My youth is laden with
Unanswered prayers
Cold and nervous love
Colourless days

Half of the time
I try to rhyme
But I lost the lines
I lost all that's fine

My youth is laden with
Heaviness at heart
Loneliness at soul
Anxiety at being

I'm tired of being
What am I fearing?

Longing desperately of the things left unsaid
Looking out the window, the one we used to stare at in bed
I see a phantom at the far end of the field, your whole person is red

Your lips, however, are black, dark as an abyss
Has it been that long since we last kissed?
And is it really your lips, your body, red as it is, that I miss?

The sun shines almost unwillingly, lethargically
Clouds moving in, as if they are climbing miserably
O Loved One, I can’t fathom this vision, this phantom of your body!

Jumbled up thoughts get entangled inside my head
Before I manage to call out your name, I find your phantom had disappeared
And so, once again I find myself twisted and all the power in me all fade

Oh, Loved One, where are you now?

I pretend to know love
when I fly blind each time I fall

I pretend to know you
when all I do is make you blue
as you do me too.

Worst of all;
I pretend to know myself
when I get lost in my own thoughts
and lie that I am fine each time I am nervous.

I cannot remember when the last time I was this in love
when the last time an image of a woman terrorize my heart so
when the last time my heart throb so deeply when near a woman
it all begs the question: am I prepared to let her go?

I cannot remember when the last time I was this anxious
whenever I hear your voice echoing in my lonely heart
whenever your head is rested upon these weary shoulder
it all begs the question: must I go back to the start?
must I admit of losing each time?

                   experience had taught me what it means to love
         to lose
                                                 to suffer in that very same love
                                                 to love
             to love
but still I lose to her, my Muse,
my
my all.

i hope someday you'll remember:
the picture you took with your eyes
of a lovely, quiet, peaceful sunset
me sitting next to you, telling you:
"i will never forget this point in time."

i will always remember:
the picture i took with my eyes
of a gentle, warm, beautiful smile
of the March weather, ever so kind
"i hope we'll end up being happy."

i remember the day still.
but i don't know what i feel
like when you're ill
are you something my mind should ****?

should we ever meet again
I hope it happens when it rains
like a scene from a romantic movie
our hearts might turn empty

I hope you'll be doing better than me;
once I hoped the exact opposite
I wanted you to be down in the dumps
like a person laden with parasites

but seems I've matured now
I let go of all feelings sour
I write poetry thinking of you
yes, of course I still do

perhaps we'll laugh when our eyes meet
it could be at a mutual friend's wedding
I'll probably walk you all the way to the street
we'll say our goodbyes, our lips smiling

you know I wouldn't go back to the wedding
instead I'd be getting drunk at a bar nearby
my mind filled with the sweetest memories of you'
it'll be my death all over again
should we ever meet again...

someday I won't be bitter
someday I'll stop loving you
someday I'll no longer feel blue

but, for now
the calm orange light
breaking through
I can no longer fight
a feeling so true.

cruel is the month of July

i brought my Fear and Trembling to the hills
i don't want to think of the stacking bills
those trivial things no longer give me the thrills
or the quiet love that slowly kills

“...why bother remembering a past that cannot be made into a present?”

that line had me bent
all the things i thought i could mend
why must i fall towards the deep end

i must reflect upon what is past

but life must be lived forward...;

those were the days
when love sprung from the hearts of children
when love seemed so innocent
now it's a mere field so barren

you called me from afar
I came to you, no more than a lover
our hands met with tenderness
goodness, we weren't even 13 yet then

then springtime arrived
we went out feeling much more alive
our lips embraced each other quietly
as quiet as the love that bounded us then

now we are both twenty-three
spring means nothing more than collapsing trees
the warmth now feels hotter than ever
and what we seek in love is nothing more than peace

but then again
when night reaches its height
sometimes I still seek for you.

tell me:
how are beliefs helping
when they cause persecution
screaming injustice while performing acts of hate?

tell me:
how does one differ
folly for a questionable book
or the innermost desire to rule others?

tell me:
how can one say
religions are the foundations of earth
when morality is at a point of contempt?

tell me:
how could one say
one believes in a god
when one ignores humanity?

where is the decency?
what is peace in a tyranny of hate?
some day we'll realize a little too late...

Last night here was a play
In it a middle aged man recalls his past
How his friends came to him like a parade
How her first encounter with love was
How long do those memories last?

Like the man, a wave of memories struck me
I played the man
Had a lover in hand

I was the man

Seven years have passed

No signs of them disappearing anytime soon.

There's no title.
No beginning.
No, there's no ending as well.
These are the parts
In which we all
Are caught up.

In which we all
Spend our days:
Wondering,
Wandering.
Lost,
Found.
But never at the ending.

We are common in these parts.
Where the sugar-coated lie
Sometimes break
And we can see:

We are all caught in this whirlwind of commonness. Of the lonely parts.

see, when I was a kid, people called me bright
I considered them right, kept my goals in sight
by 20, I realized life was going to be a long fight
the kid with a bright future has lost all his might

lost my footing one day and never recovered
I could blame forced isolation, but I was the one
who kicked up the dirt, the one who threw away his shot
who tried to put the blame on others when he fell short

I was supposed to rule the world, make it my own
stand on top of a cliff, the world upon my feet
but I fell before I reached the peak,
I was never even in sight of the throne

see, the thing about falling off a cliff
is you know you're falling
but how do you stop the tumbling?
my God, this life's numbing.

I look inward and found mere hollow space
seems I've run my course and lost the race.
looking back and thinking of long lost days
when games were the things we all played

now we dig deep at one another
like madmen loose in a hospital
we rip out one another's hearts
tears in our eyes, unable to speak

in the end I could fight no more
all the fibres in me you've torn
you've nailed me to the cross
you've crowned me King of Loss

I could call on father above,
but what's the use?

tell me, dear
what's the use?

tonight i am plagued
with self doubt
and anxiety

i want to exist
quietly
gently
for you

with you

but love's become
an impossibility

life's become
an impossibility

because of me.

because of me.

o, this vain trepidation,
the fear that though it is you
who demands sincerity,
you're still treading
on both grounds

and i wound up lying on the floor
beaten and battered. and you're
the one dealing the final blow.

what the hell does valentine's day means
when you lay awake at 1 am
anxiety's got your left hand
memories has got your right

and she has your whole heart

and you're not in control of it all

what the **** does it mean?

we walked together through that old wooden fence
then you asked, 'can we please, please dance?'
I said I was too tired to do anything
'how come you never ask me to dance now?' you asked

I said I didn't know
you looked away from my eyes
nearby a rivulet quietly flows
'now we are built on lies'

I agreed, but I said something else instead
'look, honey, you know I love you'
I was honestly lying
you were right to say what you have said

you looked beautiful today, darling
in that white, white dress of yours
kissing your father's cheek
and your mother's hand

nothing is left of us, darling
at the end none of us were trying
but today I saw you smile again
though you belong to another home now

though I had to say the hardest line in this little life of mine

congratulations on your wedding, Gina.
I'm happy for you
I'm happy...

When the day is over
and night takes its place;
Would you wish you weren't sober
if you still remember her face?

I've quit drinking, I would say.
You'd smile and congratulate me.
Is it really worth the price I pay?
The ability to access lost memories...

Now I can see how lonely the moon is
As I recall of the first time we kissed
Is it just as sweet for you as it is to me?

When the day is over
and night takes its place;
Is anything even worth anything?
At the end of the day, you gotta live it alone...

My memories of you become a blur after a while
Of the times we walked home, side by side, mile after mile
Of the times we spent understanding each other's anatomy
Oh, darling, tell me... How is it like being free?

Will you sooner or later forget me?

Will you remember me at all?
      
              Darling,
Know
              that
                         your
        Voice
                          Echoes
When
                The sun
                                         Dies.

we were young
i remember still your red shirt
you wore on independence day

we were young
our hands met
and decided to stay that way

we were young
you told me to look away
and you kissed my cheek

my heart traveled at light speed
i stood in silence
you kissed me again
again
and again...