.                                          you                                     i
                                         smiled                            smiled



                            we                                                                my
                                 smiled                                           heart
                                           at life                         smiles      
                                                     with great joy

a year has flown by                                              twenty-four-hour living                          no longer
12 months, 365 days                                             is all i have to live today,                         afraid of the
of my life.                                                            ­   with a breath in and out.                         future.

new friendships made,                                       my breath leads me to my                        no longer
old ones mended, and                                         heart and my soul finds                           ashamed of the
some let go.                                                            peace.                                                          p­ast.

i've found hope this                                             life is lived one moment                           no longer
past year, and a community                               at a time, when i choose to                       escaping the
that helps me live in hope.                                 embrace it all.                                              present.

time flows like an uninterrupted stream
building steam and crescendoing into
a raging river

instead of flowing against it, I try to be
like a leaf flowing with it instead of
fighting the current

sometimes I am caught in an eddy and
time stands still as I wind in circles
until I'm off again

I can't always see the larger picture,
but when I am centered in a loving Divine Presence
then I remember I am flowing to the Great Ocean

Each hour is precious and a chance to open up,
so I may move closer to the greater whole
a destination I can't even imagine

air invisible
heart vulnerable
Love indivisible
fear perpetuates
peace regenerates

Life is a chance.
Love is infinity.
Grace is reality.

my                   life                    exalt
soul                 abides              in
longs               in                      the
to                     love                  divine
be                    in            ­          love
free                 love                   light

dew drops glisten
as the morning light dances
in peaceful silence

in peaceful silence
the great eastern sun rises
greening the ridges

Greening the ridges
Of the mountains and the vales
Delightful—serene.

Delightful— Serene
Flowers Waltz Upon The Ground
Feel The Rising Sun

Feeling the rising sun
Beaming on angelic faces
Leaving a heart dazed

Leaving a heart dazed
In love with this tranquil scenery -
A true beauty!

A true beauty
Of love and colours,
Brightening life forever.

Brightnening life forever,
Like a dove engulfed in a clear sky,
Yet a trick of our sore eyes.

Yet a trick of our sore eyes
Cannot obscure the glistening
Of whispered rain

of whispered rain
which drenches our mother earth
in a warm and loving embrace

In a warm and loving embrace,
The winds prance apace
While the rain sings its tranquil grace

while the rain sings it's tranquil grace
my soul dances with joy and
my heart joins in the song of the universe

Beloved*
my heart is brimming with gratitude
for the gift of new life

as tiny hands grasp my fingers
and I listen to tiny breaths
I feel my heart filling with joy and thanks
for the ability to love and be loved

may new life begin in me,
so I may keep welcoming life

Beloved
thank you for helping me walk though the darkness,
so I can bask in the light now

there is an inner light that lives in me and
in the life of this little one that I hold
The only words that rises to my lips are
"thank you I love you"

time is an infinite stream of possibilities
may this blessing flow to you across time through love
I pray for you, the me of my past who struggled and
lost your way in depression.

May this blessing find you across time to you, from me the you of the future, to the 26 year old that I was in a moment in time,
where I was lost.

May you find your way out of despair and hopelessness, and
may you find the courage to set the radio outside of the filled
bathtub.  I know suicide seems the only way out, but you have
so much to live for. I am you of the future, as I speak to you of my past.  

May my love and hope travel across time to help you find joy in that little moment, where you turned on the radio to make sure power was flowing before you electrocuted yourself.  But in that tiny moment, reggae music blasted through the speakers bringing a spark of joy and rhythm into a dark moment, where you could not distinguish from the true and false.

May you find the wisdom to know that your pain will not last forever and all wounds heal with time, even heartbreaks.  I know, because I am in this very present moment the future self of you.  I know that your present feels bleak and each day feels more painful and pointless than the day before.  It feels like the whole world is against you and people who are supposed to love you only judge you and ridicule you.  Somehow it feels like who you are is not enough and you are sick and tired of feeling this way.

May my love and hope travel across time.  Love is infinite and collapses the space that separates us.  May my blessing find you
through this dark moment and many to come, so you may know
and experience joys, sadness, and full specturum of emotions
with an open heart.  You will someday embrace pain as one of your greatest teachers, because it has lead you to the other great teacher of life, love.  May you have the courage to really live, so you may face death, another great teacher.  May you live and die with love, and not with fear and hatred in your heart.

May this blessing travel across time in that infinite place in your heart, where hope will rise out of the heavy despair that is pulling you down to depths of pain that goes deeper and deeper.  Somehow, pain upon pain becomes comforting, and you begin to be trapped in yourself.  All you can see is this moment.

May my prayer and blessing find you and guide you to a future you cannot imagine in your present, but you would not want to miss.  Thank you, I love you.  I'm sorry for ways I failed you.  Please forgive me.  

May this blessing of hope and love find you across time and space to bring you home, so you and I can live in that infinite space of love in our hearts, where we are connected to life flowing through and in us.  May you find your way to me, to the now that is always being created.

my life is lived with such
motion and speed
that sometimes I miss the
absence of sound
the deep stillness and silence
that is at the core of my being

there is a chill in my bones
the kind that cannot be rid of
by empty words of comfort

no amount of blankets
or wood in the fire can
bring warmth back to me

only when my frozen heart
begin to awaken by love
did the chill in me bones
fade like a distant memory

holding your hands as you walk
i hold you steady

your wobbly legs will grow strong
and someday you will not need me to walk

remember i will love you just the same,
whether i am holding you now or
when i let you run and make your mistakes
as an adult

anger leads me to the gates of hell
a short trip from fear to anger,
then to rage

heaven and hell is a state I live in
here and now

hope burns even in the darkest of nights

Love guides my way

everything                   illuminate
is                                   the
a gift                            darkness
freely                  ­         of my
given                            soul

Hey Yehoshua (Joshua),

How did a nice Jewish boy like you become the savior of the world?  They transliterated your name into Greek and called you Jesus, but to me you will remain a Jewish boy from a podunk little town.  You were probably lonely and out of place like me, a shy immigrant boy from Korea growing up in Western NC. You had giant expectations to fill.  Your dad was larger than life and sometimes a little demanding,  I relate.  
  More than my savior, I want you as a friend and a fellow traveler.  Sometimes I focus on your divinity so much that I forget you are flesh and blood like me, a God with skin.  You've felt the long sleepless nights, the thirsting and hunger for a God sized whole to be filled.  You've experienced the pain of betrayal and most important you know how hard it is to love and be loved by imperfect people trying to love with all their brokenness.  
  Josh, I'm not sure if this is a poem or letter, but I wanted to say hello.  Thanks for welcoming me into your life and calling me a friend and a brother.  I'll try to pass on the message by living it out, and share how my life changed when I encountered a God with Skin in the depths of my despair.  I keep walkin' the walk a day at a time.

Peace,

EunSung aka Silas

it's hard sometimes to be grateful
the very things and people i am grateful for
slowly wear on me, when I am not centered

as i breathe and slow down to listen to my heart
something shifts and i can open up to life with
a grateful heart

i quickly forget that there was a time in my life
where i used to wake up praying everyday
for God to **** me

today I wake up most days with a grateful heart
I give thanks for the day and
turn my thoughts to someone else I can help

i am trying to not just be grateful with words,
but  put it into action.

my heart
bursts with
joy when
I hold
you tight

gasping for air
I feel like I am dying
can't breathe...
until at last
I realized I was choking
on my old resentments

as I let go of each one
the air I breathe become
clear and deep
flooding me with life

autum comes
I am a lone leaf on a tree
holding for dear life
last one to
fall

winter comes
and I am huddled
on the ground with my
fallen brothers and sisters

I return to the earth
and absorbed back into the great source
the giver of life
the tree

spring comes
I am reborn again
budding, growing
and no longer alone on the tree
I had forgotten that I was never alone
I was holding on when I should of let go
to join the great connection
of life

Hello me,

I'm you. I'm the older you after multiple suicide attempts, and lost in a haze of ***** and drugs.  I am also you who sought and searched for some meaning and belonging, only to find hypocrisy and pain.  But all that aside, I wanted to thank you for not giving up on life even though you wanted to.  Finally asking for help when you did, even though a part of you didn't care anymore.  Thank you for letting hope grow in you one day at a time.  Thank you for letting me love you, so I can love me today.  Life is pretty amazing today, and we would have missed out on this beautiful journey because we were so locked in our pain. Now, you and I can share our story of pain and suffering to help someone else.  We don't have to stay in a hopeless state of mind and body.  Thank you for having the courage to surrender and admit you couldn't do it alone anymore.  I love you very much.

Love,

I'm You

life is so good
yet I long for
*chaotic extremes

walking this path alone
is so lonely

please walk with me

if you are lost and alone,
don't  give up hope.

there is a place called home
waiting  for your return.

I know from experience,
because I once was a lost soul.

There is a silence that binds,
and a type of silence that frees the soul.

Be a lover of silence
that leads to purity of heart.

An inner silence that leads
to a deep freedom in a chaotic world.

A silence birthed out of a chosen solitude
that helps me connect to life.

My heart contains an inner chamber,
where silence is cultivated,
so I can walk free no matter where I am.

A silence that contains serenity and peace
like the hush that fell the world,
when death lead to resurrection.

i love you even when you are stressed,
when your lips purse into a pout

i love you even when you are sick,
and your body aches

i promise to make you tomato soup
and give you back massages

most of all,
I will remind you I love you
no matter how scared you are

I will keep reminding you
I love you with my being,
words and actions

the whole world quakes
when you stir
my heart leaps

Lord, I cry out to you with a wrathful
heart.

I cry out with a heart of an anarchist
being shaped into a pacifist.

I want to put my fists through
the hearts of the oppressors.

I show them love.

I bleed onto my enemies.

I bleed for you.

the morning is infused with possibilities,
before the humid heat of the South weighs
me down.

I long for the mountain streams of Appalachia,
and standing under a water fall on a hot day.

I live in the city, but I carry the mountains with me
in my heart.

The mountains are home of my heart, where I can always return to
over and over.

A home of my heart to welcome a new day,
time and time again.

fears dissipate
when I crack open
the doors of my heart

I'm always starting and                                                stopping
tryin­g something new and being stuck in                the   past.
Today is a new day.  I greet it with a deep                  breath
letting go of my need to control, and  just                    be

Comatose,                       ­                                                frozen to new possibilities.
Living in fear                                                             ­    of a future yet to unfold.
Being present                                                          ­       to here and now is so **** hard.        
Becoming aware                                                            ­of this new day with an open heart/mind

heart beats                              brain stops
thoughts quiet                       heart sings
a new song                             free of fear
life grows anew                    with heart free

I feel like the Tin Man
wanting a new heart

expectant waiting
heart adjusting
shifts into
new focus
seeing all

anger simmers quietly
until I find the strength
to let go

O Beloved,
may my life be an offering to You.

May my actions and thoughts be a prayer,
and may You pray in me.

Open the channels of my heart a little bit more
each day so I may experience You in a new way.

Help me to walk through fear with Your help,
and to reach out and help someone who is still
lost in fear as I was.

May my breath be an offering to You,
a prayer of gratitude for life flowing in me.

grateful for another day
with breath in my lungs

there were days when
I used to pray for death,
but today I pray to grow
so I can be more useful
and to help another who
is suffering

poetry is my remedy for apathy
strange how simple words can
cut away through my indifference

the act of creation in the written word
helps me connect to something greater than myself,
so slowly but surely my numbness subsides

poetry leads me into mystery,
where beauty can be found in
simplicity of a single moment

my mundane life flowers into
a spiritual experience,
when I flow into love and service

there is either apathy or poetry
in changing a poopy diaper,
pausing before saying a hurtful word,
and letting go the need to be right.

my life moves and quakes into new being,
and all because i let words flow in me and through me.
i am a living book bursting at the seams,
waiting to be poured out and shared.

spoken and written words break me out of isolation,
and sets me free.

two simple words cut through my apathy,
"thank you."

you cannot leave                          
the boundaries
of your cloister.

and yet, you have
crossed them a
thousand times.

writer. trappist.
human being.
adventurer.  seeker.
lover.

may you be free,
may your restless heart
be still.

may the Divine Lover
hold you in
ecstasy.

divine creator,

may my soul awaken with a passionate breath
and a deep thirst for yourlove.
let your Divine flame burn in me,
so I may share your light in this darkened world

dear stranger who I have yet to call a friend,
may you be guided on your journey towards
wholeness and freedom.

may we lift each other up on our journey,
when our paths cross instead of turning a blind eye
or too busy to see that one of us has fallen.

may the Divine Light shine in me
may my life speak

God, do you care?

Your kids are killing each other.

God, I want to be real with you, but sometimes its really hard.
Help me to let go of what I think what I know about You, my spiritual journey, and who I am.

I open myself up to you, so I may experience You in my life.

Help me cut through my own *******, so I am honest with myself.

I give thanks for my life.  Please help me to breathe deeply today, so I may be present to people that I think are "*******."  Help me to get to know them as people, and connect to them beyond what's hard about them.  I don't expect this to happen overnight, so help me to have patience as You teach me to love.

Oh yeah, and help me to love the greatest pain in the *** in my life. Me.  Help me to be compassionate and loving to myself, so I may embody Your love to others.  Thanks. Amen.

not lost or found
nor seeking or avoiding
just **being