When I was little, I would go to church each week
Sit in the pew and listen to a priest speak
He painted a picture like an artist
Describing a beach with hundreds of starfish
A boy was throwing them back in the ocean
When a man came and motioned
That the boy just couldn't save them all,
The boy replied he could save that one.
I've resonated with that story since I was small,
Something about the story seemed undone.

The man never helps the child,
Never offers to see his goal.
One child can save some starfish
But with some help, couldn't we save them all?
It just ends with a boy saving one
Like he's doing a good deed and I agree,
Yet no one still sees what that boy sees.

You're drowning in a week from now,
Can someone lend a leg to stand?
I hope they do, everyone needs a helping hand.
Inconvenience is only convenient for an excuse,
Pay no mind to a reward.
Let's throw every starfish back,
It can start with me and you.

How come our political rallies
Could easily look like white supremacist rallies?
Pretending there is no relation,
Didn't we abolish segregation?

Mercy me, Mercy see,
She's the one who wrote responsively
Mercy please, the company teased
So I'll **** you all at once, don't plea.

You made me a slave, Mercy.
I made you each a grave, perfectly
In straight lines like Madeline,
I dropped the shovel, time to get inside.
Don't play me like a puppet,
String me a long and tell me to love it
Miss Mercy, you made your decision,
Kindly get in position so I can tell you
Exactly where to shove it.

Mercy see,
You and all the others will never break me
I don't fight harder, I fight smarter
I earned respect and then you ask to barter.
Don't bother, in response to your letter,
Keep your policies, I can do better.

Sincerely,
Yours.

One day I gave a dollar to a man on the street
Who held a sign that read simply "help please"
He paid twenty-five cents for water to drink
Then chuckled and gave the change
To a kid passing by who looked bleak.

The child ran to the corner store
And bought two packs of double mint gum
One for himself and one for his chum
But rushed off in such a dash
He left his change with the cashier,
A whole twenty-five cents cash

The cashier used the change to help out a few
A dime for tax on a man passing through
A nickel short each for two ladies buying ice
And nine cents to a man riding past on his bike.
Then I, myself, went to that very store
Only to find I was one penny short
And wouldn't you know all was okay,
The cashier pulled the last cent and said
"Have a nice day."

Place your head on my chest,
Rest your eyes,
We don't need to see what's on the outside
I'd lay my head down on your shoulder
Light weight, that's how I feel you to I
But this boulder weighs way more on my own.
You struggle like I struggle, no magic answer
Just muggles muddling, I'm ninety-nine pieces
To a hundred piece puzzle, see?
But even if I found that piece,
I'd find a new one to not fit me.

I'm the fabric to a blanket no one could crochet,
No needles could thread these stitches
I'll always lay incomplete at the bottom of the bed.
Erasing the end of my words to remain unread
Wishing on stars that have already burned out
Hey dad, you proud?
Look how broken I turned out.
I'll always be lame that's what they said
Erasing the end of my words to remain...

I grew up in a town with a church on every block,
I grew up in a town with a bar on every block,
On the streets, the same homeless man would walk
Riding a bike or walking on his feet
But everyone knew each other,
So they would wave a hand to greet.
The *** holes were planted like flowers
And those flowers seemed to grow
The adults complain for hours
About a lot of things I'd come to know.

I grew up in a town, it looked a lot like yours
It had a park, it had my friends,
So many nights heading home at dark.
I'd bet you know it just as I
You can even hear the squeaky swings,
If you gave it a try.
We built a bridge to cross the streams,
At day's end talking about our dreams,
Listening to songs that made us alive.

I grew up in a town, I left some years ago.
The streets look mostly the same
Now filled with people I don't know.
Friends will stay in touch, we'll stay in touch,
Friends I now don't talk to much.
Growing up in a small town in such a rush.

People get odd when you're nice today,
You must want something,
What's your angle to a compliment
What's the meaning to the time spent
Picking someone up even if they aren't down?
Spreading hate, I just don't relate.
There's enough of that, here's a smile,
Feel free to spread it around.

I'm only weird in the sense you made me that,
Ok fine, I am weird but, not for being polite.
The problem is good people sat back
While hate spread like a shadowy night
They don't dance, they look to destroy lives.
Hate your self image, make you feel worthless.
Clean off the mirror, you are perfect,
To each their own, you are perfect.

Imagine if we made love normalized
The same way we judge each other's eyes
In present tense, I'm a childish believer
But the air is getting way too dense.
Shake a stranger's hand and take a chance.
They might need it more than you know.
They might need it more than they show.

I drove a Lincoln into the park
So I could bleed it out
Filling six chambers, this isn't roulette
Every shot is firing, I don't need the doubt.
You wouldn't like to see my perspective
Manipulating minds without even incepting
Repeating just for repetition,
Check the mission log, we were made to burn out.
Etching average into our blood since day one
Fighting for the chance to pick a different route.

This isn't social poetry, we don't socialize.
To see in my head, I need to perform a procedure
Then jeepers creepers, have new peepers.
Stopped following a preacher in every church
Each one had sins that outweighed my worth
Only to hold onto few, it's true, but for those I do
It's womb to tomb and birth to earth.
Who would take a shot for your being?
A nearly empty room fills the head
Of everyone who thought they had everyone
Still disillusioned, Courtney, get my gun!

Dead house felt like the realest thing I wrote
Only to still feel like I'm blowing smoke.
I judge myself harder than any critic
So if you want a pound of my flesh,
You're welcome to come and get it.

It seems like the largest homes
Have the most broken family.
Look at all the stuff, it can't fill the hole,
You are still alone, while I get a loan,
You can't get along, I am barely standing.
Afraid, they buy up safes and guns,
Afraid, while the children get bored and high off drugs.
They do it to escape their minds,
They buy designer drugs to pass the time.
Then once all the fun is done,
They go back to an empty mansion.
Return to responsibilities then remember,
They don't have them.

I represent a lower middle class,
People ask me what is that,
They don't understand.
Let me explain like this,
I don't qualify for assistance, I don't collect stamps,
I can't afford a *** to **** in,
I've got debt from the world just spinning.
I'm not upset, I keep my head to stay modest.
But I still feel the shackles of life, if I'm being honest.

Every person shakes your hand and smiles,
With a knife to hold, you sell your soul.
The tiny printed stamp goes on for miles.
They only let you get ahead once you break the bread,
That holds your morals and convictions,
Then turn and give the same hand shake,
To the next man who will listen.

I sleep like I'm living on Elm St,
Changed my last name from Maroni to Myers
Now Michael is looking to **** me.
Ended up running from Leatherface
Put to a ****** Doo kind of chase,
No matter how hard I tried,
He wouldn't stop until he tanned my hide.

I sold a prop from Twilight Zone,
To a Hannibal, hungry clone
Who was looking to "serve man"
He learned julienne clipper cuts
From a guy with scissors for hands.
Then cooked the flesh in a pastry dish
Into the oven each person would slide
"Come and try Mrs. Lovett's meat pies!"
The business would rise as they all got in line.

I sat down for tea with Pamela,
She said her son Jason's a mess
That was Thursday, the twelfth,
I haven't heard from her since.
But if I was that parent,
I would teach my child to swim.
I took some forget-me-knots
Mixed them together with frog's breath,
Said the word "hopscotch"
And returned to the dead.

The witching hours, we aren't afraid of those,
Heaven knows we pray for sleep
Only to dream of having dreams
Stuck in the darkness of this in between
Keeping consciousness but, honest this
Baggage has been weighing heavy.
These flood gates still hold steady,
Under pressure they may just break the levee,
Cracking slowly all the time,
For all the things attacking your mind,
I wrote this lullabye.

Streaming through insomniac days
That just fade out like memories
Barely there despite being awake.
Shaking the feeling of dealing
With the ghost I call myself
Until I can slip into my bed and melt.
Can I host a night where rest is felt?
Maybe not, yet still I try,
Writing myself a lullabye.

Two became three, three came four
Numbers shining from my dresser drawers
Taunting, laughing, trapping me in my head
I tried to write a lullabye
Only to find a nightmare instead.

He throws a shot to clear his head
Full of clear liquid quickly fed
Down his throat to process the process-less
It burns his belly like fire flames
Churning up his spine and through his veins.
It lingers like paresthesia with purpose,
To some a gift but, to the frequent goer,
They say it curses.

He takes two more down,
Each time the glass makes an empty sound
As it hits the tabletop, his vision drops,
The blurs turn words slurred
Until it's loud talking but nothing heard.
Until it's no thoughts, nothing heard.
That's what he's searching.

About eight deep, he calls it a night.
His mind turned off all the lights.
Staggering to bed in drunken bliss,
No pain from a life path missed,
Nothing gained and nothing wished,
That's his last slur barely said
As he crashes into bed.

Teach the future compassion,
Teach them that everyone struggles.
You don't have to understand everyone,
Don't need to comprehend their demons
But a friendly hand can make a difference.
Kindness can bridge the world,
An open mind allows hate to subside
In the hearts of old time thoughts
Where such distaste is learned to reside.

Learn that new and different is not bad
Every tradition is meant to be altered
In the sense of inclusion, I want solution.
"Why should I change my ways to help others?"
Why wouldn't you, friend?
Who hurt you in such a hard way?

I don't know about you
But in my mind when I look out
Love is amor is amour is liebe
Is liefde is kärlek is love.
Anything else that has been taught
Should not exist, what says you?

If pictures could speak
I've heard they'd say a thousand words
But if the language of them was foreign
Then, to me, it may sound all absurd
Yet, in the sound you could still feel
The tone at which they spoke
Softly serving as a memory
Of the places it did know

If pictures could speak
I would listen through the night
Laughing as the sun came up
Never sleeping but eyes creeping
More closed passing through a morning light.
I would listen to the faded laughter
Of times someone lived to say
Staring at the past, wasting time in present day

If pictures could speak
They may haunt the world I knew
But their secrets I would keep
In the cryptic art that someone drew
They'd never know I heard them
So silent, but still there
Always talking but never realizing anyone cared

I went to my room and sat regressing
My mind distressing, dissecting our conversation.
You said we need to end this as we got older
Thinking of anyone else on my shoulder. I can't.
I gave my heart, taken in your soul, locked away.
Standing in a state of shock as you talked,
As you walked me through everything you meant to me,
Forget that, everything I meant to you.

The part of all of this that really stands out,
The part, to this day, you don't believe
Is that as you were about to jump south,
I grabbed your hand and begged you not to leave
Selfishly, I saved you. Really you had saved me.
I'm sorry, you felt I held you back in restraint,
Only seeing in color as you gave me the paint,
Only to sit in stagnant waters as you waved.

We made goals in the present, remember?
Gifting me with a future, for better or worse
You were mine, I was yours.
Now here in this place alone in a curse
Of every memory we made, that burns
Happiness in a moment,
Sadness to be atoned with.

Still sitting here, my head aches in confusion,
The illusion of forever never felt fake.
You've got demons to fight
I just thought I was the sidearm you'd take
As the night's getting colder
My thirst for your presence leaves me awake,
So I did as you say, made lemonade
Yet the more that I drink,
The more parched my mouth stays.

I never thought I'd be one to be growing old
I've got a wife and a kid,
A younger me would have never known.
Instead I'm grieving some friends
Who never got the the chance to grow.
I use to think I could smell my grave,
Now I'm some backwards slave
Chained up in survivor's guilt
Like playing a lottery of life
Survive long enough to watch them die
Or die too quick to really live.

If I should cough and choke,
I hope they burn me off in colored smoke
Because even in dark, I hope they see light.
I made my mark in lead,
Through words slipping out of my head.
Like I had a choice?
They make me push that voice
And share it in the dead of night
Where the skeletons shuffle through
Then awaken myself into anew.

They won't know my name until I go,
Won't understand the words I'd sew.
Treated with kindness when gone,
Treated with scrutiny when alive,
It's like standing on a highdive
All silence until you crash,
Then it's all laughter and cheer.
But why don't we appreciate the day it's here?
I'm sure that answer will become clear.

They say pain is better than feeling nothing,
But nothing feels worse than pain.
She was just an innocent woman,
All that changed in a day,
Her husband came home upset.
They argued and he slapped her face to the floor.
She was left in shock,
started packing her things and out the door
He gained a level head, apologizing evermore.
She started making excuses and stayed
But if it ever happened again she swore,
She wouldn't live there anymore.

It's been years since that first time,
Just a couple bruises no one sees,
She keeps messing everything up,
So she deserves what she received.
A couple shots to her ribs,
A tight jab just above the knee.
Even if she wanted to go,
He says, he can always find me
"And I'm happy sometimes,
As long as I do everything perfectly"
But if she ever had a chance she swore,
She wouldn't live there anymore.

She wakes up early just to put on her face,
Staring into a mirror, breaking down with the shakes.
She can't count the bruises, the pain in every place.
Everyone knows the truth but, it seems too late.
She needs help but everywhere is out of reach,
She's broken down with a split lip affecting her speech.
Someday she would speak out, right then, she swore
She wouldn't live there anymore.

Then one night he went too far,
She was packing up her things,
He saw crimson, blood boiled to the core
She started pleading with every shot he bore.
They say pain is better than feeling nothing
But nothing feels worse than pain, she's sure.
As he took a final blow, she wasn't living anymore.

Do you ever look at the power lines
Where the birds perch in flock?
Where they chatter their matters,
They sit and talk but we just hear squawks.
They don't mind we don't know, it's fine.
They're speaking in codes
And nobody notices as they go.

Do you ever listen to the deaf?
Speaking with hands, I'll admit,
I don't know the signs, that's ignorant I.
I want to know the thoughts in their heads
The barriers we build only take time
To grind down into rubble
But I'm afraid most want a self-indulgent bubble
And I'm no better, I guess.

Do you ever see a human
Who looks and speaks like you
He looks like he's having hard times
With a lot spinning up his mind
So you pass by, look to the other side,
And nevermind the bloke,
Turn to your friend after and make a joke.
And nobody notices as he goes.

It's a countdown, whats the count now?
Do you know? Is it in your head?
Is it trapped in your pillow as you lay in bed?
You say run, I'll do laps until I collapse.
Until I relapse to the same spot
Where my legs drops, keep my head up.
Keep your head down like a soldier
Fighting through a war, getting older.
What's the count now? It's a countdown.

Eighteen shots rang out across the field
Eleven more then each side did yield
The commander speaks out in code
Like he has a plan for that unknown
Guerilla warfare until the cover is blown
But they dont plan for worst scenario
Passing the past like it's buried now.

Each one would take a shot for America
Right to the chest, right through the heart
This is raw thoughts, I'm not wearing a vest.
The pain could drain any in the path of this shooter
But I'm a soldier looking into the future
It's a countdown. What's the count now?

While I'm working today,
While I'm at a desk wasting away,
I've got more and more responsibility,
People complaining, head straining.
The speed I type is making my fingers bleed.
But still that isn't enough and it's killing me.
Can I, am I, could I be worth a raise?
"Not today, sales aren't great,
I hate to say, the big heads only made
A half a mill for what you did today,
Prove your worth, this is not okay."
Okay.

So I wait, time being all I've got,
Until that final hour hits the clock,
I punch the clock, eight hours in,
Back home to eat, home to sleep.
Never sick, never really sleep.
Another pawn they keep
With just enough carrot to never really eat.
Complained about my shoes
Until the corporate world removed my feet.
And that's the land of being free.

While I'm working today,
While I'm wasting away,
I'll fix every problem you create
I'll be smiling with a hand to shake,
Someday I'll be the person
I dream to be awake.

If you were looking inside me
Pushing passed the bones, what I'm hiding,
Could see through the glass,
Using your sight to pull me apart
Maybe then you'd see my tired heart.
Wrapped in veins, trailing strains to others.
Meeting somewhere in troubles.

We speak like we are good at goodbyes,
Lost in words without conceiving the thought,
Really we are good at leaving.
Really I'm not good at breathing,
My life is just a scribble I jot down,
A person less than a thought now.
So if I'm putting my life on the line and fall
Does it even make a sound?

If you were looking inside me,
I bet you'd find a lot wasn't working
Just a defensive laugh while smirking
But they don't look around these parts,
They don't look around these parts

"Hey how have you been?"
Let me think, with a smile,
Just say I am well, let's have a seat.
Here's a real answer, it just may take a while.
Spare me a minute if you could.

I've been selling drugs for six years,
About re-up another two,
I'm at the top of my game,
Minimum wage seems to go up,
I get compensated all the same.
I've been watching my worth diminish,
Another blow to the ego, another questioning why?
Another person asking why I even try.
I've been a hand me down, hand out case
And I'll never go back to that.

One person asking why my wife doesn't work
Another proud that we make that work.
No matter what path you take,
You'll disappoint someone all the same.
If you aren't a player in my life,
Kindly stay out of my lane.
That's no disrespect, I get your intentions,
Your opinion may prove better with wait
But if that's the case, I accept all my mistakes.

Some weeks I feel exhausted,
Some days I pass out in bed,
Most days poetic thoughts flood my head
But I can say I am well
I could say I'm broken, I could say I'm complete
I could fall over and cry
But most days I keep dancing to a beat
Even when it's been 12 hours on my feet
Call me anything but I'll never be weak.
I can feel it all simultaneously and all be true
But I guess that's enough about me,
How are you?

What would I do for a Klondike?
I might ****** a militia of a million men,
Take the time to cut off every head
With a quick swink and a loud thud.
We don't play, bud, I'd crawl through the mud,
Grind through the filth of Shawshank
With smells too terrible to speak
For just a bite of that creamy treat.

I'd be a drug mule until I got to the top, bro.
I'd smuggle it all like El Chapo,
Working hard with police on my payroll
Until I got caught and questioned,
Judged and jailed to teach me a lesson.
Showing them that ice cream for confession
And all they responded was,
"Ryan, that was a rhetorical question"

This is social poetry,
The words I let everyone read.
These letters won't cut very deep,
I could write them in calligraphy
Elegantly displaying for all to see.
Look how pretty they sit with me,
A pluffy little piece of parchment
That really said nothing, like a plaque
Purchased from a proper place
Wrapped with lace saying
"You miss all the shots you don't take"

This is social poetry.
The message falls short with time,
Generalizing emotion, pretending to be genuine.
Here's a five word statement, now base it
On life choices, calm the voices, noiseless.
No sir, we are not simple, basic, face it,
We want something real to read and feel
Like we exist in present eyes
And leave that one verse of Corinthians
That people love to quote to be crucified.

This is social poetry,
Where thoughts come to drift
A simple limerick when you need a lift
But when you want to know
About what makes the walls really tick,
I'll hand you my heart in pages to flip.

I built a house of cards as a child
And smiled looking over the structure,
The perfection of each placed piece
And the integrity it held standing tall.
Then at the bottom I pulled
The ace of spades from where it stood,
Suddenly the whole building did fall.
In awe, I looked and sat,
The entirety had now gone flat.

What if everyone went speaking their mind?
What if we broke the silly social walls?
How come we ask how people are,
When we don't want to know?
Does it help you to hear the words "I'm fine"?

How come we diss people with a dream?
Are you jealous you conformed and they schemed?
How come money determines worth?
Even worse some come with a fame at birth.
I'd rather be broke than broken.
I'd rather be speaking than spoken for.
I'd rather eat marshmallows than s'mores
I don't need the chocolate. Whatever.

What if we danced in the street?
I already dance in the street
And while your mind is drifting, driving away
If you hit me dancing, I'd wave and say it's ok.
But really, I won't sue you just make sure I'm ok? Ok.

What if people became famous for poetry?
What if I become famous for, I'm kidding.
If you know of me, I'd give all the money away.
Maybe I'd keep a little to retire today

Sally, dear, I'm glad you're here.
Do you remember Christmas town?
How silly, of course you do!
That magical tree I fell through,
Well Sally, last night I sat on Spiral Hill
As the wind sang beautiful chills,
Curiosity filled me right to my core,
I've often questioned, what do you suppose
Is behind all those other wonderous doors?

"Now wait, but Ja-"
"Please, Sally, we should have none of that
Imagine the lands, the towns, the sounds
And frankly, I know where I belong,
But in this town, I am still just a little bit bored."

I heard of a place where everyone would chase
Little men wearing green,
As strange as it seems, for reasons untold,
Each little man held a *** of gold.
Lock, Shock, and Barrel, while planning my peril,
Found a giant bunny they accidently stole
And although I offered no applause,
For the Hopper was no Sandy Claws,
I bet that basket of eggs plays a devious role.

And Sally there was one more...
In that circle of trees, one with a heart on the door,
With you, that one, I want to explore.
I've heard no rumors of it's contents
But we should see, together, what it has in store.

It's barely noon and I've felt myself
Falling apart more than ten times
I'm floundering but no one is casting lines.
I'm sorry I'm not strong like you,
I haven't built a shell without subtle tells.
I've thought about numbing out
But all this will rush back,
Fake smile until I can't,
Until I can't.

"Hey Ryan, how are you?"
I'm fine.

Some days i want to travel,
Have an exciting adventure
Unravel the globe real slow
And hold adrenaline in my palms.
Some days i wish i was something
More than this body dragging me around
More than the clothes setting a status
As the gravity keeps me on ground
Looking up to people who only look down.
Instead of the ones who pave paths
Regardless of anyone coming around.

Sometimes I lay on the floor
Mapping out my mind on the ceiling
Only to run out of ink and out the door
then the rain is still pouring in.

My thoughts are building like legos
Head burning like el fuego del infierno
Life is calling me, stuck waiting on my turn.
They ask me about passion, what happened?
I'm getting back on track, hadn't you heard?
If all I do is write when free, I hope these words
Will someday sprout me wings
Like birds who talk but we hear them sing.

I linger with my fingers rewritting what I've written
Been called a failure, unrealistic.
But I truly can't be quitting, sadistically
My mind comes back to a poetic side
That drives the rest to put down
What's on my chest, investing time,
To tell, without a sound, this story of mine
In hopes you see my heart in every line

All things in life can be so fragile
Make or break the worlds we know
Entering the darkest days hold up a candle
Reaching light for a path to show
If any were to enter where stars could be rewritten
Can you imagine where we would go?
Anywhere, I know.

I miss laying in the grass
Even if it made my skin itch,
The freedom was worth the time to pass.
A sun burned face and back
Feels worth a beautiful day turning to night
In a trance where time goes off track.
How I wish I could hold those days so tight.
Gone in an instant, slipping through aged cracks.

If you sing and dance, no matter where you are.
I support you to hell and back.
If you are afraid to ever show your colors
Because people stare and laugh
I hope you take that random chance,
Someone may even start to clap.
Personally, I laugh right back.
Now the same squares are part of the act.
Keep dancing.

Whenever or wherever it rains
I can only promise one thing
I will be found dancing in the street
Even during work hours, I remove my chains
And take a break to get soaked head to feet.
I promise this is a practice I actually do
And you can feel free to do it too.
Be free. Be you.

A moment of silence for all the poetry
I never show and let no one read,
The rejects that sit in my skull,
Too controversial so nobody knows
Too unfinished, too selfhated
Let's just face it, you would not have related.
But maybe in time that mindset will have faded.

A moment of silence for those in rehabilitation,
Working hard to make real changes.
That journey is an uphill battle and the part I play?
I give them pills keeping their minds to rattle
I might catch some friction but,
Most days I feel like I'm giving them a new addiction.
Shut up quick or big pharma will make me a work of fiction.

A moment of silence for anyone in it
Whatever it is, we don't have to say
Just keep your head on for the day
With all the spinning disarray, get through
And exist as you.

Laying on a hospital bed, she said
"Tell me about heaven" in a soft gasp,
Placing back the oxygen mask,
Her eyes shown a desire to know,
Breaths keeping steady but slow.
Okay.

You know the gates they speak,
Big and pearly with a man ready to greet?
That's all totally fake.
Close your eyes and picture an empty room,
Now this place is yours to assume.
Your old friends will visit in a minute
As the name zooms through your self.
In the form you've held most dear.
Emotions, good and bad still run strong
But if you need composure, you can turn them off.
A place can be all perfect, still everything should be felt.

Existence for each is just what they need,
Some want a challenge, others just need to be.
The expectation created, sounds good but flawed,
Perfection can curse that's why it's not.

As the machines stopped beeping,
Oxygen seeping through tubes
But not being held, it was time.
You opened your eyes to a room
I painted for your mind.

Do you think
Anyone will ever read what I write
With the same passion i wrote it?
Do you think they'll have tears in their eyes
In the parts it feels my mind is imploding?
Would they feel how long I stared at an open page
While they stare out at this paper
Like a well lit stage

Everybody is looking to be something
Where they're heartbeats make sense
While people lose dreams like nothing
Leaving them to never know what they meant.
Stars align like skies without a cloud
Stars collide but we don't hear a sound.
Are we really listening?

In a fast paced life where a dollar sign
Is what makes happiness arise
I don't know if I can push aside
The pendulum that makes my ticker tock,
I walk astray from most the others way
Afraid I might lose the key to my lock
Trapped in a dead end job, never leaving the box.

Everybody is looking to be something
Real passion left to be unfelt
Craving anything that makes us feel real
Laying up, hoping to be something else.

Ten thousand hours to master a skill,
Here's ten thousand words on how i feel
Take them at face value,
My mind is trying to make my heart real.
America told me to hold onto that belief,
In a country free to have a dream.
I've got ten thousand words now,
This is all I ever wanted to be.
Pointing at myself in the mirror saying
Don't you lose that steam.

I'm creating my own space,
I've waited so long to have a taste
And i would fight to the ****** end
Anyone looking to take it away.
So while you walk through the stores
I keep tapping these keys away
Hoping one day the shelves will say my name.

"Table for one", he replies with a smile
The waitress sighs and leads him to a seat
He orders a soft drink, sipping slow to think.
An old man sits down at the bar while his ice cubes sink.
The man speaks about wisdom he hoped he knew
About a life that he just walked though,
How money made wealth but not riches
How he thinks back and just wishes,
Speaking to a lady in back doing the dishes.

His plate is brought out hot,
He sticks a fork into a bite
As a couple sits down to his right
They've only been dating for a week,
She speaks and he holds onto each word
He's nervous beneath the surface,
Sweating bullets but holds on with a smile,
She feels the same, pulse pounding all the while
The man takes another bite wondering
Where they would be a year from now.

He looks around to see,
A mother talking with a child about two feet tall
Why it's not ok to draw on the walls,
A woman on her phone who is lacking self-esteem
So she cries at night while she's alone,
A couple of men discussing sports
Getting too rowdy so the manager has to escort
Them out the door, he'd seen enough.
He pays his bill and heads for the door.

"Don't forget me", I yelled jokingly
To friends waving on a late Friday night
As they drove off and into the moonlight,
I stood on that curb feeling alive
We got by forgetting life. In hindsight,
The best people to surround yourself
Are those that can keep your mind right.
As the day ended, I laid up in bed
Pretending nothing would ever change,
Knowing everything may change.

"Don't forget me", I spoke through a phone.
We catch up on brighter days
The conversation is distant, I'd say,
Only speaking in nonchalant tones.
Talking of memories but in present,
We aren't present in each other's places,
A friendly wave in common spaces
In a real sense, nothing more than stranger faces.

"Don't forget me", I thought on older times
When plans were yours and mine,
Both of us are busy, no chance to call,
The phone's silent hanging on the wall.
I was wrong with my words, you see
I said "don't forget me" but I meant
Remember me.

On the days I don't know what to write,
I write about not knowing what to write.
Each word rattling, wanting to play
But I fear my original thoughts are cliche.
The inspirational quote I wrote, feeling powerful,
As I put it down, just felt so dull and bland.
Full poems, pulling at my heart
Disappear into that nowhere land
Like sands sifting from an hourglass
Onto the beach, blending back.

I painted landscapes in a moment
Pouring water, after, over the canvas
I couldn't stand to see myself portrayed generically.
As the brush had hit the fabric,
I believed this was my vision and I owned it.
The colors flowing out had shown
A piece to this world I called "unknown".

Thinking on all those almost created,
I wish I kept them, maybe,
My future self would have found one amazing,
Maybe someone would have related.

My father's been acting like a victim
So I thought I'd set the record clear
Giving an impression our mother
Made us steer clear of your path.
I was on a different poem
But I thought I'd help everyone else do the math.

We were told to spend time with you
But you spent ten years blowing me off
So when given the chance I blew you off,
Don't play innocent, I'm not wrong.
The first thing you found was a new wife,
The first thing you left was my life.
No one's manipulating me, Pinocchio,
The only puppet trying to play strings is you
If only you grew up like your nose,
Go back to the bar for some cheap hoes
Then enter my life once a year as your regret grows.

Hey let's play a game,
I bet your too busy to respond.
Visit my sister, I bet the response is the same.
Your little children are gone,
Ok here's the question I'm on.
How come I couldn't get your phone number for years?
How come I message you then left on "read"?
How come you never ask about me at all?
It's been 16 years and not a single call.
I bet you tried, I just wasn't important enough
Keep changing the story in your head
Play the victim until you're dead.

Sad to say you're a stranger to me
Don't you ever dare cast blame.
This is your bed, lie down
Lie the **** down.

I wrote a book about making riches,
Sold it for twenty dollars a copy,
And made a lot of riches,
Open it up and it said to just do this.
Most people understand the ball
But keep missing the pitches.
As soon as you have the keys,
Every lock appears to be switching.

They say you'll make it far
With a modest heart,
An open mind and an honest tongue.
The person saying that was shaking a hand
In his pocket hiding a gun,
A couple side deals that felt like solid leads,
Stealing an honest man's wallet while he bleeds.
But you take it at face value
Instead of biting the hand that feeds.
Why? Because you don't have a choice it seems.

I'm not a starving artist,
I don't have the gift to be,
I'll stroke out stressing on a job
That stands with or without me
Retire then expire, dance the dance of fools,
pay into social security I'll never get to use.
Go ahead and tax my tea,
I can't afford the tea to tax
Just don't ever move that carrot
Or I may fall off these tracks.

Ran through a pack of jackals
Then went into hiding here,
They want to know about life's shackles,
We all have those I fear.
Whether you can see them isn't clear,
But they still have you chained
Making sure you never sway lanes
And never making the chains rattle.

I'm saddled with guilt, carrying stress
Look at the paint, look at the mess.
Look at the child, look he's a man.
Keep running? Not sure if I can.
Pour on the water, all the colors ran.
Is it pretty? Is it a beautiful disaster?
Does it have the features I capture?

Would you hang me on your walls?
Say I was something you wanted to see,
Would you throw me away?
If I smiled, does that make it okay?

While I sleep, I see
Things as bright as can be
Where flaws and holes have grown,
I'm taken whole, existing.
I breath air tasting of potential
Instead of the stencil I've come to fit.
The people there support my world
Softly saying not to quit.

While I sleep,
I swear I can smell success,
Sweet like honeysuckle, smooth like cocoa
It's pulled through my airways, so close.
Still nightmares creep that I'll never know.
In the instance of dreamless insecurity
I am left breathless.

While I sleep, in the stillness I lay,
Wishing this was reality.

"Hey Ryan, it's been a while
About two years by my count.
How's it going, how's world your growing?
You seem to be writing a bit more often,
Trying to write up a story that's rotten.
They don't believe in you, they don't need you.
Nobody would search if you fell off,
Nobody would be calling the dogs.
Burn up all your thoughts with one Molotov.
You're the most optimistic for all you knew,
The most pessimistic when it comes to you."

Do you blame me? You can see it too.
No one has to believe but myself.
Everytime i was put out on a shelf
I'm the one who let it happen,
Continue to write for sanity,
While they all laugh, until I can see who's laughing.
You want to try to hold the stress I'm handling?
We've been through a lot, you're tired too.
When I'm looking at me, I'm looking at you.

"Acting like a noble writer, you just want fortune"
I wouldn't mind it after carrying you, being tortured.
"Torture. That's funny,
you keep acting like everything's fine."
I smile to help others deal with their minds.
"No, you smile so they don't know you're dead inside."
Fine.

Chuck and I have been talking,
He says he's nervous to shoot,
I've got him strapped with a mean 22.
I told him the road he's going down,
There's no happy ending here
The angel was the first sign,
The waters ahead don't look clear

This is the calm, the storm is coming,
Better fix the windows while you can
Because, Chucky, the roof is about to leak
I warn you, we aren't going back to Sam.
Enjoy your peace in the moment,
Keep the liquor flowing and lit
But, we are about to sober up quick.

Those bodies aren't sitting in silence,
Quiet, you can hear their voices still
You've got a gun for quick violence,
They've got slow plans to ****

"Save me" that what his sign said,
Did he want cash or a place to crash?
Maybe to talk and have a couple laughs
Makes no difference, another car,
Another car drove right past
Yelling hateful words like he deserves it
With sad eyes, you never wonder how your words hit.
He's already a failure in his eyes
You don't want to see through his eyes.

"Save me" he holds up a cardboard slate,
He's asking before it says "too late"
Don't mind the appearance, he's a good soul.
He fell down when the economy was low.
Threw his retirement to the fire,
Threw his body at drugs and alcohol.
Now he has no place to go.

"Save me" his sign is getting worn out
"Go get a job!" They shout him down.
The next time I turned the corner,
That old man was nowhere to be found.

I'm just trying to be someone
That my past self would be proud to know

How quickly they can feed you fire,
How quickly they can take it away.

There's nothing worse than being nothing
When you know you have potential
Instead stenciled, penciled, cookie cut
Into a rut of their something.
I'd rather be bluffing and faking
Than making myself into what they made me.
"Ryan, you ok?" Yeah, it's all gravy,
Reality, I can feel dry as a biscuit
Risking my life for this work life,
This can't be all there is, right?

"I'm a drug dealer!" And then there's shock
Not a street block but a retail shop
So we both laugh, the only joke I got.
They let their guards down, it sounds intense
But dense minds don't realize I sit behind
This keyboard and bash those buttons
Until they pop out of their sockets,
Clock it in, clock me out, I could work this knocked out.
A genius sleeping, keeping sanity from going south.

They keep saying I have such potential,
Stuck dreaming it could be with this pencil
But even this utensil is saying number two,
Afraid I'll turn blue being unheard,
Unrelatablly unrelated until my name
Sits on a stone slated.
Here lies a writer you only read
Once his words spoken out from the dead.

She sees the walls like iron bars,
Dreams of big dreams but she's on a leash
So even when she pleas, she isn't going far.
What if she leaves, makes like the trees.
I bet she'd see how lovely the world could be.
They use to say her head's in the clouds
But I know she really saw stars.
I know she lived in the stars.

The world appears vast and unknown,
In comfort, it's easy but the door stays closed,
She feels alone but ready to grow
Don't come too close, don't come too close,
Push away those thoughts, leave me alone.
So everyone does and she's left in her zone.

Until one day she sees her leash
For all its real abuse, she bows her head,
And removes that age old noose.
For the first time, in a long time she can see.
America can be beautiful,
America can be free.