That one girl you think you can live without so you pretend not to care, that one girl that every time you see her you hate her, but you hate yourself more because she is happier with someone else.
Theres 13 angels standing on display, I think they should take me away from this place. Away from the sight of her, one life time gone and now my soul is dead, the angels just shake there head. Oh the ******* rage takes over my body. Eyes filled with hate, mocked by her and her ex. I was just practice, something to keep her from being lonely till he came back and sweep her away. I dont wanna killem. But I wish to hurt them. Im angry all the **** time, hateful, sad, and disappointed in myself that I cant have the best ******* thing iv ever laid eyes on. She knows it, craves the attention I try not to give... But im weak, and now im lonely. I wonder if she ever had ment the things she said about me or ment she loved me. How soon she would jump back into his arms after leaving me... The thought is unbearable. Cant believe I had my sights on marriage with this girl. My angels standing in a row looking down on me waiting.... For me to just do it.

For 20 days
you called me ******
While you were calling him on the phone.
20 days
I was there for you
While in the back of your mind he was why you asked me to leave you alone.
For 20 days
you told me you were working on us
But you were with him talking about trust
For 20 days
I was giving you space to think
For 20 days
He was why we didn't speak
For 20 days
I begged and bled for you to notice me again
But all along it was a waste of my time thinking we would begin again.

It's been 543 days since you and i.
That measurement of time should be enough to forget how you feel about someone.

This is how I know time is irrelevant when it comes to love.

You were my sun, my whole world revolved around you, and you were my light in the darkest times of my life.

It's been five hundred and forty three days that you would have been the center of my universe.

Tomorrow will be another day without you.
And I'm always gonna love you till the end of my days, and beyond...

As I give this fake smile and happiness on the outside, im screaming with rage on the inside.
Every one I meet isn't you, anyone I'm with, isn't you, and everyday from here on out won't be with you.
I'm sad. I'm depressed. Isn't enough. Heart break isn't enough, it hurts more. More than not breathing, I'm on the cusp of no air but still here. How you die inside is loving them 1st before you, before anything always, and they don't love you back.

You don't get it, but you will
I'm breaking your heart
So you won't dare touch me again
I'm not only bad for you
But if you let me
I'll corrupt you
I'll twist your thoughts
I'm bad for you
I'll drive you insane with insecurity
Breaking your heart is necessary
Breaking you down is my gift to you
So you can move on
Just remember
This one time
I did it for you

I try to help, but cant.
I try making her happy, useless.
I think about long walks down the road,  endless talks, giggling and goofing but its too late.
I think about just making her smile like I used to, but cant, nothing to smile about any more.
Im worried because she is worried.
Im sad and depressed, because she is sad and depressed.

But...
she doesn't notice the good times like I do.
The smiles I get from her,
The love I embrace from her,
The joy I get from her,
The life I live... Because of her.
             I know im a disappointment
That im broken
In debt
Joy *******
Lazy
Arrogant
Stubborn
Grouchy
Selfish
....boyfriend that only really asks to have you sleep next to me in the bed because having your beautiful smile to wake up to, makes it all worth it.
I love you, and all that you do for me. Im sorry im this way, but believe me when I say I try baby, im still trying and ill never give up, im sorry you fell in love with...
A broken man.

I talk to you to test the water,
Its still too deep to jump in, I have no idea why i still bother.

Every time you make plans with out me late at night, I get so **** jealous.
I hate to start another fight.

Your free as a bird, able to roam where ever you please. while on the outside I sit in silence, but on the inside I want a release.

I want to make you happy, I know with another chance i could. Right now im just bother some, to me just misunderstood.

Again I am still writing poems to reach out to you any way i can, but still nothing from you, everyday I feel less and less like a man.

I've become obsessed
over every tear that's shed
Running my fingers through her hair
As her head lay on my chest
Counting the seconds till she can rest
She is my peace and i feel blessed
she runs to me for salvation
This patience takes years of motivation
Practicing meditation
To handle this woman's frustration
There are days I can't take it
I smile but inside I fake it
For better days will come
Over 100 times ive thought to run
Leaving her with past demons
All alone for her face them
I'm right her don't you cry
Save those tears for our last goodbye

The things that we love the most  in this world are the things that are taken from us too soon

I have such vivid daydreams from time to time.
I see her, walking down the aisle between the pews, the dress is beautiful, flows with your hair... But thats not what im crying about or looking at.
Its your eyes and your smile.. I can see this aura around you, I bust out in tears thinking about it.
Iv only witnessed that type of beauty, when im with you, but like I said its just day dreams.
You dont see what I see, it's like im there and never been happier, or see you smile so much seeing me standing there at the altar.

As the tears come thinking about what happiness I miss out on, I smack myself back into reality, full of guilt.  I'll only experience that kind of happiness with you inside my head.
I think its time to roll over and think of something else.

"Daddy why are you and mommy not married?"

Well sweet heart, ill tell you why.

Mommy and daddy used to date, a very long time ago, and daddy broke her heart, daddy still loved mommy very much and we talked everyday, years passed by and mommy wanted a baby, and knew we would be great parents, but mommy didn't love daddy the way he loved her, but daddy loved mommy so much, he gave her you. Mommy still didn't love daddy and we could never be together,  but she knew id be able to raise the perfect little girl, and here you are princess. Mommy has you, and I'll always have my two favorite girls.

"Okay daddy!"

Today the chill of the wind
Spoke your name
I mourn.
The breeze gentle and swift
carried your scent.
I mourn.
Spring butterflies dance
to our song
I mourn.
The grief for your lost love
Is strong today, like a funeral,
Buried and forgotten.
I mourn.

It's quiet,
when it creeps up.
No sound, not even a word.
It's peaceful, till it isn't
Then you ask around
Still just quiet...
Alone with your thoughts
It doesn't even knock..
It doesn't even break through the **** door
It's just there.
Alone.
Viewing people through screens
Forgotten.
Left behind.
either way it's the same.
All alone with this cumbersome voice
Driving you insane.
The feeling makes you fidget and Pace
Makes you fight and complain
Bed softly quiets your demons
Then your tired and feel drained
In your head running a place
With no escape.
alone again this feeling that I hate.

When a soul mate comes into your life there are two certainties,

1. You will challenge eachother till the end of time.

2. You will be addicted to that challenge.

When you realize your soulmate got there too early in your life, and you just missed it. you will be alone with loneliness till you do anything to get them back. Getting them back will take short of the impossible, but the rest of your life will be worth it.
Keep trying, everyday is a new beginning, to get that soulmate.

Her name screams in the light breeze, flows cold around me, stabing at my nerves as I drown out the noise.

I still feel her. her pain, my pain, as it echos through my head, send shivers and heart ache racing down and up my body.

It never leaves, just grows more tolerable as time passes. New women come and yet I still feel alone.

Maybe this is my Odyssey, a soul breaking tale of star stuck lover chasing an elusive abyss of what we call "love at first sight".

We cannot escape this prison.

The chains hold us back.

As the storm passes through my body, lighting shoots through my veins.

I seek no help in this torture, bless the grave and forgive the fires that burn my sins.

A labeled cheater, and his words as weapons, I spit lies to my loved ones like venom on prey.

Slow pain till you realize it's too late, my love has gotten ahold of you, and the pain is to hard to take.

Flee, run! As fast as you can, my love.
But soon the memories will fallow your foot steps and it will all come rushing back.

I fall to my knees, and grab my own blade, to see the mess iv made.

Tears bombard my cheeks to the souless woman I see before me, cold and dark my spell has made you, and forever ill weep.

Never yours, never mine, the future holds grim.

You say you wanna man
But your not willing to open yourself up
You say you want love
But your not willing to love the flaws
You say you want romance
But your not willing to give
You say you want trust
But your not willing to bleed
You say these things
But no action has been deserving of a man

She's a wild fire.
Can't be stopped.
Free and forever wild.
Bright yet frightening.
Conquers anything she touches.

I was drawn to her like a moth.
You want to tame her
But you take away what you love the most about her if you do..

The internal battle I have with myself about you is enough to make anyone go mad, there are days I type in your name to look for you and I scream inside not to press search.

Iv come too far to have it torn down by your happiness with another man, as if I hadn't existed at all. My fingers tremble, my heart aches as tears still stream down my face as I type your name...

Just a bunch of letters on a screen and I'm still an addict. My rehab is the happy memories I hold clutch and dear to what little mind I have left before I go completely mad.
Ive forgiven you almost in an instant, but i beg for forgetfulness to put this torment at ease.

The excitement, the rush.

The Laughter and bliss.

Shes what has been at the end of the storm.

What iv been waiting for this whole time.

When we are together planets collide.

Earth quakes tremble and shake when we kiss.

This is why the road has been hard.

This is who I was ment to be with this girl.

The stars set, the earth shifts, my mind races and the universe quits.... All is right in the world.

Basic human kindness is a plague.
Only Society provides the Cure
It feeds off of graciousness
Effecting others in its wake
Every smile you take
Disrupting the work place
Human kindness is disease
Quick run and hide
As the internet bleeds
Soon as it starts
everyone is along for the ride
But who will be patient zero?

He made love to her,
Passionate love.
Lust was endless,
Love was infinite and renewable.
All fear, all stress and heart ache left their bodies briefly.
The sweat from their love fell on each other like tear drops.
This kind of passionate love comes from ones soul, a pure and truly beautiful passion....

I fell in love with her hard,
Memories and present times clash,
many days calling her crazy, she calls me a ****.
I still love her all the same, although shes gone away,
The love I carry feels like just yesterday.
You will never know Whom I talk about in this poem,
Your not ment too. I started to rhyme and have reason in the beginning, now its all jumbled apart. This poem represents life, and love. in away were we try are best for awhile then we let what is natural, flow...
I gave up on her, and lost her trust. I messed up and sought out lust.
I was wrong and I couldn't say sorry enough, for it was my own undoing that has caused me pain, since her life has been rough.
I look at ash and wonder what iv done, to make this mess as I look back im still stunned.
Because now iv went back to rhyme, you must think all is good. For it is thus iv understood. For iv meet someone new and she is fine and dandy, I think ill marry her on top of some place warm and sandy.

I cant loose you too. Not you father, you are all I got left.
I hear you, breath heavy in the morning's, I see the traces of ***** still lingering on the toilet.
I weep every night. I love you more then my own life. This year has stripped me of everything.
They say god gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers, by now ill be invincible, fear no pain.
But I will always remember you as my own superman. Always there. Even when your gone.
You will always be with me. Always.
Ill soon be behind you dad, but ill take my time, make you proud of me.

I know why you tease me with all these beautiful and amazing women. you need to motivate me, You know I will toss away my dreams and imagination, to have love in my life. you know ill resent myself, and the one I fell in love with. ill always chose love because even when I think she will build me up im too lazy to do it. This is why you dangle the forbidden fruit in front of me, so hopefully one day I will build the ladder to get what I want.

Her whispers, are a violent scream to me, one breath, I look frantically, and come running.
She threatens my very way of living, because without her, I know ill choose the wrong woman.
although the next woman will be great, its not her.
She is something else, a wild fire, free and forever burning.
While im a candle, short and burning fast.
A boy, never knowing defeat or growing up, hurt a woman in the form of a man.
Always scared of the risk love has, till its gone, I'll chase it blindly.
Letting go isnt easy, but giving up is forever.

It hit like chronic to the lungs, sharp,  blissful pain. Reality My daily dose, chalk full of excitement, pleasure, and vigorous torture.  
I am defeated. I am shattered.
My head plays like a grimy ***** with bad shots. My affection is a void of self loathing and set on fire by pity.
The smile I use masks the pain of my true self, for the most troublesome people, bring the most joy to the world, for if they cannot be happy at least the others around them can. I will not apologize for whom iv become. No one has apologized for making me this why.

I am a boat, and life is the sea.
Im minding my own business,
Trying to get from point A to point B.
Wave after wave, life crashes into my boat.
Wave after wave I barely stay a float.

I race to my lover, wherever she may be.
I am but lonely in this boat,
I cry for her, at last!  her kingdom by the sea...

I speak up and with Cause,
She stares open, looking right through me.
I wait for its a long pause...
She says to me, "oh dear traveler from the sea,
You come but I need no rescue your trip has ended for I seek and wait for my lover"
"But I travelled over your crused sea, surprised i didnt flip, wave after wave I sit, and all this time it was for another?"
"Oh weary traveller you have much to learn,
For I am not your queen, but just a girl waiting her turn."

With that she let me go on my way,
Hopeful that I find happiness some other day.
I fell in love with my travel to get her,
beauty, grace, the memory is now a blur.

You won't be forgotten, ill try to keep close, just in case you ever fear,
Your call will reach me, no matter how far or how near.

My little boat carrys on with hope in my heart, that one day ill find her
may we never fall apart.

Finally after she left
The world turned it's back on me
Everything dead to me.
Like a puppy in the rain with no collar
No place to call home
Stranded
After she left
My bed grew in size
At first it wasn't a heavy burden
Time with out her seem to still pass
now after dragging it around
all these years
The weight of her absence felt like the world.

I don't want to wait for all these hoes ******* around with these certain type of men getting their own heart broken, getting knocked up and expecting us good men to pick up these broken pieces, shattered self-esteem, trust issues and dealing with your baby daddy because you allowed him to beat you without saying anything because you loved him and it was your "fault". Listen ladies if you'd pick the good man, the one that may have not been the most muscular, or had the perfect tan. The guy that no one looked at instead of the guy all the women flock to and do anything for just so he could look at you, you wouldn't be so ****** in your life right now, but it's ok because us good men are still single, jumping over bridges for girls who wouldn't step over a puddle for us. Now we make the most money and grew into our looks that's when you want us? No. I won't be a step dad at 24. I won't be settling down with a girl whose ****** had the whole football teams **** in it plus the ones 2 towns over in every direction.
We don't mind that you want to be wild and free, but your choices are for life and the one you finally settle down with.

I can't break down, I must ignore you.
I can't break down.

If you text I'll have no choice but to not reply no matter How much It kills me inside.

I am a hungry shark...
you are alone in the dark...
No more waiting
for your text
For your Call
im going to live my life now,
soon my memories of you will fade,  I have to get over you,
Get over you..
Get over you..
Get.. Over..
this curse of true beauty I see in you.

As we all have someone in our lifes we love or hate... vengeance is bittersweet. Id love to go bust down the door of her house. And not **** her, but her family... to hurt her soul, like shes done mine. Have her stand there alone with nothing left but emptiness... but I cant. It would destroy me,  take my "heaven". **** maybe hell wouldnt be so bad if I got in with the right people. But im scared. I love life and my biggest fear is death. For a man with nothing, I feel I have the most to lose... myself in bitter sweet nothingness...

They Say the Grim Reaper collects death, but he harvests the soul to a better place, if theres anything left to save and harvest...
The body will carry on, but that motivation, the man behind the machine can die long before the body does.

I am whats considered a black Dracula, a man with out a purpose to **** the dark lifeless soul out of a body, the part thats left before I drain all hope for a future.

My job is to make the people around me, friends, family, associates alike happy and comfortable in the way life is, while slowly putting down there hopes and dreams.

The sun is not my enemy, nor a wooden spike, but a hard life lesson on pain amd broken heart.  Im not pale to the sunlight, I blend right in, I walk among you, showing you everything is beautiful in this world, so a hope of an afterlife, paradise of the heavens, is lost to the cavities of your mind.

My broken heart drives me to this madness, numb is my body, but fresh and limber is the pain of a broken heart that still lingers.

My monster inside has consumed me, but I write this as a warning for all to read, to save yourself one last chance at happiness.
  
Love her unconditionally.
        
Respect her for every little strain of         her life she can produce.
            
Her beauty only matters on the inside for it is ageless.

Cheating on the one you love never goes away with time.

Her eyes will haunt your dreams, your memories, and your life, till the black Dracula consumes you too.

Be good to her always, fights, loss, and loving moment's, she is yours to take care of forever.

Lastly.. You only get on life to live with a great loving woman, dont spoil or settle for less because you cant handle her beautiful flaws that set her apart from everyone else.

The way I feel about you, love doesn't even come close.
Your my best friend, the one I look forward telling everything to.
Your my light when I get lost in my own head and it seems like a dark twisted tunnel.
You cheer me up on the rainy days and let me know there are plenty of sunny ones to come.
You have let me understand what love is.

I not only look forward to dating you, but I see a future, and I'm not going anywhere.
I look forward to the proposal, the planning all of it up to the wedding.
I look forward to the fights, screaming kids, being parents and growing old with you.

Till' death doesn't apply to us, beautiful your who I want to spend eternity with. Your who I want to carry out every dream, hope, and prayer with.

Your it, your what iv been writing about for two years straight, the hardships, the pain, everything because everyone else just didn't make my cut.
Your who I have lovedone in past life times and many more to come. I'll always find you and fall right back in love again and again....

I cry every night.
I wallow, and I weep.
The tears stream down my face.
I ask, and blurt out useless prayers.

She may be my one an only, but maybe, maybe shes someone elses... If so, then they deserve her.

Lying naked, glaring at me, she haunts my thoughts. Her most pure form. No clothes to shield her beauty, those majestic eyes see right through me.

Love they call it. The brother of hurt.
The sister of sorrow. And the mother of healing.  Time fades with that absent love, its never forgotten, but maybe learned to love deeper then the last.

I cycle through the stages of grief and love lost, like a man playing Russian roulette.  

I often think about her at night, my last smile, followed by a tear, before I dream.
I wake to checky phone in a hurry, just to see if today is the day. I listen to our music, to hear of i missed anything that could have saved me, and I find myself more alone and lost, while searching for answers.

That girl, my once golden shimmering Mirage, made me sick. To think my solace resided in her is now tarnished with betrayal and the ever-burning flame of hate. A goddess she stood before me, the very essence of her well-being warmes my soul. In a blink of an eye she is wrapped around another. As I sit here cold and lonely passing away every breath shorter and colder

Like a broken dish, I long to be whole again, although iv been put back together, I'll never feel the same.
Much like a dish with a crack or chip in it I am still functional, but to others eyes im past over with one glance second to something brand new. I feel like iv been tossed aside, given to a second hand store, waiting for the one person to be drawn to my cracks, dings and chips and appreciate my beauty, until then ill wait here patiently.