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Samantha Nguyen Jul 2018
sometimes things that are so amazing, so wonderful…
can confuse me.
the emotions fog up the window
          (my brain is clouded with thoughts)
when the fog clears, there are beautiful
blue butterflies flying around
          (um...how’d they get there.).
that’s what confuses me.
could those be the same butterflies
from my stomach that
          makes me nervous around you.
or are they a pigment of my imaginations,
feelings that aren’t true and made up.
(a soft warning of pain to come)
(an assurance of how beautiful i really am)
(a demon ready to devour me)
what is it.
i name this little blue—
confusion.
she’s beautiful but quiet.
maybe i need her company.
eventually the truth will hit her
instead of hitting the window
          (my brain is a pane of glass).
you can leave this dungeon, papillon.
fly! fly away with your gratefulness!
be free!
          (my imagination runs wild
          like these butterflies)
freedom awaits.
~
May 2023
HP Poet: Edmund Black
Age: 39 (almost)
Country: USA

Question 1: Welcome to the HP Spotlight, Edmund. Tell us about your background?

Edmund Black: "My real name is Merlin Edmund (Black) cause I believe in magic and besides, it matches my cool ;). I was born in Port Aux Prince, Haiti. I moved to the United States when I was 11 years old and I’ve been living in New Jersey ever since. Seems like here on Hello poetry I’m stuck on 34, like I'm frozen in time alongside error 502, but I’ll be 39 years young this year on May 6. But please don’t tell anyone ;) lol."


Question 2: How long have you been writing poetry, and for how long have you been a member of Hello Poetry?

Edmund Black: "I wrote my first poem (ever) here on HP called Caribbean love, back in 2018, and I have been a member since. I wrote that poem after I returned from a missionary trip back home in Haiti, after I witnessed so much poverty on such a small island. And I wanted to write about all the suffering, the poverty and the beauty. At first I was afraid, I was scared because I didn’t know how people would take to me. But there was a piece of me that wanted to come out, wanted to be free, and to learn, to help others find their own Joy, gratefulness, peace and humility? I started writing to encourage myself and many others. The truth forever remains that we're all brothers and sisters. I wanted to sprinkle some love and hope around the world, seasoned with a little bit of madness."


Question 3: What inspires you? (In other words, how does poetry happen for you).

Edmund Black: "I guess every writer is inspired by different things, for me I get inspired by all the little things I experience on a daily basis. I get inspired by hatred, poverty, love, music, nature, grief, etc. I get inspired when I'm desperately searching for a life in a happier world. When I feel the desire to remind myself and others that we're all the same. Everybody has a little bit of the sun and moon in them. Darks and lights in them. Part earth and sea, wind and fire. We have a universe within ourselves. We all can shine in the midst of dark moments and we have got to remember that, no matter the weight."


Question 4: What does poetry mean to you?

Edmund Black: "Have you ever met someone that makes you happy and smile, just from being around them? They make you feel good just from their laughter. They make you feel like all the problems or negativity that you may be facing during your daily activities, means nothing. They make you realize that it’s okay to make mistakes and still find ways to make things better. This might sound insane, but that’s poetry to me. It's healing, it's cathartic, it brings out strength from within. Trust me, you can write about anything and still come out with a win. Poetry is an avenue that lets you be free while holding the memory of the world in the palm of its hands."


Question 5: Who are your favorite poets?

Edmund Black: "I think my answer is going to shock you, Carlo. I DO NOT HAVE A FAVORITE WRITER OR POET besides you guys here on HP. But If I had to pick one famous poet, if it’s a must it would have to be Jesus Christ. He was a brilliant poet who had his work of art on every mind and heart in the world. His expression, His poems, His delivery and the depth of His thoughts. The poems are so relatable and beautiful. His words are addictive. Every time I am a little bit depressed and in need of a lift upon high, He is the first and only one that always comes to mind. He’s my inspiration…… Without question."


Question 6: What other interests do you have?

Edmund Black: "I love spending time in nature with my family; creating art in the backyard whenever I get a chance. Weight lifting and bicycling are two of my favorite hobbies, and plus I'm a foodie so I'm very passionate about my cooking ;) especially fresh seafood, hmmm so so so good. And lastly, I have a great enjoyment in fixing old houses and turning them into a home for families to enjoy for years to come, for a small fee ;) to me it’s a form of art. It’s a busy lifestyle."


Carlo C. Gomez: “Thank you so much for allowing me to interview you, Edmund! I really enjoyed getting to know you better!”

Edmund Black: "Thank you so much Carlo and to everyone who has ever shown me love, support, encouragement, forgiveness, concern...at any point in my life. Your grace, compassion, and mercy does not go unnoticed. I love you all. Be gentle with each other my dear poet brothers and sisters. To all writers and poets, don’t boo yourself off the stage before anyone has a chance to see you shine. Keep dreaming and your visions alive because without us the world would be empty, sad and without a sound. Let’s create joy for hope and hope for humanity……I am all gratitude Carlo and family, thank you 🙏🏽"




Thank you everyone here at HP for taking the time to read this. We hope you enjoyed getting to know Edmund a little bit better. I know I did. – Carlo C. Gomez (aka Mr. Timetable)

We will post Spotlight #4 in June!
~
Derartu, Haile, Tirunesh
Kenenisa, Meseret, and all
With a similar footfall!

Displaying a superb
Long-distance athletic feat
When many superstars
Awe inspiringly you beat
And as a result of it
When your sought-for
Fought-for
And nation- prayed-for
Dream proves a hit
And also with kudos
A stadium full of people opt
You to greet
And when spectators
Accord you a high five
It is for your country's  flag
You  immediately dive!
Also on the podium
while Ethiopia's row-wise
Green,Yellow and Red
Emblazoned flag,
Shoulder high,
Soars above
You express
Your  umbilical cord-tight
National love
With tears that
Trickle down each of
Your cheek,quick.

Is it because
Reminiscent of
Each living hero
With a life sacrifice
That brought colonial
Aggression to zero?

Is it because
The bounty of the land
You grew up
Seeing first hand?

Is it because
The cherished corner
You cut in the heart of
The poor but prideful
Ethiopian neighbour?

Is it because
The unity in diversity
That showcases
Ethiopia's identity
Or citizens hospitality?

Is it because
At heart strings a tug
Or ,among others
Gratefulness to
Your iron-strong lung
When you hear
Ethiopian anthem sung?

Is it because a secret another
Deep down you harbour?

Is it because the Fertility
Hope and Sovereignty ideals
The flag advance,
Also Ethiopia's being
A beacon of independence
What is more
The nation's renaissance
Which in a curtain of mist
Before your eyes dance?
A poem I prepared this time in connection  with the celebration of the flag day,Ethiopia
Clarissa Clark Dec 2010
Dedicated to my mentor, Dr. Douglas Graham.

In a young girl's heart
there is happiness
and carelessness;
and as I hurled my little body
through the fields of tall grasses
there was timelessness
and freedom.

But,
as the days and nights
passed me by,
I began to learn of past and future.
I was taught
to prepare for the future
every moment of my waking hour.
I was taught
that with future
comes a past,
that since others
hold onto my past words and actions,
I should too.

As each day and night
continued to pass on by,
I began to learn of pain
and how to attach and identify myself
with that suffering.
The hurt grew stronger
as I witnessed
words of destruction being spewed
from the angry lips of people;
as I witnessed
the crime and actions of those mortals,
who simply needed love,
yet were justified as “bad people”;
as I witnessed
my own mother and father
express violence and hate
to each other
and themselves.

As the light of day and darkness of night
continued on,
I began to learn of entrapment and authority.
My animated nature
was condemned by adults and peers alike.
I experienced my soul diminishing
as those in authority
attempted to control my inherent curiosity.

And as those days and nights
continued to pass me by,
there was no change
in the substance of my youthful education.
I eventually retained, engrained, and acted upon
the new collective understanding.
The knowledge of society
that I was trying to figure out;
the concepts and beliefs
about the life of others
and the society of humans
that was forced upon
my subconscious mind.
Yet each idea I was unwillingly imbued
grasped no true meaning within
and lacked a sense of righteousness.

In a young lady's heart
there grew torment and fear.
And as I started to forget
those timeless days
spent under the sun and blue skies,
disconnection and sorrow developed.
My head began spinning
within the cycle of madness
that encircled my surrounding society.
A fear change
was controlling my life path,
yet the situations and people in my presence
began to transform.
There was a new understanding to be learned
but at the time of my somber confusion,
I was unaware of this fear-infusing change
being for the better.

As the suns and moons rose and set,
my breath was being suppressed
beneath the heavy burdens
I was taught to carry.
I began to find temporary refuge
in the ruinous activities
of attempting to find happiness and freedom
in untruthful relationships,
late night destructions,
and seemingly innocent masks.
I was afraid of change;
afraid of a change
that I had no control over.

But as the suns and moons
continued to rise and set,
I began to dread and have pity on my life.
I realized I was searching for the light
in my self-created cloud of darkness,
so I started to accept the reality
that ongoing evolution in oneself
as a way of life.

So as the sunlight and moonlight
shone their passing luminescence,
thus began the opening
of my eyes
and heart.
I came across a familiar,
but forgotten,
way of life
that stood out to me
for the first time.
My dreams longed
for change in the world,
but I was unable to pinpoint
the areas that needed transformation.
I remembered meeting a man
living a strange kind of life,
and I thought I should meet with him
once more.

As the days and nights
walked on by,
I learned with enthusiasm
for the first time.
I grew content with letting go
of the attachment to the past;
letting go
of my fear of change;
letting go of the collective understanding
I couldn't make sense of.
My father introduced this man to me
who opened doors in my brightening life
that I didn't know existed until then.
This man
spoke without contradiction
and focused on who I was
as a living being.

And I conceived,
as the days and nights
continued on,
that this man
shared a vision
with the minority of others
and I;
a vision
of recreating the paradise on earth;
a vision
of unity,
well-being,
and peace
among every living creature;
a vision,
I came to realize,
that I can help expand and grow
if I started the change within myself.

In a young woman's heart,
there is happiness
and carelessness.
And as I run through
the familiar fields of tall grasses,
there is timelessness
and freedom.

Because of two men,
early on in my life,
I have taken on
a different kind of path.
I now seek happiness and love
through my connection with nature
and personal congruencies.
I have liberated myself
from my past life
and have embraced who I am
right now.
And I have forgiven those mortals
who are involved in the collective dictation,
acting upon anger and hate,
because their heads and hearts
are painfully swirling
with the insanity of society.

Because of these two men,
these simple human beings
who guided me to the open doors
in my life,
my existence is dedicated
to our powerful
and profound vision;
I am dedicated
to helping those suffering lives,
lost in their clouds of darkness,
to the everlasting light of paradise.
To help them realize
that they don't have to keep living a life
void of such a resplendent reality.

Thank you,
for helping find my own light
and allowing the freedom
to radiate that glory
and let it brighten my life
as well as the life of others.

We,
as a whole in our minority,
have created a ripple of truth
that will expand to the mass consciousness
and transform every aspect
of life on this planet
to our vision of an absolute
peaceful,
loving,
brilliant,
unified,
thriving,
compassi­onate,
vibrant,
growing
and everlasting
heaven on earth.
ali russo Dec 2011
birthdays are funny
people gather
and give you presents
just to celebrate another year of your being.
and it's strange to think
that people actually care enough
to write you cards
give you scarves
or other handmade things
just because it signifies another year of life.
but i love my friends.
and i love the people who surround me
and i couldn't say how i got so lucky
to have them all in my life.
Canaan Massie Nov 2012
I see through that deathly daze of yours.
I see the opportunity,
The regret, the heartache, the gratefulness.

You told me that you weren't sure,
If you are happy you get another chance,
Or sorrow-filled because it isn't over.

Those words broke my heart.
So I left this whitewashed room,
Of demonic devices,
And went to my car.

I wasn't sure what I was doing,
So I sparked this cigarette,
Put it to my lips,
And let everything go.

I looked crazy, I could tell.
Punching my steering wheel,
Crying like you were in a meeting,
With the coroner.

I opened my glove box,
Saw my antidote,
And swallowed.

I dried my sorrows,
Picked up my hope,
Locked my insanity in my car,
And slapped this smile back upon my face.

I couldn't let you see me like this.
I couldn't let you see how upset I am,
Not with you, but with your decision.
You have enough on your mind.

I return back to Hope's deathbed,
Give her a smile to assure her I am fine,
And crawl into the bed next to her.

Back to reality, I sink.
Only to be stolen from sobriety.
It's easier this way.
I feel nothing.
I'm numb.

Numb as usual.
But this time, body matches soul.
And not another tear shall be shed,
For the worst is over...

And for us all,
Recovery commences.
Kitt Dec 2018
gratefulness is the gold fillings
in your cracked porcelain skin
recognition of your brokenness--
not the brokenness itself--
is the beauty in imperfection.

white ripples across your surface become
golden seams. the tectonic design is
a topographical map of scars and stitches;
the adherence of
traits that don't otherwise connect.

"you are beautiful," he tells you as
he kisses each mark softly,
his lips tracing a winding path through
your gardens.

it is not his words that make it so
but they settle just the same
reminding you that it’s not the cracks
that make you glitter
but the gold with which you fill them—
forgiveness
grace
and love.
sarah Mar 2018
the sky is a mellow orange and
my heart is fuller than it’s ever been  
an overwhelming sense of gratefulness
washes over me like the waves onto the sand
looking over at you i realize that in this moment
i have everything i’ve ever wanted
everything i’ve ever worked for
i am finally content with who and where i am
life is still messy but it’s perfect
it’s authentic and it’s beautiful
and there’s nothing else i need but
to sit here with you listening to soft songs
and soaking up the smell of the trees
mixed with the ocean breeze
D Conors Jan 2011
Though down many long, sometimes crowded,
mostly lonely roads
of life in seasons spent, in the dreams
and memories, bittersweet in plans and schemes,
you, of one, and of some of a few,
touched my life
forever,
and you still now do,
with your hand outstretched,
I take it and in gratefulness,
thank you for your friendship,
and graciousness,
and though the road still before me lies,
it's not so lonesome with
you by my side.
__
Inspiring image:
http://beautyineverything.com/5357912558
For Helena Jones from
16-01-11
Latiaaa Feb 2015
There was a boy, blue drowned eyes with the horse hair rooted from the top then drooped in the face.
Hair so itchy and greasy,
It caused acne.
He was thin, sideways toothpick and collarbone shown.
Isn't his fault he doesn't like the taste of sour dough bread and tap water.
People at school abuse him.
They don't understand why he wears the mustard stained turtleneck every Tuesday,
There's no washing machine.
Socks are worn through every winter,
They start to soak and mildew.
His toes freeze up.
He clutches his stomach and bites his lip,
If anyone heard the grumble they'll wonder.
There are no games at his house, no swing, no back porch.
No carpet to rub on, no Christmas.
Instead,
He wears his flannel pajama pants that flood to the knee.
His mama and pop love him so much,
They squeeze into a home with one room.
The boy gets the room.
The boy's heart is as big as it'll ever get.
His compassion for dance,
His compassion for learning.
He may not have a penny in his holy pockets,
Or a brush for his knotted hair,
But with the support from moma and pop,
The boy can have sky blue eyes that don't drown.
1.
I'm sorry for your Pain
Surely it has made your scared
And surely not all of it is fair
But know it's only in your mind
And it makes you one of our kind
I'm sorry for your Pain

I'm sorry for your Allergies
or any other problems
Disease is unjust as this life
And those that aren't undone
Can take life as quick as it comes
Or faster, it some cases
I only hope that my disease
That unto yours, erases
I'm sorry for your Allergies

I'm sorry for your Inequality
If I had one and you had two
I'd walk right up and say thank you
If you had two and I had one
It would not be, I would just run
But, Oh! I lament that it is so
For I have all, and I do know
People in our world fight to live
People in our world fail to live
Simple differences account for some
Tell me how you have come undone
Into a world in which our fear
Makes people want to not be here
I love you more, but that's not now
I cannot express, infinitely how
I'm sorry for your Inequality

I'm sorry for the Night
If ever it is dark outside
And you feel under pressure
Believe that darkness is alright
Believe that there is love in the absence of the light
You cannot see, but I love it
Darkness is who I am
Darkness is why we have some light
Darkness is what I am
And you are light, well, it is so
Always in my own eyes
Without darkness, if only light
There would be no surprise
I'm sorry for the Night

I'm sorry for your Misconceptions
Gradual pain lacking detection
Though you can't feel it, it isn't right
Behold what keeps me up at night
Money, fear, and imitation
All electronic stimulation
It's all vanity for let me say
It shouldn't really be that way
Arrows point you along the lines
To blind you from what you can find
I won't change you, you're independent
I'm sorry for your Misconception

I'm sorry for your Orders
I'm sorry since they make
You do for others, but listen now
It's surely a mistake
Collaboration makes us whole
Orders tear us apart
Doing for them will make your life
Begin to fail to start
Only do for others if they would do for you!
And if you do for others, do it also for you
For those who blindly follow feel so found, but are so lost
And acting for others all your life has an infinite cost
I'm sorry for your Orders

I'm sorry for your Violence
It's not right for us to fight
To use anger to express spite
People who hit surely don't know
What you would say, though it is so
I've heard you say it's not deserved
I've seen you ignore what you've heard
When you are hurt is my worst fear
I hope in your heart, I am near
For this message will take you through
And make a free person of you
I'm sorry for your Violence

I'm sorry for your Ego
Now, I'm glad you have some pride
We are all the same and you will know
This, if you look inside
There's no reason to feel as though
You're above or below
We are all made of dust of stars
And if you look, it shows
However, if you stand above
And you do so not out of love
I suspect that you may not see
That I am you, and you are me
I hope we come together so
We can all love and hear,
If we compromise our egos,
We shall be free of fear
I'm sorry for your Ego

I'm sorry for your Sadness
Though it does have a function
It may halt you from progressing
At an emotion junction
Oh, how I feel! How I struggle
To see you being sad
But I move on, for I do know
This sadness should be had
Sadness can never be deserved!
And at times, it's not right
But as sadness is like the dark,
Our love can be the light
So when you fall remember this,
From the bottom of the cup
As love fills up your spirit now
The water goes right up!
In this moment, please have no fear
Please fight to carry on
The sadness will be what saves you
Unless you're already gone
I'm sorry for your Sadness

Though I want you to have no pain,
Sorry, it isn't right
You now have oh, so much to gain
For let me shed some light:

2.
I'm not sorry for your Understanding
For since you clearly see
You understand our culture, here,
and you understand me
Oh, how I fight! Oh, how I seek!
I live to understand
Understanding does bring
And as it enhances my mind
It does a greater thing
It gives me my most sacred power
Which is to empathize with you
It makes it so I know what's false
And what I love, that is what's true
Understanding is all I need
To make this life complete
I look at you and understand
What it's like to walk in your feet
And what a majestic time it is!
To see someone and know
That all I've done and all they've done
Have led us here, to where we go
To meet and see each other's love
And burn each other's fear
When you help me understand you
Is truly only when I hear
I'm not sorry for your Understanding

I'm not sorry for your Sorrow
Even if regret can harm
Regret can consume your entire life
Or compromise your charm
Yet here, know this! You open up
When you apologize
And if you knew what it really was
It would be a surprise
Your sorrow is so humble
Your sorrow shapes your life
So long as sorrow teaches you
And please, without a knife
The function is for you to learn
To correct a bad fate
And now, all you need to do
Is not repeat mistakes
And please be free! For beyond that
Sorrow is but a waste
Take what the sorrow teaches you
And then, before it's too late,
Forget the pain, and do move on
It can be hard, I know
But once you love with what you've learned
The efforts of your sorrow show
I'm not sorry for your Sorrow

3.
Laterally and downward
Crazily like a pup
This is only what you expect
But it is only up

Like a madman scribbling
Or a child bored in class
Pain drags us along for a crazy ride
As if we have no mass

But listen here! Because I love
I can tell you why
Your pain just makes you beautiful!
Your pain just makes me cry

All of my new found perceptions
Enhance my life tenfold
But what you hear is born of pain!
I'm so warmed by the cold

And judge me not, but understand
I love the pained, the hurt
I love them more for their presence
Is such a wonderful work

I will plainly continue and say that your pain makes you beautiful. When I speak to my brothers and sisters who are mentally challenged, homosexual, or any other type of minority, I feel so loved and lucky to be in their presence because I know they had to fight harder to get to a point that they could look into my eyes and smile through their adversity. Pain has brought me gratitude!! Because since my pain made me isolated, so much as an acknowledgement makes me feel so loved. Pain has brought me perception!! Because I see the same gratefulness in others and it makes me understand that we all love those who share our pain. And along those lines, most importantly, pain brings us together. You should embrace your pain and wear in on your shoulder since you fought through it, you earned it, and by sharing it with others, we find what we truly have in common. Every person who shares their pain let's the struggling brothers and sisters know they are not alone! Pain is darkness, but by letting people know their pain is not abstract, we shed light unto their pain and we all love each other better and more productively.

I lost control, but just know this
Beauty is only pain
And from sharing the pain you have
Such love you have to gain!
It's another one where the letters, PAIN MOVES US, spell out sections 1 and 2, then I just had to go on a tangent since I love how much pain is beauty in my life and I hope you can love people through pain like I do because it is one of the best parts of my life
Andrew Rueter Nov 2019
A butterfly hangs from a tree
inside its formative cocoon
a cold front blankets the ecosystem
bringing predatory desperation.
A spider escaping certain death
crawls in the cocoon to survive.

Silk womb Christ-like chrysalis
the spider is an honorary pupa
finding safety with another species.
The time of snow angels passes
frozen doors thaw revealing freedom.

The butterfly an involuntary good Samaritan
nightmares of treachery tinge its antenna
fears of graceful charity being repaid by the ungrateful imperial
shake the inside of the inside of the inside.
Moment of truth, of reckoning
will the arachnid drifter show gratitude
or will nature conquer itself?
In order for flight to emerge
we hopefully rely on the benign gratefulness of the venomous.
Twinkle Sep 2014
Things aren't going right again today
I wish I could close my eyes and pretend
That's everything would be fine soon

But then again, I need to tackle this mess
It threatens to over power me and gain
Do you know that creepy feeling, like all is lost?
Like you can feel dejected and simply sigh!
Or scream your agony out!

Some how that should help,
make things controllable
But it doesn't do a dime!

So I pause and gather my thoughts,
Penning my frustration,
at odds that fly in my path
Some how I attract the worst
I feel like that all the time

Then I close my eyes and think!
No there is worse!
I am not there!
With the worst
I am here with the blest.

I have roof over my head
Clothes to wear
A job that pays
Food on the table and
loved ones to care.

This mess is the selfishness pouring
Out of hearts that have forgotten gratefulness
In its place grows restlessness
To seek and infect and thrive on sadness
Till it devours and make its conquest.

Oh Lord, my frustration is overpowering
If you don't do something soon I'll trip
That's not what I'd want cause I'll feel like a wreck
So I turn my gaze to you and reflect
Ask myself, what did you learn today
Did you get buried in your problems
Or did you look up and pray.

You see, the GREAT TEACHER, is watching
Life's little lessons he sends our way
Chapters on human psychology
Management of Time and Stress
His methods are tough
Not meant for the weak
Only the strong, can pass His test.

He never mean't it to be easy
Cause your are just not anybody
But His special treasure
Which He would like to gather
Richer and purer, after a struggle that's worthy
Of His Kingdom so glorious.
Which I await with a sadness, the longer I tarry!

With this experience firmly noted in my life's book
I shall mark it with gladness, for when again history repeats itself
I shall remember to read this lessons with gratefulness
The GIFT of words He gave, so that I can share.
When again frustration raises it ugly head
Armed with HIS words I'll fight my best.
Often enough life's situations threaten to overpower us and make us loose control. This poem started as a way to pen my frustration, but turned into a lesson that I learnt.  WE CAN NEVER CONTROL ANYTHING. So let go and don't given in.
Steve Page Dec 2019
Kindness is not nice.

Nice is soft and inoffensive.
Nice is easy and effects no change, it's cotton wool - not stuffed tight, but just resting on the surface ready to be blown away or trodden into a muddy disinterest. Nice is a damp whisper, a mouse cowering in the corner, taking up as little space as possible, lest it be noticed, lest it presume too much and cause a whisker of offence.

Kindness isn't like that -

Kindness pushes in, claws out, quick and heavy, uninvited, unexpected, taking pleasure in disturbance, in leaving nothing unsaid and little undone in its pursuit of creating a disruption of difference. Kindness counts everyone a target, anybody a likely candidate for a three act matinee and evening performance of loud Kindness. Surprise is its currency, smiles its language, common humankindness its passport to lands yet to be explored, to vast red territories with drumbeats of gratefulness for the opportunity to march in with regiments of compassion and to leave a signature devastation of brutal Kindness.

Kindness is not 'nice'.
Kindness is loving awe-ful.
I'm grateful for the fierce kindness I've received from friends.  
Be kind. No matter what it takes.
Titus 3:4
4 But when the goodness and loving-kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us....
Lucanna Nov 2012
I should be ecstatic
I should be breathtaking the second I walk
into the room with you
I should be full of effortless perfection and captivating laughter
I should hold you like the rare gem you are
polishing you, weightless by your worth
I should weep with sweet gratefulness over our stunning photos
and memory keepsake moments
I should be a beauty queen rolemodel
exhibiting class and coordination and intelligence
I should be ravishing in your love,
a kaleidescope of pinks and yellows and magic
I should be bathing in the taste of your devoted kiss
and sunning under your Carribean embrace
I should be a blonde hair blue eyed American dream

Instead of a
Miserable maniac that can't even write a        *******          poem.
Instead of a terrible daydreamer,
bored by the periods at the end of your sentences.      .       .
Instead of a tarnished transient seeking foolish adventure
Craving endless oceans, cliche flight humor, and saving
animals I didn't even know existed to begin with
Instead of a jaded view from every set of empty eyes
Instead of an indulgent *******
that wants more than this terribly wonderful life
that you've offered me.

I really should.
frustrations with the self...an outlet vs. actual poetry
ln Jan 2017
i still am trying to hold back my tears as i write this down. i thought about on my way home and debated with myself for a good 3 hours and decided that i have to write this, if not for people, for myself.

i visited the ward as a visitor today. it felt weird to be on the other side of the door. it felt weird to be on the other side of the glass, and it felt weird to look into the eyes of someone i once knew.

it hurt that as soon as i walked through the open doors, i hear the screams of a man speaking in a language i did not understand. it hurt to watch him being pinned down by 2 men almost twice his size. it hurt to watch his mental pain being temporarily stopped with physical pain.

it hurt as we started talking. it took almost every ounce of courage inside of me to hold my tears back, because i knew that me crying would dampen his spirits and affect his recovery. and i knew exactly what that feels like.

it hurt to sit back and watch him explain his illness in terms i knew far too well. it hurt to hear him say " stay here, you would understand this more than anybody else. " it hurt that i understood. it hurt that for that brief moment, i didn't want to understand. i didn't want to be in there. my legs were shaking but i listened anyway.

it hurt to hear him explain how the electricity worked and hurt his jaws. it hurt to tell him to be strong, because i knew how much it would take out of him to just try. it hurt that he cracked up jokes in the middle of our conversations, i didn't feel like laughing at all.

it hurt to watch so many people suffering from illnesses they never asked for, it hurt to watch so many of you suffering from the pain you don't deserve. it hurt to just sit there and not be able to do anything about it. it hurt.

but it hurt because it wasn't my place to feel hurt, it was yours. it was your place to scream and shout. it was your place to cry and break down into a million pieces.

but it hurt because you couldn't, because in your head you are fine. in your head, you're at work. in your head, none of this ever happened. in your head, 20 cops didn't restrain you. in your head, this is a perfect world.



but it didn't hurt because i knew deep in my heart that no matter what, the way i feel about you will never change. the strong, courageous, brave, joyful, kind, happy man that i grew up knowing will always have a place in my heart. no amount of ect's and antidepressants will take that away.

*so thank you, for opening my eyes to all the pain in the world.  thank you, for making me understand that there is greater suffering in the world. thank you, for teaching me the value of gratefulness. thank you, for educating me, even if it was through your suffering.
Sin
Lord, with what care hast Thou begirt us round!
Parents first season us; then schoolmasters
Deliver us to laws;—they send us bound
To rules of reason, holy messengers,
Pulpits and Sundays, sorrow ******* sin,
Afflictions sorted, anguish of all sizes,
Fine nets and stratagems to catch us in,
Bibles laid open, millions of surprises,
Blessings beforehand, ties of gratefulness,
The sound of glory ringing in our ears;
Without, our shame; within, our consciences;
Angels and grace, eternal hopes and fears:
Yet all these fences and their whole array
One cunning *****-sin blows quite away.
Richard.
Part of my life.
Part of my soul.
Part of my breath.
His blood is mine, just as mine is his.
And in his veins flows my love, as how his
streams tranquilly through mine.
Thou art th' light of my life, fire of my *****.
My sin, my soul. My beauty, my pride,
my ever inadequate, eternal redemption.
And th' light t'at streameth from thy eyes
is even bluer than mysterious harvest skies.
Ah, Richard, thou beareth away all my worries;
thou slaughtereth away my dire mistakes
and breathless past sorries.
Oh, Richard, thou art my boy,
and which boy in t'is world
does not want to spring about-
and into th' pair of open arms
t'at are ready to welcome thee?
Every laughter of thee is my parody,
but tears of thee are my misery;
Thou art forever my grateful sunlight,
and in thy innocent young heart
t'ere is neither fear, nor grief, nor fright;
Thou put myself at ease at day
and give me my courteous dreams at night,
thou art more than pure gold can pay;
and even what truth canst judge as right.

Richard, my precious young Richard
Soon as I captured thy words,
I was trapped in thy epic worlds;
I fell in love with th' invisible thee,
ah, and at t'at time, not my fleshy thee;
but thy fruitful, lively words so keen
in front of me, on my deep blue screen.
Richard, thou deafened my heart and soul
And as dusk send days grim and cold
It was on thy words I happened to hold;
I thought about thee whenever I ate
Hoping t'at thou wouldst somehow be my fate.
I thought about thee again as I went to bed,
and in my dreams, thou wouldst remain
to smile and make my both cheeks red.
When thou once refused to appear
I was filled with gray dread and fear;
For hours I'd refuse to eat
My heart could not wait for us to meet!
Ah, Richard, th' bluest skies are in thy eyes,
and even t'ere as thou greet sunrise.
Even 'til now, t'ey are still t'ere,
as thou promised thou wouldst not go anywhere
But to stay for endless years ahead with me,
in th' name of love's gratefulness, and mercy.
Oh, Richard, if only th' heavens could see,
as t'at day I jumped about and kissed thee,
t'ey would arrogantly curse and spurn our lips,
for uttering a young love t'at was just too deep;
t'eir holiness wouldst be burnt by jealousy;
t'eir little hearts wouldst become poor, for envy.

But, Richard, to me thou art th' heavens themselves;
tell me again, th' stories of old egoistic elves,
t'at once went to steal ripe fruits in God's garden.
Ah, and whenst thou told me of which,
I hated th' young girl all of a sudden,
for I wanted to be as pretty and rich
and thee th' prince t'at I danced with.
And how t'ose staring eyes canst be so ripe-
as we glanceth about us, at resting hours
With disdain and darkness, though by daylight
But at times t'ey can shamelessly asketh for our favours
I detest t'em for which, and t'eir howling false scrutiny
Overwhelming pride, but in all joyless ignominy
T'ey know not t'ey are indeed in misery;
for to t'em misery is gladness,
and gladness is glee-
But indeed, thou art t'em not, my love!
Thou, who art as sunny as delight,
and as charming as bliss.
Thou, as always, art my blessings-
my salvation lies in thy heart;
and thy gentle sweet kiss.

Ah, Richard, and t'is poem I dedicate to thee
My very own lover and beloved,
my dearest and best friend.
Thou art worth all th' happiness in my story;
thou art my perfect hero and loving man.
And all th' prayers I had sent upwards
Wert answered just right afterwards;
And it is in thee, my love, where th' answer lies;
Thou wert my Lord's most hearty present and surprise,
My future love is fated in thine;
as how thy very own one, in mine.

Richard, we are as immersed in each other's breath,
just as our vow shall stay together until death;
Thou art th' best my soul dreamed of;
th' only one worthy of my love.
And in t'is life, thou art th' promise,
A fate I should taste, a joy I shan't miss.
Oh, Richard, whatever you do,
all is simply too genuine and true,
I hath found my love with eyes so blue;
and as I pray, I know it's you.

Fierce bushes amongst snowcapped trees
Look at how glad t'ose honeybees!
With honey sweet and voices so fair,
flow about t'ey merrily in pairs.

Just like our quickening pace of breath;
filled with desires t'at we prayed for.
Sweat t'at comes in small buds and wreaths;
breathing t'at grows heavier and sore.

Passion is all we shall have felt,
so is wholeness we once thought of.
Thy charm as immortal as death,
thy spell as eternal as love.
Hal Loyd Denton Jun 2013
Little effects that quickly infuse the problematic and they can do great work and what’s better
We will start this journey on a night beach in the Mediterranean we sit alone a roaring bon fire
Ignites the immediate and the far reaching the mind also is ablaze the darkness sits as a stretch
Of measurable consciousness comfortable broodiness with a touch of spell binding running
Through it the lips have spoken wonder into this place then you board a ship bound for ancient
Troy you are below deck surrounded by the richest wood paneling the room you are mixing
Feelings with the timbers and the sweet tortuous sounds as the ship ploughs through the
Turbulent waters you go top side standing by the rigging in the gathering darkness the sails
Are full the wind howls ever so gently as the ship slips through the waters life as well has waters
You stand in this present world the real of earth and sky but with power of thought instantly
You flex mental powers your sum total is told in all the waves of yesterday that break as sweet
Tremors that contain smiles that hold endearments that are without price a parents hug long
Lost to deaths foreboding reality springs anew and it holds as much feeling if not more because
Of separation and the tears and pain that are raw and immediate the unbreakable bond that
Has to be experienced through that fleeting emboldened treasure of nuance you hold your
Hands over objects that are prized in themselves they can be ordinary but by memory they are
Addressed in true terms of their sacred effect on you its automatic when you take the hand of a
Child innocence courses into your soul you have collided with your own self in those tender
Days of longing for a world that was absent of harshness and magic was real you accessed life
Truly with features that were real intuitively they were the whole of storybook treasures or by
Advancing years the wife of youth is found by tender recall she frets and speaks of negative
Aspects of herself she doesn’t know love never ever looks in that way his eyes are filled with
That sweet and beautiful girl she is ageless and without having to create it as truth she only
Improves with age everything about her is softer she is more giving wiser and as she finds her
True self it commands more mature pure love and the years are viewed through the mist in his
Eyes caused by gratefulness and thankfulness that he was so blessed to be given such a one as a
Life’s mate from the fragile nuance life can and is transformed bitter turned sweet you
Customize and make life fitting and beholding nightmares will hold no tangible fears when you
Interject the lovely and the possibilities that live in the extraordinary circumference that can be
Found in the simple but profound realness of nuance I started this piece by giving the idea of
Nuance the richness of place and value and wonder that is discovery although loss tries to
Prevail the mind can slip at times the little space just this delightful shadow bewitching as shade
From a tree within this balance a flow a glow burst as the powerful beam found in silver moon
Light the opposite of contentious day here the powerless is visited by the distinctive caring rest
That is able to soften unravel the toughest knots you find the bestowing wisdom that leads to
Victory and peaceful rest where intimidation is thus confounded and you twist free abiding in
Love that always watches and delivers when facing stone walls that are the makings of a
Prison the light of nuance appears and provides the way of escape proceed the glorious garden
of freedom awaits
Stu Harley Jun 2013
No, heart, no brains and no courage
Friends, Romans, Countrymen lend me your hears
Allow me to introduce the Queen of Truth
Your majesty, you are the fairness of them all
Such an honor to be your Lord Chancellor
Thus, I beckon your call
Your highness and sweet gratefulness
I take great pleasure
In serving you, my lady
Indeed, I am at you services,
Day or night, and
Your wish is by command, and
I wish you longevity
In the hand that only asks, wants and takes
There is little room for gifts
So I expect none.

In the mind filled overflowing with self,
Pleasure and the moment
There isn’t space for gratefulness
So I won’t look for any.

In the heart that sees itself abused in the midst of cosseting
There is no quarter for love returned
So I’ll not hope for that.  
              
In the soul that locks itself away, a willing alien,
There is no inclination to give
So I go empty-hearted.
                
Fourteen was a very difficult year for mother daughter relations
Heather Mar 2013
The rarest silence is the most precious

Pure stillness of your body
Quiet peace that's in your soul
Happy bubble rising in your chest
Knowledge that you will be just fine
Amazement that you're here, right now
Beauty in your surroundings
Thoughts that weigh you down expelled
Gratefulness for the people you love
Sadness that time is limited
Realization that sadness is fleeting because

Pure joy fills you now
Quiet, Mother Nature is
Happy to experience what you have
Knowledge growing through the years
Amazement because you have achieved a
Beauty so great, so perfect for you, that your
Thoughts take a swelling leap into
Gratefulness for life, with not an ounce of
Sadness, but you've come to the
Realization that

This silence might not exist
Banish fear - you must hear your silence clearly
Steve Page Jul 2020
Kindness is not nice.

Nice is soft and inoffensive.
Nice is easy and effects no change, it's cotton wool - not stuffed tight, but just resting on the surface ready to be blown away or trodden into a muddy disinterest. Nice is a damp whisper, a mouse cowering in the corner, taking up as little space as possible, lest it be noticed, lest it presume too much and cause a whisker of offence.

Kindness isn't like that -

Kindness pushes in, claws out, quick and heavy, uninvited, unexpected, taking pleasure in disturbance, in leaving nothing unsaid and little undone in its pursuit of creating a disruption of difference. Kindness counts everyone a target, anybody a likely candidate for a three act matinee and evening performance of loud Kindness. Surprise is its currency, smiles its language, common humanity its passport to lands yet explored, to vast pink territories with drumbeats of gratefulness for the opportunity to march in with regiments of compassion and to leave a signature devastation of brutal Kindness.

Kindness is not 'nice'.
Kindness is loving awe-ful.
Galatians 5
The fruit of the Spirit is...kindness.
Titus 3:4
4 But when the goodness and loving-kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us....
EMud Sep 2013
In her,
nature

a seed
planted by her mother
one
she wouldn’t feel
until the first
of womanhood

inside of her chest
in bloom
a well of gratefulness
a rooted inner compass
a quiet
but awakened
awareness

a feeling
to trust

but no substitute for love

but enough

enough to show her
it was possible
how sweltering heat
could be rainfall
how seasons
and time
could be here
and gone

the world
was waiting

the sun
held all aglow

accountable
to living
expected not to shy away
when she herself
was giving
"Omit outwards",
she said
"Radiate like me
attend to your senses
let wind be a tide
to rush against your skin
to rub the nape of the neck
to cool the temper of your breath
let my darling,
grass
be a place to rest
climb up
on the shoulders of trees
or just
sit beside her
and feel herstory
firm
beneath your feet
foundation
for every path
for every choice
you chose to walk

and listen
to the silence
as night begins to fall
go to sleep feeling
the day was but a dream
everything sings in you now
your heart is wild
and beating
and all the world
is a mirror
of that inner feeling
where she finds
in her,
nature
is breathing.
-
July 24th, 2013
(a poem inspired by the title of a writers group I am in. )
O lovely chance, what can I do
To give my gratefulness to you?
You rise between myself and me
With a wise persistency;
I would have broken body and soul,
But by your grace, still I am whole.
Many a thing you did to save me,
Many a holy gift you gave me,
Music and friends and happy love
More than my dearest dreaming of;
And now in this wide twilight hour
With earth and heaven a dark, blue flower,
In a humble mood I bless
Your wisdom—and your waywardness.
You brought me even here, where I
Live on a hill against the sky
And look on mountains and the sea
And a thin white moon in the pepper tree.
Canaan Massie Feb 2013
I see through that deathly daze of yours,
I see regret, opportunity, and gratefulness,
You told me that you weren't sure,
If you're happy because you're here,
Or glum because you're not at deaths door.
And that forever breaks my heart,
So I left the demonic devices behind,
And went to my car.
Sparked a cigarette, put it to my lips, and take a drag,
Here's to the worst night I've ever had.
Ceyhun Mahi Nov 2016
My loyal wife is gratefulness.
My brother in-law is patience.
And when they are away at night,
Melancholy is my mistress.
This is the last time
You will hold me close
I cannot return
Though for you my heart will always yearn

I cannot express
The extent of my gratefulness
For your unending love
The laughter you brought me
The warmth you filled me with

I hope that life treats you well
In Gods presence you always dwell
I have never been good at goodbyes
I cannot help but cry

I never have the words I want to say
They never come out the right way
So just know how wonderful you are
That you have a special place in my heart

Please never forget me
For I could never forget you
Because darling,
You will always be in my memories.  


*Oaxaca Missions Trip-2013. Thank you for leading me back to Jesus.  Always in my heart, forever in my memories.
Savannah Charlish ©
epictails Aug 2015
So today, I just had some sort of epiphany. It's weird because I get these sort of things when I am in the weirdest places. And that weird place for me is inside a plane. Near the window seat, not quite ,but the soft sunlight hits me in the right way and I feel pleased.  I had coffee before I boarded so it had the effect I needed to behave quite cheerfully. Oddly enough today I did not go through my all too familiar episodes of inability to function normally, submerge jn a lake of hopelessness or just hate everything and anything all at once. Though to be quite fair my stomach feels strange again maybe be cause of the cold drink I had or the influence of feeling panic every single morning (an uncontrollable fear that usually starts before I get depressed, I may add) or maybe both. It's so amusing how my mind works to be honest. I started observing people in the plane, the ones beside me and the ones who are going back and forth to stow their stuff or whatever.  Then this sudden thought about my depression laced my mind like a orange streak during sunset. I thought exactly this "Hey I don't feel so sad or miserable despite of barely having an hour of sleep after the tedious packing last night. This is good—this is great." And I just found it strange because there were times when I longed for the tide of melancholy—that despicable depression every time I am in the normal mood. At first, I was almost certain I have gone insane. Or totally depressed. Or both. I mean who wants to be ******* depressed all the time and then go through emotional calm and then the ******* cycle recycles itself like trash made to look pretty but when consumed gets to become trash again. Who ******* does? But I also realized I must have come to this sense of familiarity with the pain that drove me to the edge for almost a month now. It really becomes your home when you lose sense of yourself and the only thing comforting you is that very pain which have wrecked your home.

And all too suddenly, these thoughts just made me half hysterical half teary-eyed. Because at that moment as I waited for the plane to ******* trace the runway already ( I get impatient, yes) I felt grateful. The word really is grateful. Not even happy, delirious or euphoric. Just a hell lot of gratefulness. I find myself thanking this moment of just grasping happiness even if I know for sure I'll probably get depressed tonight again (as per usual). Before I'd get hyper and just laugh like there is nobody to mind me but I never felt this thankful ever. I started looking back to those moments of happiness where I get to believe in greater things again. Where I'd worry for a second then dismiss it saying "Ah this hardly matters, so ***** it." After being drenched in so much unexplainable pain and going through this high and low almost everyday, I've come to a conclusion that I never really appreciated those moments of peaceful glee as much as I am at that moment. And I thought hat could have never been possible if I wasn't crying myself for nights, being vulnerable and seemingly weak to a bunch of people, admitting to myself that I was losing interest in life itself. It was like going through a warzone unarmed but after the trail has left the danger, you start feeling a wave of relief—a recovery after the storm.

When I started accepting the fact that I am a person with a high tendency to get depressed, I also came to accept that I've always been a sensitive person. It hardly ever shows, to be quite honest. I can appear to people as uncaring or too self-absorbed or reserved but it's only because I **** at the art of self-expression. Really, since 1995. I'd keep it all to myself although inside I am shattering. And people would have no idea because I NEVER SHARE. But ever since I was a child, I'd get these instances of melancholy simply because I can see other people (who I should not even care about) twist in pain or I'll see so much injustice that it makes me feel indignant or I can see something is wrong with someone the moment I talk to them. Things just affect me in ways that I could never understand. Add to that is my defining characteristic of being a ******* introvert. My introversion has given way to me becoming a highly introspective person. So I'd think about life a lot, question life a lot, wonder why we are as we are and some existential **** like that.

I hated all the pain I went through these past few weeks. I am a person who is independent and knows herself completely. But when depression hit me, I was clouded in a mist of ambiguity. I dont know anymore who I was, I could not understand y emotions, i could not feel happy when I am doing the things that I love. It just ****** me into a black hole. There were times that sleep was my only remedy. Partly because I wanted to escape the loneliness, the anxiety, the self-loathing and my entire body refusing to cooperate and partly because I felt tired all the ******* time and even if I slept for an entire day, I would still feel the same when I wake up. But today, I felt happy that I went through all of them. Even if there was one time that I gagged my mouth with pillow because I was about to scream in so much pain— (thank god I was alone in the room) and afraid that I might scare the other dormers away. That night as my eyes felt like rivers ,I swore that I will not let this control me. I swore that someday I'll find out why the hell this happened to me. And then I cried even more because even when all that pain was overpowering me, I still had a little hope left in me. I felt like I found a fragment of myself again. That somehow I wasnt totally *******. It was absolute contradiction but at that time I existed in between the two polar opposites of myself.

Depression is like being on the edge of a very steep cliff. You're about to fall, constant fear stops you but beneath your feet, you see wonder from beyond. You see possibilities. You see a town from somewhere far where there is so much life. You see a forest from afar and it seems so wonderful you start believing in good things again.I've  come to remind myself that I had a family, I had friends but most importantly, pain is a great wake up call. I thought love is a great unconquerable emotion. I severely underestimated pain and how it can change people. Pain brings wounds that either scar us for life or bring a different perspective. I'd say I've seen the worst possible side of me when I got depressed. It was scary and it makes you hate yourself. You get repelled because it's dark and ugly. But on the flip side, I saw how pain has made me see that after all that, I could make it. In fact, everyone can. I also peered into the mind of depressives and it was extremely helpful since I have good friends who have been cursed with this disease (they were suicidals even). I'd lack the understanding when they shared their experiences to me before but now I was slapped in the face for even considering to call them selfish or cowards. They are not. I feel like I need to tell people this because depression can only be understood when you have been there. People have different ways of handling pain which my mom likes to call 'pain threshold'. Some have it deeper, some can only contain pain in few doses. I wanted to give each and everyone who had ever been depressed a big hug because nothing is worse than losing meaning in life. And my heart goes out to each and everyone of us who caged all that pain and somehow moved forward despite the odds. Quite honestly, I would have preferred being hit by a car and be confined for more than a month than go through all that sadness and meaninglessness where hell is walking right inside you/strong desire to want to give up on life altogether/strong desire to be shaken off by society as an outcast and that won't even matter. You'd literally want to do anything just to take away all that hopelessness and misery. But at the same time you're too tired to do anything. Most terrific **** I have been so far, just ******* terrific.

*I wrote the first part of this entry when I was on the plane going home. Tonight, I finished it with a heavy heart. I am depressed again despite being with people that I love most and engaging in lovely talk with them just a couple of hours ago. My emotions are being strung along by someone other than myself. My distractions are no longer working—I might need new ones.  As I looked back to parts of this entry I realized that this condition gives me brief chances where everything is peaceful. I just hold on and wait for those chances. I've seem to tolerate this better now and my mood swings reveal a general pattern of anxiety first, normalcy then on to depression. Sometimes there are specific times, sometimes it's all random. This has been unnecessarily long but I have only been comforted by two things during my depression: music and writing. Although to be quite honest, writing can also cause me to be more depressed as I have lost my energy and motivation to write even when the other side of my brain cries in frustration because I do love writing so much. Music on the other hand gives me a lot of hope for some reason and a form of escape from all the unwanted thoughts. Some songs do make me more melancholic but my interest in music has changed ever since I started getting depressed.
Super rough draft. My writing has become pretty meh but I really wanted to share this. I have jumbled all my ideas in what seems to be an incoherent mess. Though in my defense, my brain has worked 5 times slower ever since. I could still count but most of the time my head's all black canvas with slight moments of paranoia.
Chalsey Wilder Jul 2016
"Someone else has it worse!"
Thank you for making me feel better
Cause, since someone else has it worse I should be happy now, right?
My problems don't exist because someone else has bigger ones

Because someone else has it worse, it gets rid of my problem?
I'm getting the feeling each time someone says that, they believe that saying that makes any problem disapear
Because please,
Please
**Why must I always find joy or gratefulness in the pain and suffering of others?
"You must be positive"
Rosie Wisniewski Feb 2013
What makes a weeping willow weep?
For it is beautiful
That is plain to see
So what makes the willow weep?
Luscious green leaves
Draping ever so carefully
Down to tickle the grass
Wind blowing through the branches
Like the longest hair
That would make Rapunzel green
So why does the willow weep?
The willow with cascading leaves
A waterfall of green
Creating a beautiful getaway
Behind its falling leaves
Why does the willow weep?
Creatures they scurry
To and from that green curtain
Frolicking and dancing among the green
Little children play little games
Hiding behind the leaves
A lovers first kiss
Hidden in the privacy of the willow tree
Why does the willow weep?
With beauty surpassing
And gratefulness overflowing
Why does the willow still weep?
Mose Sep 2021
How can all the cities be filled but yet the world feel so alone?


Sometimes the desolate feelings swallow me whole. The other times I'm reminded of the vapid space between me and the feelings of meaningful connections I miss. It sometimes makes you feel unlovable - a desperate cry for recognition. To be felt in a way that says, I see you clearly. Text messages unanswered lead to late night sobs trying to remember I can't be the only one missing humanity and feeling less than here. Depression creeps over in the next room to let me know I am not alone in this. Social media has a twisted way of reminding me the world still turns even though mine has stopped spinning. Some days I just want to say I am here, maybe just existing but I am here. Ready to tell you I miss you. Ready to hold your hand; any hand that reaches back out between me and spaces of my heart that feel like an oblivion. Ready to do life in a way that says I'm happy to be here, to be with you. To be in a moment that feels like I am finally once living again. To be in a space that says your presence is felt. To be loved for the sake of just loving. I once read quote that said 60% of Americans report  feelings of loneliness... For just a second I feel a slight relief in the pressure. That I am sharing something with someone for just a moment. That selfish gratefulness is all that hangs between me and nose.

I am not alone in this even though the cities are filled and once again my apartment is empty.
You've been my biggest fan, my ever-glowing, shining light
Showing me the way and how to do what's right
There are those that wonder, and ask me where I get my strength
I get my bravery from you, someone who would go to any length
I am the man I am because you taught me how to be
Without your love around, I do not think I could be me
These words may seem small, and they don't say what I want well
My gratefulness for you is something words could never tell
I thought I would try to write at least a couple bars
It is the least that I could do, for the woman made of stars
Whose heart has traveled galaxies; whose soul has traversed dimensions
I know that raising me was difficult, yet you always had the best intentions
Though the evenings may turn dark, there is always light in the dawn
No matter what happens, or where I may go, I am blessed to call you Mom
You say you love me to the moon and back, and I love you to Mars
Please consider this a birthday gift, to the woman made of stars
A poem for my mom on her birthday today. It's the first one after my dad's passing in April.
JJ Hutton Oct 2010
we weaklings
were weapons of warmth,
lulling, sanctifying,
losing ourselves in orbit,
in constellations of opticals,
and oh, how the voices would
rise from below us,
and my, how the fires would
fall all around us,
but it was always you and me,
wrapping ourselves in freedom,
speaking naught of love,
only acceptance in hopelessness,
and gratefulness at each others'
words and actualized souls.
Copyright 10. 14. 10 J. J. Hutton
Jamie Lee Oct 2015
I'm falling in more ways than one...

....once again the cycle resets.


It takes so much to stay standing,
to remain firmly grounded.

When I feel happiness...
sadness follows in the absence,
replacing the gratefulness I should feel.

This discontent, stirs my emotions,
into a never-ending turmoil.

I am consumed in my greed.
The tease is never enough.

This life refuses to be fabricated.

Pieces lay scattered among the dust.

These winds never relent,
making it impossible to gather the crumbs.

Unable to make determinations from the debris,
I cannot seem to collect myself.

Brief bursts of effort, come and go...
this energy, so difficult to muster.

Without consistency, I am faltering..
never steady and always full of extreme highs and lows.

Now that I've tasted life with you,
I am bound to torture...

..the torture of being without your love.

In every aspect of my life,
I am getting most of what I need....
just not enough of it.

I have family with me.....but not enough of them.
I have the love of my life.....but not by my side each day.
I have two jobs.....but not enough money to cover those needs, or any wants.
I have clothing.....but they are worn and need replacing.
I have food.....but just barely an appetite.

I am hardly able to keep myself together,
physically or mentally....

....I can't seem to stop falling,
regardless of the several times I keep getting back up.

The last hope I have to hold onto, is you.

I need the strength you give me, to face the day.
I need the love you give me, to keep the sadness away.
I need you to hold me, and tell me it's going to be okay.

I need to be able to share the love in my heart,
that I hold only for you.

You are the glue to my life; what is keeping me together.


I'm sorry...
Copyright ©2015 Jamie Johnson
Allison Toby Jan 2012
I must first bury my knees in the sand
and pray in a state of gratefulness.

For this gift bestowed upon me,
has brought me so much happiness

Please god know that I am humbled,
feel my heart and see!

I am your grateful servent,
through you I will heal humanity.

For your love and light flows through me,
and this I will share

So that the rest of mankind can live in heaven,
without going anywhere.

— The End —