"Hello!" and "Hello?"

"I will never leave you"






            "I heard that a thousand times"
"yet here I am alone"

When you find someone
who is thankful to have you,
is concerned for your well-being,
accepts you as you are,
cheers you up whenever you’re down,
motivates and supports you in your endeavors,
cares for you deeply,
and loves you unconditionally,

treasure and keep that person.
Make him/her feel important in return.
Care for him/her the way he/she does for you.
Love him/her with no reservations.
You may not know it,
but you have found a friend for life in him/her.
God has given you that person for a purpose,
so keep him/her in your heart and prayers.

There I lay in the middle of a room with 4 walls and a light staring straight right at me. Glaring like it want to say something but there was no sound. Then I laugh, its funny because even for a second there I really thought that , the light would tell me something. After a while I can hear a familiar sound, It was rain hitting the roof. Again it felt like it was saying something and yet again I started to laugh for there was no voice and i'm fooling myself how could rain tell me something. For hours I never stop staring at the ceiling with a blank thought, not even thinking of anything. Then I realized its dark, I'm pretty sure the light was on a little while back and no one had entered the room to turn it off. In my mind i'm sure its a blackout but i'm comfortable to where I lay. I didn't bothered to check. Now I'm staring at ceiling again but there was no light. The light that has been glaring at me  earlier.  It was pitch black. The darkness seemed to be telling me something yet in my head. Is still blank state. Then there was silence the rain have stop. It was so silent that I can hear my heart beating and even my breathing. The silence was absolutely deafening. I was scared I don't know why, as I feel the room getting and getting smaller in the darkness. The silence starts to hurt. I'm getting flash backs of my past, all of those memories sink in,  in a flash. Now i'm truly scared. I tried to move but my body wont. I tried to scream but theres only whispers coming out my lips. The silence I was experiencing was truly different and the darkness was a new. Then I heard it. Loud and clear. It struck me and then I realized. What was the message. Then a lighting flashed, then the lights turned on. Thunders roared then it broke the silence. I just immediately stood up. Look at the clock, it was already 3 am, Then I said to myself what a good day to LIVE.

Darkness my old friend
I write to you again
Thank you for hiding the truth
The tears and the bruise

I'm in pain again right now
Pls save me somehow
Cause I'm tired of all the things
That should make me glad
It's the opposite I say
They are the ones who makes me sad.

Too bad you can't hide the noise
I badly want to scream
I don't know how much I can take
Pls bring me with you
Before I wake.

I'm thinking ill again
But there's nothing more to gain
This might be the end
My last letter to you.
So Again take me with you!

I'm Nyctophilia Don't get me wrong its not what you think. Darkness is one those thing that people tend to avoid. Yes its easy to be scared when you don't know what lies ahead. I'm afraid of the dark when I was young simply because I couldn't see anything but when I tried to focus my eyes I saw the silhouette of whats in it. It might night be as clear as what light can bring but it the same thing. The trees, houses, and the other things. Then I realize how good darkness is. In a dark night you could see far greater things than what you could see in the light of the morning.  Though Darkness is always portrayed as the worst time of our lives, Lets not forget that in those times we learned the best lesson life can bring. Its like our future we don't know what it brings or what could happen. What we are in control is the current time the Present. Yet like darkness its the same we are in control if are going to be scared to not. Face darkness until it becomes your friend. Remember in the morning you can only see the sun but in the night you can see countless stars with the bonus view of the moon and if your lucky there is also a shooting star in store for you.

I did my best,
achieved what we thought
we would never reach

Im sorry also
Dreams Cost allot
We lost
Our Smile and Our laughs

I learned , our past doesn't Define our Preset nor Our present defines our past.

But we both knows there are still
"Better Days to Come"

The demons within me is far from scary.
Those demons are locked up so deep
that no man can dig them out.
Shackled, *******.

I’m not afraid of death.
I stared death through the eyes of the reaper.
The demons that I hide is something no one should meet.
Those demons might be bound by chain.
but I still hold the key.
It might be wrong to release my demons
but Its not right to cross me.

Dreams are illusions
for all of us.

Its not real it all made up
in our mind, even in our heart
but for only this day
take a step
take risk
for all of us may have a dreamt
something impossible
man always dreamed
of something we thought
impossible to be achieved
yet today
we are flying
and have set foot on the moon
and we are not stopping there.

Dreams are only illusions
if we dont take steps.
if  we dont risk it.
if we forget about it.

Why am I still filled with suicidal thoughts?

       When I want to live on.

I remember the times
that I'm addicted to you.

To your smiles,
your laughs.
your stories.
To the way you stand.
even on how you brush your hair.
To those times you hold my hand

I remember every single detail
to every dates, important or not.
they said i'm obsessed of you.
but the truth is I just love every
little bit of you.

For me your everything is the
best thing I have ever seen.
Having you was one of the
best blessing!

Those times may have ended
but those times is always treasured.

Yes you were the pilot of my life.
You thought me how to strive
So that I wont be deprive
And  everything would suffice

But to my surprise
You left me hanging on the air
And i couldnt bare
Because you thought me to fly
And now im stuck here in the sky

Not knowing how to land
Because you didnt said thats part of the plan.

I am Sad
I am Crying
But Im in Control
There's Freedom in Control

Hello world
Im slipping up
I knew the reason
why I was kind
and its kinda ***'d up
I had nothing
So I want to be something
now this nothingness
is turning me into the wrong
I wanted to give the world
what I had none
but pass this days
I want to take those things
succumb to the feeling
of being nothing
Be the villain
I wish not to be
for the world was cruel to me
a lame excuse
maybe true
I have no words
to continue this story
cause thats all I have
the excuse

How do I?

Stay the same
   When you already change me so much.

How do I?

stop my madness
   When everything is in chaos

How do I?

Unlove you
   When all I can think right now is you.

How do I?

Start over
   When I don't want this to end

How do I?

Stop crying
    When I already lost more of myself.

How do I?

Run away
  When my feet wants to stay.


How do I?

Make everything all right
   When I can't reach you right now.

How do I?

Stop writing
   When poem and writings are the only ones who hears me.

One night. One man dared to be free. Free from himself, Free from all, he got tired of the feeling of being controlled by a system that makes him no better than a robot. So he walked miles through the darkness of the path, he murmored. "I Will be free. I will be Free. Im tired at the same time im sick. Sick of being me." He continued to walk as he reached the side of a river and Cold winds blows to his shoulders like the frozen touch of winter. He got shivers throughout his body and said to himself this is it Im free. The day number one. Then he was puzzled and asked himself what does a free man do? Not knowing the answer and he has no one to ask for he is alone. Then he sat at the bank of the river and he contemplated and again ask himself what does a free man do? Who should I ask? I know allot of people but I dont know who among them is free. He was stumped for the deeper he thinks the harder to answer to his own question. After a while he stops thinking and just look around. Then he saw the river just flowing not caring for  as long as it flows but in a a distant sight he saw a wall that was redirecting the flow of the river. And got stomped again for he thought he already the answer but he doesnt. Then as he looked at the sky and he laughed so hard. For sunrise is quite close. Then he realized I am free for I can do this. I am free because I am me and no one can do it better than me.

I already said this allot of times.
I’M HERE.
I wont leave.
I wont desert you.
I’m right here.


For a long time now
I have been saying those line because its true.
I hate goodbyes more than anyone
I don't want people to leave.
I don't want you to leave.
I really don't.

Pls do remember that.
I look like an overly attached friend right now
but I don't care.
I only care about you right now.
I see you slowly killing yourself with depression.  

Shes ready to give up not on you but on herself.
I'm loosing myself.
I don't want to see her sad
but It cant be help.
As time past


I don't want her to forgot about you.
I just want her to move on.
I just want her to be happy.
I want my old Partner back.

I know this wont make you whole again. I know this cant complete  you nor compensate to all the hardships you had with me but I would like to say sorry.

I'm sorry for being me. I didnt know any better.
I'm sorry, I was clueless that you like me from the start.
I'm sorry that I shared all my hardships and life and didnt heared yours
I'm sorry that I was sharing how my days went and didnt had the time to listen to you.
Im sorry for always being so sweet and caring. I didnt mean to break your guard.
Im sorry for always talking to you constantly even when I dont have anything to tell you.
Im sorry for always answering your late night calls and talking to you until dawn.
Im sorry for sharing my 1st love and it wasnt you.
Im sorry that I always scream to the world how she meant to me and letting you see it.
Im sorry for telling you I will court her and ask you for advices
Im sorry for having someone as the moon for my tides when I was your moon.
Im sorry for talking to you when she broked my heart.
Im sorry for the days  I was so broken and all I have to talk too is you.
Im sorry for failing to see that you where there all the time I was so down
Im sorry for telling you I wasnt loveable when you have loved me.
Im sorry for going into deppression and pushed you away.
Im sorry I was stupid that I started hurting myself.
Im sorry for not noticing your late night calls.
Im sorry for not answering for chats and text.
Im sorry for not caring for your care.
Im sorry for calling you when I was slowly becoming okay.
Im sorry for being insensitive, I didnt know you were having a hard time.
Im sorry for being okay when your not.
Im sorry for not giving you a chance.
Im sorry for saying thank you, when you said you love me.
Im sorry I cant give the love that you gave me.
Im sorry for making you wait.
Im sorry that you have grown tired.
Im sorry for not making that leap.
Im sorry that I was afraid.
Im sorry for thinking I can make it on my own.
Im sorry for the love I cant repay

Is it ironic?
      that I lost everyone
Who promised they wont leave me?

Stop talking
Cause I'm falling
Ever deeper in love
And it ****** hurts

It hurts cause I know it will never will be.

There will never be a you and me.

It hurts cause when I sleep you will always be a part of my dream.

A beautiful dream but when I wake up it will be a nightmare cause again it will never will be.

It hurts cause no matter how I try to run away, just one call from you and I'd be there in a heartbeat.

It hurts cause I'm shackled by your smile, your stare, and your laughs.

It hurts cause when your hurt you run to me and I cant do a thing.

It hurts cause I know you dont have a clue.

It hurts that you already found your love and I'm the reason why you stayed in love.

It hurts cause now you ask me how to love him more.

It hurts cause I answer the question.

It hurts cause we've met but we were not meant to be.

It hurts
It hurts
It hurts

Don't run away
It's safe here.
It's safe from anxiety
It's safe from pain
It's safe from prejudice
It's safe from suffering
It's safe from trouble

Stay and continue to write
your words are special
no matter where you are
or who you are.

Stay and Write
Write and give hope
For yourself and for others!

Theres allot of things that I wanted to be lie.
And theres allot of things I wanted to be the truth.

Like the day you told me.
"I wont leave you"
I wanted that to be true.
Or
When they said "everything gonna be fine"
Even when they told me about the toothfairy, the easterbunny, santa or even the grinch.
I wanted them to be all true.

Yet they always tell lies
To somehow make us feel okay.
But in the end we will realized that everything was a lie.

But I wanted allot of things to be a lie.

•Anxiety
•Depression
•prejudice
•sadness

I wanted them to be a lie because Im tired of lying and hiding the truth.

Im tired of saying "I'm Okay"
Im tired of saying "Good Morning , Day, or Night"
Im tired of showing a smile that only hides whats inside.

I want a time
Where my lies will be seen as lies and the truth may be seen.