I was a flower starting to bloom, curious on life, wanting to love, starving to dream of worldly and unworldly things. The little girl inside me was dancing with glee as I waited to be eighteen. An age to be an adult.

I wanted to be free.

My flower withered in these ten years past. I wanted too much of everything yet I never saved anything for myself. I gained something and I lost a lot. I reached almost the peak and here I am back at the beginning.

Freedom has its responsibilities.

Twenty seven years:
Of doubt and fears
Silence and tears
Future is unclear.

New identity embrace:
Not just a fad or craze
Done walking in a maze
Yep happily I am an Ace.

I am crying not because I am jealous of your lot. You deserve that happiness friend. You deserve that love that you have kept and nurtured for ten seasons of summer and rain.

I am not tearful because I am afraid that in time I will be alone. I will never be able to experience clandestine kisses nor embraces from another. I expect and prepare myself to be on my own.

I am weeping because as I assist you on your wedding day it will be the last time that we share that moment as maidens. The thread of being sisters of circumstance will be cut as you say “I do”. Somehow our worlds will part as your groom will take you by his side.

The texture reminds me of you
Soft, silky fragile yet durable
The design makes me think of you
Very flamboyant yet inspiring.

I kept these gifts for the past years
Eight summers to be exact
Cherishing them like you cared for me
Afraid of losing the scent of you.

You’ve come and go like you always do
Leaving me waiting and craving
Please don’t bring kimonos anymore
Your presence or your heart is enough.

Red bean bun and meat bun you always share
With me when we were young
When we sat at the sidewalks and
Watched the world passed us by
Talking different things under the sun.

Red bean bun and meat bun you lovingly gave
To me when you prepared to leave town
When from seedling you you grew into a tree
Testing your wings to fly like a bird
Wanting to see the whole universe.

Red bean bun and meat bun now you shared
With me when you came back home
When my heart fluttered to welcome you
At the same time crying when you found her
Realizing that you only treat me like a lil sister.

You held my hand when I was two,
Securing me with your love so true.
A world of beauty and heart so pure,
To my silly pains your smile was cure.


Years flew so fast and I was thirteen,
I was young, impulsive and mean.
Hurts and scars were emotional,
Your soothing words made me well.


Now that I am already twenty two,
I'm miles and miles away from you.
I oftentimes think of your embrace,
Every thought is a moment's bliss.


I have my own battles to fight,
You taught me to cling to Christ tight.
When tears fall because of missing you,
I just remember how you held me when I was two.

I am just a nobody who tries to be somebody
But then my efforts are not seen
My struggles are buried in the dessert.
          I could taste the sounds of time in my mouth
          I could pick out the grime and mud between my teeth.

What have become of you? My coach asked
Have I become a better or a worse person?
In these hapless times I couldn’t identify at all.
          I could stretch my hands towards the sun
          And feel the fire exploding on my burnt fingers

You belong in a better place, a friend commented
Oh yes I believe in what she said
But what kind of place will accept me?
          I could finally lie down on top of an iceberg
          And melt with it when the sun shines

          In time I will melt
          And nobody will feel it

So wonderfully and fearfully made…
And through you God’s beauty is displayed.
Only Him and none can make you feel satisfied…
In trying times on His word diligently abide.
Roses are red and waterfalls of tears are blue,
Sometimes life is filled with lies that seemed true,
Everything passes but the Lord will guide you through.

Never ever forsake your family and friends…
Inspire them with your essence until the end.
Kneel when you can’t carry the yoke any longer…
On your knees and folded hands Jesus will take over.
Learn things seriously and take rejection politely…
A** smile on your face every time you hurt terribly.

So wonderfully and fearfully molded don’t forget…
And you are made whole even if life’s not perfect.
Love, faith and joy are your simple treasures…
Take them with you in your every adventure.
In giving your all expect nothing in return,
Nurture the seeds of every blessing earned,
Go and make your heart’s fire brightly burn.

Your friendship is like a kiss of death
It is better in the beginning
But slowly poisoning me with your affection.

And when I cling to you for strength
And when I need your breath in me
You silently draw away and leave me.

Better put a sting on my tongue
And punch me on the face than
Leaving me in silence and confusion.

I know when life abandoned me
When dreams and the future slipped away
When the joy and freedom died

I exactly know the time when fear called
When confusion clouded my eyes
When loath lived in my heart

I know when hope and despair united
When tears fell nightly of shame
When love is just another word

The moment when secrets are revealed
The cure of it is nowhere to be found
When I found out of my chronic illness

I buried him somewhere…
When I go to bed at night,
I checked the closet and he’s not there,
I tried under my bed and he’s not there.

Surely he’s dead for I buried him somewhere,
I am a woman now and not a frantic child,
It’s been a long while since I have not visited his grave,
Pray then, why must he appear now?

I tried hard to move on with life,
I persevered to love and accept myself,
I opened my heart to forgive my own,
My being is as wide as the skies.

I found solace in the plateau of my existence,
Why must he visit now?
Truly, I buried him somewhere,
And I swore he’ll never see me again.

He’s there trying to taunt and torture me,
He’s the one who mocks me,
He scoffs me when I search for happiness,
He laughs when I try beating myself.

Nightmares haunt me even at day,
He was the devil himself,
He, a vile and a disgusting man,
Who touched and fondled me in my innocent years.

He violated my freshness to rotten,
And it took me years to pick up the pieces,
Now that I’m almost whole I couldn’t understand,
Why must he resurrect in my dreams?

I am a woman and I still live,
Yet fear still envelopes my being,
I can never forgive and I will never forget,
But surely, I buried him somewhere…

I am listening to an old cassette tape in the living room
I am all alone... nobody's home.
I want to shout to the world, I want to slap someone, to punch anybody.
My guts are bulging, my nose is flaring.
I could hear my heart beat in my ears.
Lub-dub Lub-dub Lub-dub Lub-dub
My foul mouth is ready to fire a bazooka.
Is this the life I have chosen?
Yes and no, I cannot answer one.
Maybe is my bet.

I want to reach the stars and taste
The flaming fire in my mouth
I want to **** the sun and be done with it.
BOOOOOOM!!
My ****** body is hesitant to do things,
Yet my mind rumbles and grumbles from
The ground to the heavens.
Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrggghhh!!
I am past of my blooming years literally,
Yet here I am so late and blind and coward
To face the changing world.

Yes indeed I am a ******,
And life is slowly ****** me.

Can you smell the scent of passion?
Mine - my pheromones sprinkling tonight
Baptizing you with my ardour and lust.

Let my voice guide you sweetly to your end
Whisper to you the delicious promises
Whiteness and warmth comfort me for tomorrow.

Can you feel the slightest touch?
My feather-like kisses blow your mind
Engulfing you in satins, laces and ribbons!

I have no right to be jealous,
Of you and that perfect woman.
She is definitely yours,
And you are hers of course.

I have no right to be jealous,
If you brushed your fingers through her hair.
You look at her divinely in the eyes,
And mine are misty for my heart cries.

I have no right to be jealous,
If you kiss her ever so softly.
You whisper her words of caress,
I'm locking my soul in self-made fortress.

I have no right to be jealous,
When you speak her name gently.
Drawling each syllable with care,
I wish to have that girl's name to be fair.

I have no right to be jealous,
When you give her the whole universe.
You offer her the most simple "I love you",
I yearn to reply freely "me too".

Where does this loneliness come from?
I have not prepared a feast of welcome.
If I knew it would visit me this time,
I could have saved my best wine.

Where does this emptiness stay?
I have not readied my garlands and leis.
If I knew it would come to see me,
I could have saved my roses and daisies.

Where does this sadness creep?
I have not made any beds to sleep.
If I knew it would give me a call,
I could have saved anything at all.

Don’t you ever see,
What you have done to me?
I always think of you,
Every moment, through and through.

In the beginning of the day as I wake,
I see your face before the morning breaks.
In the evening, after the sun goes down,
I pray for you before to sleep I lay down.

Even though from me you are far away,
I desire that you’re with me from day to day.
Holding and embracing you in my arms I envision,
I know, I know they’re part of my illusions.

It’s hard for me to say “I hate you”,
And deep inside I love you, I really do.
I tried to vanish you from my mind,
But in my heart it’s you I find.

To another man I searched for the love I wanted,
But I guess my wishes are not granted.
For what’s in my heart I cannot deceive,
The feelings especially for you I conceive.

I am one of those women, who admired you so much,
Yielding for your love and for your touch.
I am one of those unfortunates by whom you cannot love,
For I know there’s someone out there you wanted to have.

So, here I am sitting in a corner,
Certified member of the group Wall Flowers.
It’s you I always wanted to watch,
While you are still seeking for your perfect match.

I’m hurt when you never even glanced at me,
But at least looking at you is free.
I don’t mind if the oil price increases,
But I do care if to me you give only your kisses.

I see your eyes sparkle when you speak her name,
And mine are getting misty for your love I cannot even claim.
It’s enough for me that you know who I am,
The truth is, inside me I’m having a spasm.

I don’t know why for you I fell,
Even to myself the reasons I cannot tell.
It just happened one day,
That I felt something for you in a different way.

I admit I’m a great pretender,
And you are a Heart Breaker.
Leaving those women weeping,
Never minding what they are feeling.

It’s hard for me to act as if everything’s normal,
And deep inside me, I’m having a burial.
I am not mourning for the dead love from you,
I’m grieving for the wasted affection I wanted to share with you.

If I continue to cherish you, I know the consequences,
But still I took the risk by taking the game of chances.
Now, the time wheel is still turning,
And WE don’t know what the future may bring.

If dreams can only be true,
Then in my life I can have you.
If dreams can be so real,
Then it’s your love I can feel.

I can see you face to face,
In any time at any place.
I can always be with you,
And prove what I feel for you is true.

You’ll never be a character in a book,
For which I am very hooked.
You’ll never be in my imaginations,
But a part of the real world’s situation.

I can touch your face with my fingertips,
And I can kiss your lovely lips.
I can be a heroine in your life,
And save you from sorrows and strife.

If only you can leap through the books’ pages,
And have life to the end of ages.
If only you live in reality,
Then I am able to erase my fantasies.

I can wait ‘till the ends of time,
Until this poem runs out of rhyme.
I can love you forever,
Like the song The 12th of Never.

But all I can do is dream,
Dream ‘till the fire runs out of gleam.
Until my life here is longer no more,
I am sure you will always be staying in a bookstore.

I know for you this is queer
The words you are going to hear
I’ve never done this before
And I’m askin you not to close the door.

I got to let you know that I love you
Please don’t doubt it, it’s true.
I got to let you know I care,
And for you I’ll always be there.

I wanna give my love to you completely
Begging you to listen to me
I’m hoping to open up your eyes
To let you see my love is not a lie.

You made me weak beyond control
And I had you in my soul
I love you more than life itself
Be my man & I wouldn’t love anyone else.