picture and here i will sit while you writhe in suffering disowning your evilness rather than facing it head on swords up cutting through the thick disgust but you ******* cower like the piece of **** you are you feel no remorse you find pleasure in the pain of others and for that let bygones be bygones i trust. for your troubles are out of my hands the things you’ve done to me they are out of my hands i will try to forgive, oh but i will never ******* forget i fill my hands with what i deserve i fill my hands with love i fill my hands with abundance i fill my hands with peace i let you go now you no longer have a place in my life holding on much longer will not suffice
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You are perfect, you never make mistakes . . It's always me . . You always try to fix me and point out everything I do, Is there any grace? Correction unto perfection . . I don't want to settle for less, But I'm giving my best . . And it's never enough . . All I ever do is let you down . . What must I do to satisfy you? - become you? Can't I be myself, have my own life, Make my own decisions, have my own convictions . . I'm old enough now to own what I believe, I'm not disowning you, but we won't agree on everything . . I'm not a people pleaser anymore . . There is responsibility on my part . .
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Mar 8, 2018
Mar 8, 2018 at 9:35 PM UTC
I'm Only Human (version 2)