THE MEXICAN PRINCE - Daddy, was the dead singer Prince half-Mexican? No, he was all-Mexican. I thought so. Was he a ******? Yes. I knew it! I saw him in a magazine, and it was for midgets only.

MARILYN MONROE'S FINAL WARNING - I have a skateboard that Marilyn Monroe used before she died. It has M.M. scribbled on it in crayon. Also, there's a suicide note taped on the underside that reads: 𝘏𝘪. 𝘐'𝘮 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘭𝘺𝘯 𝘔𝘰𝘯𝘳𝘰𝘦. 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘯𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦. 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘴𝘬𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘣𝘰𝘢𝘳𝘥. 𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘣𝘪𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨. - 𝘚𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘭𝘺𝘯 𝘔𝘰𝘯𝘳𝘰𝘦

Empowered by shaved legs and illogic, Lola Tumbleweed gripped Todd's **** strap with the strength of ten prison screws called "Buck," while her third or fourth cousin Pola Berlinsky watched in horror. "Release him or I'll twist your ******* so hard that you'll see purer visions of Jesus Christ than *****-baiting Jimmy Swaggart ever did!" Pola exclaimed, harshly enough to make a nearby lesbian fall off the toilet.