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"scrubbing" poems
I lay in the bathtub soaking wet with water running around my silhouette. Shaking as the washcloth smeared regrets over my skin. The bubbles give my sins a scent. As I vent I leave the shower running so my sobs are the only thing drowning. The constant tapping on my face keeps me awake as I sink into the various stews my mind creates. Weights are lifted with pruning. Peeling of dead skin keeps me from reeling into depression. There is a harmonic progression between the faucet and my face, the scrubbing and my disgrace, the steam and my own embrace. I need this state. The decompression from being bottled up, like a coke, with a smile is worthwhile. It teaches me that the expression of weakness is key in the building of a better Timothy.
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May 13, 2014
May 13, 2014 at 6:48 AM UTC
Intimate Desperation
I wish it would well rain harder I wish that the sky water would be salty like my tears. this way both could slide down my face unidentifiable I wish the thunder was louder just to help save me from my thoughts I love how well simply how I'm walking to the beat, crunching gravel to meet the sound of my favorite song even though it's no longer playing I love that the rain is blurring my vision eventhough I couldn't see anyway I love that with every step I'm taking a shower the rain provides me with good cleansing I'm slowly scrubbing away every remark, laugh, judge, scar and stain and as my jeans, blouse, and shoes get wet, I'm washing away some of this too hidden deep within the seams and yet some people wonder why why does she like the rain well It's not just rain it's a friend that I can talk to and actually leave with a cleansed soul.
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May 11, 2017
May 11, 2017 at 6:01 PM UTC
washing and cleansing my heart (a true story)
Do you want a slice of cake, might keep you going just for now. But as you are not used to eating, you have the hooves we'll keep the cow. The modern world is dying younger, unlike those in the poorer east. Who die through lack of food and water, we're dying because we're obese. In this modern city arena, it seems our portion is the more free health and overwhelming safety but we save that small slice for the poor. The waste is massive, over burdened, tons of food are chucked away. As we stick to our sell by clearance just think for what so many pray. Do we need such a massive slice, even half would fill our needs. The west gets fat the east is wanting scrubbing around for scraps and seeds. So next time when feasting in McDonalds, and washing down with large milkshake. Try and see your own reflexion and you'll see whom eats all the cake. Before you leave that busy food-hall, just have a quick look in the bin and you will see the unholy waste, perhaps you'll also see the sin. The slicing of this planets cake   seems to be divided wrong. So cut it into a fairer slices and send it to where it belongs.
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Nov 13, 2014
Nov 13, 2014 at 2:54 PM UTC
Slice that Cake
Large and wide Deep and Cool Filled with the purest water inside It was our village's hallmark pool.. Stone lined walls on all sides WIth steps going down to the water And stones for washing clothes Which also doubled for scrubbing our feet.. Live with fish and water snakes Who were friends with us kids, Frogs who would sing chorus during the rains and ferns green and bright on the walls. With overhanging trees on the banks We came running and dived into the water somersaulted and torpedoed and swam in all fashions and styles... Swimming and diving from the banks We played "catch me if you can" from the time we are back from schools Till it is dark and when calls come from our homes. With swollen finger tips and red eyes, but After the long swim and bath Having dinner right away and slipping into a good night's sleep... Days where there were no TVs to watch Days where there no homeworks to be done Days where what mattered most were friends Days which take us to the sweet childhood.. Gone is the pride of our village there are no kids who play in the water For there is no water in the pond except for a few months during the rains Kids are no longer kids They have TV to watch Phone and computers to play Virtual friends to play with Lucky we were to have such beautiful childhoods Such memorable friendships Such adventurous rainy seasons ....
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Jul 2, 2015
Jul 2, 2015 at 4:52 AM UTC
The Village Pond...
Is it wrong to want a Disney romance? That may seem a bit silly to say, But really now, Who doesn't want a prince to come sing sweet melodies, "I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream", Like seriously, Inside I be screaming "Marry me!" Unfortunately, my life is not like that, at all, I'm scrubbing floors like Cinderella cept I don't have a fairy godmother to help me off to my ball, I am the little red headed mermaid splashing around, ******* down saltwater, glancing up at Eric, wondering if he'll ever see me, Yep, I'm Belle alright, reading every night, Stuck in her dreams, hoping Gaston will quit bothering me, Gosh! I want my beast already, I want my star to grant my wish, That the spell would break from true loves kiss, But either way I'm still here, living with some dwarves cleaning up after them, Lucky ******** Hold up, that's not a very Disney thing to say. Either way, Disney got it right, We girls just want to be saved, Well I mean, I do, I don't know about the rest of you, Prince Charming can you just give me back my shoe, My heart is your's in return, I promise, Yeah, that's me waiting, wanting, wishing like always
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Oct 15, 2012
Oct 15, 2012 at 1:26 AM UTC
Disney Dreams
first I smell myself. the deep bass tonality of my musk, hot, creamy, sweetness unique, of coffee and creamy, my owned sweat oiled secretions massaged into her skin emplaced by vigorous parts rubbing and tongue caressing, under the fading shadows of my glancing, desirous admirings then I smell herself. sinking sunset glimpses of last nights parfume parfait, scattered in random strategic locations architecturally planned, some flavors come over me like modest waves, others spelunking found in crevices, cracks and caves, where humans tread in guileless search of guiltless pleasure then I smell our sharings. lemon and thyme, paprika, sea salt and pepper, a basted rub laid upon animal skin consuming, and consumed, the vinaigrette balsamic and California yellow raisins, pine nuts, decorating leaves of red soil spinach and spicy arugula, word salads, so miraculously ingenious, you swear off eating flesh then I smell our combinations. the air conditioned atmosphere that blends us properly chilled, the olive oils pressed from two colored differing skins, the mortal and pestle finely grinding our own fresh crumbled dirt, appearing in places where dirt is wet panko crumbs encrusting us, our combined liquidity, shaken and stirred, drying in martini tandem it is 8:17am and this recipe of reciprocity, at its most pungent peaking, for soon raining waterfalls of potable city water and the sophistry of French soap, the pseudoscience of modern chemical shampoo, together erasing, scrubbing away this poems aromatherapy tapestry, your perplexed complexing nostrils will mock you once more, for ever disbelieving, thinking you could no longer write of only love poetry that crested high above the trite Friday, March 29 2019
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Mar 29, 2019
Mar 29, 2019 at 8:40 AM UTC
The Aroma of Us
first I smell myself. the deep bass tonality of my musk, hot, creamy, sweetness unique, of coffee and creamy, my owned sweat oiled secretions massaged into her skin emplaced by vigorous parts rubbing and tongue caressing, under the fading shadows of my glancing, desirous admirings then I smell herself. sinking sunset glimpses of last nights parfume parfait, scattered in random strategic locations architecturally planned, some flavors come over me like modest waves, others spelunking found in crevices, cracks and caves, where humans tread in guileless search of guiltless pleasure then I smell our sharings. lemon and thyme, paprika, sea salt and pepper, a basted rub laid upon animal skin consuming, and consumed, the vinaigrette balsamic and California yellow raisins, pine nuts, decorating leaves of red soil spinach and spicy arugula, word salads, so miraculously ingenious, you swear off eating flesh then I smell our combinations. the air conditioned atmosphere that blends us properly chilled, the olive oils pressed from two colored differing skins, the mortal and pestle finely grinding our own fresh crumbled dirt, appearing in places where dirt is wet panko crumbs encrusting us, our combined liquidity, shaken and stirred, drying in martini tandem it is 8:17am and this recipe of reciprocity, at its most pungent peaking, for soon raining waterfalls of potable city water and the sophistry of French soap, the pseudoscience of modern chemical shampoo, together erasing, scrubbing away this poems aromatherapy tapestry, your perplexed complexing nostrils will mock you once more, for ever disbelieving, thinking you could no longer write of only love poetry that crested high above the trite Friday, March 29 2019
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34
Stop scrubbing so hard, your skin isn't going to get much lighter. And all those skin-bleaching creams? I suggest you throw them away. They are of no use to you. Your skin is as dark as the moonless sky, but that doesn't change the fact that your smile is as bright as the sun. You are beautiful, but you don't seem to realize it. I see the boys with skin as pale as milk and eyes as blue as your Mama's favourite teacup. I see how they whisper to each other and chuckle as you walk by. I see how they follow you home and tug at your rough hair, setting free a flood of slurs. I've seen you sink to the ground, bury your face in your hands and weep. You try to hang around the girls with light skin, but they look at you oddly and tell you to return to where you came from. The weeping continues. You go home and tell your Mama about the mean kids at school, but she kisses her teeth and tells you that she doesn't have time for your nonsense, maybe you should stick around your own kind. Precious girl, walk into your bathroom and stand before your mirror. What do you see? Find one detail about yourself that you love, no matter how long it takes. You want nothing more than to be loved, but how can somebody else love you if you don't even love yourself? Embrace your darkness, and be at peace with yourself. Darling, your skin is black gold, and one day, somebody will dig deep enough to discover it.
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Jun 24, 2013
Jun 24, 2013 at 10:54 AM UTC
For The Girl With A Dark Complexion
They say we leave fingerprints on the lives we touch. I have been scrubbing at my skin for the past eight months trying to erase yours, but now matter how hard I scrub, I can still feel you as if you were still here.
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May 19, 2015
May 19, 2015 at 3:06 PM UTC
Fingerprints
Submissiveness:        give into man. silence yourself. his word is final. rush to his beck and call when he is angered. we are wrong. man is dominant, and woman is soft. if man is the bone, we are the gushy cartilage cushioning his fall. body dominated and composed of bone, but we are the organs that keep the body functioning. forever being transplanted, while our men are broken. submit. Purity:        save yourself for man. wait for him with all your white so you are not tainted. innocence upheld. it is all for him, only him. wait for him to take it all, whenever he desires. be pure. Domesticity:         the home calls our name. it is our calling. our knees bound to scrubbing, hands tied to kneading because our family needs us. we are to be the slaves of our homes just as we were to the white man. permanency of pressing collars that are not our own. domestic labor. Piety:         we come from the rib of adam. without the presence of man we, ourselves would not exist. for this reason, we worship. we worship to reiterate our purity, to maintain our sanity when others challenge our virtues of womanhood. the lord is our shepherd. we uphold our lord. besides our husbands, he is all that we shall want. womanhood.
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Apr 27, 2014
Apr 27, 2014 at 12:08 PM UTC
womanhood
There are different kinds All the same All different Different sizes and colors They make up parts of life Soap bubbles Cleaning, scrubbing Washing dirt, grit And all the bad Away Reflecting you Your surroundings In different colors Different views Word bubbles Floating up from the heart Trying to escape Only a few make it The rest Broken inside Choking you Restricting you Making you regret Not opening your mouth To let them out The best kind of bubbles Bubbles of laughter Bubbles of joy Bouncing out of your mouth Tickling you until you let them out The fun bubbles That make that joy Drawing the wand Blowing the joy Into the bubbles Until they are ready To go And spread joy of their own Bubbles reflect Joy and sadness The two polar opposites That compliment each other Completely You cannot have one Without the other Sometimes the bubbles of joy Will pop Explode in your face But you can take out your wand And start all over again
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Apr 26, 2016
Apr 26, 2016 at 8:33 PM UTC
Bubbles
Every shower is another failed attempt to Wash off my sins. Scrubbing my body raw Until I can no longer feel the hands Of every man I meant nothing to. But those hands were gentle and Can't even be compared to the fake I love yous burning between my thighs. *I'm a ***** ***** that can't be cleaned*
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May 9, 2014
May 9, 2014 at 8:30 PM UTC
There's no soap for that
I remember marble that wanted heels, clip-clop echo of women who belonged. I wore slip-ons with socks, easier for those of us who come to scrub other people’s lives. The elevator was a box of mirrors, infinite versions of me- I bent my head to escape them. His office door ajar, his voice stretched thin across a phone. The girlfriend cooks, spicy food, _place a ******** he said. I had seen much worse- houses where mold clung to the ceiling, where grief leaked through the wallpaper. The vacuum hummed its G-note spiritual. I worked the nozzle into the skirting boards, let my mind braid song and ritual, a drop of lavender for closets, labels straightened like soldiers on parade. No one asked for these offerings- I gave them anyway. But he winked at me while telling her _love you, babe,_ mouth syrupy with lies. A twenty left on the hall table- a tip that branded my palm. Later, the bin bag tore, Madras red bleeding into cream carpet, pears bruised soft in their sweating wrap. The stain spread like a hand that gripped too long, that would not release. I cursed the ceiling, the word **** echoing like prayer. was only twenty, scrubbing strangers’ luxury to keep myself alive. That day I left more than lavender- a fragment of myself, pressed into the carpet, silent as the stain.
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Sep 4, 2025
Sep 4, 2025 at 10:00 PM UTC
Lucretia’s Reflection
My Grandmother's Hands My Grandmother's hands told many tales Of scrubbing steps and broken nails Hand-washing clothes in enamel sink Red football socks turned white towels pink When not baking cakes at the old gas stove Rag-rugs with old scraps of material she wove Pantry shelves filled with powdered egg Homemade rice pudding sprinkled with nutmeg Sea-coal burning on an open coal fire Bread on a toasting fork burning like a pyre Grandma plumping up pillows from beneath granda’s head Applying ointment to sores caused by being confined to bed Hours spent at auctions bidding with her hand Buying an incomplete bed wasn't what she planned Back home in time for tea, crumpets and homemade strawberry jam, I can still recall the smell of it, bubbling in the pan Switching tv channels with a flick of her wrist That’s how we did it back then, when remotes did not exist Working hard all of her life, meeting everyone's demands Every line and wrinkle told a story On my Grandmother's hands
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Jan 27, 2017
Jan 27, 2017 at 11:09 AM UTC
My Grandmother's Hands
Why Men Like to Load the Dishwasher We are the artists of shape and configuration, puzzle masters solving riddles of physics, worshipers at the altar of labor saving devices, this is a love poem of sorts, a Bazinga salutation, to men and their undying love for **** machines. were it in my power all cups would be handle-less, the dishwasher time-space continuum would be non-interrupted by black holes where handles pointlessly protrude, requiring endless rearrangement, a soul destroying exercise. bowls of any sort should have bottoms that retract. indeed, the capacity increase, a visible fact, is so enviro-friendly, eminently sensible, that the loading for mechanical scrubbing is deserved of a wing in the Smithsonian. perhaps the budgeteers of Congress should be tutored in this artistry, how to make any limited resource, better used. the rub, as the bard would have writ, is that this roaring tempest-tost, our love for hard labor lost, secret sacrificed behind a locked door, of a Sanctum ******** is entirely due, all glory to, the secret society of fairies who hide-reside inside, freeing us to write more poetry. in so many ways that I cannot reveal, less the other gender members squeal, men live to love to load the dishwasher, for the ingenuity challenge, and of course, the side benefit of the excusing coverup, "I helped clean up," a relationship saver, proof positively that the dishwasher inventor, was surely a brilliant woman
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May 25, 2013
May 25, 2013 at 8:26 AM UTC
Why Men Like to Load the Dishwasher (You Didn't Know?)
I stood over the sink Scrubbing our negroni glasses Wishing the ginger-scented soap Would wash away the cancer Because the chemo didn’t work I was wearing eyeliner When I first met you We’d laugh about that later Over a bottle of wine And patatas bravas We always had our weekends Movie dates and inside jokes We would guffaw at the Fuckery of it all My god your laugh How it filled a room I remember when you said “I love you, Christopher… because you just GET ME” You expressed appreciation For how I carved out time For our friendship I reminded you, “I don’t carve out time for you, I shove everything away while screaming ‘I NEED MY HEIDI TIME!’” ********* I need my Heidi time For years you were The most consistent thing in my life Always there for one another We were each other’s touchstones I realize this now more than ever During my weekends spent alone Wine tastes different now Something’s missing Going to the movies feels strange It’s like the hero has Left the frame Remember when I smoked cigarettes? You’d *** a drag as we crept Through early evening traffic On our way to get gelato Or if we were feeling sassy Maybe an affogato I switched to vaping When you went into hospice Then back to menthols When your spirit left this world I’m addicted to our memories More than the nicotine They bang around my head Like a song or a scent Nostalgic And Lingering You tattooed “CEDENDO VINCES” On your wrists “By yielding, you will win” My finger traced those words While I held your hand Last breaths But what are deaths? Transitions Energy Shifting A spark Returning / / / Those letters live On my wrists now A reminder of her The sister I never had And sometimes I still hear her laugh
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Sep 25, 2022
Sep 25, 2022 at 3:47 PM UTC
cedendo vinces
I stood over the sink Scrubbing our negroni glasses Wishing the ginger-scented soap Would wash away the cancer Because the chemo didn’t work I was wearing eyeliner When I first met you We’d laugh about that later Over a bottle of wine And patatas bravas We always had our weekends Movie dates and inside jokes We would guffaw at the Fuckery of it all My god your laugh How it filled a room I remember when you said “I love you, Christopher… because you just GET ME” You expressed appreciation For how I carved out time For our friendship I reminded you, “I don’t carve out time for you, I shove everything away while screaming ‘I NEED MY HEIDI TIME!’” ********* I need my Heidi time For years you were The most consistent thing in my life Always there for one another We were each other’s touchstones I realize this now more than ever During my weekends spent alone Wine tastes different now Something’s missing Going to the movies feels strange It’s like the hero has Left the frame Remember when I smoked cigarettes? You’d *** a drag as we crept Through early evening traffic On our way to get gelato Or if we were feeling sassy Maybe an affogato I switched to vaping When you went into hospice Then back to menthols When your spirit left this world I’m addicted to our memories More than the nicotine They bang around my head Like a song or a scent Nostalgic And Lingering You tattooed “CEDENDO VINCES” On your wrists “By yielding, you will win” My finger traced those words While I held your hand Last breaths But what are deaths? Transitions Energy Shifting A spark Returning / / / Those letters live On my wrists now A reminder of her The sister I never had And sometimes I still hear her laugh
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76
If only you’d done the washing up I wouldn’t be slamming plates into the sink Half sobbing Half seething Stubbornly burning my hands on water that’s too hot Angrily scrubbing at three day old tomato sauce And bits of chips and jumbo sausage that have welded themselves to the plate If only you’d done the washing up We could have *** later But we can’t now Because I’ll be too tired and bitter after doing the washing up Again Do you think I like washing up? Don’t you think I’d rather be sitting on the sofa Watching crap on the telly Safe in the knowledge that the sink is empty The plughole is clean And the worktops are sparkling I bet Beyonce doesn’t have to do the washing up I bet she has a dishwasher If only you’d done the washing up You wouldn’t need to call me childish For getting worked up over something as silly as the washing up And I wouldn’t be standing here wondering If you’ll ever really get it “It’s only the washing up” you say Exactly So just ****** well do it next time ********
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Dec 9, 2012
Dec 9, 2012 at 11:58 AM UTC
If only you'd done the washing up
She sits by darkened hearth No warmth now issues forth Her tattered clothes look more like rags than a dress But still she carries on Even when hope is gone For a princess is a princess nonetheless If dancing at the ball Or scrubbing floor and wall In scullery or in carriage for a ride Hanging linen out to dry Or set on throne most high None of that can ever change what is inside For it’s not silken gown Not scepter, sword, or crown Nor poise to rule court with great ability Look closer and you’ll find A heart that’s good and kind Are the signs of grace and true nobility Of palaces she dreams White horses matched in teams With jewels agleam and in its place each tress Though life may be unjust She is regal in the dust For a princess is a princess nonetheless
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Jul 19, 2022
Jul 19, 2022 at 10:26 PM UTC
Overlooked
I sat on the dentist’s chair With an aching tooth, feeling hell The dentist seemed quite pleased As he opened my mouth and surveyed ‘There are holes to be filled And the plaque to be removed It needs a few sittings At the end, you’ll have a set of fine teeth’! His gentle assurance was so comforting And I thought my jaws no more have to suffer The pangs and torments of an aching tooth! He then, in a narrow syringe Injected something into my gum I knew a numbness creeping in Until at last I felt a hard rock within Now, like an expert work man He began his rigorous craft Loud machines began to boom The chair got flattened From 'verticality' I got changed into 'horizontality' And the overhead apparatus came down Like an eagle swooping down on its prey. With blaring lights blinding my vision, I lay torpid as if my body was strapped The doctor took out his steel and hammer And started tapping and chipping Drilling and boring Though numb, I could still feel the pull and tug The crooked forceps and pliers Made all the nerves in my head irk My mouth was filled with saliva And I felt a sprout of blood inside He stuffed some gauze and resumed his work I wanted to yell, ask him to stop But being gagged, I couldn’t utter a word My pupils dilated My lips quivered My tongue got parched I gasped for breath With a mix of cement and sand (?) He began filling and plastering Scrubbing and polishing Helplessly lying on the dentist’s chair, I wondered What whips and stings one has to endure To end the pain and give the teeth a shine!
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Jul 24, 2016
Jul 24, 2016 at 7:53 AM UTC
On a Dentist's Chair
I sat on the dentist’s chair With an aching tooth, feeling hell The dentist seemed quite pleased As he opened my mouth and surveyed ‘There are holes to be filled And the plaque to be removed It needs a few sittings At the end, you’ll have a set of fine teeth’! His gentle assurance was so comforting And I thought my jaws no more have to suffer The pangs and torments of an aching tooth! He then, in a narrow syringe Injected something into my gum I knew a numbness creeping in Until at last I felt a hard rock within Now, like an expert work man He began his rigorous craft Loud machines began to boom The chair got flattened From 'verticality' I got changed into 'horizontality' And the overhead apparatus came down Like an eagle swooping down on its prey. With blaring lights blinding my vision, I lay torpid as if my body was strapped The doctor took out his steel and hammer And started tapping and chipping Drilling and boring Though numb, I could still feel the pull and tug The crooked forceps and pliers Made all the nerves in my head irk My mouth was filled with saliva And I felt a sprout of blood inside He stuffed some gauze and resumed his work I wanted to yell, ask him to stop But being gagged, I couldn’t utter a word My pupils dilated My lips quivered My tongue got parched I gasped for breath With a mix of cement and sand (?) He began filling and plastering Scrubbing and polishing Helplessly lying on the dentist’s chair, I wondered What whips and stings one has to endure To end the pain and give the teeth a shine!
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47
Of ***** roasting pans and racks and island fog! *if you love me, then you know poems wright themselves when standing, driving, bus riding, ********** and especially when doing manly battle, ******* ***** dishwashing midst island fog a passing remark goes noticed and summoned to a Friday night feast, roasted fowl, wild rice with golden raisins and mushrooms, English spring peas, was it a Montrachet? for dessert the washing up is obligation mine, a traditional desertion, separation of church and state, her cooking a church  in which I worship, she states eloquently: “Unto Caesaria , Render Her the cleanup” this is hand to hand combat, no dishwasher mechanical can scrub like the human hand, and with body english, water hot, but no gloves employed for this is ***** man’s work, not for sissies, cleaning roasting pans and roasting racks that are at least twenty years burnt and crusted with a blackened finish, residue of other lovers and dinners P.N. (pre-nat) array three kinds of sponges and some human & metallic ***** no one asking which came first, the scrubbing away of life feasting residues, or the poem writing that comes with pre & postscript sleepiness when I say the dark stains and the grease buildup are flavor enhancers, am beknighted with starry stares of “how stupid do you think I am?” and sadly return to the Battle of Agincourt, the one the American lost….* but they do source poems that flavor life 2020
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Jul 17, 2021
Jul 17, 2021 at 11:54 AM UTC
of ***** roasting pans and racks and island fog
They said her tongue is too big for a pretty little mouth like that They wanted to cut it as if it will give me more freedom Change my mind Liberate my sleep Then they said tape your mouth shut Rip it from your lips then remember that sting every morning when you wake Build up that grainy residue So that no amount of scrubbing away will change anything That raspy, hazy din of voice– It’s not mine anymore when you let it invade your comfort Whose grating is it then when I bend and it works Your move then it just doesn’t? I’ll rest in my autumn warmth wait for the drowning of winter then after I will warn you of Spring
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Nov 17, 2020
Nov 17, 2020 at 3:18 AM UTC
Loud Silences
Unicorn Moments It was Maundy Thursday, an afternoon so lazy the words of the passion could sink hardly for my eyes were on the beading tray the unfinished bracelet was now awry off and on, i kept stringing the garnet rounds and pearls kept falling no more tiny brass rings to string in between i had to think of other ways...something also had to wash away the gray feeling. Searched inside my bedroom drawers and found silver flower spacers! i gloried at the thought of finishing two bracelets three, more, maybe even an anklet! Three, four hours had passed, i was so exhausted i had already showered the whole bathroom was spotless, smelling of ^Pandan leaves^ and flowers, i was so delighted! Outside the bathroom door, i stopped spotted the shiny silver spacers! on the bed, i almost dropped the silence was too loud, i couldn't stand the spacers' glare, nothing to say, nothing to offer... just a stare... "No! no way! i'm fine, i'm okay!" was that my voice that gave me away? moment of truth could never be held at bay... I held the cable wire to start beading but body and mind were one...refusing my fingers were limp...a bit trembling tired, from too much scrubbing. My finger traces the head of my unicorn figurine God knows, i have loved this magical creature ever since but, i'm not sure i even like these new visitors, these unicorn moments, they don't come often, yet, they're bound to happen. oh, well....i guess i have to be a bit bolder accept these changes that come with growing older... when this happens, i try to joke and laugh, and then people say......."you're tough!" i answer them with a smile...and a gruff! Sally Copyright April 2015 Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan
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May 14, 2015
May 14, 2015 at 7:02 AM UTC
UNICORN MOMENTS
Unicorn Moments It was Maundy Thursday, an afternoon so lazy the words of the passion could sink hardly for my eyes were on the beading tray the unfinished bracelet was now awry off and on, i kept stringing the garnet rounds and pearls kept falling no more tiny brass rings to string in between i had to think of other ways...something also had to wash away the gray feeling. Searched inside my bedroom drawers and found silver flower spacers! i gloried at the thought of finishing two bracelets three, more, maybe even an anklet! Three, four hours had passed, i was so exhausted i had already showered the whole bathroom was spotless, smelling of ^Pandan leaves^ and flowers, i was so delighted! Outside the bathroom door, i stopped spotted the shiny silver spacers! on the bed, i almost dropped the silence was too loud, i couldn't stand the spacers' glare, nothing to say, nothing to offer... just a stare... "No! no way! i'm fine, i'm okay!" was that my voice that gave me away? moment of truth could never be held at bay... I held the cable wire to start beading but body and mind were one...refusing my fingers were limp...a bit trembling tired, from too much scrubbing. My finger traces the head of my unicorn figurine God knows, i have loved this magical creature ever since but, i'm not sure i even like these new visitors, these unicorn moments, they don't come often, yet, they're bound to happen. oh, well....i guess i have to be a bit bolder accept these changes that come with growing older... when this happens, i try to joke and laugh, and then people say......."you're tough!" i answer them with a smile...and a gruff! Sally Copyright April 2015 Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan
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45
captain's log, #1   2/26/16, 4:06 a.m. my heart is growing, but has turned into an anchor. i guess a bigger heart means a heavier one, too. i remember what lightning bolts feel like. the elephant's feet are back.  captain's log, #2 3/3/16, 5:05 a.m. i think i know why night is the enemy. without light, there's no colour. i look out my window now, i can see a sun peeking over the horizon, and i know that the world does not spin for me. so why doesn't my brain work the same? i don't remember how or when this infinite night crept up, but i feel like someone took the saturation bar behind my eyes and slid it all the way left. i miss outlook. i miss the sun.  captain's log, #3  3/3/16, 9:52 p.m. your bones get so weary and cold that all you're able to do is sit in the shower with the hot water all the way up, and it makes you feel less disgusting for a bit but we all know that letting water run over your body doesn't clean it, or your mind, of this filth. the greatest romantic couldn't make what you did to me sound remotely beautiful. many nights i have stood desperately scrubbing and washing my skin until it's raw but your touch still lingers. captain's log, #4  3/5/16, 3:14 a.m. there are too many things in this world that i crave. i long for a different body, a different place, a different me. the rational parts of my brain know that this is what i've had, what i have, what i will always have and that i should just make the most of it, but depression creeps from somewhere dark, far below where my feet stand, and moves its way up my spine like a fiery slug. i am now realizing that the devil on my shoulder never left, only lied dormant.  captain's log, #5 3/7/16, 2:10 a.m. been driving too fast with my eyes closed. been smoking again. been forgetting to eat. been thinking a lot about the fine line between, "i want to die," and, "i don't want to live."
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Apr 5, 2016
Apr 5, 2016 at 5:32 PM UTC
the quiet things no one speaks of
captain's log, #1   2/26/16, 4:06 a.m. my heart is growing, but has turned into an anchor. i guess a bigger heart means a heavier one, too. i remember what lightning bolts feel like. the elephant's feet are back.  captain's log, #2 3/3/16, 5:05 a.m. i think i know why night is the enemy. without light, there's no colour. i look out my window now, i can see a sun peeking over the horizon, and i know that the world does not spin for me. so why doesn't my brain work the same? i don't remember how or when this infinite night crept up, but i feel like someone took the saturation bar behind my eyes and slid it all the way left. i miss outlook. i miss the sun.  captain's log, #3  3/3/16, 9:52 p.m. your bones get so weary and cold that all you're able to do is sit in the shower with the hot water all the way up, and it makes you feel less disgusting for a bit but we all know that letting water run over your body doesn't clean it, or your mind, of this filth. the greatest romantic couldn't make what you did to me sound remotely beautiful. many nights i have stood desperately scrubbing and washing my skin until it's raw but your touch still lingers. captain's log, #4  3/5/16, 3:14 a.m. there are too many things in this world that i crave. i long for a different body, a different place, a different me. the rational parts of my brain know that this is what i've had, what i have, what i will always have and that i should just make the most of it, but depression creeps from somewhere dark, far below where my feet stand, and moves its way up my spine like a fiery slug. i am now realizing that the devil on my shoulder never left, only lied dormant.  captain's log, #5 3/7/16, 2:10 a.m. been driving too fast with my eyes closed. been smoking again. been forgetting to eat. been thinking a lot about the fine line between, "i want to die," and, "i don't want to live."
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There's a place for those like you and me, kid--staring through this window pane, at odds for hours. Conversations even out these nights 'til a year's passed. A smile of glass that dies too fast ain't all we're sharing; just the loudest thing we're sharing, staring through this silent frame. There's a place for those like you and me--where we can go when seasons roll                around our guts                and come back up in boiling years.           That place is here, in this square frame, with our smile of glass that breaks            too fast when dice cast cry out snake eyes;           ours are blue, and some are brown. But she looks pretty                          happy                            now. So it's back into this mirror frame for debates had through window panes and scrubbing hard with scalding water           rinsing off our name.
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Aug 18, 2015
Aug 18, 2015 at 6:52 PM UTC
Frames
My only comfort as my tears fall with the water Is the fact that I'm scrubbing away his hands, His touch, His lips, His skin. Washcloth against skin, Red erupts from my pores, But I don't care because I need to get his scent off of me. Just a whiff, and I gag, My tears congealing in my throat. Why me? What did I do? His hands were so soft, But so strong, and I could not escape. Washcloth against skin, I don't even know where to begin, For he stripped me down to the very bone And lay my soul and body naked. His fault? Yes. My fault? They'll think so. Red flows down my legs because of Washcloth against skin. I drown myself in cherry blossom body wash, The off brand kind. My last thought before I stop the water is "But I'm not even pretty."
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May 28, 2019
May 28, 2019 at 9:28 AM UTC
Shower
I remember it well As if it were yesterday We geared up and set sail And embarked upon unfamiliar waves It was I captaining the vessel With One-eyed Sven my quarter master He could cut throats and roll pretzels His weapon of choice was his bow caster This wasn't a mission of plundering That alone left the crew in a state of wondering No, we weren't looking for buried treasure But for sheep skin seat covers and Scandinavian leather My first mate Mr. Obanion said to me "Captain are we off course?" Then my boatswain , Wiley asked sheepishly "Aren't we going for *** and ****** I looked them in the eye at the same time "Gentlemen, this ship is headed to Dublin" "We're going to see a good friend of mine" "Now get back to your swabbing and scrubbing" This was an order of business not some sort of cruise I'm sailing with a ship of one track minded fools We didn't set out on a vacation of leisure Were on the hunt for sheep skin seat covers and Scandinavian leather I did not mean to keep them in the dark But they would think less of me I needed these things For the women I married You see we'd been on the rocks And I know she wanted these items So I went over the sea with a fine tooth comb Until I had finally found them My men had sailed endlessly for months They were worn down and ragged Waterlogged and exhausted While I always came up empty handed But I had to save my marriage Salvage my relationship I knew it would work If I gave my love these gifts We reached the golden, calling shore Of the beautiful Dublin From the River Liffey and headed north My friend Seamus let me come in I came out shaking his hand I was satisfied with my purchase Until I was questioned by my men What it was we came for in our searches I had to show them, I was under scrutiny I pulled out two stagecoach seat covers and a pair of pants They were enraged and called mutiny They blindfolded me and bound my hands Now I'm marooned on some unmapped island And I see my ship riding that horizon This will sadden my wife, oh how it will upset her She will never receive her sheep skin seat covers or her Scandinavian leather
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Jun 10, 2014
Jun 10, 2014 at 12:14 PM UTC
The Plight of Captain Faroe or (Sheepskin Seat Covers and Scandinavian Leather)
I remember it well As if it were yesterday We geared up and set sail And embarked upon unfamiliar waves It was I captaining the vessel With One-eyed Sven my quarter master He could cut throats and roll pretzels His weapon of choice was his bow caster This wasn't a mission of plundering That alone left the crew in a state of wondering No, we weren't looking for buried treasure But for sheep skin seat covers and Scandinavian leather My first mate Mr. Obanion said to me "Captain are we off course?" Then my boatswain , Wiley asked sheepishly "Aren't we going for *** and ****** I looked them in the eye at the same time "Gentlemen, this ship is headed to Dublin" "We're going to see a good friend of mine" "Now get back to your swabbing and scrubbing" This was an order of business not some sort of cruise I'm sailing with a ship of one track minded fools We didn't set out on a vacation of leisure Were on the hunt for sheep skin seat covers and Scandinavian leather I did not mean to keep them in the dark But they would think less of me I needed these things For the women I married You see we'd been on the rocks And I know she wanted these items So I went over the sea with a fine tooth comb Until I had finally found them My men had sailed endlessly for months They were worn down and ragged Waterlogged and exhausted While I always came up empty handed But I had to save my marriage Salvage my relationship I knew it would work If I gave my love these gifts We reached the golden, calling shore Of the beautiful Dublin From the River Liffey and headed north My friend Seamus let me come in I came out shaking his hand I was satisfied with my purchase Until I was questioned by my men What it was we came for in our searches I had to show them, I was under scrutiny I pulled out two stagecoach seat covers and a pair of pants They were enraged and called mutiny They blindfolded me and bound my hands Now I'm marooned on some unmapped island And I see my ship riding that horizon This will sadden my wife, oh how it will upset her She will never receive her sheep skin seat covers or her Scandinavian leather
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