Still alive and breathing
Hiding the frown by smiling
Sand quickly covers my feet
Suddenly six feet underneath

Mistakes from the past year
Fear running from the rear
Footsteps running from fear
Everything is visible from here

Six feet underneath
Buried under the heath
Wanting to rise and leave
Wanting to leave it all down here

Choir of furies in my head
Amalgam of monsters under my bed
Infestation of red
from the back of my head

Physically six feet over
Mentally six feet under
Suffocating, hope is losing
Dying but still fighting

Lone* soul swirling and lost
Amidst the searing heat, noise, and chaos
Lost soul can't seem to find a safe haven
Then finds a flower sprouting from the barrens
Light grazes the fingertips
Darkness reigns, the nemesis
Scream escaped from the fearful soul's lips
Another lost opportunity to escape the abyss

I'm somewhere, you're nowhere
I have spent a year searching for a friend
I'm writing poems about you
Wondering where you are

I could go there but I won't
You're somewhere my light cannot reach
You're somewhere under someone else's sun
Do I really want to know?

I'm nowhere, you're nowhere
I have followed you
to my pits of hell, to your safe haven
Even if it hurts so **** much
Even if it takes my life
Because I promised to never let you go

You never see the things I do
Never paid attention
Never appreciated

How dare you wonder why I left
and downright replaced you

I once told you
how passionate I am
when it comes
to my one and only vice

With that, you retort
"Alcohol is never the answer"
and with that statement, I ceased
for in you, I believed

Before, only wine can make me high,
but our happy months came by,
surprised at how you made me high
With you, I reached the sky

A single drop, my lips didn't touch
but when you left
the only thing, it became
my lips ever reached

Now that I ponder on it
I should really cease
doing my newest habit:
thinking of you

I am a distant star
a star that you can only see
in your darkest times
a star that you can't see
when your sun shines

I am the moon
outshone and overshadowed
by your bright sunny star
but you seek me at night
to guide you through the dark

I am the one you seek
only when you're troubled
I am non-existent
when you're in bliss
Is that all I am to you?

In my current state,
I don't have the money
I don't have the power
to make you happy

I only have hardwork
and my little accomplishments
at school and in life
to make you smile

But why can't you?
You always ask for more.
You always ask for more of me
when I'm already giving my all.

I'm already beating myself to death
Squeezing myself like sponge to give my best
but you were never contented
with the things I give.

Tell me, why do you do this?
Why can't you be happy for me?
Answer me,
Why can't you be happy for me, mom?

I am your friend, your family
Always there when you need me
To attend to my matters, I leave
I return to see your new family

They are your friends, your family
I respect them because you do highly
I tried to see, I tried to love
To no avail, I failed without luck

It was too much, all to much
To see myself replaced, every time
To feel love only when they're gone
Is that all I am to you, your last one?

You need not say my role in your life
It was obvious, don't even lie
Plan Z, the least, your last
Among those names, call me what you like

Just like a spider's thread
in a garden of blades
falling so slowly
to bleed and break apart

Just like a shadow
devoid of light
following me
every time, everywhere

In my favorite songs, I hear you
In my favorite movies, I see you
In my dreams, I hold you
In my mind, I keep you

Staring at me
with dark eyes, lips, and tongue
Enticing me to inch forward
to fall into the abyss

In the darkness you held my hand
squeezed it, secured it in your hand
as we walk down the aisle
with a soft, welcoming light
at the end of the line.

We escaped the noise and darkness
together we ventured the wilderness
my heart pirouetted as you did
we danced and laughed
fingers still entwined

I now wake up from a horrible dream
or from your haunting, as it may seem
Seven months, it has been
but in my head, you're still creeping
in my heart, you're still living

I dare not say that I miss you
for I do not, not anymore
but I did miss the moments with you
thanks for the visit,
*please haunt me more

I tried and did my best
To find the right words to say
Just to avoid hurting you in anyway
And succeeded avoiding that, I did.

I was so caught up in the idea
Of not hurting you
To the very point that
I ended up hurting myself.

your memories cut through
my heartstrings tied in knots
how cruel of you
to visit my thoughts

We're either laughing or fighting
like our love is sailing
on tempestuous waters

"No"

Your voice got lost in the noise of the streets
yet it echoed endlessly in my head.
For a split-second, I thought,
"I never knew two letters could hurt so bad."
But surprisingly, it didn't hurt as much.

The air got colder and I felt braver.
It was as if I grew a pair of wings
and took off to the night sky,
piercing thick clouds with speed.
I needed your no to see me free.

"But we could still be friends, right?"

Those are the words that deprived me
of my wings, my happiness, my freedom.
In a heartbeat, I was falling again.
The pavement zooms in as I crashed
to the cold hard ground.

3 months, 12 weeks, 61 days
enough to make my heart ablaze
4 months, 16 weeks, 83 days
without you, my life's a haze

Don't ever ask why I'm leaving
because I can't tell you
how it hurts
whenever I see your face

I can't tell you
how it puts me in a bad mood
seeing your name pop up
on everything I look at

I can't tell you
how I'm dying to scream
to not leave me
because you always do the opposite

I can never explain
how everything hurts
when I'm with you
Because you will never understand.

I slept fifteen hours today
And that means I dreamt of you for fifteen hours,
You haunted my dreams for fifteen hours,
You haunted me for fifteen hours.

Now I just woke up to a gloomy evening
Dark skies and the bells ringing
It has started again,
The thought of you is haunting me again.

I haven't been sleeping
for you've been haunting me
in every dream I dream

I haven't been eating
for my plate reminds me of the times
we talked about our favorites

I haven't been talking
to my friends, to my family, to everyone
for you were the only one I talked to

I haven't been myself
for I wasn't really myself
when I was talking to you

I was more than myself
and now that you're gone
I'm back to the nothing before you happened

You made me promise not to write about you
And promised you that, I did
Just because you promised me you'd never leave.

Little did you know, I promised that because
I only write poems about people who leave
And poems about broken promises.

she asked, she begged
she cried and was told to wait
so she waited, and waited
she got nothing in the end

then like rain it fell on her
the things she asked when she was little
she was blessed, she believed
but curious no doubt

why me? why now? she asked
because you asked
and it was given
in the right time

she cried again
not in sadness but in joy
then sat down and waited
as she wished for love

I had a dream about you again
A dream about you returning
A dream about you staying
A dream. It's only a dream.

Now that we're worlds apart,
I wonder if you think of me as much as I do
I wonder if you write about me as much as I do
I wonder if you dream about me as much as I do



I wonder if you ever think of me at all.

Fourteen days of
pain and agony
Two weeks of
sadness and melancholy

Today marks the fourteenth day
of me living without you
of me still thinking about you
and of me haunted by you

I'd be lying if I said I am not counting
the days since you bade farewell
for each day spent without you
is a day spent unwell

I always find it so breathtaking
To witness the skies change
From dark, cold nights
To warm, sunny mornings.

The change reminds me of so much,
Most especially, it reminds me
Of the countless nights we shared
And of the very morning I lost you.

Breathing is becoming difficult around you
Heart beating faster beside you
Mind is filling with thoughts of you
Now I am
        utterly,
             deeply,
                  madly,
                         falling
                             in love with you

i like how the taste of blood
lingers in my mouth
just like the thought of you
lingers in my heart