I am gently teaching my heart to move on
There are nights she still asks for you
Moments when I have to remind her why you left

She asks me often how we lost you
And every time I softly whisper,
”You are not the one who lost in this story.”

I am trying to learn with grace
To let go of those I loved
But who were not made of forevers

This is why you hurt

You lay yourself down as the foundation for people who are too tired to build their own
And wonder how they could’ve  forgotten about you
When they became strong enough to build a house on your bones

Every time a man is kind to me
In a way that you failed to be
I feel the burning from beneath the scars
As they unknowingly run their hands over places that your finger prints branded themselves onto me

Every time a man goes out of his way to show even the slightest affection
I spiral into confusion of not   knowing if I should believe anything you said
Because even though you told me you loved me all the time
You never made an effort to show me you loved me
You never randomly called or wrote me letters or called me beautiful out of nowhere
You would just say I love you like a recording always ready to be played when the timing was right



Every time a man treats me the way you always told me I should be treated
Even though you failed to treat me that way
I cannot appreciate their kindness but am left with the aching question:
Why wasn't I enough for you?

You were a good thing for a wonderful period of time
And then you were a terrible thing for a long period of time

And it was this
Watching you change and our tangled lives slowly unweaving themselves from each other
Which taught me the beginning of the complexities of human beings

I would sit in the dark
With the moonlight pouring in
And I would fall asleep telling myself
That everything would be alright
Because we fell asleep to the same stars each night

But I don't think you ever took the time to look at the stars when I wasn't there
And you certainly did not acknowledge the moon that always lent me a listening ear

The moon and I,
We don't say much tonight
He doesn't mention he sees you with another girl
And I pretend that losing you didn't shatter my world

Men were constantly commenting on how complicated she was
And maybe she was just that complicated
But I wasn't convinced
Because if you listened to her at all
You'd know
That all she ever wanted
Was simply someone to take her
Dancing

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