i can see, what was then, has never have been, for you as it was for me.
Like it was just yesterday, we were laughing together in magic, but now u am the object of your laugh
i can see, what will be, is just the pain i seen in me.
Like it was just moments, i held your hand and save you from the despair,
only to see i was toy within your love scam career.
If you remember the hand that fed you support, the light i cast on you, as you reached out to me before
as the one who feels, you would see the pain i have in me.
I am the pawn of your unrequited love, the unrequited love that has ripped my soul into a reality of shame.
...
I am the pawn of your unrequited love, the unrequited love that has ripped my soul into a reality of shame.
unrequited love so deeply true
I can see, us dancing with our fingers creating a meal, only to be a dillusion in my head
Like it was just yesterday, we shared a alot of our own soul, smiling.
i can see, a person who foolishly open his heart and given the blood to be,
Like it was just moments, you held my heart and said you're lucky for me
only to see i was an object of your own deceit.
I am the pawn of your unrequited love, the unrequited love that has ripped my soul into a reality of shame.
..
I am the pawn of your unrequited love, the unrequited love that has ripped my soul into a reality of shame.
unrequited love so deeply true.
Now broken i can be, building my true me, picking up the pieces indeed, Ooh, i will open the heart to someone to be,
only in time the tears will drive slowly from the ice i am thawing. love is all around me, over me, under me,
but ....
i can see, the love is from you, but i feel greater love through and through
Like is it is seconds, holding you as you cry tour pain to me, hoping for a smile again
I can see, what I am now, in tears in my spite of my loss and invisibility,
Like it was now, when the mirrors of ur pain, u bestowed on me with your ability
only to see true hate over my true love
I am the pawn of your unrequited love, the unrequited love that has ripped my soul into a reality of shame.
..
I am the pawn of your unrequited love, the unrequited love that has ripped my soul into a reality of shame.
unrequited love so deeply true.

Many people, including yourself say I do what I do because I am fighting hard for a prize.
I have news for them, you are no prize, what so-ever. As harsh as this sounds, it is really a great phrase.
When I say you are not a prize, it means you are not an object that can be taken or to be possessed. Instead,
you are a beautiful human being that I am lucky to have in my life, and that everything I do, is intended to earn
the right to be the official person that will make you happy, take care of you, support you, as well as grow as a team, whether
if it is labeled only has best of friends or something special. Only selfish want I always had that the chance that I see the true feelings I sometimes see in you in waves, maybe a breath of fresh love from time to time, that I could one day improve myself and prove to be a best person in your life in a meaningful way.

    A deep connection like this should be pleasurable and fun everyday as we build each other up and frolic under the stars. A beautiful friendship with deep feelings is most similar to dancing, as it should not be painful work but a journey of smiles at the end of the day.....

    That mentioned, to best describe the world of deep friendship up to true love and anything between is to describe why two people dance. When we chose to dance,
unless professional, it was never meant to be an object of hard work or stress, but the activity that brings out the best of each other while enjoying the rhythm    
of music, as we know as life. It's all about combining out best moves to show the audience that the duo can dance to any beat. Sometimes dancing can demand a lot skill. To maintain a great performance,  it does take good communication, social cues,  and proper response to accurately synchronize the dance steps as a team. A second look back is sometimes needed to execute a shocking introduction without injury; But more or less, without targeting the end result as in the audiences approval or a prize at the end, the true gift is the laughter and excitement of celebrating the music in a coordinated dance skit.

    I have danced with many partners, but I must say I have enjoy dancing with you the most, despite hiccups on the disco floor and few skipped rehearsals. Some moves you made can put the king of pop to shame, as I do believe I can rock the Caspar  from time to time. I am satisfied with any genre of music while dancing with you. I must admit I am no Fred Astaire, as I can be a klutz. I made a few misleads that I accidentally stump on your toes while some of your moves have place bruises on my shin. This is common when you dance hard to the loudest, most brilliant music we tend to discover. There are times I blow the dance routine by misreading your next step totally, where at other times, I come unprepared to a new move that impresses the best judges. My main error is when I over-coordinate my special moves when the music of life drops the beat. I am happy though we are savvy enough to whip back into rhythm. I may not be the greatest show partner on floor, as I have not maintained my dancing jacket over the years, even though I believe that jacket was once cute. I understand that a good dancing partner must take the time to visit the tailor to replenish the thinning cloth around the collar, maybe add a bulk of fluff to the shoulder pads, refresh the color, and most important replacing the missing white buttons. Until then I do understand you want to dance with other people that still maintained their jackets, but I know that my dance moves are best coordinated to the rhythm of your style of music  :). That being said....

Let's enjoy today, enjoy the flow of the music and where t leads us, and most importantly,.. May I have this next dance :) I am always honored to tear the floor with you, and redefine the musical genre called love and friendship.

True love is not saying I love you,
true love is saying I will always love you unconditionally.

True love is not randomly made dates on valentines,
true love is willing to cancel any dates to be with you emotionally.

True love is not a right to misplace a person and bad treatment,
true love is willing to take the abuse to ensure truth and peace.

True is not selfish, needing , taking, and tolerance,
true love is friendship, trust, wanting, and providing both ways.

True love is not temporary times with acquaintances,
true love is always there as a best friend and more.

True love is not providing all negative statements to ones image,
true love is acceptance and positive criticism when only needed.

True love is not controlling and putting words to break people up,
true love is following through with the offer of help.

True love is saying I love you and accepting the person in whole.

Walking down the street, I have lived many days with content.
In my heart, I have danced a thousand dances without repent.
Living the life of million opportunities.
Living the life of full of billion challenges.

Yet, I know in my deepest soul there is one constant thing.....
One constant thing that rules my day and nights....
United by one rule, I will always pause for you.

Beautiful parties, fast lives, working day by day, things are moving on.
East to west, parted by rivers and mountains and many things anon.
Making a better life for yourself, I know one constant thing.....one....
You have always paused for my every need in true.

Giving the best fruits and cakes, we evolve to new heights in our lives.
Under many stars, running millions of miles, we driven a lot of drives.
Yesterday has past, as we ride the waves of today, shopping among                                                                        ... a string of futures..but yet....

In my heart, I have sang a thousand songs of sweet wisdom.
Living a life of million smiles and tears in our kingdom.
On every single of the seven seas we sail to the distance.
Virtually nothing has held me back without any resistance.
Eventually, eventually we all know this to be true.........

Yet, I know in my deepest soul there is one constant thing.....
One constant thing that rules my day and nights....
United by one rule, I will always pause for you!

Many times we have fights, silence, and differences.
But yet underneath the turmoil, I see a soul fighting a feeling.

Many times I have hold your hand,  supporting you with all of my might.
But yet,  the fear of retiring the free will of excitement is evident.

Many times I assure you I can never fill anyone's dream persona.
But yet, I can always fill your heart and needs as you're the one.

Many times love existed in millions of layers from platonic to deep.
But yet, without labels and constraints, it is best enjoyed and evolved.

Many times I have cried within, and laughed out loud with you.
But yet, The feelings of extreme emotions alerts me the difference.

Many times I have been offered, loved, asked, and seen others for me.
But yet, only one holds the power to enlighten me in a powerful way.

Many times I have seen harsh punishment and confusion that ills me.
But yet, I also see someone fighting what's best.

Many times you are first thought and last dream of the day.
But yet, it scares you, in which I fully understand.

Many times I will prove that I love thee and will love forever.
And yet, I am compromising to offer the best happiness.

My heart to yours, I see you, a boy who sees me, and smiles inside.
And yet, you have seen me cry inside and secretly held my heart.

I have realized, that we could never enjoy a sunset together, only because..
  I would be to paralyzed by the radiant colors of your personality.

  Watching the night sky together would never work, only because...
  the brightest stars will still be masked by your amazing brilliance.

  There would be no reason to sit in front of a fireplace, only because..
  you laughter and smile fuels enough warmth to melt the largest glacier.

  Running along the beach would be senseless, only because...
  spending time with you has already cast upon the vigilance and energy of a beautiful ocean.

  I would wish to dance to a slow song but cannot, only because...
  the thought of you creates the loudest beat of my heart that can rock anyone's world.

  Fancy jewelry would not be needed to be bought, only because...
  Their is no diamond in the world that matches your clarity, flaws, and beauty that I adore so much.

  I would toast and drink the greatest wine, but cannot, only because...
  I am drunken by a bond we have that makes me shiver and fall onto the ground with excitement.

  Traveling the vast world would be a great for anyone except us, only because...
  I already have the pleasure of knowing the person who fulfills any wonder of the world.

  Writing the poem would not do any good, only because...
  like any great piece of art, your eyes and voice is full of unconditional beauty. "

I was one who was down and sad, until a shooting star blasted against me
Not just a star, but a star full of diamonds that speck thee.

The star, noble and bright, opened my eyes and my heart.
I felt love for a few days like viewing a piece of beautiful art.

I love this star, and will fight to keep and grow it deeply.
My star, I want to be with it so bad and feel it weekly.

I will stop at nothing as I found love, true love, and will prove myself
As for I, I am over the past and now open to the future self.

I love you Alane!

I apologize - I mean no love for you in this poem - *******


I am vastly viewing the plains of my thoughts, alas, looking for a song to play.
I will sit in my chair, pondering the notes and clefts through the day.

The song I will play only for you and you only, as I search for the note or key that sounds.
I will frolic through the keys as I know that one key is important, within the mounds.

In harmony, I will play, to match my keys to the key of our heart, only for a smile.
If the key of the heart is touched by my keys, I will await for you to dial.
I'll sing to you, as you listen, however, off the notes are, I will fulfill the rhythm of your soul, by each stroke.

I sit, in my prison of fears, dreams, hopes and consequences thinking,
I am thinking about my life, but most  importantly, what I want and desire. Tonight my thought is of you, as I look back and ask why? Why do I care, why do I feel, and why did I give my true love and honour.

In better times, you were the symbol of fun, new hope, and excitement.
I laughed a bit more, taste the fruits just a bit better, and saw the colours a bit brighter as excitement ran through my veins. I remembers days conversing about everything and nothing, exploring each other's favorite music, dance, style, and humour.

I grown to trust as a friend and romance as a prospect as I seen bits and pieces in you that I have not seen in others. As comfort set, so did fear and anxiety of the next chapter. It hindered, broke, scared, and hurt us. We experience forces that successfully broke us out of envy and jealousy of our closeness. Half the times we were stronger, other times, weaker as other people painted green while we only saw mud brown.

I spent many upbeat nights , dancing in my mind the beauty of the friendship and the words once said, and many nights crying, for the pain and hurt that is inflicted.

I will always not understand everything, especially the small magic that occurred as sometimes I feel insignificant to the only person I feel who is the most significant.

For the first time, I held the hand that shaken, cleaned the tears of confusion and pain, and gave only from my soul and heart, because I  just know it felt right. I watch every time unneeded, I become again void as once again I am imprisoned under negative energy and mirrors.

Always looking to cracked the bad mirror to prove the beauty and love within me, asking for a glare of notice, because as every day unfolds, I have a basic feeling of deep admiration and love solely on the history and fantasy combined we created. And I have no fear as the worst always have happened, leaving deeper in sorrow.

I realize I am a failure, not because I fail, but I found a reason to refuse to fail, as my stubborn heart persists and my mind fights. Despite the exposure of love and acceptance, for each positive influence I experience, I cannot fully appreciate as I wait for the perfect connection between what I admire and my self-reflection. When I promise to cross waters without swimming, taking hits without shields, and stopping time to fulfill my integrity, I meant it deeply as I have already executed my words.

Many times that I have drowned, shot by criticism from within and afar, broke past self budgeting, and surpass my expected limitations, I just know would do it all over again just to reflect on my mistakes to give a better story. It is my creed.

I may be a fool in many eyes, but finding a diamond with so many colourful flaws is very rare to me, and cannot be duplicated in effort or by chance. Seeing someone hold your hand as I wrapped in cold quietness is my pain, as I run out of ideas to bring forth the smile I have seen before, and the meaningful tears of love I once heard. If you were  colour, you are that shade of violet. Very loud, misunderstood, never available in most settings, but yet the shade that always sang to me.

Crucify me for being an idiot for loving, as I stand by whom I chose as my twin flames of friendship. I miss you because I have too. Some days I am glad I met someone who taught me that I could love for real, and some days I regret demeaning myself. I am guilty by creed.

As i always say, you given me spontaneous energy , in which gave my life some flavour beyond salty-boring. This here, what I am saying now, is just another random of spice to add to the ***, but in deep honesty, this is farther from the truth of randomization. I have written this starting from months ago, only in heart in mind, only to be transposed as words today.  I plea insanity, I plea the fifth, but I plea for recognition as I am guilty of melting by your presence. I refuse to walk the lines of this magic as a failure.

I offer my heart, eyes, soul, wisdom, fruits and prospects, just to see the smiling thanks and admiration I saw before existence of my deeper prison. Let me drink a cup of java and dance the floor of reality one day, and I promise the music will be more than moderately dismal. Within many days, we could choose to flour that pasta, and dip it into the sauce I prepared slowly. Let's ad-lib some more words into a book, and see what the sunset really looks like. With all of me, Peace.

Thomas~

As I stood in front of critical eyes, I had to convey myself today.
In my mind, I have designed the whole system as requested,
in my eyes, I have emitted my internal confidence of myself,
But when on stage, I feel compelled to watch my words,
My words sometimes have a way to stray, searching for the best combination.
The fear is not within my abilities of my craft, but my ability to sell myself, as a representation of the system I momentarily created. The anxiety of proposing my logic mixed with the doubt of being over-pretentious became me.
      As I look into their eyes, I take a mental breath, and proposed my system within layers as suggested in my mind. I felt compelled, yet nervous to present my thoughts and ideas. I am confident, yet thoughtful of every instance that could make or break my deal.
     That said, believing in yourself and knowing your facts to prove your bases, is the key to the eyes of inception that we call cultural matching to the masses.

For those who grew up differently or had difficulties in life, there is something inside of you that can make you great.  you may think differently, hence,  the world will not understand nor accept  the way you think and act upon existing  is merely your defense mechanism to survive. Only know that socialistic responsibilities is a key to not only adapt to the world but to excel in your abilities. It is okay, to be who you are; It is okay to fall; It is okay to above the line of normal that is defined by society, only if you apply some filter on your self-representation.  Know your skills and go after it. Find your dream and make steps everyday for that dream. Remember that once fallen, everything must go up. To explain, Gravity does not pull you, instead it is a force that pushes to the ground. That said, life pushes you everyday, not to destroy you, but to make you stronger and adapt.

This is what I see you in all, the power of language; Your writing, is the key to an effective communication to others as well as to your self.  
When you're bored , upset, emotional, write your fingers off! Write write write! Make poems, develop stories, teach somebody what you know, express your ideas, as long as it's in a constructive matter. The more your writing skills improve, your personal skills will improve in respect. personal skills, in general ,is the key to any career, lifestyle, and relationship, no matter what you do or what you believe. Words are constructed to sing your song. Sing it so you can find your way to start dancing to complex music beat that the world offers.

My words, are only reflection of my feelings, and my style is my reflection of my art.
Every breath I take, I analyze my life, my feelings, my dreams, and my hopes. I see what is wrong and refused to stay inept.
My greatest one, the one whom holds the opinion that matters the most, complimented as childish for my words. That is what good enough is?
In my heart, feelings are wrong and loyalty is misunderstood.
I will do better, and not give, but to watch , and over think. Cold heart, sharp tongue, and greed is the way to be, as no one will become better than yesterday.

I look at the world that I loved, cared, and helped. I see them happy.
Their lives are full without problems and issues, enjoying love, friendship, acceptance, and freedom. This should give me a smile that many walk happily because I have influenced them.
  Fighting my selfishness, greed that one day the hearts remember me, and offer back the love, acceptance, and friendship. I wished more than problems, mistakes, and being a slave to everyone's needs. I wished to be happy and treated, maybe once or twice. But my heart to the is true, my knowledge and wisdom is needed, and I am glad for who I am, I just don't like what I am in the world.

I am the one who held your hand,
As trumpets in our heart play like a band,
I sit in the corner, awaiting to be noticed again.
I offered the heart, soul, and dreams as a man.
I watch you pay it back to others whom is not me,
I set alone wondering all I know is nothing to be,
I cry thinking of you and scared of your safety,
as you run with your loves, not me, being hasty,
I wonder if my worth is more than one to be attacked,
as I had enemies to make sure our trust has be hacked,
I loved , missed, cherished, adored, and respected you always,
I am pushed away, ignored, not thought of, a moment in those days,
Only I know my heart, and what I want in the future of us,
I am just game, a color, someone not taken seriously thus,
Close your eyes and remember me , true me, who held you,
As I have fallen with broken pieces in my mind and heart in mt view.
Love me, Honor me, as I awaited for so long with my extended trust
When I know you are somebody that i used lust,
but in reality we seen more than just words and empty promises,
I promised and upheld my bargain to be your best friend,
as I wait for us to mend.
I sit here , waiting to see if I don't lose you everyday, in the corner.

We move apart, disappear, look down,
We fight, argue, hurt, cry, and ignore.
We then smile, talk, laugh, feel the pain of the other,
Our thoughts are always in our heart, bad or good,
I just know it's a special bond, toxic or not, I feel you the most.

We have wondered why things happen,
We always sought reason to madness and guilt,
Why did our paths meet, and our hearts sang?
Why were we scared to move forward or back?
We sometimes cry because of our bond, and we cry because we miss it.
We Are what we are, and only that, special flame left untold, as for I, my love  is unconditional.

Every time I see you all the rays of the sun are
Streaming through the waves in your hair
And every star in the sky is taking aim at
Your eyes like a spotlight
The beating of my heart is a drum, and it's lost
And it's looking for a rhythm like you
You can take the darkness from the pit of the night
And turn into a beacon burning endlessly bright
I've gotta follow it 'cause everything I know
Well, it's nothing 'til I give it to you
I can make the runner stumble
I can make the final block
And I can make every tackle at the sound of the whistle
I can make all the stadiums rock
I can make tonight forever
Or I can make it disappear by the dawn
And I can make you every promise that has ever been made
And I can make all your demons be gone
But I'm never gonna make it without you
Do you really want to see me crawl...

Life, without direction, is open space . Open space of all taking from you.
Like a vacuum to stretched you apart until you are non-existent.

Life with light, is dark with no meaning, only from within, holds a miracle to shine one bit of beam to see the next second.

Life with love is life without validation, love is only within oneself in a dark, quiet, open space.

Always wanted , to be closer
Always wanted to love you more
Always given you my blood.

Always been drained of my blood
Always been loved to be used by you
Always Push away to be close to nothing

I thought of you in which thought should not be invested
Thinking the best dreams of innocent loyalty
Thinking of what you can see what I can give and show

Knowing that I have no looks, heart, or personality to you
Invisible , I know, yet popular with others, but not in you
knowing I do have more body parts than the fingers that hold money.

I am more than money, I know and I think, I have the heart of gold,
with knowledge that I have soul and personality, and and I know you are without the values.

Always thinking, I can do better, than to lose my freedom and sanity over you. I lost it all, basically in thought of you.
Always known I could be better, but love from me is real.

Always jaded in you, and of you. always death of the old me.

I always enjoy flying high, but many things bring me back down, so I grow a beard
I am up to see another adventure that I indulge as I shave.

My heart beat drops, of memory of you, and what should have become, so I grow a beard
I converse with new souls that pick me up , shall i shave.

As all things, life complicates and freedom of thinking is defused, so I grow a beard
I overcome the difficulties and see new opportunity, only to shave.

Once again the thought of you, and stress lowers me to a place where I grow a beard.
I only shaved a little as I know what means to me.