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Thomas Bodoh Apr 2020
Did You Think I Wanted To Write This?
by nobody you know about

it cost only the love i had for the blood in my body
the respect i had for humanity and for every caring soul
the stupid trust i had in mommy and daddy
the promise of heaven for the blind and the righteous
and the swift release that only sleep and death provide
to collapse this diary into shards that you could choke down
and somehow still have a lying tongue to say “you are perfect.”

what idiocy possessed my blackened mind to share with you
the hellfire consuming every minute that Beauty allows me to live?
May 2019 · 298
Sonnet XII
Thomas Bodoh May 2019
A brew’r of hearts once offered me a phial,
Her fragile workings wrought with glass-tipped hands,
Brimming gold and glinting simmering smile;
It wafted cooling springs and lotuslands.
Her gentle fingers crushed our fateful flowers,
Enchanting them, and seven years surged back
In bottled blooms. Undo, O nightly hours!
You saw my tainted tongue poison it black.
But ere the deadly draught near stopped my heart,
A foggéd dream collects within my sight:
The far ’way face that Time has locked apart,
Her unblack tresses matching moonless height.
Hear, sweet witch, my soul’s lamenting plea
And fashion me the flask of saving remedy.
Feb 2019 · 349
High Winds at Midnight
Thomas Bodoh Feb 2019
Seeping, leaking, between my teeth
The biting gust that hardens my skin like frost creeping across granite
Air inhaled and exhaled by time's countless gasping human mouths
With cracked lips and drier tongues gaping wide
Air that ***** my lungs flat till lifeless
Then fills them up again:
Swelling like so many pulsing hearts.

~ T.A. Bodoh
Feb 2019 · 341
Still Here
Thomas Bodoh Feb 2019
From a thousand miles away
I can still hear you
Breathing
Don’t stop
Yet
Thomas Bodoh Feb 2019
People matter and they matter and they matter
Until suddenly they don't.
Shall I condemn myself?
Thomas Bodoh Feb 2019
A ***** tightened too tight
Right here. In my stomach.

Life is a simple thing, really:
You just let people tell you exactly what you need to feel,
Followed by:
Exactly what you need to do
Followed by:
Exactly how you need to live.
Then, fortunately, you'll be happy, and thus you will have nothing else in the world to worry about.
It's certainly a utopian age we live in. It's funny how every single person has every single answer to every single question.

A Disclaimer:
I dislike emotion. It's rather like a very uncomfortable shape that just sort of sits there - or sometimes it rages, but mostly just sits there - moving about as if it breathes, and its heart beats on its own. The best thing to do is:
Beat it down with a large wooden stick. And then follow the rules.

Let us review the matter, shall we?
A singular person seems to entirely shift the constellations that connect the stars in my head.
Until it all sort of flattens into a wide, sharp-but-not-sharp mass of screaming desire and frantic pursuit, and it settles nicely into the shape of my smile.

A side note:
Eyes are easy to look into,
until you realize that perhaps you shouldn't be looking into them
until you realize that it might be your one chance to look into them,
until you realize that it's too late, and those eyes are
somewhere else.
Bliss.

Back to business:
The feel of someone is like fire - can't quite grasp it until you are, and then it leaves a mark. An aching mark, perhaps, one that leaves you up at night, but a mark nonetheless.
And then the planets suddenly all revolve around that sun, that flaming son, that maddeningly heated and roaring sun that warms you and burns you and fills your life with light and blinds you to everything that was or should be or even wants to be and it just is:

Love. A terrifying, irrational, confusing, and all-around undesirable reality. Let's scrape it off into words, the little voices said, and see if it makes anything better. In a small way, perhaps it does. Or maybe that's just me again.

A note to the Reader:
Nothing to see here, my friend. Just a bit of liquid nonsense splattered onto a blank page. With all the lies out there, it's fascinatingly easy to be deceived.

A Final Note:
Occasionally there is a moment
in which the reality becomes so real that it's There
and an unfortunate soul can feel it
and they also feel that Person breathing, shifting, living, from so far away and suddenly
for just a second
in a flash of light
that unfortunate soul
can sense the squirming mass of flesh that is Humanity
under an abandoned darkening sky.

A hand tightened too tight
Right here. Over my heart.
Jan 2019 · 361
Liquid Poetry
Thomas Bodoh Jan 2019
Silver ink snaking, slithering, sparkling like
drops of liquid starshine, night-sky blood
against such a blank and frightening ocean!
A map with no places, latitude no longitude,
stacked on one another like skin, punctured flesh
throbbing under aching fingers, scratching, scratching --
Wood on paper, etching the past in words,
the same naked quill I used to slit my soul
and slice open a hurting heart, once beating now bleeding
black and crimson pools of little light letters:
a lonely puddle, a mirror-pond, dabs of grey
in that white sea,
ivory sea,
silent sea,
hidden sea.
Nov 2018 · 357
Telling the Truth
Thomas Bodoh Nov 2018
Thank you for asking all the hard questions
that I tried to answer but you never believed me

Thank you for that ring you dropped into my bag
the golden one with the intertwined hearts

Thank you for making me love the wrong way
each glance like someone that doesn't hug back

Thank you for darkening the sky over my head
with your horrible grinning and coaxing and breathing

Thank you for begging me to tell you what's wrong
so I can fashion a fantasy of black hoodies and grief

Thank you for letting my lie to your face
slipping through my teeth under lips with a smile

Thank you for making my poetry crumble and
become rambling lines about love

and other awful things
that kind of don't
matter when
it gets
down
to
it
Thomas Bodoh Nov 2018
You fool! thought I, ashamed; embroidered tunes have caught you
By the tail so quickly. The flitting seraph wings
Wrought and plucked by harpists, and soaring snowy strings
Enjoined and swiftly snatched you; cease, you truly ought to.
The hearty ******* hammers, they hardly must have fought you
Yet now you lie as wounded, ensnared by petty things
Which melt the ice inside you, once the cello sings.
You faint ere damsels swoon; old scars, they scarcely taught you.
Wars and wives await you; vast views beyond all measures -
Don your trusty sword-strap! Embrace the woodland quests;
Unearth the knight inside you; inter the pallid flesh.
You fool, thought I again, those pearly unreal treasures
Entangle all right reason. In truth, those tuneful guests,
All sweetmeats to my ear, will rule my home afresh.
Nov 2018 · 268
Phoenix Fire
Thomas Bodoh Nov 2018
The flaming jewels now burn with phoenix fire
Red as rubies, alive as sunlight fair,
Within your woodland eyes, a glowing gyre
Each morn reborn to fly with splendor rare.
The forest dark, alive with creeping death
That lies beyond our cottage warm and true,
Writhing with wily worms and ****** breath,
Withers to meet such elven souls as you.
Your arrows straight fly true with poisoned peaks.
Each well-aimed word impaling wicked foes.
Your bow drawn taut will taunt the shadow-freaks;
Your mystic blades will blaze with azure glows.
Blow the sky-blast trumpets! Split the quiet night!
She wields the deathly darts; she fights with phoenix-light.
To my sister.
Nov 2018 · 504
Dabbling in Words
Thomas Bodoh Nov 2018
Just another broken heart
flattened into words again,
Smearing across the pasty page
like black or blue-blotched blood again;
Just a touch of token art
with which to whip the world again;
Fearing a cross too crass to carry,
They faerie-framed their thoughts again:

Take time, took time, take time this time
To clash colors, a mix of chromas, aromas:
Molten gold, glinting, told tales this time
Of sins staining souls, a soma, a coma;
Forge phrases, four ages of metals to melt
Syllables, words, still able swords, vaunt,
Down and up high the hammer to **** her
Or him for whatever however we want

Looking for troth or truth, that thing;
Maybe by binding books we can find it.
It should never make sense, confusion is
Beauty apparently; form or frame has aged
Too sage, or something, just a splash of
Words on a page, repeat, repeat
Sounds lovely, drip, drop, break, love, hurt,
He said, she said, forever and for ever, then
Stop

Something simple, sight or sound,
Take a second, and rely
On real eyes
To realize
The real lies
We're all just
Oct 2018 · 610
Amen
Thomas Bodoh Oct 2018
Suddenly You define me;
The epitome of life,
You ask me:

What are your criteria
For quality?
For comfort?
For life?

You scrape a bit of me
off onto You every day

Test the purity of a
golden heart against the
black stone of suffering
I bleed in streaks of silver

You are my touchstone now.
Oct 2018 · 572
And Hades Is Our King
Thomas Bodoh Oct 2018
To live forever; to cheat Death's Plan;
To slaughter men; to be a Man;
Achaean glory saves their souls,
Written forever in Homer's scrolls.

The lists of names, the blood and gore,
All for one purpose: to die no more.
We sing the songs; we read their pain;
We are the minds that house the Slain.

We are the Underworld.
Oct 2018 · 316
On The Edge
Thomas Bodoh Oct 2018
A thousand dusty voices
choke out a new song.
Throw sand in the air, watch it fall,
and sometimes it makes a sandcastle.
Hope it doesn’t blind your eyes -
Then you’ll be both
unseeing and unspeaking.
And everyone knows
that you can’t live long like that.
Oct 2018 · 336
Cake and Ice Cream
Thomas Bodoh Oct 2018
Happy Birthday!
Guess what I got for you?

Endless blue skies
                                      (I like the night better)
My unending love
                                      (You liar)
And a couple seconds with you.
                                      (Leave me alone)


                                       Thanks! This is what I've always wanted.
Sep 2018 · 281
Battle Smoke
Thomas Bodoh Sep 2018
The rolling stone-cold plumes, all shadow-bent,
Bearing the frosty ghosts of gallant souls
From fallen forts and earthly cities spent
Ascend from fleshly ash and hellish holes.
The scratched and fallen foes shall lurch to stand;
The silent, broken knights shall stagger high
And seek with vengeful eyes the wicked hand
That sought to quench the sunrise climbing nigh.
Some rise to fight, some rise to heal, and some
Will never rise again. The love-top spins;
The stars hurl by; we pray for kingdom come,
We pray to heaven's hosts to heal our sins.
The smoke a-rises; all collapse to knee
Weeping that goodly God might set them free.
Sep 2018 · 393
Danse Macabre
Thomas Bodoh Sep 2018
Your lavish words enthrall me once again,
Ravishing me; accept these fingers pale.
Bind me on your palfrey, free my bale
With ****** viscid hands like tracing rain.

You, my matelot, steer me across the main
Eschewing spume-licked sea-storms by your sail.
Your lavish words enthrall me once again,
Ravishing me; accept these fingers pale.

Chain my spirit and strip the palsied pain;
Tonight you take me. Swift my embers fail
As palmy eons end; my tragic tale
Shall meet me with the old conceited Cain.
Your lavish words enthrall me once again.
Sep 2018 · 1.9k
Masquerade
Thomas Bodoh Sep 2018
Spellbinding sparkling queues of pearly faces
Seethe in a gemstone sea of lips and beaks.
Veiling night, my Nirvana, leads us places
Fraught with clandestine lies and feathered peaks.
The hidden eyes reflect the burning light
Rampant within the painful lifelong dance
And swivel southward, scorched with silent fright;
Parades of fiends swing by at ev'ry glance.
Burn the voiceless witches! Condemn the dead!
Slash the hopeless visages to the night!
Raccoons, exposing drooling mouths unfed--
Charming music conceals their true delight.
I, the regisseur, perform my role
Then fade behind the mask that chokes my soul.
Sep 2018 · 364
Too Far
Sep 2018 · 271
Fallen Words
Thomas Bodoh Sep 2018
Once more, I try a blue-blotched sun-shot sky
Pierced through and ripped by ruddy morning beams;
The shreds and shatters touch - I stop and sigh.
These broken words are stuff of shattered dreams.
Again, I try a muffled starless nigh,
The moonbeam's kingdom, sunshine's dusky bane;
Stygian chains bind his feeble light -
The rhythm drowns in wordless pain.
This spiked cheval-de-frise of mind impales
The noble steed of thought. Words seep like blood
And rhymes are fools with reckless line-long tales.
I mourn the sacred ground my sense once stood.
Tonight a phantom haunts these barren lands
And steals those fallen souls with icy hands.
Sep 2018 · 1.3k
Hurricane of Fools
Thomas Bodoh Sep 2018
Mankind
What are you doing
Black and white and gray
You twist and turn and rage and shine
My love, your love, our love
My brokenness, your tatters, she crumbles, he shatters
Closed eyes, open mouths, poisoned words, ***** words
Dates, times, places, people, smiles, faces, masks
Him, her, you, me
Talk about people, talk about people
Use them and wear them, win them and hang them
Elegance, poverty, hurricanes far away, imaginary crucifixions
Look at me, look at my scars, look at my hurt, look at my heart
Words and words and words and tasty, tasty words
Names, names, names, a thousand souls, a thousand stories
Changing, twisting, turning, losing, loving
Emotions, complications, complexities, perplexities
It makes me want to say
Mankind
What are you doing
Sep 2018 · 941
Island
Thomas Bodoh Sep 2018
This Island, draped with the moss of the past
And drowned in the foggy mist of the future
Lies awake, breathing under a darkened sky.
My trembling hand touches the black silence,
Caressing its blank face and wooing it.
A lonely voice rips the quiet into dusty shreds
And leaves them to rot on the ground.
“It is him,” it says. “I remember him from long ago,
In a land far from here. I remember him
And his shining laugh, and his darting eyes.
He shot the hearts of young women with unseen arrows,
But from the ranks of men he remained
As a the dying earth to an newborn skylark
When it first tastes the sweet fragrance of freedom
And never looks back. Who would look back?”
A distant blue memory finds its feet in my mind
And travels down the forsaken labyrinth, invisible,
Until it gorges its divine spear into my heart
And shakes me awake. My eyes relent.
She hovers over my unfeeling face, and Lady Dream
Smiles on me. I find blessed comfort in that gaze
And my mind wanders into lush green meadows,
Blind once more to the Nightmare Forest.
The voice speaks again. It is Master Fletcher.
The Lady’s sharp retort slays his words.
“Shut your mouth,” says Dream. “He has known more
Than you can ever imagine. He has seen things.
Let him have his long-deserved repose.”
A thought from the Other World coils and wraps
Its snakelike loops around the victim of my mind.
Fletcher appears, young and bright as ever,
Regarding me with dancing eyes, under windswept hair.
Suspicions, secrets, wonderings, all rush inside
At the cheery sight of his roguish face.
I have heard tales of an unknown curse
On an unknown friend. Is it this friend?
Fire in my bones, a river of pain, I stand.
A whirlwind of feelings, colors, questions,
Drown me in the black sea of Unknown.
“Careful,” Dream warns. I gaze at her moonlit face.
My heavy question drops, and she watches it fall,
Wasted words wishing in a wasted world.
“I do not know,” she says. “It is a desolate place,
Forsaken in a jungle of twisted vines and branches.
Mother Earth breathed her sweet life here, softly,
Crafting a forest of flowers and outlandish beasts.
But it has left her wild mind for a thousand years
And in that aged time, it has become green and lost
Under an overgrown fortress of ruin and rock.
The trees have twisted faces, and all that grows
Can speak in tongues I understand, and Fletcher
Hears them likewise. The sky rages both in day
And in silver night, and the air is as a warm sea
Heavy and swirling in an unseen storm.
The beasts, fowl creatures, have manlike voices
And villainous minds, feeding like vultures
On the young, and wolves on the grown.
One day and one night have we lived here.
This is a desolate, abandoned place.”
Her flashing words release me from my spell;
The enchantment drops like silk to the grass.
“Endless water surrounds this place,” adds the boy.
“And serpent-demons dwell in that eternal ocean.”
The shaft of his beloved words pierces my heart,
Despite the poison on its sharpened tip.
“At least I am not alone,” say I, flogged by fear
And shackled by the chains of my affection.
To Be Continued...
Sep 2018 · 273
Too Real
Thomas Bodoh Sep 2018
Too real
Too beautiful
Can’t resist
Can’t handle
I would take my soul
And throw it over
Watch it fall
See it shatter
Into a thousand silver shards
Like a thousand broken mirrors
See them melt and burn
Like these years I’ve lost
Like my love for you
Like your phoenix eyes
Like your dragon’s heart
Just to touch your face
Sep 2018 · 1.0k
Sweet Sonder
Thomas Bodoh Sep 2018
The thousand dreams and burns and hopes and scars
That crimson phantoms, deep within the skin
Graze and raze with, betrayed by eyes like stars,
Shift and ache. Too long I looked within
For on this present dark’ning deathless day
The thousand hearts of man so pierced my soul;
I saw them all. Wild, frazzled from the fray,
Dragging, too weighed by life’s relentless toll.
Sweet sonder, teach me by the sky-wide sun
The thousand lives that glow with redd’ning force,
That burst like vineyard vats with seams undone,
That reel like sea-lost ships that miss their course.
But then that chilling truth in my mind fell:
If I can read their hearts, they read mine as well.

— The End —