What is the best idea I've ever had?
Well, I made an essay template for likely lads,
So they would always be number one,
Their scholastic life has just begun,
Then I designed an adage,
Whatever happens,  I manage,
I designed a motto,
As I don't drink, nor get blotto,
"Good day to be alive, now smile!"
I'll invent something else, in a while!
So, what is the best idea you've ever had?
Let's all share, lassies and lads!

Let's design  new schools,
Where amity is a teaching tool,
One big family of friends,
Where Peace is the means to an end,
No bigotry, racism, or intolerance,
Hands circling the globe in platonic dance,
We still need to learn our literacy,
Not to mention our numeracy,
But we could design new schools,
Where Peace is the learning tool.......

This is a sordid tale to read,
What does existence mean
To your toilet brush, prithee?
He is, indeed, a basic fellow.
He does not bother with mellow yellow,
Everyone's blip stinks to he,
So what does his existence mean?
Angst in scheissenhausen time,
Being there is his problem in slime,
To your toilet brush, he or she,
What does existence mean?

Isn't football such an event?
Listen to the philosopher's lament,
Old Socrates barracked for his team,
In the AFL, worst you've ever seen,
Socrates gazed at the replay,
Groaned, "We lost again!"
So he drank hemlock and gin,
Slit his wrists, did himself in,
Drowned in his phony spa,
His ghost calls down from afar,
"The premiership is what is meant!"
Woe, Socrates' eternal lament!

Here you sit alone,
You used to froth and foam,
Abuse of women, eh,
Talking to yourself again,
You abused alcohol and drugs,
Now you're a winner with no hugs,
Yes, I guess that makes you a winner
of no privileges, now I'm a grinner,
Who does misogyny make a winner?
Nothing will save your morning teabag,
Fasting is good for you, dear, signed, this *******,
Now you're thirsty again,
You're the winner of a futile old age,
So, alcohol made you the winner,
Good day for a smile, I'm a grinner,
I'll never be your tea lady again, grinner,
So I guess that makes who a winner!

This is one joy of teaching,
Which is really like lay preaching,
That lucid clarity moment,
When, "Now I get it!" is an event,
It's called their comprehension,
Light has dawned, they never struggle again,
You can call that satisfaction,
Yes, it's like lay preaching,
The real joy of teaching!

Yes, being religious again,
I was  here, Jesus does say,
I'm never going to Golgotha again,
But I'm still here, blessings today,
If you wish, I'll brighten you my way,
Blessed are my peacemakers, let's say,
You're all God's got on Earth these days,
Let's pray for global peace, His way!

What was the Best Day ever?
Was it in Bethlehem, well I never!
When a little baby boy was born,
Was that the greatest miracle of all?
Begat, begot, begat, begot, let's say,
Bred in the purple to  be a royal babe,
Wasn't Angel Gabriel so very clever?
Was that humanity's Best Day ever?

Who is the most important in this life?
Has to be the Saviour,  Christ!
We cherish Him all year round.
A humble Faith is to be found,
He never gives up on anyone,
Always there  for everyone,
You don't have to believe, of course,
Life is better with Jesus on board,
You can be too religious, I guess,
Keep it to yourself, no less,
Indeed, that's what some sayeth,
True Love can be found in Faith!!!!

Hello, and Hell, PM, this is 2017,
Your medieval view is our scene,
It's the future for the young, their stage,
Do you want them all to live in the Stone Age?
It's called Liberal surreality, no less,
When's the next election? Guess!
Even poor people can vote one day,
A little humility goes a long way.....

I wear it like a badge of honour, eh!
I awoke this morning and dressed in grey,
The all grey colours of the club, let's say,
Bit of irony, when you're old and grey,
Must keep a sense of humour each day,
Let's hope we all have a kick **** day,
In a mild mannered oldie way!
The all grey colours of the club today!

Here, this a noble book!
400 pages of total sook,
Let's turn the page and have a look,
Why the team did lose,
Didn't the supporters boo,
It's published by OUP,
Snivelling galore, read  and see,
"We was robbed!", we all got that,
"Did not pull the flag out of the hat!"
"We was too slow and small!"
We got that, is that all?
"No, the umpires are maggots and cheats!"
Got that! "Gee, the team played weak!"
Got that, any excuse for you,
"Our team are bunch of tools!"
Got that, "They had no skills!"
Got that, "They're a pack of dills!"
Any excuse, now blame the coach again,
"Another year of footy down the drain!"
You're supposed to be good losers, eh,
Any excuse for you, that's the way!

Let's reflect on endless information,
Is there, indeed, malicious intention
In Microsoft's and Apple's inventions?
Humans hooked on technology,
We're turning into cyborgs, you see,
I write this verse digitally,
For cyborg poets to read,
Do we accept this as part of change,
This world shall never be the same,
I guess this is the cyborg way.......

Here I write some recipes,
From our anti--football league,
How to cook a football totally,
Must boil it for twelve hours, ritually,
Then you can dice it and fricassee,
Or maybe bake, broil, and grill,
What won't fatten, shall fill,
Or you can make mini-football custard, eh,
Chocolate footballs in a bowl, let's say,
We call it Footy Iles Flotante,
Star sweet in the anti-football restaurant!
Then a recipe for Grand Final Day, swell,
It's called footy Croquembouche Noel!
Hear the anti-footballers yell!
You, too, can write recipes,
For the Anti-football Society,
It's like dining at the Waldorf Astoria,
Anti-football recipes from Melbourne, Victoria!

Here is my tribute to anti-football,
We have a secret society, that's all,
Step One: Boil anything ritually,
Ignore football, you can cook tea,
Step Two: Play fave music good and loud,
The anti-footballers shall be proud,
Step Three: Do fave hobby for hours, dears,
While totally ignoring football, cheers,
But I'm thinking about football in this verse,
Could this be a  paradox, or worse?
Don't despair, any hobby will do,
Any secret coven of one or two,
Even, "Come and try my ales!"
Shhh, this is a secret, let's say,
Spread your anti-football germs this way!
SHHHHH!!!!

I designed my own Planet,
My name is Interplanet Janet!
What's so good about my planet?
There's no wars or disagreements,
Only Peace among all my little green men,
There's a chocolate bush on every block,
Chocolate meditation, no dumb shocks,
Everyone wears a smile on my Planet,
Come and see, signed Interplanet Janet!

How do you forgive and forget?
What's been done to a woman yet,
Close chapters in your book of life,
Each day, start the rest of your life,
Maybe think no hard feelings, yes,
Each day, good intentions, no less,
How do you forgive and forget?
Go on, blame the woman, that's the best!
"Hah!"

This is tale of Daring Do,
Indeed, a true tale for you,
I was walking my fluffy dog one day,
Chanced upon an aggro dog along the way,
It assailed my little fur,
Really bad, not even a stir,
So I battled the Alsatian and won!
Saved my fur friend number one!
Yes, not bad for this old lady,
Walking fur under trees so shady,
That's my tale of Daring Do,
Indeed, a true tale for you.....

Once upon a childhood ago,
I wanted an elephant, you know,
Only a toy friend,
Did my family laugh no end!
Yes, I wanted a heydo-**,
Once upon a childhood ago.......

I touch your skin,
It keeps your insides in,
I touch your face,
Your smile of grace,
A touch of love,
Your blessing as a dove,
I touch your hand,
You're a pearl of a man,
You touch my heart,
I hope we never part,
The power of touch,
Can we ever love enough?

If I could appear,
Then disappear,
What would I do here?
I would disarm nukes,
In silence, with no rebuke,
I would appear,
Then disappear,
Disarm every bomb and gun,
Then appear, peace won,
Tacit Peace on Earth,
What's that worth?
If I could appear,
and disappear!!!!!

How to keep up with the Jones'?
Listen up for an old female's moans,
I'd love to have someone to trust and respect,
How did you get men like that, by heck?
I'd love to keep up with the Jones',
Listen up for more of my  moans,
I gaze at people hand in hand,
Wouldn't that be great and grand?
Listen up for an old female's moans,
How to keep up with the Jones'!

How to write a recipe,
For life in the Universe, indeed,
Take the basic building blocks, you see,
Yes, Hydrogen, Helium, and Carbon made thee,
But who made the first matter,
When a cosmic egg did shatter?
Or has there always been matter, man?
We're in a petri dish of a vast plan,
Maybe a universal experiment,
Is mankind what all this meant?
So that is the basic recipe,
For life in the Universe, indeed.....

I visited a Planetarium,
For Cosmology, like an aquarium,
I gazed at a simulacrum,
Awe and wonder on high,
Why aren't we all astronauts in the skies?
I came away, bemused,
One afternoon to be amused,
I pondered on a mankind alone,
"Is anybody out there?" I asked my phone,
"Not responding!" replied no alien,
That was my trip to the Planetarium......

What if I thanked you for this,
Half a lifetime of free bliss,
What if I thanked you for our fusion,
A soul mate in our communion,
What if I thanked your aura, dude,
So healing my broken heart, your attitude,
Such an atmosphere, so golden and stellar,
You're a really lovely fellow,
So I write to my love in a letter,
I wish I could express it better.....

I set off to myself improve,
Google as mentor, what a groove,
I changed my responses,
To a bully's nonsense,
Adopted a calm demeanour,
Ignored childish misdemeanour,
To be a calm and capable *******,
Even when tolerance flags.
Keep on smiling all the way,
Let's have a totally peaceful day!

I guess I do not like spiders,
They are really predators,
They're even cannibals,
Make us feel vulnerable,
Creeping, menacing, sneaking,
Into my eyesight, they come creeping,
Hairy legs, spider eggs,
Make us feel vulnerable,
With poisoned mandibles,
Do you like predators?
I guess I do not like spiders.....

Simply irresistible, let's say,
Is chocolate calling you today?
Simply irresistible,
Fat and sugar so edible,
Endorphins so pleasurable,
Is chocolate calling you today?
Simple irresistible, let's say....

This is an ode for a friend,
Her love for her family has no end,
It's playtime with Grandma for
Her grandsons, "Let's play dinosaurs!"
Good for her, let's clap,
Her living legacy, two little chaps,
I bet they love Grandma heaps,
In their hearts her they'll keep,
Likewise, her family love  has no end,
Here's an ode for you, my friend....

If you could choose a superpower,
With what virtues would you be showered?
I would like to be balm to folk,
Lighten disputes with silly jokes,
No need for dumb arguments any day,
Smiling is permitted, let's say,
If I could choose a superpower,
Peace on Earth I would shower.......

Once upon a lifetime,
An underage student in this rhyme,
I gazed at the cafeteria, great,
With thousands of folk, no one to relate,
It became a norm, I was never late,
Now such colleges are up to date,
Way back when, the good old days,
When carbohydrates were our fave,
Did all students get fat hips,
From eating hot pies and chips?
A land of confusion, so it appears,
An ivory tower of blue stockings, my dears.....
But chubby, let's face it, cheers!

I consider you a friend,
My respect for you shall never end,
I love to love you, my star,
You are a blessing from afar,
Love can find you anywhere,
Even friendship love, my dear,
I love to love you, my friend,
May our affection never end.....

Let's do an interview,
Here's some questions for you,
Let's interview the angels here,
Let's see what they say here,
"Where do you live, angels, eh?"
"We're never far away!"
"What are your feelings this way?
Now you're all our shades."
"We still love you just the same!"
"Thanks, angels , whatever your names."
"Yes, we bless and guide you on your way."
"Thanks, angels in our hearts, today..."
So, that was the interview,
Questions for angels from you and me.....

Bullying is an evil way,
Dystopia spreads today,
Most damaged is the bully, eh?
Got anything better to do today?
Whether bullies are young or old,
Don't bully, you need to  be told.......

I chanced upon a note one day,
I looked askance, then looked again,
It said, "Do you want to join us today?"
The Mafia application form reads this way.....
"Whattsa you name?"
"Whattu say?"
"Spella dat again!"
"You gotta gun, you say?"
"You gotta shades today?"
"Whattsa car you drive this day?"
"Issa big one, black or grey?"
"You shoota someone, one day?"
"Free cement shoes, our way!"
"Congratulations, eh!
You joinna da Mafia today!"

Postman, postman, stay away,
Do not bring me bills this way,
Take them to the Prime Minister today,
He can afford them, let's say,
Postman, postman, bills here do not purvey,
Postman, postman, stay away!

Hail, Hail, ole Chuck Berry,
I'll write you an obituary,
Baby boomers not so merry,
Hail, Hail, ole Chuck Berry,
His rock'n'roll shall never die,
The legends rock on in the sky,
Now none of us are quite so merry,
Goodbye, bon chance, to ole Chuck Berry,
God speed, you made us all feel merry,
Hail, Hail, ole Chuck Berry....

What's the furthest you've been from home?
Not a wanderer,  I rarely roam,
Once I went to Rottnest Island, yes,
Even the ferry was seasick, no less,
Along with its passengers, I guess,
But it's a lovely place in the sun,
Young and old have lots of fun,
Once upon a lifetime ago,
I travelled to Rottnest Island, so!!

Food for the soul, no grimace,
Or is it more food for the stomach?
In observational methodology,
No crumbs ever left here, you see,
It's malnutrition villa, I dream,
We're the failures of  the Weight Loss industry!

Way back when, in olden days,
Did you all play those old board games?
Snakes and ladders, you see,
Internecine family rivalry,
The last snake does you in,
Then your little sister gets to win,
Then there's Monopoly,
Breeding ground for hostility,
"Having fun, all you kids?"
Who took off Monopoly's lid?
It's a big ******* of a game,
Sisterhood is never the same,
Way back when, in olden days......

Here's a news item story,
Cost of housing, not such glory,
We all strive for the Great Oz dream,
In suburbia, is it what it seems?
Connect the dots here, folks,
Is affordability a  joke?
Has Dystopia taken command?
Who owns what so grand,
In Oz, Great Southern Land..........

Being a mentor, part of life,
I tutor kids, no strife,
A steady, patient coach,
Their mistakes, no reproach,
It's part of learning, you see,
A teacher creates a legacy,
Literacy and numeracy,
For pupils to achieve their dreams,
Always give some sage advice,
Being a mentor, part of my life.....

If we could chat to a film hero,
Would we learn more than zero?
Let's say we talk to Robin Hood,
Was he really all that good?
Romping around in hosiery in the woods,
Was Robin Hood, in bed, really so good?
What about Maid Marian in that snood?
Did she have more than a fling?
With his archer's sling?
Stuff of legends, film stars,
History of those days afar.......

Is google a boon,
Or controlling our doom?
Google to the rescue,
Next browse in our view,
Time to print,
Another forest extinct,
Let's rescue each other,
Google as Big Brother,
Next to browse to my view,
Yes, google to the rescue!

A burning fire, intense,
Loving you is my intent,
Still a magic of intensity,
A laugh, and chemistry,
We love to finish our days,
In burning, intense love haze......

What is the best placebo?
Paste a smile, and off you go,
Best to leave the scene,
No point being too mean,
We are all mere human beings,
Smiles are a placebo, it seems.

News flash! What's it worth?
Today's the last day of Planet Earth,
What would you do today?
What last words would you say?
Dance like there's no tomorrow,
Genocide has no one left for sorrow,
So what would you do and say,
If today was Earth's last day?

Trick or treat, it's not Halloween,
Treats are days of peace, it seems,
Peace on Earth for the kids and teens,
They're the cutest things you've ever seen,
Treats of a reafforestation industry,
For our future generations to breathe,
We must lift our game, humanity,
Trick or treat, it's not Halloween.

Look, the Church of Bourbonology, dears,
Look, all the faithless at the bar over here,
Bit tough on their wives and kids, my dears,
Time for the Church of Bourbonology, cheers!
Years, absolutely, my dears!

We're not supposed to search for love,
Advice from Buddha, master from above,
One of the great healers,
Love is supposed to find us, to please us,
I ponder and reflect,
Yes, some sort of love finds us, I guess,
Like love from fur friend pets,
Love once from boyfriends,
Love from my old buddies and friends,
Then there's love you find from above,
You'd wear their hands like gloves,
Or love, in a day of sunlight,
Yes, a beautiful day to be alive!
This is advice from Buddha, above,
We are not supposed to search for love......