I have this constant dream in which I am asking everyone in my life to punch me in the face
I know I can take the pain
But it’s the idea of being hurt that always brings supporters
Punching myself in the face does not achieve the same thing.
If you feel that I did you wrong, punch me in the face.
I know I can take a beating more than I can take myself.

My body is repairable, at least to a certain extent.
But the hits of those i have wronged are not repairable, that is why they are hitting me
I don’t want to **** myself, I just want pain
Just to feel what, I have made others feel.
Understanding is everything.

But physical pain also blocks the emotion
Punch me in the face
So I don't have to deal with what I did
Hurt me, the way I feel I hurt you.
Please,
Someone do it, or I will do it myself.

There was a funeral procession today
Did you see it?
I didn't get too
I bet it was beautiful
Lot's of black?
I've always liked black
How many cars were in it?
10? 20?
30?!
I would have given anything to see it
I wish i wasn't cooped up in this box
I miss everything

Caught forever in this relentless reality
My dreams are small but forever expanding 
Together they quarrel in the small available space of my cluttered conscious 
The heart overwhelms the steadily weakened mind
Making the choice based on desire and an impossible design 
The minimal thought involved results in a decision of the purest kind.

Reality doesn't seem real to me
A mundane reality laughs mockingly
Towards me, Knowing I cannot escape
But I will fight on, My future is mine
And, I am the master of my fate
For reality not seeming real
Only mean's I am living my dreams.

A loose brick in a castle wall allows the wind to seep through,
Carrying with it the whispers of the outsiders
The soft spoken words influence the beings within
They begin to come alive and demand to be free'd
Overthrowing the king and breaking down the wall
All protection is lost now, through the rubble they crawl
Out into the world
With no fear of rejection.

Soldiers surround a battered building
Weapons to the wall, lest it does fall
Rumble Rumble, shakes the men
Rumble Rumble, again and again
Vibrating their bones, constricting their veins
Relentless Rumble, cracks the wall
The men hold strong, one for all
Rumble Rumble crashes through
Weapons clash, blood is spilled,
Bones are crushed.
Yet,
I am healed.

You've heard the rumour?
It's true
I do sleep with one eye on my heart
Why do i do this?
I have let my heart get stolen
One too many times
And we all know thief's aren't the most careful people 
and wouldn't you know, It's been broken
More than once 
How do i keep an eye on it?
Let's just say
It's easy to watch something that has been
Torn out and stepped on
You are probably wondering
How my heart has survived all these years?
That's easy
You can't **** something
That was never alive.

Here I sit my mind bursting at the seams 
Unable to efficiently rid the pain and clutter
Speaking my mind only results in a inaudible sputter 
It all borders on overwhelming
Until the mundane world explodes
The broken up thoughts, break free from my head in a beautiful flutter.
Only to reassemble, Shortly thereafter.

A scratch in a casket is not something you would expect.
With the meaning attached, you think someone would have checked
But with you I expected nothing else.
A public flaw presented beautifully.
You did just the same.
Wore your flaws beautiful and proud
But some remained hidden
These were flaws of the spirit
Flaws you didn't show
Flaws we didn't know
If you only showed like the casket
A scratch we could have prevented
Or maybe we should have just asked
And your casket wouldn't be cemented.

I want you to go to sleep with a smile
Thinking you at least got what you wanted
It makes my life unbearable
But my decisions never controlled you
A breeze that blows freely
Amongst the trees
Because of you, I will model my life accordingly
Free from all,
Never stopping
I'll just restart from the power you've given me
Move on, and bring any smiles to the friends I can, even if my power starts dropping.

A boat breaks down with every crash of the ocean's waves
The salt is a catalyst carving in the wood, Small and detailed caves
Sail is ripped and battered the treasures of the boat in the water they are scattered
The boat sinks deeper in the open water, Overtaking the hull and the captain's quarters
For you were on this ship
And describing the boat instead of describing you
Makes this tragedy flee my mind and causes my sanity to slip.

My love with the flowing river of hair
Golden silk matches the bright summer sun
Beauty skin shows, her eyes; jade green with flair
Winters air does not pierce as much or stun
My pulse is lost at the first eye's meeting
Her grace batters my courage; Defenceless
I am, although our time is now fleeting
With her so still, I am burdened with stress
The sun shines in, but does not light the room
Her hand in mine, I feel her pulse slowing
Dwindling is her time as death quickly looms
Her life leaves, her beauty is unfading
Even in death this carries you through time
That remains true or these lines do not rhyme.

There becomes a time when you realize that your poetry is better than your fiction
The deaths in your life, sap your creativity.
With all dead friends, what can blossom?
Bad decisions and body parts
Like the flesh from a tree, positivity follows suit
But the arms of which carry you are wrecked
Because they are the arms of the grieved
The beautiful, belligerent, alcohol tolerant lives that you have left behind
There are your friends, that die like a hard rain.
But they are just as refreshing and reflect just as much sunlight.
But they die just the same
Suns die, stars burn out
Just as you realize that the hoped for importance of your writing was never as important as your friend

Growing tired and weary as the day groans on
For these days seem longer due to restless nights

    You, My boy are in need of a pick me up
Appreciated offer but it would be irresponsible
To coax a mind that's already dwindling
I can't afford to lose it all
As a result of your persuasive swindling
So leave me be, petty swindler

But sir! It's my product that'll help you forget her

'Her' is gone and I've made piece with that
So take your bad habits and just leave it at that!

My life as of late has been an eye opening,
Head first dive of exploration.
Interrupted by one,
Sometimes two,
day long binges of unpleasant sobriety.
Some see it as a cheap thrill, lacking grace
But my synthetic happiness,
Covers the loss of the old soul behind a beautiful face
And my heart now goes to the first chemical to make it race.

It haunt's me every night 
That Immature primal urge
Ruined my night and for some time, My sight
Unbeknown to all
This broke down my sanity wall. 
 
Now different as a whole , a poorly lit soul
innocence will quickly drain
Prior excitement seems mundane
You stole the light from my world
I am a monster, I am him
And now, You'll fear the grim

Thirty day's, I'll be free
In thirty days completely
Leaving the beautiful but familiar
The only anchor I had
The scenery and family.

Thirty day's till I can start new
Be who I am, Finally true.
This city and these people
A creativity sapping flu
Thirty more days
Until I can be true.

Now,
New belongings
New beginnings
New friends
New surroundings.

Today, I waved at a girl I thought was beautiful
She didn't wave but came closer
She turned out to be you
I greatly underestimated how beautiful
You were not happy to see me
I almost passed out seeing you
You slapped me and started walking away
And I chased after the best memory in my head.

My mind has been close to death for three months
Gasping, In a mass grave of unused ideas
Surviving only on the hope
Of an intelligent conversation
But the rarity of such a thing
Made my faith weaken
In both humanity and my own mind
Until the opportunity arose,
A helping hand in the form of travel
As the days passed
My mind
Was slowly lifted out of the rejected ideas
And pushed forth into creativity
By new life experience

I wrote previously about the electronic implications on the written word
But the smoothness of this pen upon paper has made me neutral on the subject
It's insanely intoxicating when your words flow onto the paper just as they do from your mind
Uninterrupted
But, death has a way of bringing you back to reality
A birthday, In which the birth boy has passed
Twenty four red balloons, caressed gently by the wind as they are carried beautifully skyward.
Red of passion
Red of love
Because twenty four is infinite
Also is the love and the friends you left behind
But we love you,
I love you
And we will forever follow you
Upon these rising currents
Like those twenty four red balloons.

It’s hitting me harder now than ever
Writing simple, pretty words
Made it realer than ever
Did you smile through the pain
Just to make it bearable for everyone else

I know you lost a best friend once
But is it fair to cost many one as well?
I know you weren’t one to think ahead
But people loved you
It may not have like that to you
But you could have put the stress on us
Instead of the rope

Everyone you made smile
Which was everyone
Loved you
You never judged anything we did
It made you special, you avoided dread from everyone
You made me the lover, avoiding fights
That I am now
But even now, I have to deal with you,
The lover of the light
Dying
And this is really something, no one is attributed too.

Cracks run deep and cracks run long
Damaging a wall, once thought strong
Weakened by words, squandered by force
Decisions made, followed by deep remorse

This damaged wall is a woman broken
Caused by fists and words unspoken
Flesh replaces plaster
This being, destroyed by her master
Herself
An unfit leader.

I will continue to write
Until the day that I fall
Fall into the ground
Or let my thoughts overrun me.
The day will eventually come
When I can't get them out quick enough
My mind runs out of space
As it overloads and explodes
and rips apart my sanity
The pieces fall down
Leaving my memories on the ground.

There is nothing extraordinary here
A city built on the river, with it's outskirts burning.
Anger and salary mimic personality

Creativity seeks happiness and inspiration
Those imbued with creative wealth, leave and search.
Those without, settle and gripe.

West I will wander, In search of inspiration.
Basking in knowledge,
Will result in happiness.