standing in a crowded room
while dancing in slow motion.
you run your hands down my dress,
adrenaline rushing faster
and words whispered in our ears.
forget the disasters wandering near.
you reak of cologne, but it’s all too familiar.
you grab my waist and pull me closer
reminding me of last year.
we were torn apart
but now we’re together.
I won’t let you loose
because i don’t want to lose you again.

I want to bathe in your love.
I want to submerge myself within;
feel it on every inch of my skin.

I want to roll around in your love.
Just as we did on our sheets the night before;
feel it move around me, with you.

Your love is like fresh flowers
The leaves changing colors
There is nothing more euphoric.

Remind me if I ever lose this feeling.
As you look at a face but can’t figure a name,
As soon as you remind me I’ll know.

hurt me a little more
if it makes you happy.

crisp.
surrounded by the flames
that reflect my loneliness
wrap me in this hot blanket
of sadness and emptiness.
the constant ringing of nothingness
tears my ears apart.
the shell of my body remains
but slowly is torn apart
by the knifes of suffrage.
i can feel the singe
of self love disintegrate.
through this torture and evil,
i still feel nothing.
this has to stop,
but why hasn’t it?
I’ve been stuck in this
off and on place
of numbness.

“Are you okay?”
a realization,
the things constantly replaying
in my sad mind
reaching to the bottom of my heart
to find the two words
that retrieve my loneliness,
“i’m fine.”

but there’s not a chance i’d change it

you know what really hurts?
being in so much pain that you forget
what hurt feels like.
it’s like being on fire,
but you’re immortal.
you’re stuck with the pain,
but it all feels the same.
you’re stuck on an elevator
that is always falling
but never goes anywhere.
hurting is necessary for growth
but sometimes i question
why i have to go through it.
what did i do to deserve
this awful feeling?
what did i do to make this
my state of mind?
why am i in so much pain?

i’m grasping you by the hand—
afraid to let go.
i don’t want you to leave.
stay with me and hold me close.
let me explore the dreams inside your mind.
let me touch your fingertips
and look at your scars.
you have a past
with memories,
let me find out what i don’t know.
my hands are shivering
until you hold them.
my arms shake and my body aches
until you’re wrapped around me.
my loneliness arrives
until you come around.
through all my pain,
just a touch of your fingertips
makes it all go away.
oh yes, a love this deep and passionate
may be destroyed—
but i’m doing all i can
to keep this boy.

beating beating beating
a pinch
a rush
a fill
a desire
beating…
beating…
beat-

I’ve wronged you too many—
And I’m sorry for it.
I’m young and ignorant,
I hope you’ll understand.
The yelling is in your head—
But I really wasn’t trying to.
I’m very sorry;
The isolation and tormenting
Wasn’t intentional.
The words of hate,
Are just a cover
For my insecurities.
But in all reality,
Just kick me out,
Not of this place—
But of my own head.

take a deep breath—
relax.
watch as the hills curve
as you’re riding in a car,
watch the waves
pull the sand back in.
watch as the snow
falls softly.
feel how amazing
the wind is in your hair.
take a deep breath,
you’re almost there.

vivid
but forgotten so quickly

AWAKEN.
This thing you call love,
Is not love!
This is pain
This is unhealthy
This is abusive

GET OUT.
You do not need them
You are smart
You have been blinded
By what your heart replaced
in your brain

BREATHE.
Your troubles have died down
New days are coming
New ground is below your feet
Time can stop rushing you
You can stop

DO NOT FORGET.
You are not fragile
Do not let them treat you
as if you are breakable
You know better
Do not let your heart fool you.

LOVE AGAIN.
Find real love
And filter out unhappiness
Stay true to who you are
Do not let negative influences
In your life.

Live again
to love again.

i don’t strive to be beautiful
but i find beauty in humor.

i’d rather charm you with my personality
instead of a face i paint on.

i’d rather see you smile because of me
than to flirt without boundaries.

i’m different and i want you
to love that about me.

My mother raised me right from wrong,
Saying that I shouldn’t trust a nice gesture.
But somehow the roses you brought,
Also came with a side affect, pain.

The red roses are my favorite,
They are epitome of love and lust.
However, these roses, had invisible torns,
You pricked me, you loved me,
You destroyed me.

Now thanks to you, I cannot trust another rose.
Any love comes with pain, thanks to you,
I now realize this.

I should’ve listened to my mother.

i want a little love
the kind you dream of when you’re a kid.
late night trips around town
with tired grins and sleepy eyes
full of adventure.
swinging on swings
when you’re both adults
without a care in the world.
weekend trips to the mountains
or to a lake we went to as kids.
i want a little love
that requires no effort
to love one another.
a guy who knows my intentions
and understands my complex self.
someone who remembers little things
i say and do.
i want a little love
that has flaws
so we can fix them together.
little arguments we can
laugh about later.
going to the movie theater
so we can sneak candy in
and laugh together.
i want someone who
knows how to love me
and cheer me up.
i want a little love
that doesn’t seem so little.
i want something that’ll last a lifetime.
i want memories to pass on.
i want to be that old couple
everyone aspires to be.
maybe this little love,
isn’t that little after all.

let me touch your mind
with my words
i want to twirl them
around my pinky finger
and give them to you
i want to inspire
your actions
through beautifully
thoughtout speech.
i want to sprinkle
each letter
with a sliver of my heart
just so you’ll know
i mean them.
i want my words
to reach into the depths
of your soul
and touch each part of it
in a different way.
i want to give you
all my happy words
in exchange for
any sad words
you possess.

Awoken suddenly,
A JOLT.
Heavy breathing,
Shaking,
Unescapable pain.
Tears flowing like a faucet.
“It’s only a dream! You are alright!”
It was too real.
I felt emotion and pain, physical pain.
I shake my head in disbelief.
That couldn’t have been a dream.
“You’re crazy!”
But the voices and the touch,
Were all too real.

© Regan