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4.0k · May 2014
Thinking
Milyan McKissack May 2014
It's what I do all day.
Thinking of how to fit into society.
How to fix all the dysfunctional parts in me.
Don't show weakness,
tears,
or sadness.
Be a leader not a follower.
Be confident in what you do.
Be photogenic, because
ugliness
is not an option
and your image
is everything.
You have to get good grades
but act like you couldn't care less.
Acting fake is the only way to go
because when you're yourself
they
judge
you.
It's a lot to think about
and takes a lot of energy and hard work
but society has it's demands.
And when I wake up again tomorrow,
I'll put my Barbie face on
only to think of ways to simply
fit in.
1.5k · May 2014
Wonderland
Milyan McKissack May 2014
I fell through blackness
and entered infinite silence.
How long has it been?
One.. two... three minutes maybe?
An hour or two?
Five years? Maybe ten?
Either way, I made it
to wonderland once again.
What happened to everyone?
The tea is cold, and there's a note on the table.
No.
No!
This isn't right!
"The caterpillar died from an overdose.
The rabbit by stress.
And the madness has seemed to have gotten to
the Mad Hatter at last."
My heart drops as tears blur my vision.
There's one more line left:
"You're next."
Signed Death.
And as I looked into nothingness,
a voice whispers:
"And my dear, you are not Alice.
And this is not Wonderland."
1.4k · Jun 2014
Sadness In Desguise
Milyan McKissack Jun 2014
Sadness.
How is that portrayed?
My childhood has taught me
that sadness
is merely tears and privileges taken away.
A face turned 8:20.
A tantrum.
"Boo-hoo".
But that's not at all what sadness looks like.
Sadness has bright eyes,
warm rosey cheeks,
and a perfect smile
plastered on its face.
Sadness is that girl that always smiles
but never talks
because of the fear she'll say something
not important enough to hear.
Sadness is that boy that always acts
like he's too cool for anyone
but in reality is dying for a real friend.
Sadness
can be anyone
at anytime.
And all it's trying to find
is a reason to really smile.
To be like happiness
instead of fake it.
That's sadness.
1.3k · May 2014
Seamstress
Milyan McKissack May 2014
Dear Seamstress,
oh seamstress!
Please help me if you may.
My heart,
It's torn,
there's nothing left to say.
I'm open,
vulnerable,
I need help right away!
The red stuff,
it's everywhere,
I'm dying so make way.
At the gates of hell,
I see my demise.
Because I assure you;
I'm rotting from the inside.
With the last breath I take
and my heart stone cold,
I remember when my veins ran red
but not anymore.
So thank you,
Seamstress,
for not doing ****.
You've saved me from feelings,
family and friends.
I'm gone.
But not yet dead.
For I've only died on the inside
and not yet felt the cold touch
of death.
1.0k · Jul 2014
They're Deadly
Milyan McKissack Jul 2014
This emptiness
fills my being like blood,
running through my veins.

This loneliness
holds me
like no one ever could.

This poison
infects my brain
like a deadly virus
slowing killing me
without anyone knowing.

I feel trapped
and I'm scared of what might happen,
I'm scared of what I might do,
but most of all--
I'm scared of my thoughts.

Because I'm a hostage of my own mind
and the worst part is;
no one can hear me scream.
879 · Jul 2014
I'm Done
Milyan McKissack Jul 2014
Why do I care so much?
Can I not say what's on my mind,
when it needs to be said?
It's frustrating.
But you wouldn't know,
since all I ever talk about
is the fake ******* I know you wanna hear.
Because who would ever want
to know what's on my mind?
No one.
Anyway,
don't you remember?
You said "it's **** well obvious.."--
it's **** well obvious
that I'm done.
Milyan McKissack Sep 2014
Silence says
a thousand words
to the people who cannot see,
but falls upon the ears of deaf
in my final hours' plea.
As I drown in my thoughts
I look up in hate
to you who does not give way
to the girl who would take a gun to her head
and count:

1...

2...

3... BANG.
Milyan McKissack Mar 2015
I'm a thinker; master over my own mind.

Engaged in the intricate way words spindle together
through my ever racing mind.
The room is beautifully silent but in that created a scene so loud
it was unexpectedly ear shattering;
maddening it was.

Now I'm no longer in control of my thoughts
but instead a slave to the voice that no one else hears.
770 · Jul 2014
Watch As The Flames Dance
Milyan McKissack Jul 2014
And while I sit here
near the fire
I wonder how the electric
movements of the flames
would feel on my
skin.
Captivating as it dances,
just drawing me in closer.
I guess it's good that I'm not alone right now.
But it's beautiful.
Not the flames,
but the thought of pain.
759 · Jul 2014
Untitled
Milyan McKissack Jul 2014
Some people say
they don't like thunderstorms.
But I, for one,
love them.
Because when my thoughts
are persuading me
to do things
that will not only hurt me
but those around me--
the penetrating sounds of thunder
comfort me
when nobody else would.
701 · Jun 2014
Justice
Milyan McKissack Jun 2014
I start
with one or two
just for the rush.
Pop another three
for the hell of it.
Sneak four more
to cloud my mind
as an excuse for
what
         I've
                done.
But justice as they say;
is swift.
And just like that
I'm gone.
My life taken
by the sweet,
powdered taste
of half inched sized pills
only conducted
because of the justice
my thoughts said the world
needed.
699 · May 2014
Artist
Milyan McKissack May 2014
Pencils, pastels, pens,
and black ink.
Sharp knives, razors, blades
and red "ink".
I'm an artist and everything
is
my
canvas.
My world is more
black and red,
rather than black and white;
because what's the point of life
if you don't have a mess to clean up?
Spilled blotches of reds
arraid in the white cracks of the canvas.
A beautiful masterpiece
in the eyes of the mad.
But I need to stop
and save my ink for another day.
Because for some odd reason
I always find my self painting
when I'm sad.
It's too bad,
this piece was one of my best.
Depression aside.
Let me clean up my floor,
I mean canvas.
And put my knife away,
I mean paint brush.
And get the band aids out,
because not everybody likes my art.
They say beauty is only skin deep,
but really,
I've made it to the bone.
616 · Sep 2014
1:17 AM
Milyan McKissack Sep 2014
As quite as the room was
my thoughts began to make noise
as my thoughts and actions took
each other by hand and hand
the symphonic, bittersweet harmony
arose from my thoughts and onto my skin
colliding with a blade of steel like a
horse-hair stringed bow to the copper
wire on a delicately crafted violin
getting louder and louder, the scene does,
with every vigorous sawing motion of hand and tears streaming,
the symphony came to a stop with one
sharp note and a crooked smile.
She rest with corrupt joy as a reward for all of the hard work done; as
the notes were written down-- not on paper,
but on skin.
549 · Jun 2014
A "Love Story"
Milyan McKissack Jun 2014
A love story.
By God knows who.

Dramatic music
completed with a bold title.
It starts with the "average" two people that don't know each other.
One moves into town and is new,
while the other one shows them around.
They get to know each other pretty well,
fall in love
and then find themselves lost and confused
by spread of rumors
or bad timing-- a set up as some say.

But after all's said and done
love warms their hearts once again.
Only to be sealed with true love's first kiss
as everything fades to black.

Or at least,
that's how movies make it look like.

But let's be real.
That's a love story?
Please.
You don't just stumble across your Prince Charming.

It's about getting together with fools,
heart breaks that seem to last forever,
and maybe
once in a few hundred years
you'll find someone who gets you.
Someone who seems perfect;
but in reality
has defects.

Don't get me wrong,
love is a wonderful thing but take a word of advice?
Stop living in a fantasy.

Because, the problem with fairy tales
is that they set a girl up for disappointment.
When in real life, the Prince goes off
with the wrong Princess.
Milyan McKissack Feb 2015
Depressed
but I still sit here oppressed by you
and your ******* of how I'm suppose to not **** up.
The consent and ideal mentions of how to be strong willed
fade into the background when I find out you've gone and drank yourself silly and got high to numb the pain.

I'm stressed
but who wouldn't be?
It's been three weeks and it shouldn't be,
without you, there's only two;
my brother and I
but where were you?

Like I've said to you before I'm done
and can't keep playing these games anymore.
You hear what I'm saying but it's like you don't understand.
Then again I guess you never really understood how I worked as well,
but in all honesty
I'm sure as hell not like you.

I'm a mess
but who wouldn't be?
I do my best but it couldn't be,
without you there's only two;
my brother and I
but where were you?

Like I've said to you before I don't care
but whenever I say that, it's like I fill up with despair
Look inside-- my head aches from anger and my heart from forgiveness.
I'm overwhelmed by these emotions and either way I get hurt.
It's you or me
always has been, always will be.

Suppressed
I lay here,
and with doubt I play fair
thinking maybe one day you'll come up to me and say





"sorry."

With emotions so strong,
maybe then I'll buy it.
Blowed off some steam, but still hurts being the second time in not even a month.
546 · Mar 2015
Masterpiece in the Mistake
Milyan McKissack Mar 2015
Only the eyes of an artist could see
the mistake I am,
and yet still think of me as his masterpiece.

Flaw by seemingless flaw
I was created.
Sewn together with intricacy and care
from my delicate skeletal structure
to my foundation of muscle and fats.
Knowledge and hard logic
corresponding with feelings
and favorable decisions.
Pain and tears,
blood and sweat;
is what I am.
And who I am
depends on the crowd I'm in.
Aligned perfectly in body and soul
just like the planets dancing around the sun.

And in all of this
he signed his name
in MY fingerprint;
looking past all my flaws.
Making it obvious
that I am his
and he, truly is, mine.
508 · Aug 2014
Death Touches All
Milyan McKissack Aug 2014
Don't tell me that no one will care
because they will.
Don't tell me we'll move on
when you know we won't.
Don't tell me that you're okay
when you have the rope in your hands.
Because,
Death,
is felt by all those who care.
You'll say I'm only doing this to myself
or I've felt pain much worse than this
or give yourself some other ******* lie
to cover for your exit,
your escape,
your stairway out of hell.
Well guess what?
If death is grief, hatred, tiredness, and
disappointment in what you've seemed to fail at doing, then I guess I've all already dug my grave

Right

Next

To

Yours.

Because I'm not letting go of the people I care about.
And I'm willing to fight for every second
they breathe.
You say you're pulling me down
but I'm the one holding my ground
not willing to let you sink
to the bottom you think
you've already hit.
Death,
is enviable,
And I feel it everyday
when I talk to you.
But I don't mind.
I like the pain
just like you.
It may not be the same kind,
but it definitely feels the same.
And,

I

Love

It.
503 · Jul 2014
Basically
Milyan McKissack Jul 2014
They never actually see me at my worst
and definitely not at my best.
452 · Aug 2014
Tick Tock
Milyan McKissack Aug 2014
Life.
Time is all it is,
where us humans create
unnecessary events to fill our empty schedules.
To fathom a purpose out of electric currents running through our brains for us to do something for that one moment...
a singal time span; starting, and then ending as quickly as the thought came.
It's funny.
It's funny that we have to set goals,
so that we don't go crazy.
We need something to do.
Everyday,
And every second of the day,
we have to do something.
And while time is in play,
as it always is,
when will it stop?
As soon as I die?
No, but then if not then,
then when?
Because just like my life will end,
so will life in gerneral;
come to an end.
Everything has a time span of when
it will come to a stop.
It's only a matter of time.
And a question of:
when?
434 · Jun 2014
Looking For A Cure
Milyan McKissack Jun 2014
HELP!
Anyone!
Please! If anyone,
anyone at all, is reading this:
H
E
L
P
My thoughts,
they aren't my own!
It's a contagious disease
only caught by those
with cracks in their being.
A sickness far beyond our science.
Something that has not yet found a cure.
It eats me up
starting from the inside
and showing on the out.
This depressing veil is worn
everyday.
I forget
who
I
am.
And while the question is out there;
who really are you?
Yes, you.
You there!
How do you know you're not infected?
Infected with the crazy urge to think
that I'm not good enough,
that I'm not worth it,
that no one would care if I were alive!
No.
I'm done thinking that.
This darkness that corrupts my sight,
this cloud that fogs my thinking,
this pain in my heart;
no more of it.
If no one will help me
then I'll help myself.
I'll be my own salvation.
Because this disease
will
not
beat
me.
Demons are said
they cannot be drowned,
but I plan to soar
on wings like eagles.

— The End —