I just wanna be me
And also feel normal
Can't I have both?

I had three bowls of cereal today
Is that interesting? Is that strange?
What if I told you it was Cheerios
A cereal I intensely hate?
Suddenly I'm in love
Suddenly life is beautiful and so is fate
Even if I am in misery, in the darkness above
This shallow pain, this filter over my youth
It cannot touch the core of my being
The beliefs I stand for, they still hold true
If I could opt out, choose not to exist
I would turn it down with great satisfaction
Hell and hell all over again with pleasure
I feel lucky to be alive
I am lucky I get to taste
Even the ******* cereal...
Thanks, Cheerios
You're actually pretty ******* great

In this ferris wheel
I find my gestation and my birth
In this eternal loop
I take my last breath on this earth
In this complex world
I see the rest of my life unfold
In this life I live now
I visit the others I may have known
In this one moment
Every story can be told and shown
In this fixed space
All of time, all the times, times to be revolve

Sweet melting ice cream
Sunrise beamed in blue and pink
Snowflakes drizzling, a silent scream
Soft pillows for her cheek to sink
Scents filling her nose like a sweet stream
Lying in her same bed
Eyes open but not awake
Senseless to her frozen core
Not sure if it’s all fake
Her reality now a distant dream
Memories of the world she made, erased
The rainbow sprinkled donut that was her life
She couldn’t recognize or taste

A ****** to love, a ****** to lies

How I've felt since you came into my life

Hope we stay as us, pray we never die

In all my twenty years, I've never felt so alive

Who the hell told this girl
That all her problems and concerns
Is all there is of her?

Who the hell convinced her
That stripping all that **** away
Would leave her with nothing to say?

When life is all about fixing whats wrong

Then everything right, good, and strong

Won't stay, pass by, or come along.

Is it as simple as that?
I’m trying the best I can
But maybe that’s not the right stance
Let me be selfless and pay my dues
But if I don’t pray, would it all be a ruse?
I’m trying the best I can
Or maybe I say that more than I actually am
We speak every day- so you know my path
Not even a decade old- I felt your wrath
To love and fear you
Help me balance the two
I promise I will continue trying to do
The best I can
Every moment I'm with you
I feel faithful and true
Grateful and forgiven
But the devil's work on me
Keeps me up at night so livid

Like crinkled paper
Shoved into my eyelids
Asleep and awake
Dysphoric demonic dreaming
My bones unhinging
As my muscles stretch
With sounds of ropes ripping
If I were to tie a noose for my neck
Is that the sound I'd hear when stepping
Gracefully off the deck
Plummeting into a sea of galaxies and hells
Would I watch over the world I once knew?
Until the time comes for me to settle into
Both or one or the other
The burning roots or the flowing leaves
My flesh impaled or allowed to breathe
To drink golden stench or spit fruit seeds
To wish for solitude or company
Be Agonized repeatedly or live ecstatically
In a pit of ebony flames
Or in a bath of light rays
To be punished in hell
or sent to heaven for praise?

I planted a seedling
Thoughtless, unplanned, without a care
Now a magnificent tree
Brightening the dark forest of my memories
Standing tall, pine needles displayed
In rain or shine, winter or blaze
Maybe I’ll plant more friends for her
Or maybe she’ll be set on fire
But I hope after living my life
A colorful forest of trees is what I’ll find.

I'm breaking and can feel my cracks
Expanding and loudening with every snap
Emotional turmoil and feeling delusional
Will I be jumping off the plank soon?
Will I be tempted to pick up metal again?
Will I try to escape from all the pain
With that chilling bright pink and red?
I can't go back down there again
Down the endless pit my mind constructs
Every now and again to put me in my place
I've been so happy, been feeling so full
I've had him for support until he leaves
Then I become an inanimate vessel
For a breaking, shattering mind
My body feels tender and pathetic
I had so many plans for productivity
Excitement for senior year,
Getting my **** together, finally
Tossing and turning
Anxieties are rushing
Shooting pains so numbing
Woke up to find splotches of bloodstains
A whole *** massacre on my bed


It was my ******* period.
No wonder I'm so constipated

Now and then I catch a glimpse

Of a shadow or piece of a thing

Alive but terrifying to reminisce.

Now and then I sense

The presence of some being

Closing in on my ears and neck.

Now and then I feel a tap

On my shoulder or my head from the back.

Surrounded by too many

Always checking

Always wondering

Who's there?

Where did you go?

But to an audience that doesn’t know

I'm alert, though in isolation

and completely alone.

Swimming with stars, a cosmic stream
Saturn’s no longer a distant dream
Titan in one hand, the other waving to Ganymede
Ideas are rushing and fluttering
Like dandelion seeds in the wind, they’re slippering
Melodic strings then crashing drums
A chaotic orchestra, now here they come...
Melting shadowy figures from the dead
Delusions from the collapsed parts of my head

I orchestrate your violent butterflies
Fluttering and morphing into bees with big eyes
"Honey shed your chitin and be mine"
Your guardian angel and savior so divine

The strings of your heart as my violin
My grand concerto hypnotized you to sin
Made me your deity, my boat your place of worship
I welcomed your unholiness aboard my precious ship

Sailed through the clouds and into the stars
Set off on a light-speed expedition to Mars
When we returned to wander the Earth's seas
I found myself a slave to all your pleas

Mistress of this vessel yet so caged and lonely
When did I feed you so much power over me?
She was mine but I didn’t recognize
Tainted and defiled because of my lies

Her body and sails were painted red and blue
To much better suit and satisfy you
Irreverence to your deity, desecration to my shrine
I could only watch while you took all that was mine

A glimpse of land and gardens so close
Sparked a flame of hope in my life of shadows
I sprouted wings and the sun began beaming
Lighting up the rocks where waves were crashing

I raised her sails with one final goal
To free myself and take back my control
With cold confidence, I steadied my helm, directed my bow
Crashed her down like Dawson to Davy in the depths below.

To the lush daisy gardens, I go
The farthest place from you that I know
My freedom was what I chose
Shortly after, your heart froze
My fault for not giving you a clearer sign
But all my displays to you were benign
So, alone I searched for the beams of my mind
But its collapsed architecture was all I could find
Immense guilt because of a simple truth
The sense of our doomed future I ignored in my youth
But life and love are meant to be lived
Freed my sense to be gone with the wind
My annoyance and displeasure would spew
Every waking second and whenever you'd call
Because long before you ever boarded, I knew
That we wouldn't make it anywhere at all