I was living my years in a lie.
Was in search for what’s the meaning of life.
Not until one day,
I woke up in awe of what inside.
I’ve had it all along.
I’ve been so distant and distracted of the thought.
Dying to chase the ‘high’,
Not realising anything.
I lost everything.
I lost,
ME.

I’m still
In search of
Lightness despite
This time.

Behind
my
eyes
were a
disguise,
a monster
that's
unwise.

I had to lie,
as you were asking
about these tears.
I had to hide the truth,
and swam in my own thoughts.
I had to breathe alone now,
as you left me in the darkness.
I had to lose you,
on the process of finding me.
I had to build my walls too,
because no one really gets under.

Skin & soul,
You've built a wall.
Can't carry it all —
feeling small.

Waves are crashing,
Heart is crumbling.
We were once each other's everything,
Now, we're already sinking.

Seek us love —
Together above.
Don't go,
Let's start slow.

Please
don't get lost in someone else.
Ask yourself once in a while,
"How are you doing?"

You
Are
Important
To
YOU.

A second with you;
Dying to make it last a lifetime.
Come home,
and please stay.
I cannot watch you go away again,
Honey take it slow.

Shook the best
when your love
was home.
And now you're
gone.

What has become of us?
I did not wish this end.

Praying on a better ending,
just somethin',
so we'll stop pretending.
I've left alone reminiscing.

Pulling you more to me,
But now, you wanted to be free.
Time has come for us to fall,
And now you've built a wall.

You
brought
lightness
in me,
when
darkness
poured upon
us.

I lost you,
not just you,
but
us.
All I want is
you.

Today I felt different...
While I was decluttering my room and sorting my stuff (preparing my things to finally leave this apartment). Tears were flowing, again. It still pains me knowing you aren't there everyday. Knowing I can't talk to you about the random things that happened today. Knowing that you'll always support me when I told you that, " I don't feel well, I need to clean my room to clear my mind". Knowing that I  don't have you, period.
I found photographs of me, you, and us. We were happy in those tiny polariods we have. I found a lot of stuff that reminds me of you, yet I still can't let go even in those things we shared. I still want you near, hoping we'll still share this rainbow color we had. I still have those vivid memories of you, of our plans as a family together. I still want us to work, I still crave for your affirmation and attention. I still think of you a thousand times a day, I am missing you everyday. I still want you. Because I'll never found love like ours.
But, each day I have to face a difficult ending. I have to accept that we need to grow apart. I need to accept that you aren't going home to me anymore. I gotta holdback asking how are you today. I have to hold myself from coming to your place, hoping I'd see a glimpse of you even I'm outside looking like a total creep. I have to keep this random talks to myself. I have to be taster, every time I found a new recipe. I have to be me, without you anymore.

I pray someday you'll find what you need in this lifetime and if this letter crosses your path, let me know. Because I, we'll be waiting for you.

Until then, please do take care of yourself.
S

Drunk words
I don’t mind
Hug me
Kiss me hard
Push behind
Because
I wanna die.
These wounds?
Doesn’t heal.
You left
I’m drunk again
Over and over.
Erasing you
Everything.
Sober me up
Was everything
A nightmare?
Are you still here?
hold me,
One
Last
Time
Hug
Me
&
Will
Close
My
Eyes
and
You’re
Gone.

Remembering how beautiful that moment it was back then. While you seemed enthusiastic about your stories. Over and over, I’m falling for you. Staring at your eyes, while you kept on sharing your stories. Hearing your laugh while talking? God, I couldn’t ask for more. And then, the perfect moment and timing happened.

When I saw the lights reflecting in your hazelnut eyes — my heart skipped its beat. How lucky I am to see a perfect creation. You amazed me in every simple ways you do. You, doing nothing. And I know it's weird, super weird.

Then, I became anxious on how I should act like nothing happened. But, I failed on it. Running out of words to say. It was the perfect time for me to say how much you mean to me, scratch that, on how much I am falling in love with you. But I choked with the thought of me expressing myself, because I don’t wanna be rejected. Though I know for sure this feeling ain’t mutual.

I think it's better that I didn't say those words. Because I don't wanna trap you from this messy human I am. I didn't regret meeting you figuratively at the corner of the street. If I could just repeat it, over and over I would find ways for you to notice my nothingness. For I will fall in love, again.

And, here I am. I totally don't know what to say. Or maybe I just couldn't accept the fact that me, being so coward leads me to this ******* moment. Where I’m caught between, wanting you in my life or wanting to forget the memories you’ve shared with me though I couldn’t deny the fact that it hurts me and pains me to think of it. But I guess dear, I’ll always be looking from afar. Thinking every possible ways about the thought of us. Yes, a cliche indeed. But, I’m a human being and in love?

This memory of you may not lead to where it should be. But I want you someday, or in other parallel worlds we might have — you’ll be able to read some parts of this, and a smile coming from your lips would suffice all of this.

I guess, us wasn’t really a love story nor a happy ending. Until then, I’ll meet you somewhere over a coffee and a smoke, then will have a chitchat about how dramatic I was and was head over heels of you.

I will always love you, romantically. And you do love me platonically dear. Good byes are overrated so good night and I’ll sleep this pain off tight.

You showed me your world —
You've got no clue, how happy
I'm with you always.

Glad I was the one —
That caught your heart, soul and mind.
Love me until the end.

You were sleeping next to me -
Peacefully.
The quietness that surrounds the room,
is the most perfect moment.
The only sound that I could hear,
are sound of you breathing.
As I've stared with your angelic face,
There's no doubt that I'm honestly falling.
Falling more deeply into you.
Not just by how your lips moves by the way you talk,
Not just by how your hips sways by the way you walk,
Not just by how your perfect eyes - stared deeply to me.
Or not just by how ***** you smell.
I never imagined I could meet you.
You were just a dream -
That I couldn't predict when will it'll come true.
Until then, please stay.
Hold me and wrap your arms around me.

It's just You and Me -
T'was a very good evening.
'til, you've unloved me.

The
warmth
under
sheets,
bodies.
Hands tied,
dug deep.
So deep.
Scream,
loud.
At the
peak.
Both,
worn out.

You asked me;
"What do you want for your birthday?"
I gazed into your eyes and told you -
"I don't want anything, I only need you."
But you turned your back and walked away,
You left me with no words to say.