I, a steal heroine
shielded  
by past sorrow
imprisoned by
cuffed misogyny  

Softened by you

Just. One. Palm. Holds. Face
All silver and sharpened divider
Erased
skin and tangled hair
no longer armored  
Every tear drenched pore
Effaced
I stand bare,
happily unbuckled with love

Pillars shudder at our words
Pointless,
they melt
Surrendering to
The noncompete
of your shoulders
They hold my daughter to the stars
Her head crowned in light
your hands stable small ankles
She is released too

Golden Gates moan
Great Walls invite
Cordially wait for RSVP's
Nets and hooks and barriers all succumb
to you and I
thriving as two and loving as one

We are
moon ocean currents
ancient stone arches
pink chalk on black hot asphalt
stained huckleberry fingers

We are more than love
We are the pulse
of our lives

I will never harden again

It is the fiftieth "mamma"
The fourth hour of sleep
a tiny heel drives into chin
it feels deep
a three year old kiss to the elbow
fervent fingers wrap around thumb
before succumbing to slumber
I refuse to be numb

Mamma is all I want

I want to mother
and be mothered
and for others to be better mothered and mothers

My father left me
a cold egg in nest
My mother
like most mothers
forced to
hunt AND gather AND hold
My wings frozen unrest
Forced to help everyone else around me
to learn how to fly
surviving in jest

You find out
It gurgles to the surface
bubbles,
pops
You wipe your eyes
of the residue of my ghosts
The later it gets
Every face of pain begins to show
a haunting felowship

I succumb
roll around in graves of
vampire
monster
men
soils of  a strangled me

Flesh and all,
you pull me out of shallow ground
Resurrect and remind me
of the before

I sigh in your ear
Thank you,
my dear
I forgot about the her
Who is so near

It was in the wait
The gurgling spitting surface
Where I found myself

The alone

The trembling affliction
I salivated and salivated on
until I could finally swallow

Everything has dissolved

Do not get this confused with not having memory
My body has anologues of dialogues o

You reach your tiny arm out,
unable to sleep
Curled up under rib
I whisper to you

"Baby,
tell me your dreams."

"Popsicles
Frozen
Minnie Mouse
Lights
The song 'The Wheels on the Bus'
Reggie
Mamma holding my feet"

.I only dream of what affects you.

The last three months I awake
my *** is pillow
to your toddler cheek
I sacrifice sleep,
watching in AM wonder
You stuff
special blankey,
ferociously
into teeth
There is a tiny corner of fleece
you wrap around thumb
and rub to the tip of your nose
back and forth
A soothing swing
Material fluff rocks you to sleep

It is holy
to be your mother

I am still hell.

say "please" and "thank you"
"share, please"
"do not put that in your nose."

Sometimes I think
I want
to be
back in my body,
feeding you
holding time
You in my core, as baby
Then again
Who are we fooling?
Wild, tender Audrey
fearless flower
I am lucky to be the seed

I wait for the punchline
Curtain to cinch back
This nightmare
is an Oz of affairs
Emerald streets lead to hunter green tears
Ducts never dry
My voice hitch-hikes to my gravel road pain
Thumb points back to rib cage
There is no place like home
Sharp shame
Bone bars crumble when you ignore my name
This heart never stops with ruby red ache
There is not enough air
Inhale is at stake
You cast me as the wicked witch every time
I choke on every biting mistake.
The air remains a

You hold pink peaches
in the corner of your cheeks
Only in moments
where your words are withheld
I dig deep into your eyes
for the pit of your
passion
What a hypocrite I am--
shovel sways from root
I lay next to soil,
cradle grit and bruised apple
I am inner core,
mantle, lithosphere
the cliche words "I miss you"
orbiting around the sun
All different earths of myself
I hope when it rains
you don't find shelter
that your arms are the roof
I have waited my whole life