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why is that girl over there
surrounded by the darkness of the clouds?
she can’t feel but she can still taste
the blue, wondering who
the unspoken words
will melt into.
if i could read her mind, i bet
she’s thinking of the roof of her school
look down upon people wrapped in gold,
the roof that will be the end of her.
she’s thinking of jumping into
the blue ocean she drowns in,
making a tiny splash that no one will notice,
swimming away, floating away,
slowly.
and on her last day,
she will find the answer she’s been looking for,
because it has been right in front of her,
at the edge of the roof, the entire time.
she will let the wind carry her away as she falls,
nothing to stop her but the concrete she lands on.
tell me why, give me a straight answer, give me a reason why i should stay away
her
eyes bear into my
soul but she looks
at him like he is
dessert.

she
smiles. then
he smiles.
and i “smile”.
grimace.

hello, she
says. hello,
he says.
hello, jealousy.

i can’t believe it’s true.
me? jealous?
hahahahahahahahahaha.
yes.
i don’t even know how we got here.
we’re lost, out of control,
being driven crazy.

i still dream of a boy
that i used to know.
now i’m stuck looking
for a place to fit in.

can’t find a place and
now i’m late.
we walk in looking
like we just had a make-out session.

but actually, that’s just because
we tried to run one mile
in two minutes. honestly,
i thought this would work.

but you ran ahead.
why didn’t you wait for me
to catch up?
now every spot is taken
no space
left for
me.
one life in these two minutes
you are a box
that i open.
a gift
that i receive.
and it's all mine.
          (...i think...)
i can put more love into the box
and let things pile up inside.
i can bury all my pain inside
and all my fears will be hidden.
          (...but they won't go away...)
one day we won't like each other anymore.
we'll have to move on.
that means taking back everything that's mine.
but all the pain and sadness
can't be given back.
i have made use of it
and it's now mine.
this poem was written in october
friend a,

          how are you.
          i am
          fine.
          today i made a new
          friend.
          he walks me home
          and he is in all
          my classes.
          his name is
          depression
          and for my birthday
          he said he’ll buy
          me
          pills.

                    love,
    ­                me
Samantha Nguyen Oct 2018
it's always worse than it seems.
there are so many smiles everyday
but you can never know whose world is upside down.
it's just easier to smile than explain why i'm sad.
and this depression is like a prison
that makes me both the prisoner and the jailer.
i guess death seems more inviting than life does.
Samantha Nguyen Oct 2018
"are you okay."
am i okay.          
"are you okay."
why does it always seem to rain on me.
these little words of condolence
are the words that rain down          
and leave me drenched and wet.
i just want to feel okay again.                    
but every time someone asks me if i'm okay,
it reminds me that i'm not
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