Today the weather mirrored me—
gray thoughts hung low, heavy and wide.
I lay in bed, heard leaves brush secrets,
heard the wind howl what I hide.

I peeked through blinds, saw flooded walks,
rain pouring like it never ends.
A world soaked through in quiet grief,
no rush to break, no need to mend.

I stepped outside—my shoes went dark,
each step a soft and sinking sigh.
My hair, once dried from morning’s rinse,
now clung like truths I brushed aside.

Cold traced fingers down my neck,
the air was sharp, the silence loud.
But somehow, soaked and shivering,
it felt like standing in a crowd.

It hasn’t rained in far too long—
just like I haven’t cried for days.
But now the sky and I agree:
we flood in our own sacred ways.

You don’t know

That I trace

Three words

On your back

In every language that I know

So that it sinks into your skin,

So that your soul knows before your ears ever do

“When I die,
return me to nature.
I don’t want to be in a wooden hug,
that’s as dead as I’ll be.
I want my hands gripping grass,
and my lungs filling with dirt.

Don’t give me flowers,
if they’re not planted
on my last blanket.

One day I’ll die,
until then, I’ll enjoy
every second of being.”

A.V.

And words
are like birds
that keep flying in my thoughts
and far away.

There's a firework inside my head
Pulling me away from tasks
Begging me to rest
Slamming the doors to others

Maybe it's "me time" once again
Just me, and the quiet of being alone

Hearts like mine,
With unspoken words,
Unknown pain,
Unseen tears,
Unheard pleas,
Just dont sit well,
With hearts like yours.

you’ve been there
for me,

when i needed
you the most.

and i know
not all stories
have happy endings—

but i’m not
quite ready
to say goodbye.

your love is
more pure
than any human
could imagine.

so when i looked
into your little eyes,

i promised
to give you
the best years

of your golden life.

we’ve been through
so much,

and truth is,
i still need
you in mine.

so i’ll hold
your paws
close to my heart—

because letting go
is the hardest part.

i’m not ready
to say goodbye.

so please,
stay with me

tonight.

Re-ember.

I remembered,

Warmth, light

In and outside.

Smaller yet bigger

Me

I remembered,

The joy, delight

Looking,

Upside down

Lefter then right

I remembered,

A place so big

With people inside

Caring

for a little sprite.

I remembered

Long ago

Wisdom

Play

It re-embered

The will to go,

And stay.

Sometimes
10 May 20#*


Sometimes your ache for freedom ,
Takes mine.

Sometimes 2 nickels,
Make a dime
,
Sometimes ,nothing makes any  sense.  
I'm sitting on the fence,

Sometimes.......

Sometimes.

if i die young, know i died unhappy and life’s unfair,
if i grow old and die traditionally,
know i died unhappy and life was a misery

i’d tell you a tale
of all of my life’s history
but it would all be derailed and all sound pale
in the words of my mouths contradictory
so i’ll leave you with my frail words for the cemetery;

if i die young, know i died unhappy and life’s unfair,
if i grow old and die traditionally,
know i died unhappy and life was a misery

when i’ll die, i’ll die artistically
candle lights, speaking words lyrically
and if youll ask me if i could go back and do it all again, if i’d make a change,
i’d say in a heartbeat
and if i did, i wouldn’t have to repeat

if i die young, know i died unhappy and life’s unfair,
if i grow old and die traditionally,
know i died unhappy and life was a misery

for i didn’t do it my way,
i did it life’s way
if a decision could have swayed
me in another direction,
i would be happier, in the life of my correction,
that got lost and died with life
while i waited to come back to mine

so if i die young, know i died unhappy and life’s unfair,
if i grow old and die traditionally,
know i died unhappy and life was a misery

and to my life, i miss you
and to my cat-child, i miss you
and to my moms eyes, i miss you
and to my sister-child, i miss you
and to what was once mine, i miss you

Everyone stinks of something
But not all can smell it
Dependant on your olfactory frequency
Is what gives the odour credit


Pitched above or below them
And they inhale in ignorance
But tuned
Right on the money
And they will look at you
Askance.

You and nature get along well,
Blue skies, brown eyes, green thumb.
Have you seen the spirits lately,
Does the river ever ask about me?

Look outside this spring,
See sunlight shine away the winter,
After endless rain,
Dark soil calling new growth.

And if it feels like nature to you as well, lets
Reduce our distance, plant roots again,
Reuse our same old jokes, repeat our favorite dates,
Recycle all this love we have, it can be new and feel the same.

Think about your future, she said
I'm seventeen right now
In five years I'll be twenty-two
My life in five years
Imagine your life in five years
If you continue down this route
She told me it's not a matter of 'if'
It's a matter of 'when'
When it catches up to me
But it won't catch up
I'm seventeen right now
Living my life as I want it to be

You and your romantic ways, your countless list of reasons, your lovely lilac haze
Shadowed only by your fears there's not a universe where I stay.

Battled me.

And all my disarray
The timing and the distance, my thoughts that force resistance.
My lack of patience sure put up a fight, and mix her with my temper and we'll be here all night.
My fear, always ready to run, pulling me back behind the wall I built, away from the warmth of your sun.

For Her
Appearance doesn't matter,
But a kind heart does.
Unwanted attention? No.
A true shoulder to lean on — yes.
Fake concerns don’t move her,
But sincere words always will.

Yes —
She may seem strange to you,
Because you can't decipher her soul.
She’s a rare gem
Amid all the world’s noisy pleasures...
She shines brightest
In the quiet kingdom of her own world.

Pure white for new beginnings
Purple, royalty
Some orchids bloom in the dark

I never want to see her again
I want just one more chance
I can't believe she left me
I need just one last kiss

every time i close my eyes
it’s you that i see
even if I forever close my eyes
it would be worth it for me

I’ve never understood the need to be mercilessly logical.

The need to sit still and listen, to fit into the picture every situation, like a contract you signed off on when you were born.

The first moment, you felt that you were playing by a playbook, and you were loved but then disliked in a flip of a switch.

Molded like a factory product, can’t you see?

Logic is a disease, but the little dreamer was always free.

Tomorrow needs you .
You don’t know what seeds
you will miss out on seeing grow.
You already planted them so,
you
might as well live another day.

See what sprouts pop up in the
warmth of the sun.
Tell me, are you having fun now?

It’s just the way life goes.
So, please stay a few more days.
A few more always leads to
A few more.

What a Lovely face,
lovely eyes,
lovely hair,
and an even lovelier smile

Your beauty astounds me
your kindness so vast,
your memories surround me
I am falling steady and fast

I would be lying if I say
You don't give me butterflies
that I light up when I'm you every day
Light up so bright like fireflies

What a lovely face,
lovely eyes,
lovely hair,
and an even lovelier smile

i feel sick to my stomach
reading words you once wrote
that once belonged to me
my heart is throbbing

The poets dwell
within their Hell
on a Sabbath day
witching hour

Their minds a wreck
Their hands  
of tech
They grind their teeth
in angst

Silence staid
The beds unmade
Searching for who
knows what

Snaps a pencil
It's indefensible
He can't go back
to bed

Quasimodo?
Was he noble ?
Played center for
Notre Dame

Came draft day
He was cast away
Which foot was it
you ask ?

Well the venom's drip
that sank a ship
Manned by mushroom
brained morons

Will be the first
to experience the worst
That trickles down
that piggies leg

"We all live in a yellow submarine"
It's just another "Day in the life"
After all happiness is a
warm warm gun

Through Pain I'm Real (extended)
by E.J. Crowe

I awoke
smothered in a swollen pile of percs and blood.
Dizzy.
Shaking.
Guilt splitting my head like a rusted axe.

I tell myself I’ll be fine.
Carving a life out of empty 40s and pills.
Why do I do it?
To cope?
To make this fragile experience worth it?

We call it fun—
getting depressed,
heart shattered and wrecked.
Looking into the void,
not knowing it stares back.

The siren’s call of Pandora’s box...

Sniff pills.
Drink.
Clear my head.
Get on my skateboard.
Slurred words.
Stumbling.
Sweating.
Crashing.

Only knowing it’s real
when I bottom out—
sprawled in the street,
bleeding and scared.

Only then
do I know this is my reality.
The demons and voices
silenced forcefully
by heavy doses of narcotics
and Newport 100s.

And I can’t help but smile—
my dissociated state
finally grounding me
back to something.

Through pain,
I’m real.

Rolls through the valley
A May storm with itchy *****—
What price bonobos?

Something Special
Grandpa used to bring simple candies.
His knock on the door would spark our excitement.
And why was he so kind, after all?
He taught me chess,
loved to read,
was a Labourist.
I don’t remember much else.
It's sad he left this world too soon.
I think I would’ve learned more about him
if I were older.

Cradled in the arms
of Glenda herself
I could sleep
Sleep like I may never wake
or want to
for the rest is needful
and the dreams devine
I could bathe in the comfort
of clover and poppies
at the foot of Emerald City
waiting to hear the good witch tell me
“Good night sweet prince”

My eyes droop and grasp at the acknowledgment of darkness.
The brain wanders and runs from these memories.
Hands curl and scrape the desperation into the silicone skin
Close your eyes. Let the ability to feel go.
Let it go and feel at peace.

I met a lady
A lady of dreams
I was naive
A little bit green.
I gave her my heart
I gave her my soul
She churned me up
And spat me out
Straight
Into a
begging bowl.
I hatched a plan
I didn’t go well
Im serving twenty
In this prison cell.
Moral of the story
Read the label
On the tin
Before you open it
And find what’s
Within.

I will be posting poetry, excerpts from my novels, and other things :)

https://faelune.substack.com/