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kalica calliope May 2018
please know that I love you more than the stars, the sun, and the skies could hold.

but I don't know how to fix something without damaging it the process.

you are fragile, and my hands have unintentionally fractured you countless times. I know this, even though you've never explicitly told me.

I dance on eggshells around you: I am atlas, pirouetting across an empire of thin ice, just so I don't mar you with my words.

swallowing conversations and feelings is a talent we both possess. to spare the pain of the other, we dampen the truth. we drink the fires of resentment and leave them to ferment.

I cannot fix this without potentially damaging it further.

I'm a storm with skin. my collateral damage knows no bounds, spares no mercy. you know this. but hear me, and heed me closely.

I don't paint you as the villain. you aren't the martyr. we are equally responsible for this damage and decay. the rot of something once beautiful.

yet I cannot fix something without causing further damage.

we are a two way street. growth of beauty cannot flourish in stagnation.

please, do not test the limits of my volatility. I cannot mend the tatters of thirteen years with a single spool of thread.

I refuse to swallow fermented resentment. I walk on eggshells carrying mountains for you no more.

this tapestry will end in one of two ways: opulent splendor, or devoured by living flames.

I cannot fix something without destroying it in the process.
February 25th, 2018

I cannot bear to lose you, but I cannot journey this voyage across the empire of eggshells with the universe on my back for you any longer.

please don't push me to throw thirteen years of friendship to the fires of the abyss.

didn't anyone tell you that I am named after the Durga Kali for a reason. ?

© kalica calliope
a lawyer's
batch in
a brief
if hiring
direly break
trepidation that
equality *****
when a
state of
confusion interrupts
rights to
a genuine
occupy of
love where
intent only
makes mark
in society
a note on hiring in land of oz
Yulia Surya Dewi Mar 2018
✫  ·    + . ✵
   .
·    .•°•Trepidation•°•.
.      ˚  *     
     .  . ⋆ *   ˚
    .  ⊹

Bunga-bunga menjauh dari jalanku
Membiarkanku seakan kehilangan ragaku
Duri menghiasi setiap jalan
Sinar matahari memudar di sela-sela dedaunan
Burung-burung merintih dalam pedih

Biarlah ketakutan mengambil kesempatanku
Kesempatan untuk kembali ke jalanku
Jalan yang tak mungkin kutemui lagi
Di kegelapan aku mencoba menyisir cahaya
Menyisir cahaya dan kudapati rontokan bintang

Aku takut..
Aku takut pada malam
Malam yang semakin pekat
Kemana aku akan berlari?
Lututku berdarah menapaki jalan tanpa arah

Semua ini tampak seperti ilusi bagiku
Menemukan jalan yang benar adalah delusi
Tak ada rasa sakit, tak ada kesenangan
Namun kesenangan itu hanyalah angan-angan

Aku tak ingin menyerah
Walau kurasa hatiku berdarah
Bila dunia ini berhenti
Siapapun takkan bisa mengunciku lagi

Selamatkan aku...
Keluarkan aku dari sini
Seperti apa akhir dari jalan ini?
Aku takut...

Keluarkan aku dari sini
Ku mohon peganglah tanganku
Di dalam hatimu, di dalam mimpimu
Bangunkanlah kembali bintang-bintang

-Kediri, 17 Maret 2018
Kush Feb 2018
It's that time of year again
And my legs are shaking
I see the same thing
And it's mine for the taking
But my hand, its faking
To be strong
To hold on
I don't wanna lose more
But I'm not getting close

What's happening to me
The curtain is falling again
The show is coming to close
And nothing is seeming to change

I remember the time
I was doing just fine
Everything I wanted
Was falling on my side

I felt it behind me
I was seldom alone
Cold breath on my neck
Cutting me through my throat.

**** dripped on my skin
Terrifying a part of my soul
I would have thought to call
That memory

but it's long since gone
A Baltic atoll nigh
I am but a giant
of enlightenment
as I've been both years
here yet develop
strep in tears despair
days that might
stay when I came to
love our being still
mystery now season
in newly gotten wiles
only there to impress
a red rover machine
and target afresh
dreamscape by canal.
Displayed in a forever line of serpentines
Stretching over many days and weeks and years,
The dominoes stand upright in the dusk;
Each a careful distance from the next,
All skillfully and artfully arranged.

A prideful eye surveys the intricate design
That wonders at the craftsmanship involved
And blesses luck that gifted steady hands
And a non-ending stack of pieces -
Hoping that an earthquake does not come.

Who will have the honor of the push
That starts the clicking trail of doom
That ends with helter-skelter rubble
On the floor or mortuary slab
As dominoes become a life all lived.

Will it be anger like a piercing knife
Or some organic instrument
That weakens the well organized
Assemblage of a life and makes it fall
Like a domino nudged out of line.

Frustration or depression, which will it be
That starts the tiles to falling
And once moving with no hope to stop.
Will it it be by accident or force of will-
I need to add a few more at the end

I can’t afford to buy another box.
    ljm
Temporal Fugue Dec 2016
It's a possibility, you know me, but a probability, that you don't
possible you'll see me, but probable, that you won't

A possible connection, the kind that ever sings
but probable, no music, no contributions bring

Where it's a probable rejection, that cuts into my soul
or a possible exception, losing all controls

Everything in life, is possible, like songs within the wind
not all things are probable, and so, here I go again

I follow behind you, where probability is ever thin
instead of beside you, where possibilities, never end
I've teased this one over the years, the enigma of what is probable vs what is possible has always intrigued me. :D
.
Damian Murphy Dec 2015
There is something inside me,
lurking deep within the realms
which threatens to overwhelm
me utterly, completely.
Only occasionally
leaving me incapable;
totally vulnerable,
full of insecurity.

After the feeling subsides
what I find most troubling
is the power of this thing
that deep within me resides.
How I am at it's mercy
as it grows ever stronger.
I wonder how much longer
before it will consume me.
BSeuss Nov 2015
Is that presence always doomed.
anticipation of entering another's
life. The hope of them entering yours.
The wait. Knowing effort could
***** the very time they linger.
The fear that distance will cause
opportunity to cease. The decision.
The stop light switches from green
to red. Never seeming to be a cautious
yellow light. Informing you to proceed
carefully.

The feeling is wondrous with wait.
dreary with slight fear, even trepidation.

quite...anticipating.

Hello there, you're familiar to me.
Did you know I exist. Or are you
yet to forget my face as well.

Will you stay in my life or will you fade too,
amongst all the others, old and new.

how wonky a feeling.

very...anticipating..
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