Apple floating in the leaves,
Apple shining bright,
Apple ready to be picked
(and lusted with)
Winking in the dusk,
Ready for a fight,
Get ready to be  
Tricked

Whispers in your ear in the golden glow-
Uncover those instincts that just don’t show-
One little bite,
They’ll never know,
Reaching for that sin so time does slow

*Just don’t think about it

Sunday morning
Let the Hallelujahs
Come
And let my
Grandma
Tell me
Im a sinner
And im lost
As if
I
Dont
Already
Know

Unguarded fool! Know this,
Thy kind words and thy gifts
Had bought for thee a mortal bliss,
Yet never healed the rifts

Within; no love redacts
The balance unredressed,
Despite thy wanton saintly acts
Thy remnants lay unblessed

Taking in each breath is hard to grasp. My feelings are torn, I'm empty on gas. I feel like I've cried my last tear. **** what a way to start off my year. I know it seems as if I've lied to you again or that I'm playing pretend. But the way that I'm feeling is confusing again. Am I living a lie? Will I die a question? Into the pits of hell, where It seems that I'm destined? I know I'm a child of God but I've sinned to much. Over and over, with the same stuff. I need to get away, I need to run fast. But I'm empty on gas. Yeaa I know, running isn't the solution. The world is filled with the same things, the world is freaking pollution. It doesn't matter where you are. But that's why I started over. I was on the right track but I guess I fell back. These demands are taking over, like these wars will never be over. Lord please, save me from this disease. I beg you. With you I'm at ease but once I'm alone again I shut down with no means. I feel like cant live no more. No suicidal thoughts. Feel my heart beat, hear my thoughts, I'm learning as I live and that's real. If you understand this then you might understand how I feel.

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord, my soul to keep
If I make it through the night
I guess I've won another fight

Listen Lord, for now I pray
I wish to live another day
I've been bad since my beginning
I've been involved in lots of sinning

It's time I made a choice and turned toward a better road
It's time to leave my past behind
I've prayed before but was not committed
I was afraid of what I'd find

Lord, help me make it through the night
Show me how to reach the light
I only ask for one small sign
I'll give you all I have that's mine

I've found salvation in a glass
In needles and in smoke
Lord, that is just where I've been
Since the last time that we spoke

Many folks have come to me
To try show me the way
I toasted them on their way out
And continued on life's play

Now, I've had enough of all
The hurting and the pain
So, Lord, I pray to you this night
Will you listen once again?

Now I lay me down to sleep
A sinner through and through
Just let me make it through the night
Just tell me what to do

I put my faith in what I see
I don't believe in other's words
So, Lord, just help me this one time
Show you listened and you heard

sew my eyes shut
no I don't want to see again
I want to learn to see within
I don't want to see myself
in all my glorious filth
point me to the sun
eyes wide open and run
let my demons out on the way
gotta be clean for judgement day
nobody wants a *****
a home wrecking bore
all she does is take take take
self destructive nature
is the downfall to her fate
you'd think she has no ears
ignoring the bad things that she hears
how can you possibly stay?
get out now, baby, run away
close your eyes and count to three
spin in circles, now you're free
don't go back, they're history
come on, baby, now you're free
run further than the eyes can see


*s.mndi

She takes a seat
not saying much, she tries not to speak
because you'll smell the whiskey
Blacked out eyes of abused innocence
hides a tale of misery
There she sits, way to the right in the third row
as she tries to believe in a power that can save her from below
Her torn and worn jeans have seen many days,
So go on and judge them, the third row sinners
While she sits in a daze
She pulls at her sleeves, so no one will see
Her story carved into her skin of satin ivory
So she watches the preacher with curiosity
wondering if anyone can smell the whiskey
or see her story in ivory
She's a believer, that third row sinner.

He takes a seat
Masked in strength
wondering if you can see that he is weak
His hands shake, maybe from drugs
or maybe from pure anxiety, not just a tweak
There he sits, way to the left on the third row
praying that this isn't all just a show
His face is worn and hardened with sorrow
So go on and judge the third row sinners
While he fights for tomorrow
The visions won't leave him, the whispers
Yet he won't let anyone see his story, as it withers
So he watches the preacher, wondering
Can you guess his weakness
Can anyone see his illness
His story, in the silent stillness
He's a fighter, that third row sinner

I take a seat
My story not one of interest
But yet you judged me from when I walked in the entrance
I have wounds, many scars, and have sinned plenty
Yet it's none of your business, my story
Until I have laid it at your feet gently
In the middle of the third row, with her at my right, and him at my left
I ask you to not judge us, we third row sinners
For our stories will have an ending, just like yours
But many paths leave many doors
So open wisely, and maybe we will all choose the right one
to lead us home.

It is painful to look at myself in the mirror at this time. Late.
All I see is tears in my eyes, refusing to come out.
My eyes are shining, All I feel is numbness.
I hate reality. I'd smoke cigarettes and drink my coffee black, bitter. I'd take pills to sleep and escape everything.
My scars, I helped grow.. By my own hand.
I'm sitting alone wondering what would it feel like? Having a real life. Being full of life, what is happiness?

God, I'm a sinner. I have no intention in washing my sins.

I'll just drown in books, again. I became so dark and I realized something..
you could feel everything and nothing at the same time. You see things, you understand things. But you pretend you don't.
Because It is so much better than believing it.

And I know everything.
But darling, this heartache is driving me crazy
Come and heal this ache of mine.

After all, this universe is not for us,  Isn't?
Aren't we just aliens with no purpose at all?
Aliens that humans don't even believe we exist.
No purpose at all, no future, It's scary.
And life....
What is life my dear? Is It real? Is everything real?
To me It is just a lie.

We don't deserve to live with sadness and accepts it.
It's okay, It's very okay.
In another life, perhaps?

Forgive me, I have done wrong against you and myself
I have not done anything to further my spiritual health
You suffered and died so I could go free
And how do I repay you? By sinning you see!
I am a fool for having done such a thing
And rather than praise it is dishonor I bring
I realize you have probably forgiven this sinner
Help me to forgive myself in humble surrender
By grace, mercy and love I have been saved
By your mighty hand lead me to walk the way you have paved
Help me turn my heart to you
I want to serve and live pure and true
I will never be perfect this much I know
But with your help in your love I can grow
May I remember in my tomorrow's and todays
That you Oh Lord are just a breath away
Give me the strength needed to turn from satan's power
Guide me through my darkest hour
And if I forget send someone to help redirect
Lest I stumble fall or lose my way please set me on the path correct
I love you and thank you and help me to follow
Your ways and your footsteps and not be skin shallow
AMEN