you made your choice

i can't. i can't do this anymore. i deserve so much more than this, more than you. you are selfish, and you are using me and i hate that it took me this long to see it. i am sick of feeling empty when i am with you, and desolate when i am without you. you are not the one who will complete me. my love for you is unreal, i would do anything for you, and i cannot live like that anymore. i am tired of compromising my happiness for you, of changing who i am to fit you. loving you is like being caught in the ocean's undertow, getting pulled farther and farther out. i am lost in you. when you first touched me, i bloomed like a flower in the spring, but now every time you touch me i wilt, a part of me dies. so don't. don't do that. don't tell me that you love me, don't tell me that i am perfect, don't whisper your hurried compliments in my ear. i need you out of my head, out of my dreams, out of my heart. watching you destroy yourself is destroying me too and i can't allow you to drag me down into the pit of your despair. your mistakes are not mine, not anymore. so tell me that you hate me. tell me that you never loved me, that i meant nothing to you. break my heart over and over. set me free.

you're only hurting yourself,
putting in all this effort,
for people who don't give a **** about you

you would comb the earth
a thousand times over
searching for a pin
if they asked.

they wouldn't even bend over
to pick up a pencil for you,
let alone risk cutting themselves
trying to mend your shattered glass heart.

i regret compromising myself for you

a tab, a hit, a smoke,
lets roll, lets drink, lets ****.

my pupils shrink, and then dilate
another line confirms my fate

such pure, unprecedented ecstasy
takes all my pain away from me

a tab, a hit, a pill,
a smoke, a dab, a thrill.

no judgement, fear, regret,
as we make another bet,

i can take another dab
if you can take another tab.

too much, its done, too late
the addict has found her mate.

you appear in my dreams
raw, uncut, emotional
everything as it should be.

but the sun must rise eventually,
bringing with it, the end of fantasy
abrupt, sudden, final.

i know it will come again tonight
another heartbreak in the morning
every night, always,
*you