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kn 5d
Dearest Parents,

I don’t even know where to begin, because there’s so much sitting in my heart. Some of it heavy, some of it aching and all of it quietly waiting to be heard.

I miss you both.
I miss home.
I miss the feeling of safety I used to associate with your presence. Even when things were hard, I believed, deep down, that love was somewhere in the room.

But now… I feel banished. Like I was pushed out from the one place I thought would always take me in. I don’t know if it was something I did, or didn’t do, or simply who I am. But the silence, the distance, it’s louder than any words you could’ve spoken.

I’ve been trying to be strong. To hold myself up without the foundation I used to rely on. To believe I still matter, even when I feel forgotten. It hurts. It hurts in the kind of way that lingers, that wakes me up at night, that makes me question my worth.

Still, somewhere in me, there’s a small flicker of love that hasn’t gone out. A part of me that wishes you could see me. Not as a disappointment, not as someone to cast out, but just as your child. I’m not perfect, but I’ve always carried love for you. I still do.

Maybe you’ll never read this. Maybe nothing will change. But I needed to say it, for me. I needed to let these words out of the cage they’ve been in.

With love and sadness,
Me
5d · 84
Unwelcoming Home
kn 5d
You don’t have to be
strong every moment.
You’re allowed to
fall apart sometimes.
To miss them.
To grieve
the family
and the home
that’s no longer
yours in the way
it used to be.
5d · 119
All I Asked
kn 5d
I came with a heart too heavy to hold,
Words trembling, half-formed, quiet and bold.
All I asked was, stay with me here,
Not to fix, not to judge—just be near.

I didn’t need answers wrapped up in bows,
Just silence, warmth, the kind that knows
How to hold pain without turning away,
To let the storm speak, not chase it away.

But you turned from the weight in my voice,
Raised walls where I asked for a choice—
To open, or not, on my fragile time,
To bleed in peace, not forced to rhyme.

Now we’re both tangled in words that cut,
Doors slammed by the ache of a heart left shut.
But I never meant for a war to start…
I just needed someone to see my heart.
Mar 21 · 165
It Was Always You
kn Mar 21
I’ve known some peace, but not this kind—
The kind that quiets heart and mind.
You didn’t speak in grand displays,
You showed your love in steady ways.

You never tried to fix the ache,
Just stayed through every small heartbreak.
And somehow in your calm and truth,
I found a softer kind of proof.

It wasn’t sparks or skies so blue—
It was the way you simply knew.
No need for signs or something new...
It was, it is,
it’s always you.
Mar 21 · 309
What I Long For
kn Mar 21
Slow, quiet mornings,
tears still remain,
Eyes red and heavy from
carrying pain.
Thoughts like a river,
too deep, running wild,
Hard to be strong
when I still feel like a child.

I don’t want much—
just someone to see,
To sit with my silence
and still choose me.
Not to fix all the pieces or
make me pretend,
Just to offer their love
that won’t break or bend.
Mar 21 · 68
With a Tender Heart
kn Mar 21
Woke up with a heavy heart,
Loud thoughts pulling me apart.
Longing for love I thought would stay,
But some things quietly drift away.

Still, in the quiet, I learn to grow,
From broken trust, new light can show.
And though the pain may not depart,
I rise again—with a tender heart.
Mar 19 · 79
Wry
kn Mar 19
Wry
In my eyes you could see—
for every wound, salt was the remedy.
Forced to silence those thoughts that haven't been heard,
beating me down—it was absurd.
kn Mar 19
Last year, my heart cracked deep,
Not by a lover, nor a friend I'd keep.
But by the ones I held so high,
The ones whose love should never die.

I sought warmth, a gentle hand,
A place where I could safely stand.
Yet, in their eyes, I was unknown,
A stranger lost within my home.

The words unsaid, the love denied,
The quiet stares, the hollow pride.
All I wanted was to belong,
To hear that I was loved all along.

The weight is heavy, the wound still aches,
A storm that time alone remakes.
But distance now, a needed space,
To heal, to grow, to find my place.

And though the past still haunts my mind,
I choose to heal, to still be kind.
For somewhere out there, hearts remain,
Who’d brave the wild to shield my pain.

So I will walk, though lost I seem,
Towards the love I’ve yet to dream.
And one day soon, the ache will fade,
And I will stand—no longer afraid.
Mar 17 · 73
Mondays
kn Mar 17
Monday rush, the world spins fast,
But my heart with you always last.
So take a breath, my sweetest honey one,
The day will pass, the night will come.

When the world feels tough to face,
Just know I’m always your safe place.
In my arms, you’ll always see,
My love is yours—eternally.
kn Mar 15
Hug me tight until
I can smell you,
Comforting as blissful blue,
Days have passed; you’ve no clue,
How much I longed for you.

The warmth of your
arms wrapped around me,
Those hazelnut eyes -
I could only see,
Soft hands intertwined
with mine,
I wouldn’t trade for
billions of dime.
16.03.25 (0219)
thoughts running wild
kn Mar 14
The world is better
with you in it.
You don’t have to do
anything extraordinary to
deserve love—you are enough
just as you are.
kn Mar 14
You are loved.
Even if your mind tries
to convince you otherwise,
YOU
matter.
kn Mar 14
you don’t
have to force yourself
to
feel better
instantly.
Just breathe.
kn Mar 14
just
ride it out
with as much
kindness for yourself
as possible.
kn Mar 14
you're feeling this way
right now, and
that's okay.
you don't need to fight it nor deny it.
just take a few slow and deep breaths.
you got this life!
YOU,
got this!

*pats you on the back
listening to celeste - Ezra vine
kn Mar 14
accept people
as they are,
but place them where they belong.
kn Mar 14
the
right people
will always
find a way.
you were never
hard to
love,
never difficult to
accept.
you're feeling this, and that's fine.
Mar 14 · 441
mini notes to self #003:
kn Mar 14
the more
you
move
that pain,
it's
where
success
BEGINS.
kn Mar 14
please
watch
your own
six.

*this is non-negotiable
*pats you on the back
kn Mar 14
choose
people
who
choose
you.
taking notes and surviving life as much as I could.
Apr 2024 · 1.2k
Untitled
Apr 2024 · 777
Truth
kn Apr 2024
You
were
making
memories
without
me.
Apr 2024 · 944
Ending
kn Apr 2024
Things are going
south between us
because you muttered
the worst about us.

“We’re just two sad people”
Apr 2024 · 574
Alibis
kn Apr 2024
And
all I could remember
is that,
I should’ve
not known you.
First in 2024
Apr 2022 · 476
dying thought
kn Apr 2022
I was living my years in a lie.
Was in search for what’s the meaning of life.
Not until one day,
I woke up in awe of what inside.
I’ve had it all along.
I’ve been so distant and distracted of the thought.
Dying to chase the ‘high’,
Not realising anything.
I lost everything.
I lost,
ME.
I’m back to square 1. Things will be okay,
Apr 2022 · 720
Keeping my distance
kn Apr 2022
I’m still
In search of
Lightness despite
This time.
It feels right to forgive myself and accept the reality that I have no control of things that are happening to me now.
Apr 2022 · 597
straight through
kn Apr 2022
You only
look at me,
but never saw
what's inside of
me.
I still care for us, but my love for you is slowly fading. Thank you for the memories
Apr 2022 · 957
Truth
kn Apr 2022
Behind
my
eyes
were a
disguise,
a monster
that's
unwise.
Eyes are swollen, everything is falling, to pieces, tiny ones.
Apr 2022 · 2.4k
UNLEASH
kn Apr 2022
I had to lie,
as you were asking
about these tears.
I had to hide the truth,
and swam in my own thoughts.
I had to breathe alone now,
as you left me in the darkness.
I had to lose you,
on the process of finding me.
I had to build my walls too,
because no one really gets under.
I am tired.
Apr 2022 · 320
Ebb
kn Apr 2022
Ebb
Skin & soul,
You've built a wall.
Can't carry it all —
feeling small.

Waves are crashing,
Heart is crumbling.
We were once each other's everything,
Now, we're already sinking.

Seek us love —
Together above.
Don't go,
Let's start slow.
Listening to indie folk music can be relaxing while slowly killing me with reality.
Apr 2022 · 1.3k
Reality
kn Apr 2022
We
had
it,
*Almost.
I know love we're long gone, our story already ended. Please, take care of your heart for me.
Apr 2022 · 1.4k
575 —
kn Apr 2022
As I’ve looked at you,
Your eyes shimmer in the dark—
Blissful perfection.
08092018
Apr 2022 · 859
Eerie
kn Apr 2022
It’s 3 am again,
You’re in my thoughts creepin’.
Whatever’s the cost;
I just needed to get lost.

I’ve been so scared—
of what I’ll become.
Moments are shared—
til’ my body feels numb.

Come back home to me,
and please don’t let this love set free.
How wonderful life can be—
For you and me till eternity.
L, wherever you are now in life. Please remember that I am forever grateful for the time we shared and spent together. I am wishing all the best and most of life can give to you. Till our paths may cross again.
Apr 2022 · 202
Don't forget
kn Apr 2022
Please
don't get lost in someone else.
Ask yourself once in a while,
"How are you doing?"
Apr 2022 · 483
Note #01
kn Apr 2022
You
Are
Important
To
YOU.
Apr 2022 · 190
All you did
kn Apr 2022
All
you
did
was
to
share
your
world,
yet I took
it away from
you.
02-24-22
kn Apr 2022
A second with you;
Dying to make it last a lifetime.
Come home,
and please stay.
I cannot watch you go away again,
Honey take it slow.
Apr 2022 · 154
You didn't want to stay.
kn Apr 2022
I know you
didn't want to stay,
and I understand
that.
I'm letting
you go
now.
Apr 2022 · 724
Reality
kn Apr 2022
I crumbled down
when I faced the mirror.
I can't even face me;
nor the reality,
of us.
Apr 2022 · 193
One last time.
kn Apr 2022
This pain
made me write
about you again,
One
last
time.
kn Apr 2022
Shook the best
when your love
was home.
And now you're
gone.
kn Apr 2022
What has become of us?
I did not wish this end.

Praying on a better ending,
just somethin',
so we'll stop pretending.
I've left alone reminiscing.

Pulling you more to me,
But now, you wanted to be free.
Time has come for us to fall,
And now you've built a wall.
Apr 2022 · 759
Workin' on Empty
kn Apr 2022
I miss you,
but I need to use
this space
to create
love
and
acceptance
for myself.
kn Mar 2022
I am contented with my life now,
I don't need anyone anymore.
I only need us, you & me. Until the end.
kn Mar 2022
You
brought
lightness
in me,
when
darkness
poured upon
us.

I lost you,
not just you,
but
us.
All I want is
you.
Mar 2022 · 259
5 Letter Word
kn Mar 2022
Fall
In
Love
With
Yourself.
#notes #selflove #love #falling
May 2021 · 298
Forlorn Ending: Day 14
kn May 2021
Today I felt different...
While I was decluttering my room and sorting my stuff (preparing my things to finally leave this apartment). Tears were flowing, again. It still pains me knowing you aren't there everyday. Knowing I can't talk to you about the random things that happened today. Knowing that you'll always support me when I told you that, " I don't feel well, I need to clean my room to clear my mind". Knowing that I  don't have you, period.
I found photographs of me, you, and us. We were happy in those tiny polariods we have. I found a lot of stuff that reminds me of you, yet I still can't let go even in those things we shared. I still want you near, hoping we'll still share this rainbow color we had. I still have those vivid memories of you, of our plans as a family together. I still want us to work, I still crave for your affirmation and attention. I still think of you a thousand times a day, I am missing you everyday. I still want you. Because I'll never found love like ours.
But, each day I have to face a difficult ending. I have to accept that we need to grow apart. I need to accept that you aren't going home to me anymore. I gotta holdback asking how are you today. I have to hold myself from coming to your place, hoping I'd see a glimpse of you even I'm outside looking like a total creep. I have to keep this random talks to myself. I have to be taster, every time I found a new recipe. I have to be me, without you anymore.

I pray someday you'll find what you need in this lifetime and if this letter crosses your path, let me know. Because I, we'll be waiting for you.

Until then, please do take care of yourself.
S
Sep 2018 · 588
I . . .
kn Sep 2018
Days have been pretty bad lately,
Waking up empty.
Thinking what could have been,
I know there is something.
Try'na forget what it is,
But the feeling is growing.
I just wanna end this up,
and everyone will still keep moving.
I don't know,
I don't care,
I don't mind,
I just don't wanna live.
Aug 2018 · 675
;
kn Aug 2018
;
In every moment I closed my eyes
I know
I'm drowning
Thinking I'm not good anymore
I'm silently hurting
Tears been flowing
How can I be the best me?
Planning to set myself free.
Jun 2018 · 654
Drunk
kn Jun 2018
Drunk words
I don’t mind
Hug me
Kiss me hard
Push behind
Because
I wanna die.
These wounds?
Doesn’t heal.
You left
I’m drunk again
Over and over.
Erasing you
Everything.
Sober me up
Was everything
A nightmare?
Are you still here?
hold me,
One
Last
Time
Hug
Me
&
Will
Close
My
Eyes
and
You’re
Gone.
06142018
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