While I sleep, I see
Things as bright as can be
Where flaws and holes have grown,
I'm taken whole, existing.
I breath air tasting of potential
Instead of the stencil I've come to fit.
The people there support my world
Softly saying not to quit.

While I sleep,
I swear I can smell success,
Sweet like honeysuckle, smooth like cocoa
It's pulled through my airways, so close.
Still nightmares creep that I'll never know.
In the instance of dreamless insecurity
I am left breathless.

While I sleep, in the stillness I lay,
Wishing this was reality.

My father's been acting like a victim
So I thought I'd set the record clear
Giving an impression our mother
Made us steer clear of your path.
I was on a different poem
But I thought I'd help everyone else do the math.

We were told to spend time with you
But you spent ten years blowing me off
So when given the chance I blew you off,
Don't play innocent, I'm not wrong.
The first thing you found was a new wife,
The first thing you left was my life.
No one's manipulating me, Pinocchio,
The only puppet trying to play strings is you
If only you grew up like your nose,
Go back to the bar for some cheap hoes
Then enter my life once a year as your regret grows.

Hey let's play a game,
I bet your too busy to respond.
Visit my sister, I bet the response is the same.
Your little children are gone,
Ok here's the question I'm on.
How come I couldn't get your phone number for years?
How come I message you then left on "read"?
How come you never ask about me at all?
It's been 16 years and not a single call.
I bet you tried, I just wasn't important enough
Keep changing the story in your head
Play the victim until you're dead.

Sad to say you're a stranger to me
Don't you ever dare cast blame.
This is your bed, lie down
Lie the **** down.

I wrote a book about making riches,
Sold it for twenty dollars a copy,
And made a lot of riches,
Open it up and it said to just do this.
Most people understand the ball
But keep missing the pitches.
As soon as you have the keys,
Every lock appears to be switching.

They say you'll make it far
With a modest heart,
An open mind and an honest tongue.
The person saying that was shaking a hand
In his pocket hiding a gun,
A couple side deals that felt like solid leads,
Stealing an honest man's wallet while he bleeds.
But you take it at face value
Instead of biting the hand that feeds.
Why? Because you don't have a choice it seems.

I'm not a starving artist,
I don't have the gift to be,
I'll stroke out stressing on a job
That stands with or without me
Retire then expire, dance the dance of fools,
pay into social security I'll never get to use.
Go ahead and tax my tea,
I can't afford the tea to tax
Just don't ever move that carrot
Or I may fall off these tracks.

"Hey Ryan, it's been a while
About two years by my count.
How's it going, how's world your growing?
You seem to be writing a bit more often,
Trying to write up a story that's rotten.
They don't believe in you, they don't need you.
Nobody would search if you fell off,
Nobody would be calling the dogs.
Burn up all your thoughts with one Molotov.
You're the most optimistic for all you knew,
The most pessimistic when it comes to you."

Do you blame me? You can see it too.
No one has to believe but myself.
Everytime i was put out on a shelf
I'm the one who let it happen,
Continue to write for sanity,
While they all laugh, until I can see who's laughing.
You want to try to hold the stress I'm handling?
We've been through a lot, you're tired too.
When I'm looking at me, I'm looking at you.

"Acting like a noble writer, you just want fortune"
I wouldn't mind it after carrying you, being tortured.
"Torture. That's funny,
you keep acting like everything's fine."
I smile to help others deal with their minds.
"No, you smile so they don't know you're dead inside."
Fine.

There's glass between our beings,
A whole life I couldn't touch,
Eyes that saw my soul each day
With a heart that made mine rush.
A smile that I couldn't see, around it,
Cheeks I had never seen blush.
But for now knowing was enough.

There are waves that crash inside me,
The same ones you watch come down.
Talking through an ocean
Of life's trouble each us found.
But I swim for you, you swim for me
Watching through clear frames
Being sure neither of us drowns.

They put glass between our bodies
So I waved you back a bit,
Smiling to your approval
Turning my digits to a fist.
Pounding ******, pounding broken.
Reaching in to pull you out,
Reaching out to pull you in,
Never did I let you go again.

This is a safe place
Take off your face at the door,
Throw your shoes off on the mat,
Or better yet don't wear any at all.
Be as dressed or bare as you'd like.
I've got a couch for sitting,
I have a floor for sitting too.
Don't worry about expectation.
Your demons like to dance?
Mine have a house they're prancing through.

These streets aren't safe,
They're watching you through a scope
You're too overdressed for this place,
Too rugged to be offered a rope,
You aren't doing whatever they are
Exactly the way they are and they notice
Cracking a joke as they pass,
Someone else is cracking a joke about them.
Because validation is only made to satisfaction
At the expense of another body
I'm only as good as the reaction, right?

Fake smile painted like clowns at a losing circus.
Debt for the clothes but it's worth it.
I'm worth a proper penny but I lack the two cents
Of knowledge to not be a clone
No one is talking about life's stress
So it seems I'm alone.
A bar gutting me from my sides
Thinking I got this, I'm in control
But really I'm a foosball player
Just spinning along.

Meet me at the usual spot
In the twilight we've lived
Down the alley where we plot
A million amazing nothing things
Given money for odd jobs around,
Paying money to catch a bus out of town.
They say he looks a lot like you,
They say he looks a lot like me.
If every world around us is a locked door
We could dream of having a key.
Until then, I knock once more.

It's the complex things that disappear without trace,
The simple ones that make memories,
Remember sea salt ice cream?
I don't think I can ever forget the taste
It seems like forever, as it plays in my mind,
The walls are thinner here, like they could melt
I'm the nobody, the heartless tell.

We play Struggle while adults struggle,
In that photo, smiling without troubles
Until day 359, he woke from the rubble.

Ran through a pack of jackals
Then went into hiding here,
They want to know about life's shackles,
We all have those I fear.
Whether you can see them isn't clear,
But they still have you chained
Making sure you never sway lanes
And never making the chains rattle.

I'm saddled with guilt, carrying stress
Look at the paint, look at the mess.
Look at the child, look he's a man.
Keep running? Not sure if I can.
Pour on the water, all the colors ran.
Is it pretty? Is it a beautiful disaster?
Does it have the features I capture?

Would you hang me on your walls?
Say I was something you wanted to see,
Would you throw me away?
If I smiled, does that make it okay?

Mania, mania. Let's talk about it.
My gears sputter clear into hyperdrive
I arrive quick at conclusion, no solution
Its amusing, legs shaking, eyes waving,
Fingers quaking, hair pulled.
I'm done waiting!
Give me a task, give me a meaning
Keep moving, keep cleaning
Stop the thoughts, they're hating.

Oh you see? You understand?
I'm not OCD, I don't need to repeat my words.
Repeat my words back to me
I am sometimes stuck in panic,
Running frantic, couldn't plan it,
I just ran my skull into the ground
Then pounded my fists down, every knuckle.
****** knuckles dripping dew like honeysuckle.
Sweep my legs and pray I buckle.


Deliberately dealing with dysfunction
Indebted to the devil's doing double damage
Leaving my body famished, somehow I manage
Like Scott's tots on a college block
Took a long shot and a short drop
Speaking through a door triple locked
Making my mind muffled, it's a struggle.
Put your ear to the door, you're sure to hear me whisper:
"Make it stop"
Mania, let's talk about it.

"Save me" that what his sign said,
Did he want cash or a place to crash?
Maybe to talk and have a couple laughs
Makes no difference, another car,
Another car drove right past
Yelling hateful words like he deserves it
With sad eyes, you never wonder how your words hit.
He's already a failure in his eyes
You don't want to see through his eyes.

"Save me" he holds up a cardboard slate,
He's asking before it says "too late"
Don't mind the appearance, he's a good soul.
He fell down when the economy was low.
Threw his retirement to the fire,
Threw his body at drugs and alcohol.
Now he has no place to go.

"Save me" his sign is getting worn out
"Go get a job!" They shout him down.
The next time I turned the corner,
That old man was nowhere to be found.

I spend my nights dreaming,
I spend my days dreaming too.
I don't need your reality
Don't mind my mentality,
I get it, you think different.
I'm looking at life to live it,
Amazed they didn't **** me yet.

I sold my soul to the devil,
Then doubled down with all the gods
I told them i had nothing to lose
I'm not confused,
I've got that American dream
But I've got all those same struggles too.
I'm going full steam ahead,
Falling over before I can reach the bed.

I stay up late sacrificing sleep,
Spill the blood of the counted sheep
And ignore my eyes trying to creep closed
They tell me it's the only way
When you have nothing, they find your gold
When you have nothing, you can still be sold.

I bet you feel broken,
I bet something made you feel broken
You speak about past demons
Like they hang on your back
Holding your eyelids open
Never knowing you haven't even awoken.
Like the sun isn't setting 92 million miles away
Allowing you to accept the new day.

Regret yourself having a past?
Allow yourself to have a future
I've looked in the same mirror,
It shows a scared child, a damaged man
I'm nothing better than any.
I circumvent my own short comings
Trying to lend a hand to any
That will allow me theirs.

When the mirror crashes to the floor
And pieces scatter in disarray
We can lay them out and glue them back
Into something beautifully new.
Perfection of you, is defined in you.
Never forget the real truth.

We all sell our soul,
We all sit with a price, you can deny it.
Try and hide it until the dice come to roll,
Shaking that hand, in the highest of highs,
You may notice that the opposing palm feels cold.
We all have crosses, three nails to keep hold.
Then pretend we have worth over another,
What did you feel was gold?

Did you take out six figures for education?
They said you'll find success,
Only to answer to another just like the rest.
Play a lottery daily, dreaming to make it big
While a government eats off your dollar
No wonder, Chihiro's parents turned to pigs.
Or maybe you sat behind a screen,
Writing like you hold the key
But really you're another pawn. Just like me.

They made money just to hold them up
They made money just to hold us down
If there isn't a hierarchy, why do some wear crowns?
Why do rich wage wars on recessive nights
And then point at the poor boy, "go fight"
Then make you a villain if you don't score.
By the time you catch a moment of that truth,
You realize it doesn't matter anymore.

Do you know how the shadows dance?
They dance just like humans do.
In the softest light, on the darkest night
There's a chance you may see them too.
With a bow of a head and an outstretched hand
They stand as close to me as you.
She pauses on sight then she accepts
Lost in a gaze, she knew.

Spinning as quick as the beat would allow
Leaping without ever leaving the ground
In a twilight, feet never making a sound.
Familiar only when no one else was around.
They stop.

As darkness creeps, he keeps her figure
From bowing out with his own
As the sun did flicker,
They disappeared into the unknown.

Here's a poem to the world,
You've been calling my name out loud
I'm ready to write you back now.
I'm ready to tell everything right now.
I'm sick of making excuses,
Wrapping my passion up in killer nooses
Pretending this job is more important
But it's just money and a nuisance.
I'll tie myself to these keys
Because I need myself to be abusive.

You gave me these skills to tell a story,
I'm on that fast track to beat it out
I don't want the fame or glory
But these veins need to bleed it out.
I never believed in my being
But the fire your seeing isn't going out like candles
If you've got a buck, sir, I'm not a gamble.

Crack the locks to a dream life
Where I sit looking at those stars each night.

Are you scared? I'm terrified.
Standing among gods as men
With shivers dripping down our spines,
Hairs standing end to end.
Wondering the fates we made
Laying everything on the line.
But the world doesn't love a hero,
They cheer secretly for villains.

Are you scared? I'm petrified.
Dancing on knife tips to survive
Quicker and quicker or the blades sink
Quicker and quicker, don't think.
This is what it's like to be alive
Don't lose your concentration
They'll **** you for complacence.

Are you scared? I'm trying not to be.

Everyone loves a love poem,
But they crave to read of heartache
Everyone wants to read of perfection
Yet would rather read what they can relate.
Seeing words of confidence on a screen
Looking at self, wondering what they mean.
While I stay up writing my dreams,
I'm wishing I could write about sleep.
Feeling like I can have everything now,
Knowing I'm just stuck in wait.

Everyone loves to preach peace,
Deep down brewing violence
We all just want to get high
So we don't feel so low
Listening to the loudest sounds
Always seems like I'm hearing silence
Speaking words that don't show
Any action in mind.
Searching for passion in life,
Tell me if it's something I can find
Racking my brain with stress
To find a way to unwind.

We can't accept love for being pure
When all we feel is unworthy
Living life seems just pain endured
Until our bodies are done working