Initially she began contacting me over the course of a year or so and increasingly over the last few months she started visiting me, helping me, caring for me and occasionally employing me in different ways.

She’d just had a break up a few weeks before, explaining that things hadn’t been right in the relationship for some time!

She presents herself as respectful, thoughtful, gentle, kind and considerate and after what seemed to be a very short length of time; unexpectedly declared that she had feelings for me; regarding love, admiration, desire and some other adventures.

She then began to bombarded me with love talk; occupying around 70% of my time gaining my trust, I was swept off my feet; she took a great deal of interest in me, learning everything about me, what I liked, where I would go, always asking what I was thinking feeling, how she could help and I was flattered and she was charming, though a little awkward at times.

As our friendship grew she started sharing her back story, including some tragic life experiences; she vilified her past lovers, and ex-partners and branded them as crazy, or bitter liars and troubled souls; slowly gaining my sympathy, whilst securing my allegiance, and keeping me on side; keeping me close; drawing on my compassion loyalty & trust!

During intimate moments she would sometimes seem a little awkward, false, over enthusiastic or a little insincere, and I made allowances for this given my knowledge of her backstory.
Re: (tragic events & experiences)

She began to choose and buy me clothes; outfits, take me shopping, gradually altering my outward image and appearance.

She introduced me to her friends; but was careful to keep me and them at arms-length, I realise (((Now))) that she was building an alternative profile of me in their minds and that the people she introduced to me rarely exhibited the behaviors or characteristic that I was led to expect.

She soon started to embroil me in her own rituals and compulsive behavior's, explaining that tasks needed to be performing in very specific ways to prevent her getting distressed!

She made many promises : ‘The hook’ It was my expectation i.e. waiting for some of those promises to materialise, that kept me hanging on the hook; As this increased her control and I think exited her too.
(Next to none of her promises came to fruition!)

She gradually had a hand in almost every aspect of my life i.e. my home, my work, my friends, family, my finances, the way I dressed, the food I ate and many other things besides, much of which I didn’t realise until our relationship was finally over. and I was left empty.
(In every way)

She often took immense pleasure in duping, individuals or companies out of something through theft, shoplifting, or getting something for nothing, a profiteer, a chancer!

To question or challenge her authority would result in seeing her facade slip and watch her decline into meltdown. It's at that point, she would lose composure, and I would see her irrationality come to the fore; revealing the real person underneath; childish, contrived and very fragile; It’s as if control is the glue that holds her together, without it she just falls apart, during this time she can’t be consoled and it’s impossible to calm this escalating situation; in fact; at this point that she would attempt to regain control by ‘gas-lighting’ me, she would distort the truth; re: who said what; in an attempt to damage my self-esteem, to make me question my own mind, my words, my intention and any actions, apportioning blame, pointing fingers, making me feel guilty, use rejection, or using hurt, sorrow, tears, shame and even threaten liable or legal action, and then use *** to pacify or regain control over me and my actions.

These episodes would appear often; though irregular and without provocation, I would always be deemed at fault!
I found silent compliance was less stressful than engaging in discussion.    

She never took responsibility or made any apologies for her conduct.

She would set me tasks, and go out a lot, and lie or bend the truth, as to where she had been; I never once challenged this behaviour!

When the relationship was finally deemed over; I was both devastated and relieved.

I began to see my new position in the cycle; as she immediately begin to vilify me in order to give credence to her new backstory, I felt very confused, disorientated and emotionally fraught, shell shocked! questioning, how much of our relationship was true and how much was a lie? For everything I thought I knew was now knitted together with a very complex web of loyalties, lies and half-truths.

Her pattern of repetitive and controlling behaviors have seemingly remained unchanging throughout all her relationships;
(I was covertly contacted by many of her previous partners and various other casualties since leaving her, and they offered shared many familiar experiences.

Within two weeks of being apart (ostracised) she informed me that she had fallen in love (And that my replacement) some-one she admires, someone kept just within the circle, a mutual acquaintance and she even thanked me for bringing them together.

My assumption is that: The grooming of her new lover will have commenced some time ago; her M.O. (Her pattern of behaviors, her techniques have remained fixed.)

She’s incredibly self-conscious, her biggest fear is that other people will find out about her true demeanour, as her image and appearance is everything to her. She's afraid that people will shun her for being so very, very different.
She is a wolf, that’s not to say she is a malevolent creature par-say; she is awesome, beautiful and beguiling in many ways, but you don’t want to be pray.

Full circle:
I too have joined the ranks of the discredited; labelled a liar, troubled, bitter and crazy; she contacted members of my, family, friends and some fellow musicians; and a few folks shared some of these conversations accusations with me.)
I suspect that she may even attempt to vilify me with authorities or threaten some form of legal action; as she has to other lovers in the past.

Despite everything I'm still drawn to her charismatic boldness, her awkward ****** power, her intelligence, and so…I have blocked all means of contact to curtail my own almost pathological interest, for despite everything that’s transpired, her lies, her infidelity, her deceit and appalling behaviour, I'm still drawn, intrigued, bewitched, beguiled by the person hiding underneath the façade.

Now the dust has finally settled; I’ve somehow remained sound of mind.

I don’t feel guilty or loyalty anymore; I’m aware that I’ve been manipulated into thinking and acting in ways that don’t truly represent my character; and that I’m just one of many people seduced by a sociopath; (((another natural human variant)) a person devoid of empathy for others, an entity that’s developed a narrow set of skills and mirroring behaviors, that allows her to blend into mainstream society in order to feel safe, secure and in control.

She would have preferred to keep me hanging on, like many other dependents, adding me to the hareem; a bank of beguiled individuals that she occasionally calls upon to perform simple tasks, or perhaps to monitor and re-assess her clever handwork.

The last time we met she opened with nervous politeness and finished with pleasure and veiled cruelty.
I left feeling drained, uncomfortable and quite fazed.

I’ve written this diary account to help further understand what had transpired during this complicated relationship.
(I’ve published it here with no names, because I think it’s worth understanding, it’s not a warning or a vengeful act.

In any case, Her next lover will ignore any pre-warnings as just bitter ramblings, as most individuals are driven by the natural pursuit of love, which consists of caring intellectual loyalty, *** and romance rather than following advice of some seemingly bitter ex. ( And rightfully so)

Good kind or exciting people further enhance the image and status of a sociopath and they will orbit your small shiny star, tapping into your  valuable energy before  slingshotting into a larger, more attractive orbit of a lager star.
Sadly love, *** and desire is simply a tool for manipulation and gain, it's all about prestige.

I wish her well, like every creature.

Expect high drama.

Chancer er det, der gør livet, til noget at leve for.*
Chances is what, makes life, something worth living for

træet står så bart udenfor, de få blade der er tilbage på det fine lille træ har den flotteste røde farve, de minder mig om et eventyr. Bare mit liv var et eventyr. Jeg ville være et varmt sted, min hud ville være gylden og mit hår ville være lyst efter solens blegende stråler.  Ved min side ville der står en mystisk fyr. Høj, slank, gyldenbrun hud og mørkt pjusket hår. Ja, det ville være et eventyr jeg gerne ville være en del af. Men sådan er livet bare ikke.
Lige nu sidder jeg midt i et skriftligt modul. Vejret er gråt. Varmen er forsvunder og erstattet med bidende kulde. Hvorfor sidder jeg her lige nu? hvad skal jeg overhoved bruge det til. Han snakker om fremtiden, lige for tiden, er det det eneste alle tænker på. FREMTIDEN. Du er ikke noget hvis du ikke har en fremtid foran dig bla. bla. Jeg fatter ikke hvorfor det skal være sådan, tænker du nogensinde over hvor meget vi glemmer nuet. De ting vi elsker er væk på få sekunder, og de kommer nok aldrig tilbage igen, men det værste er ikke at de ikke kommer igen, men at du ikke nød dem da du havde dem. Vi nød det ikke fuldt ud, vi er så grådige, vil vil have mere og mere og til sidst har vi intet. Jeg har ikke lyst til at tale om min fremtid. Jeg hader det virkelig. For jeg ved virkelig ikke hvad jeg vil bruge mit liv på og jeg har faktisk heller ikke lyst til at vide det. jeg vil gerne have det kommer, som det skal komme. Så plat som det lyder, vil jeg bare have at skæbnen skal lede min vej, for vi alle har en skæbne. Noget vi skal udrette i livet men som vi ikke selv kender til. Hvis vi vikrleig vidste alt, hvad var der så at lære og hvad kunne vi overhoved opleve? Den største ting vi glemmer er at tage chancer. Vi går og er bange for alt og alle og derfor tør vi aldrig gøre noget ud over det sædvanlige. Jeg tror det er noget som medierne har skabt. Medierne har fået os til at blive vanefaste mennesker uden personlighed og egne holdninger. Jeg hader det. Det er virkelig gået op for mig at der er meget jeg ikke kan lide ved vores samfund. Alt handler om status og om hvad folk synes om en. Men hvad nu hvis ingen synes om en? Hvad gør man så? skal man så bare lægge sig til og dø… Døden er en ting jeg har tænkt meget over på det sidste, men grunden til at jeg har tænkt over det er fordi jeg ikke forstår livet. Hvorfor lever vi overhoved. Vi skal jo alligevel dø og livet er sku næsten altid noget lort fordi vi ikke kan finde ud af at fokuserer på de små glæder og levet i nuet på grund af medierne som kun fremhæver alt lortet. Livet er ikke forståeligt. Det bliver det nok aldrig og hvis jeg skulle være ærlig ville jeg også være ligeglad om det sluttede nu, for jeg ser ikke frem til fremtiden og jeg kan ikke engang leve i nuet. Jeg skaber en silhuet af det jeg gerne vil. At gå hjem til en fremmede og ryge **** er nok  ikke at tage chancer og leve, selvom at jeg prøver at gøre det til det. Jeg troede virkelig ting som det ville gøre mig lykkelig og det gør det da også, men kun tildels. Jeg føler mig så tom, jeg føler ikke jeg har noget at byde verdenen og mine medmennesker. Jeg  ser virkelig op til de folk som gør det, folk som gerne vil være et forbillede for andre. De er sku cool. Men jeg har det bare ikke på den måde. Når jeg tænker over det, minder jeg nok meget om Hassel fra the fault in our stars. Døden er intet jeg frygter og jeg er egentlig også ligeglad om jeg bliver husket.

I reckon she
will beckon me
but I could
be wrong.

I'm afraid to be here
At home all alone
When the man in the dark
Could be roaming so close

I'm afraid to be here
After last night
When the man in the dark
Gave me a fright

I'm afraid to be here
With eyes open wide
If the man in the woods
Is lurking outside

I'm afraid to be here
Tell me why did he come
Look up at my window
Hiding for fun

I'm afraid to be here
Without my best friend
Who witnessed him too
Sent our minds in a bend

I'm afraid to be here
Tell me how does he know
The best way to creep
To see my window

I'm afraid to be here
Tell me why was he here?
A chancer, a pervert
A stalker I fear

Qualia, if they exist, describe experience.

Perceptions are frames of consciousness
that define experience: would they be given a number
representing frames per second [FPS].

There must be something to perceive
for there to be experience, and the perceiver:
A machine/dreamer through which energy flows
for perception to occur; neural oscillation cycles
equating to perceptual frames of consciousness
where a frequency would equal a certain FPS.

A moment in a dream, a quale.
The realm of the Oneiroi beckons:

During REM sleep there is no experiential context,
Suppose a dream's content is be sourced from memory:
Thence memory morphs into dreaming. Perhaps the actions
of acetylcholine during sleep disrupt temporality, meanwhile
serotonin and norepinephrine play another role in dream activity;
Were dopamine ever-so minutely implicit in lucidity?

If a dream could be quantized could we identify a quale?
The goal, to prove that qualia exist. Perhaps this 'heavy realm'
could then be described using this qualitative formula, we strive
to produce a quantum of experience.

As analogue is to digital, so digital should be to quanta.
Ah, but who would ever listen
to my nonsense.

I'm just a dreamer
and such a chancer. (Aren't we all?)

Baby just born,
this new world you won,
destiny's is open,
your journeys begun.

You cry for the sorrow you're still going to feel,
for all the confusion and broken souls that kneel.

You cry for the beautiful sunsets you will see,
the pain of love's passion and the horrors that be.

So much anticipation that you don't understand,
so much expectations of what will be wrought by your hands.

Will you be a hero who will rise and break through?
Or just another chancer with nothing to do?
Will you be a saviour defining this age?
Or just another traveler sailing the page?

The thorns pierce you deep as you churn in your sleep,
The future still open for the power you keep.

But for now enjoy the agony of just trying to survive,
be consumed with the wonder of being alive,
pierce our hearts with your intense and innocent glare,
let us carry you on to the cross you will bare.

We will build you up with the best that we have,
we will give you our dreams and the best of our rags,
you will eat our truths and mimic our faults,
You will sift our souls and take what is yours.

And then just like that your colours will fade,
disappearing in the mist all the wonders you made,
even as you entered your life's ticking down,
it is appointed to all to receive our burial crown.

I pray you will make your mark on the history books
of a rich beautiful life breathing beyond the boundaries
of your mortality and being remembered just a bit longer
until this world is passed too and all is forgotten.

Never lose the wonder,
never lose the tears,
never forget you were carried
until the day you're buried.

You are our hope for something new and something different,
a creative spark to erase our failures and apathy,
Namaste, we bow to you,
Be, my boy, and take what's due to you.

When we left, the anger was courageous
Tears shrugged off their ducts and ran a river  
And so....it was an adopted day. Lopsided
Out of kilter, hard boiled, the reflux swallowed

Spite spat out its tabloid journal and spanked me
A chancer on a long haul flight of emotion. A broken limb
A ball of 'Nastiness' bit into my flesh. Stamping dishonesty
A clear winter blue sky......guarding its frosty secret

The guns shot their bullets, cracking the air between us
Hitting the eye of the bull.  The red rag waved at a tangent
Calling in all favours.  Bystanders gorged.  Rubber necked
As your heart parted company with your soul and bounced

When you undid the latch, the safety catch broke and hit the floor
Purged. Vented. Filling the air with blemishes. The stars fell
Short of their place in the universe; befriended and hung out
With blackened bark as debris hit. Now minus will only equal minus
                                                           ­                                                              .......equal minus

I want to melt a wax Viking,
with a piece of sword shaped kindling.
Watch the face drip, sag run into a
droopy frown of fluid features.

To saw the head from a celebrity mannequin.
Watch fall it to the floor,
with it's perfect teeth and face;
plastic smooth skin.
Almost as plastic and smooth as the “real” thing.

To tear the words from the mouth
of a liar, cheat, chancer and con-man.
Rearrange the words to spell out the truth.
watch the eyes and puffy face spasm,
as if possessed by a phantasm.

A secret is an instrumental with each note clue,
A tone of human nature and what it could do to you,
A spiritual essence, a recipe addresses,
A method in its madness, an ounce of its...

The clue.

A headache switching over, while your mulling read things over,
Through your eyes take a wander read its just for you.
Cliché layers binding what else can she be finding,
Bureaucratic red tape riddles all sewn up start fiddling for...

The clue.

Puzzled by the clue she walks on up to you,
'Tell me what's the clue?'
A secret all for you.
She said, 'I'll listen to your tune, your clue instrumental in what you do'.
Speak up and at last she sings so class so fast her body starts to swing,
She holds on to task for another word so she can find...

The clue.

For your eyes only come think of it as first.
In true best of me we can make it work, Each clue of maybe is written on my shirt, each button represent each undoing separate hurt.
Slip slide on to me she hunters me the rest,
Slowly shows me her trinity for its her fetching best,
Her hands, her touch and her last request not before her sweet caress,
If only she knew, maybe she did knew, only to know this life...

The clue.

Concentrate don't hesitate not ready to make the fall,
Pump frustrate her loving wait scream out to it all.
Decorate the body sweet crying out to you,
My word is my word on all that you've heard as she is still waiting for....

The clue.

Tantalising he's providing, energising the clue.
Shackle up in en twine as most we both enjoy the view.
Sweet nourished your constant stares as you look for the clues up stairs.
Our lips, our kiss and my fingertips all clued up to tickle you.
For somewhere's lies...

The Clue.


Curled up here for hours making more home brew, hot so wet it crawls not interrogated as here it all lies stew,
The bed sheet covers over ours still without a clue.
For waiting midnight hours for as long as we can snooze.
She questions no more answers she leaves a pretty play and then more she dances if only she could stay.
I can go on for hours each minute of the day,
the clue for in which it matters shows in every single way,
My heart pumps...

The Clue

I'm lost, she's lost,
I'm lost, she's lost,
we both have fought a loving cross.
I'm lost, she's lost,
I'm lost, she's lost
In two we have both come across,
To sea to land,
To shore to sand and that we demand,
Inside and out it feels too soon,
Until he reveals out what's all of...

The Clue.


You can tell by her answer,
its you she wants,
in all come chancer in self confidence,
So soon she will answer in my president.
Her smile, her laughter and her quaint elegance,
So sweet surrender in the clue forever, fresh skin and bone so soft and so tender,
In to life's golden wonder!
To be everything In love with...

The Clue.

The dork just stood there, Man!
Peeling back his mask
Then folding it back down again.

What a chancer!
Breaking in klangers;
Tip toeing through hoops;
Belching on tap;
Crapping on sand paper;
Bleaching hot tap,
With water-eye presentation
Flown from afar
In the cargo hold for Mr. Black,
Mount Nero;
Cnoc Dubh.

What's the fuzz?
what's the craic?

Let him have it
In 2's and 3's
End of:
'Life's a breeze'

Corporate jingomuggery
Daylight shrubbery
Catchall quantum thuggery
"Put him back in the hold"
Goodbye Mr.Black,
Mount Nero;
Cnoc Dubh.

What's the craic?
What the fuzz?

I can sense excess epinephrine, or
norepinphrine, clouding my judgement,
These adrenergic sons of Entactus;
The cathinone is but
simple amphetamine's
beta-ketone younger-cousin.

Replaced a methyl group with a fluoro one
and mephedrone's little brother was born:
The adorable flephedrone, don't be fooled though.

The stimulant is a chancer and a trickster,
Though this one seems more empathogenic than its brother;
I may be in danger of learning something.

Drinking, smoking, skipping college,
Getting into fights that you don't start,
You put play before your work,
But that's just the way you are.

"Get out of my sight" or off the stage,
Your wink is soft, your anger's hard,
It seems to most, you've lost control,
But that's just the way you are.

I don't fit in, I never have,
You rebuke me, leave a mark,
Chancer, messing, cheeky, sly,
But that's just the way you are.

Yet all of this, and all of you'd
Miss half your worth by far,
It's senseless and you won't agree,
But that's just the way you are.

"How did she end up with him?"
And when did all this start?
Your play is work you want to keep,
But that's just the way you are.

And so we'll wait to tell the world,
Our lethargic, secret plan.
Sure, I could take it in my stride,
But that's not the way I am.

Scarlet cinnabar
wanton reds and ***** you pinks
Vermilion is a libertine
a go it alone chancer
who lives free and to hell with the consequence
condemn him if you will
for he is already ******
The devil has his own team colours

I live in the realms of night
where dreams come true
I should be committed
in static as a who is who

I play loser
I play chancer
does it matter any ways
for my name is black

My name begins with an X
not what is seen on the pages I write
and yes I am living
living in the twilight zone

By Xristos Andreas Kourtis aka NeonSolaris
By NeonSolaris
© 2011 NeonSolaris (All rights reserved)

This life is a dream that has no end, beginning
With all of the loss I've had, somehow I'm winning
I stood at the station waiting for your footsteps
But somehow I found myself on a moving doorstep

Heading out west, it had seemed the only answer
The story my mind told was that I am a chancer
I stepped off the ledge that had long been the steepest hell
Shedding the skin of my past like an empty shell

I can't go farther when I've now gone all the way
So, I guess that I'll stay.

The words that I wanted from you back when it mattered
Come spilling from your mouth to me now where they shatter
The irony is; there's no bliss or a kiss they deserve
I cant feel the pain, there's no drain from the break that I've cured

When I turned my back and left you fading in the distance
I failed to make space with the time leading up to this instant
I laugh to myself as it seems we were always here
The one difference now is that I could not lesser care

The world keeps on spinning, but I'm stuck in some old place
It circles around as I stare into Karma's face.
No need to fear counting years, as if time is a race
There's no out of bounds, lost or found, like a cloud up in space

I'll see it again, theres no end, rounds the bend in full circle

Hollow echoes,
roaring silence.
Vacant faces
Empty spaces.
Drowning souls
Crying screaming,
Entering into death's dolls house.
Swamped inferno.
Endless noise.
Sweating,
Dropped suggestions
The living care.
They care not.
They never did
Ad, okay  

All immortal souls cry ,left alone.
Shadows trickle painfully into regrettable existence.
Lost between here and there and into the distance.
Distance never reached, as only demons screech.
Eternity wails as banshees play.
Wraiths warbling,  Playing as evil humming birds.
The undead walk.
They're dragging their chains.
Closely attached to their mortal remains.

Rattling and crying
The long dead are sighing.
Prepared or not for judgment day.
Purgatory
Not the place to be.
They calling out loudly
They want to be free.

A scream it seems they plead for sweet freedom.
Pleas for forgiveness.
Begging broken children
Crying and calling for mothers they left long ago.
Dripping blood of victims of ******.
She screamed for a life time.
Nobody heard her.
Victims of hanging their banging the walls.
Trying hard to reply as sweet angel calls.
Angels, archangels, none of them know.
They're calling for mercy.
Don't want to visit the fires in the pit.
Hell be spared.
Heaven be sent.
Noisy dead sinners give up.
Just repent.
While you had your chances necromancy black magic.
Romances. and chancers.
Your times be they hard,
You were always the chancer.
Wailing impaled on moments of madness.
The eagles are soaring.
The dead men are snoring.

To calls of the cats
And wolves that are baying at a cloudy blue moon.
Shouted out loudly they all died to soon.
Beep beep beep.
AF,
VF.
VT.
The rally to save those who misbehave.
CPR.
Asystole.
Diseased.
Deceased.
Cracks and chinks.
Missing links.
Hollow tomorrows.

Necropsy kiss.
Necrotic.
Breaking down.
Released to silence.
Forgiven.
Absolved of sin.
Giving in.
Released.
Displeased.
Relieved.
And so the next batch arrived.
The candles lit.
Which pathway will they take.
A guiding vulture waits to steal their souls away.
He's crowing and calling and scratching at dust.
(C) LIVVI MMCV

The words he spoke made me choke, I don't wanna croak, not under the cancer cloak,
My eyes they streamed,  water of dreams and sun beams but I know what it all means,
It's not a day out or a way out not even when I scream and shout,
My ears hear fears, stupid words and things obsurd,
I can't be a chancer, not with cancer, im not gonna be a dancer,
In heaven or hell, I don't wanna dwell.on the ledge of diseases,
I will fight day and night, I'll put it right, it's within my sight, it is my rite,
Rewind a day behind, I was in sane mind, but now I'm one of the special kind,
Can you hear me breath in every sin, they come knocking coz im a locking out death,
He can wait for a date with me or your mate,
I'm no longer dreaming this feeling, the burnin the churning my body is yearning and turning,
Give me pills, no frills, chase them angels of me window sills,
Lights getting dimmer, my breathing getting thinner, but I still want to eat the medicine dinner,
Family all gathered round my body looking tattered there all so worn and all so shattered,
I'm to ******* and to wired up to give them kind words, of hope, I, they can't cope, it's not a soap,
This is life and death in a breath as I choke under the cloak, that dreaded cancer cloak

Xenophilias most beautiful attributes, where countries become as one, wunderkinds where thunder shines, vivid heroes of hot day's sun!
Will-call merchandise traded for disregard, where tags are hung on branches, as newly weds drive old cars! Licensures practice giveaways freely. Are we suckered into believing old wives tales? Lidocaine pick up lines to be accustomed to man to Man life tables!
Lieutenancies so vacantly are closed to high file cases, where concentrated faces smile!!! Young daughters are made for ruin while the cruel oil stays piled!!!
Maturate littlest of seeds, where gokers cook to perfections... Prospire of direction where the arrows pointing down.
Mazarine eyes, a chancer of fairest lies, I miss the caressing of the small talk you lay on me lover!!!!sister,sister are you of your own brother?

I questioned fate and found no answer,
As fate was unpredictable,
A doubtful fickle chancer,
Unstable and unreliable.

Reliable stability,
With chance I keep my date,
A fickle predictability,
Was my answer when I questioned fate.

Love is not simple, love is not easy...
Emotions are frustrating and turn you crazy!
Love has many forms, there's more than one figure.
Love is intimate, a passion with a trigger.
Love is no tale, Princess to Queen.
So do not believe everything you have seen...

Love is no word for happiness make no mistake, but without it we are sillouettes, no emotions, so fake!

Love won't come easy, so try real hard...
Because losing your lover will shatter your heart to shards!
Don't think twice when making an effort.
For when you're on that knee and hoping for that yes, nothing will **** more than not have tried your best...

Love is a choice, a decision and answer!
Never be shy, become a chancer x

For those of us who recall the reason why we wish to leave this existence and for those of us who have just given up.
The time acts still until the moment some chancer fills himself with gusto and decides " this is his time".
But what young ones should learn and are never taught is to never cause trouble with the quiet slow walking ones with dead black eyes.
They may appear as vulnerable but this is simply how they stalk their prey.
Talk to and learn from these, you will be surprised, as you find they are not all they seem.
For I was you, hotheaded once, and was nearly installed in a stream.

life is
but the pretence and
wingin' it
the
consequence of it,
it is
the me in it and
because of it,

a constant theme running
through me
is poetry

a journey through emotions

skylarks above oceans.

but don't you confuse me with a poet
I'll know it is wrong,
I'm just a chancer who chances his arm
and
all along I knew this to be.

I read avidly, prose, free verse poetry
and it feels there is some of me
in there,
somewhere

It could be so or just so it could not,
life, the pretence is the life that I've got

I also read comic books,
looks like Superman, but
sinks like Prince Namor.




Orwell, room 101
and hell follows on
shooting the angels who dance at
the flip end of in

I begin or began when I ran away
tomorrow may come,
but it's just another day

Scarlett has a lot to answer for
when there's famine and war where
the victims want more
than two rhymes in a bowl
with their rice.