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498 · Mar 2018
Ghost
Amy Mar 2018
I saw you again tonight
Now a hand is tight around my heart
Beaten,
Are my ribs
Nothing is where my legs used to be

Dancing
My head is dancing
Not to soft soulful tunes
Pounding bass

Electric lights
Too bright for these eyes
Hands as stable as a ripple in a pond
Stones are dropped in my ears
484 · Apr 2018
Nothing
Amy Apr 2018
Call my name
                        Whisper it
Or shout it
Anything
         To hear
Your voice

Chasing you
     Through
The flowers
           And mud
Wishing you’d chase after me
I reached for your hand but it was never there
Until now
468 · Nov 2020
Money Worries
Amy Nov 2020
The pressure cracks my bones
like a lofty barrel
Weighing a top my tormented back.

My rib cage once housed a humming bird
That half dead, plague ridden thing
flew away long ago.
385 · May 2023
You drive me nuts
Amy May 2023
I literally ******* hate you so much
I feel like you’ve seen inside my soul without my permission
You got me hooked and now you’ve let go of the rod
I’m so confused
I want to know what’s going on inside your ******* head
What the hell is going on inside my own?
I’m scared of you
You’re so good in some ways yet so bad in others
I literally want to know every single ******* detail about you
I want to wipe away your memories of any other girl you’ve ever had and fill them up with me instead
364 · Apr 2018
Meditations
Amy Apr 2018
My thoughts are the bark
Of an old tree
At the top you can still find the finest fruit
But first you must climb
the rotten branches
Don’t slip on the damp moss
Be patient
The first bite will be worth it
You may fall
But you will come back for more
361 · Apr 2018
Him
Amy Apr 2018
Him
My heart calls
For someone who’s not there
I swear I can hear it

I want to confess it all
Every wrong I did to you
But where do I begin?

How I hated myself so much
I searched for love in others
That didn’t give it to me

When you were always there
Bursting with sunshine
I was hiding in the shadow
Of my sins
Amy Apr 2018
My soul had a hole
It was a river flowing to Hell
No fish swam here
Only darkness
And Fear
I wished for Death but you came instead

Now what once was heavy
Is filled with feathers
And in the emptiness
Dance the colours of spring
I wished for Death but thank God you came instead
suicide was on my mind tonight. But I prayed to God for help and a softness came over me. So grateful
333 · Apr 2018
The Garden
Amy Apr 2018
The garden

Flowers are growing in the mud of my soul
The aches turned to pleasures
The bruises turned to birds
Path once overgrown
Now pruned
The dust and debris
Swept away
By a lost sweeping brush
Forgotten in the corner
Until you shone your light
And the tools
Were found again
322 · Apr 2018
The Crying Woman
Amy Apr 2018
She has a golden outer shell
Sometimes the inner blackness bubbles to the surface
In the form of
a harsh word
Or a look of annoyance

I thought she was happy
But she’s incased herself in a vale
Of pride and glitter

The cracks begin to show
When winter comes around
320 · Nov 2020
Loops
Amy Nov 2020
Thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking.
Who’d have thought?
My thinking is against me.
It’s pulling at my arms as I try to run.

Stuckstuckstuckstuck
Stuck in the pattern
Emotional quicksand
Dragging me back under
Over and over and over and over and over

I can never escape
  Never escape
The loop

I SCREAMED TO GOD FOR HELP

each time I gasp for air and get dragged back under

I don’t even know if I’m making progress

God give me a sign that I’m making progress
That’s slowly descended into madness
318 · Apr 2018
Glow
Amy Apr 2018
i feel the light shining through
me as though water one day decided
to go through a stone
in one magnificent line
as if the stone had become air
and forgotten it was a stone
277 · Apr 2018
Freedom
Amy Apr 2018
I woke up today
Surrounded by boxes.
Empty they were
Not made of wood
They were made of cardboard
I realised the door was above me
I could see the light peeking through
I wanted to get through the door
Away from the darkness
So I stood on a box
To start climbing towards the door
But the box couldn't hold my weight
It collapsed beneath me
'Oh!' I thought
And I tried another one
But still,
Couldn't hold my weight
I tried and tried
But the boxes kept breaking.
I started to panic
I was stuck in the darkness!
For every box I stood on,
Another would appear
But none would hold me.
I began to weep and weep
I screamed for help
I shut my eyes
Silently crying
When a voice said,
'Turn around'
So I did.
And there was another door
It had been there
All along
276 · Apr 2018
Floating
Amy Apr 2018
We are fishermen
Sharing a net
Instead of catching fish
We catch the world
237 · Mar 2018
White Noise
Amy Mar 2018
I can’t describe
What stirs inside
Is it disgust?
I’m scared of life
Nothing calls me.

My head is melting
Hot wax in my eyes
You’re different now,
A grey sludge surrounds you

To touch you would be
an open mouth of sharpest teeth
Words aren’t forming
Static in my head

My voice box aches with longing
Fingertips itching
Eyes are locked away
Far away calls me.
224 · Apr 2018
Blockage
Amy Apr 2018
Why do I feel
So much pain around them

It’s because they rewind
You to him
202 · Mar 2018
Infinite Trap
Amy Mar 2018
Does this feeling never shake
Am I stuck in the snow

Can I never be nothing
Am I allowed to value the fake

Truly what do I know
What is concealed? What is on show

Is the moment ever lasting
Is this clock still ticking

Am I ever right ?
Does this ever show itself

Stuck in a well
damp, slippery walls

Longing for an ending
Black mist is looming

No support
No fingers to grip
173 · Apr 2018
Mushroom
Amy Apr 2018
You’re gone
You wanted to be free
And now
You are
169 · Nov 2020
Fuzz
Amy Nov 2020
Float me away
On a pile of flying leaches
Dissolve my edges
With acid made of clouds

The stuckness of my heart
Pulls on my veins
Pumping black tar around my bones

The crickets in my ears
Never shut up
Static attacks my cells
Happiness is just a game.
140 · Mar 2018
Absent
Amy Mar 2018
I don’t exist! Ha
If I tell myself that I’ll
feel better, won’t I?
134 · Mar 2018
Unknown
Amy Mar 2018
I choke on my words
I never see the light of day
I don’t want to go away again

The world is open to me
The door is closed
The sun isn’t shining
The moon isn’t there

I drank my nightmares away
The cries are never heard
The songs are never sung
The boy is always awake

Shoes are left untied
Socks are odd
Shirts are in the laundry basket
Sink is full

— The End —